outline v4.05 - Dialogue!

[bakenius]

A good afternoon my dear readers,

What I have for you today is the first version of the script with dialogue. Yes, that's right. But I also know language isn't my strong point nor writing compact, witty, natural feeling dialogue that keeps consistent with the characters personality. I know many of you are strong in the English language and have read

Comments

[zolphia]

Another reason why it's good to give arguments. If you don't just say that something's good, but also add the why, then people can actually learn from it.

Especially the show and tell thing.
I was surprised by that. Because it is one of the very basic rules in story-telling and you know how to apply it to the graphical part of your animation. But it was as if for the dialogue, you had just completely forgotten about it. Just goes to show the many different skills needed for a movie.

That's a relief, so in that way I won't need to feel too guilty. ;)But perhaps he should be presenting another gift there,
A story needs to be compact, you can't add too many things. So either the Chief goes with statues or with a present. Some general thoughts about the two:
Statue: it shows that the Chief is concerned with the statue-making, that it is important to him and gives him joy (though it can't completely take away the pain of the disconnection with Kaula). It keeps the story more focused on the statue-issue.
Gift: it shows that the Chief is constantly thinking of Kaula and constantly trying to improve his life by trying to prove his love to her. This is a more active action, focusing on statues is more passive; so it makes a difference to the Chief's personality. However, any gift won't come back later on in the story, so it may turn out to be a "loose end".

but then on the other hand might decrease the liking of Kuala...
Don't worry about that at all. I'd sooner be concerned about Kaula being too likable. She's almost a saint with all her do-goodery. She needs some imperfections to keep her human. Right now the only bad quality she has is hurting her father by not being very diplomatic about her opinions.

On a completely different note: in case you didn't know already, Persepolis is finally out in the Netherlands.

[zolphia]

That's a relief, so in that way I won't need to feel too guilty. ;)But perhaps he should be presenting another gift there,

Grrr, lj, when will I be able to edit my comments?
What I meant to say was:
That's a relief, so in that way I won't need to feel too guilty. ;)
Though you can always give me cake to buy off any residual guilt. ;)

Cake-giving-implications are very important! I don't know how that got deleted.

And don't worry about the Chief not being very likable. You can see in the beginning that he tries, which is important, and he totally redeems himself in the end.