(no subject)
earlier the sun was shining but the sky was black, the buildings were glowing and the rain was warm and had a scent.
i love london, i never realise how much until i'm not there. manchester was lovely, i had a great time, but we were glad to get back. to normality? i suppose so... though i wish it weren't true. the atmosphere of a holiday is something so different; there are people on the end of a telephone, they still exist, the outside world is still there, but outside. dulled, or filtered maybe. not that the outside is necessarily where the problems have come from, but the lack of these things, the partitioning ourselves away rather than letting it all weave amongst us seems to help. so now we're home, 'home' being something we need to think about that we didn't whilst we weren't there, and we threw ourselves in a the deep-end. usually i can make extended metaphors flow for pages, but this one doesn't seem to want to unfold. we went, not two, nor three (thankfully), but four (not so much better) and i learnt that no matter how hard i try i always seem to come last. but we coped, fought through whatever might've been there in our own ways and today the things that hang over us would've hung over us either way. and to take my mind off it, or at least to dull it, filter it maybe, the elephant in this room is made up of stacks of paper yet to be printed, forms and bookings yet to be filled or made, faces unattached to information and e-mails peering over my shoulder enquiring as to why i'm here, rather than there, writing this, rather than them.
discretion was never my strong point i'm afraid, but i'm making changes, can't you see?
i love london, i never realise how much until i'm not there. manchester was lovely, i had a great time, but we were glad to get back. to normality? i suppose so... though i wish it weren't true. the atmosphere of a holiday is something so different; there are people on the end of a telephone, they still exist, the outside world is still there, but outside. dulled, or filtered maybe. not that the outside is necessarily where the problems have come from, but the lack of these things, the partitioning ourselves away rather than letting it all weave amongst us seems to help. so now we're home, 'home' being something we need to think about that we didn't whilst we weren't there, and we threw ourselves in a the deep-end. usually i can make extended metaphors flow for pages, but this one doesn't seem to want to unfold. we went, not two, nor three (thankfully), but four (not so much better) and i learnt that no matter how hard i try i always seem to come last. but we coped, fought through whatever might've been there in our own ways and today the things that hang over us would've hung over us either way. and to take my mind off it, or at least to dull it, filter it maybe, the elephant in this room is made up of stacks of paper yet to be printed, forms and bookings yet to be filled or made, faces unattached to information and e-mails peering over my shoulder enquiring as to why i'm here, rather than there, writing this, rather than them.
discretion was never my strong point i'm afraid, but i'm making changes, can't you see?