(no subject)
The small handful of people I deeply care for and love, is made up of mostly people that aren't as keen on planning in advance as I am.
I don't like the term "flakey" - because I like to think there's always a reason. A dead battery, an illness, an accident, a miscommunication.
Ultimately, I carry a spare battery, I text when I'm ill, running late. I ask if I'm confused. (And as a result, some part of these events can sometimes seem like a choice)
There have been times (age 11-14 particularly, I think) where I'd neglect looking at my phone because I'm avoiding knowing I have voicemail because I don't feel up to returning calls. I get that. I also get that the better solution is letting someone know "I saw you called, really low on energy right now so I'll return your call on Tuesday" etc. It still is work, but the people I love are worth a little work?
So when I have trouble coordinating with someone, I often feel like I'm just not worth it, to them. And if I'm not worth anything to those I love, why do I continue to let myself love them. Or do I even have a choice, in that.
I don't like the term "flakey" - because I like to think there's always a reason. A dead battery, an illness, an accident, a miscommunication.
Ultimately, I carry a spare battery, I text when I'm ill, running late. I ask if I'm confused. (And as a result, some part of these events can sometimes seem like a choice)
There have been times (age 11-14 particularly, I think) where I'd neglect looking at my phone because I'm avoiding knowing I have voicemail because I don't feel up to returning calls. I get that. I also get that the better solution is letting someone know "I saw you called, really low on energy right now so I'll return your call on Tuesday" etc. It still is work, but the people I love are worth a little work?
So when I have trouble coordinating with someone, I often feel like I'm just not worth it, to them. And if I'm not worth anything to those I love, why do I continue to let myself love them. Or do I even have a choice, in that.