Incomplete...
Another week down and another small entry into the story of my life. Since the last update I am now offically gainfully employed at Sears as a lonely cashier. I kind of want to do another job they have there (seeing as how cashiers aren't paid that much), but since i need a job, i figured i'd be a cashier for a while and then move into the other deptartment if i don't like what i'm doing now. Thankfully though, i needed a job and i have one. I didn't need a huge income, but i could always use a little more money then i have (which most of the time is none).
So now i also have a cell phone, which was much needed seeing as how i had no way to contact the outside world other then AIM for the past three weeks which was really weird. Anyone that wants my number has only to get ahold of me, or leave me a comment or something and it shall be theirs. All i need now is to get my car back, which hopfully will happen sometime next week, but i'm not going to hold my breath since that would be the like 80th time i've been told i'll get my car back.
School is progressing, and it seems sometimes like i'm really not in it at all. I only have one class that actually has work for me other then exams, and really i only care about my japanese class, cause that's the only interesting one. I'm really not that concerned about it so i really could care less.
Now i come to the part of this entry that has to do with my subject line. I realized something the other day, something that i have known for a long time on a subconcious level but the thought hadn't surfaced until the other day. Hopefully it makes sense. I was thinking about how complete i feel around Christine and how much i miss her when she's away. It wasn't until i saw a comment of her's that i realized how much these feelings ment. For as long as i've known what love ment (really known, not just knew the definition) i felt so alone, and i felt like i would never have this in my life. I realized now that even back that i had this strange feeling of missing someone that i didn't even know existed at first. My heart knew though. My heart knew that there was one person i am supposed to be with, and the fact that i wasn't with that person made me feel lonely and made me miss someone even when i didn't know that's what those feelings were. The strangest part is that those feelings got worse after my junior year, and some nights i would stare up into the sky and wish for someone who would be mine, and would love me as much as i loved them. As i think back i realize that alot of my dreams have been of a brown haired girl who seemed so familiar and yet so very distant from me. I could never see her face even when she was right in front of me, and i would only see her in my dreams in passing. She would always be somewhere far from me although it seemed like we'd met somewhere else. I have never and will never claim to be psychic, but sometimes the things that happen in my dreams have come true. I realize only now how much of a coincidence these dreams have been to me and christine. A girl i knew in high school, and yet didn't know, because we only ever met in passing. A girl who moved away from me.
I know that i want to be with christine for the rest of my life. I knew she was different from any other girl i've ever met, and only just recently have i found out why. Christine has been in my dreams and my thoughts and in my heart since long before we met. My heart was only ment to belong to her, and i realized that i blew my chance to be with her in high school, and when she left, my heart would not let me forget this. Life and Love, it seems, did not want to give up on me and offered me a second chance, which this time i didn't blow.
I wish that i could give christine everything she's ever dreamed of. I realized that i have given her something though. She has my heart, my soul, my mind and my body and she can do with me what she likes. When we're apart it feels like i'm torn in two. Although my body and my mind reside here in tampa my heart and soul are in illinois with her. I've never felt so complete before as i do when she's around. She is the perfect girl, and i'm truly living a blessed life because she is in it.
I am happier then words could ever express about her coming back down here. I feel slightly guilty becuase of it, and a bit selfish because i want her down here, but since she assures me that it's her decision, i don't feel so bad. I can't to fly up there and have her in my arms again. I swear that forever isn't even enough time to spend with someone so perfect. I miss you Christine, and i am truly, madly, deeply and completly in love with you.
So now i also have a cell phone, which was much needed seeing as how i had no way to contact the outside world other then AIM for the past three weeks which was really weird. Anyone that wants my number has only to get ahold of me, or leave me a comment or something and it shall be theirs. All i need now is to get my car back, which hopfully will happen sometime next week, but i'm not going to hold my breath since that would be the like 80th time i've been told i'll get my car back.
School is progressing, and it seems sometimes like i'm really not in it at all. I only have one class that actually has work for me other then exams, and really i only care about my japanese class, cause that's the only interesting one. I'm really not that concerned about it so i really could care less.
Now i come to the part of this entry that has to do with my subject line. I realized something the other day, something that i have known for a long time on a subconcious level but the thought hadn't surfaced until the other day. Hopefully it makes sense. I was thinking about how complete i feel around Christine and how much i miss her when she's away. It wasn't until i saw a comment of her's that i realized how much these feelings ment. For as long as i've known what love ment (really known, not just knew the definition) i felt so alone, and i felt like i would never have this in my life. I realized now that even back that i had this strange feeling of missing someone that i didn't even know existed at first. My heart knew though. My heart knew that there was one person i am supposed to be with, and the fact that i wasn't with that person made me feel lonely and made me miss someone even when i didn't know that's what those feelings were. The strangest part is that those feelings got worse after my junior year, and some nights i would stare up into the sky and wish for someone who would be mine, and would love me as much as i loved them. As i think back i realize that alot of my dreams have been of a brown haired girl who seemed so familiar and yet so very distant from me. I could never see her face even when she was right in front of me, and i would only see her in my dreams in passing. She would always be somewhere far from me although it seemed like we'd met somewhere else. I have never and will never claim to be psychic, but sometimes the things that happen in my dreams have come true. I realize only now how much of a coincidence these dreams have been to me and christine. A girl i knew in high school, and yet didn't know, because we only ever met in passing. A girl who moved away from me.
I know that i want to be with christine for the rest of my life. I knew she was different from any other girl i've ever met, and only just recently have i found out why. Christine has been in my dreams and my thoughts and in my heart since long before we met. My heart was only ment to belong to her, and i realized that i blew my chance to be with her in high school, and when she left, my heart would not let me forget this. Life and Love, it seems, did not want to give up on me and offered me a second chance, which this time i didn't blow.
I wish that i could give christine everything she's ever dreamed of. I realized that i have given her something though. She has my heart, my soul, my mind and my body and she can do with me what she likes. When we're apart it feels like i'm torn in two. Although my body and my mind reside here in tampa my heart and soul are in illinois with her. I've never felt so complete before as i do when she's around. She is the perfect girl, and i'm truly living a blessed life because she is in it.
I am happier then words could ever express about her coming back down here. I feel slightly guilty becuase of it, and a bit selfish because i want her down here, but since she assures me that it's her decision, i don't feel so bad. I can't to fly up there and have her in my arms again. I swear that forever isn't even enough time to spend with someone so perfect. I miss you Christine, and i am truly, madly, deeply and completly in love with you.