LJ Idol - Season 8, Week 2
Rolling down the highway, my mom behind the wheel, I though I was going to be sick. The weight on my chest and the rock in the pit of my stomach made it near impossible to breathe, and the ominous feeling of being driven into an abyss wasn’t helping. Why again did I think going away for university would be a good idea?
The campus was pretty I guess, but none of it sticks in my mind when I think of that day. There were the overly friendly people in odd costumes and coordinated t-shirts that whisked away my things up to my second-floor room, I remember that. And the constant commotion of 50 people moving into my residence, and 2500 moving in across the rest of campus. I usually thrive on the buzz of events like that, but on that day I retreated into my new room, and into my head, paralyzed by all the newness. Looking out my window at all the people taking part was all I could do for the first hour or so.
My mom stayed with me for a couple hours after we got there. Whether she sensed my reluctance to be left alone there or whether she was also having similar separation issues, I have no idea. I didn’t bother to find out; I was just grateful that she stayed with me. We decided I should try and meet some of my new friends and classmates, so we ventured out of my room and into the great wide world of the campus. We got lunch and I chatted with people who has also just moved into my res. It made a big difference being able to start those conversations with someone I knew standing by. I know now why people make these moves with best friends, or follow siblings to similar places.
Soon after lunch my mom informed me she was leaving. She had a 4 hour drive home and wanted to get there before dark. The weight was back, with the added bonus of a debilitating tightness in my chest. I’d just begun to think I could do this and my lifeline was leaving me! We stood by her car hugging for about fifteen minutes. I was fighting back sobs and she was trying hide her tears. Finally, she pulled away and said she had to go. “You can do this. You’re a friendly person! You just need to get in there. And I’m only a phone call away”. Barely able to speak, I said I would, and said goodbye. She drove away and I felt completely untethered.
Not having any idea what to do about dinner that night, I ended up following a contingent of residence-mates to the campus dining hall. We got our food and people began taking over tables in a nook off to the side of the hall. I recognized only a few faces, and hadn’t talked to any of them, but felt I should get down to the business of making friends, so I walked over as well. As I passed a couple people I heard one of them ask “Who’s that girl? I haven’t seen her today”, and the other replied “She’s with us!”.
These people - who I didn’t know at all, who didn’t know me, who were so full of life - had claimed me. They welcomed me in before they even knew me. Gratefully, I sat down, and began chatting.
The weight lightened a bit, and I thought, “This is going to be ok”.
The campus was pretty I guess, but none of it sticks in my mind when I think of that day. There were the overly friendly people in odd costumes and coordinated t-shirts that whisked away my things up to my second-floor room, I remember that. And the constant commotion of 50 people moving into my residence, and 2500 moving in across the rest of campus. I usually thrive on the buzz of events like that, but on that day I retreated into my new room, and into my head, paralyzed by all the newness. Looking out my window at all the people taking part was all I could do for the first hour or so.
My mom stayed with me for a couple hours after we got there. Whether she sensed my reluctance to be left alone there or whether she was also having similar separation issues, I have no idea. I didn’t bother to find out; I was just grateful that she stayed with me. We decided I should try and meet some of my new friends and classmates, so we ventured out of my room and into the great wide world of the campus. We got lunch and I chatted with people who has also just moved into my res. It made a big difference being able to start those conversations with someone I knew standing by. I know now why people make these moves with best friends, or follow siblings to similar places.
Soon after lunch my mom informed me she was leaving. She had a 4 hour drive home and wanted to get there before dark. The weight was back, with the added bonus of a debilitating tightness in my chest. I’d just begun to think I could do this and my lifeline was leaving me! We stood by her car hugging for about fifteen minutes. I was fighting back sobs and she was trying hide her tears. Finally, she pulled away and said she had to go. “You can do this. You’re a friendly person! You just need to get in there. And I’m only a phone call away”. Barely able to speak, I said I would, and said goodbye. She drove away and I felt completely untethered.
Not having any idea what to do about dinner that night, I ended up following a contingent of residence-mates to the campus dining hall. We got our food and people began taking over tables in a nook off to the side of the hall. I recognized only a few faces, and hadn’t talked to any of them, but felt I should get down to the business of making friends, so I walked over as well. As I passed a couple people I heard one of them ask “Who’s that girl? I haven’t seen her today”, and the other replied “She’s with us!”.
These people - who I didn’t know at all, who didn’t know me, who were so full of life - had claimed me. They welcomed me in before they even knew me. Gratefully, I sat down, and began chatting.
The weight lightened a bit, and I thought, “This is going to be ok”.