The Irony of Ignorance
Ever have one of those days where you just don't know how you feel? I'm a wall at the moment. There are a thousand different emotions paint upon me, but none of them are sinking any deeper than the coating of brick that encompasses me. Maybe that's a good thing. I've always been one to let my emotions get the better of me. Perhaps freezing up for awhile and just taking life in stride is the way to go for the moment.
Yet there are the standards that I cannot seem to escape. Who am I? Am I a decent person? Should I have done this? Should I have not done that? Is she 'the one'? Is she poison?
It's just one of those situations where I'm left here to think by myself for an extended period of time and my mind wanders to the worst possible conclusion. Why do I do this? Well, the worst has been known to happen to me on an all to frequent basis, yet they say our mindsets dictate the outcomes. Maybe that's part of the problem. I mean, I know what I want. I know WHO I want. But I won't get her or anything else I desire with this 'shoot myself in the foot' mentality. I'm just going to get shot in the foot.
So how does one go about changing this? Are self help books and motivation tapes the answer? Does someone else hold the counsel that I need to straighten my head out? Is it at the bottom of a bottle? The end of a cigarette? In the prescense of God?
It would be nice to know. Perhaps then I could find some peace of mind. More permanent peace at any rate. Not the peace that comes along every once in awhile when things click for a moment in time. I'm talking about that static unmoving peace that comes from knowing that anything in your path shall be no obstacle, that you have become the master of your destiny.
Religious types will say that God can give you that peace. Fuck them. No seriously, fuck them. I'm going to say it again because they deserve it. Fuck you religious right assholes with your assinine opinions, foolish interpretations, and holier than thou attitudes. Fuck you. God provides ease. God provides aid when it is truly needed. God will even provide the occassional rewards. God does not provide peace.
God does not end wars, external and internal. God does not make evil men good. God does not protect you. God does not plan out every minute detail of your life before you're born, drawing you a cozy little diagram to follow for the rest of your misguided existence.
I find it funny that people call God the Father, yet they seem to react to him more as a peon reacts to any other dictator. Fathers do not pre-plan their child's life and get angry with them for not following it to the T. They do not shove them in the oven for not accepting their first born as the salvation they need. At least, good fathers don't.
A good father knows when to take the training wheels off the bike and let the kid fly solo. A good father will punish you when you screw up, but forgive you in the long run and be glad you learned from the mistake. They'll give you second chances. A good father will be your safety net always.
This is my picture of God. He has removed my training wheels and lets me live my life as I see fit. If on my ride I hit a bump and skin my knees, He'll pick me up and get me going again. He'll slap me with punishment when I drink too much or screw up some other way. We'll have our roes. I'll go before The Throne and tell God to fuck himself. Why? Because I'm a rebellious child and He knows it. He knows that if he tells me to do something, I'll normally oblige, but if He orders me to do His bidding, He gets the finger. Because Alpha, Omega, Almighty, or complete fraud, I do not fear God. Because at the end of the day, after all my curses and complaints, I know He still loves me. And I love Him all the more.
I'm not really sure at which point I got onto this or where it came from. I think I'm just frustrated under the surface of everything. There are a lot of things irking me at the moment.
But the new Harry Potter movie was awesome.
I'm growing the hockey mullet, and that is awesome.
I wrote from my heart, and that is awesome.
The Dark Tower is halfway over, and that is awesome.
My friends are numerous and they are awesome.
I can funnel a beer in less than 3 seconds and that is awesome.
I have 2 easy jobs that pay more than enough and that is awesome.
Life is steady, balance is closing in and that is awesome.
I'm at peace spiritually and that is awesome.
I think maybe THAT was all I needed...
Yet there are the standards that I cannot seem to escape. Who am I? Am I a decent person? Should I have done this? Should I have not done that? Is she 'the one'? Is she poison?
It's just one of those situations where I'm left here to think by myself for an extended period of time and my mind wanders to the worst possible conclusion. Why do I do this? Well, the worst has been known to happen to me on an all to frequent basis, yet they say our mindsets dictate the outcomes. Maybe that's part of the problem. I mean, I know what I want. I know WHO I want. But I won't get her or anything else I desire with this 'shoot myself in the foot' mentality. I'm just going to get shot in the foot.
So how does one go about changing this? Are self help books and motivation tapes the answer? Does someone else hold the counsel that I need to straighten my head out? Is it at the bottom of a bottle? The end of a cigarette? In the prescense of God?
It would be nice to know. Perhaps then I could find some peace of mind. More permanent peace at any rate. Not the peace that comes along every once in awhile when things click for a moment in time. I'm talking about that static unmoving peace that comes from knowing that anything in your path shall be no obstacle, that you have become the master of your destiny.
Religious types will say that God can give you that peace. Fuck them. No seriously, fuck them. I'm going to say it again because they deserve it. Fuck you religious right assholes with your assinine opinions, foolish interpretations, and holier than thou attitudes. Fuck you. God provides ease. God provides aid when it is truly needed. God will even provide the occassional rewards. God does not provide peace.
God does not end wars, external and internal. God does not make evil men good. God does not protect you. God does not plan out every minute detail of your life before you're born, drawing you a cozy little diagram to follow for the rest of your misguided existence.
I find it funny that people call God the Father, yet they seem to react to him more as a peon reacts to any other dictator. Fathers do not pre-plan their child's life and get angry with them for not following it to the T. They do not shove them in the oven for not accepting their first born as the salvation they need. At least, good fathers don't.
A good father knows when to take the training wheels off the bike and let the kid fly solo. A good father will punish you when you screw up, but forgive you in the long run and be glad you learned from the mistake. They'll give you second chances. A good father will be your safety net always.
This is my picture of God. He has removed my training wheels and lets me live my life as I see fit. If on my ride I hit a bump and skin my knees, He'll pick me up and get me going again. He'll slap me with punishment when I drink too much or screw up some other way. We'll have our roes. I'll go before The Throne and tell God to fuck himself. Why? Because I'm a rebellious child and He knows it. He knows that if he tells me to do something, I'll normally oblige, but if He orders me to do His bidding, He gets the finger. Because Alpha, Omega, Almighty, or complete fraud, I do not fear God. Because at the end of the day, after all my curses and complaints, I know He still loves me. And I love Him all the more.
I'm not really sure at which point I got onto this or where it came from. I think I'm just frustrated under the surface of everything. There are a lot of things irking me at the moment.
But the new Harry Potter movie was awesome.
I'm growing the hockey mullet, and that is awesome.
I wrote from my heart, and that is awesome.
The Dark Tower is halfway over, and that is awesome.
My friends are numerous and they are awesome.
I can funnel a beer in less than 3 seconds and that is awesome.
I have 2 easy jobs that pay more than enough and that is awesome.
Life is steady, balance is closing in and that is awesome.
I'm at peace spiritually and that is awesome.
I think maybe THAT was all I needed...