well...i dunno
i dunno a lot. i know i want a beer to top off my glass of wine, but i also know that i am on call and therefore it is most likely unethical that i am drinking AT ALL. i want some brownies, which are now baking. i know that i have cabin fever/am uptight/miss Jon but that i already saw him for several hours today and got a lot out of it. i know that i need more female friends, and that maybe i made some tonight with two smart women in my bdlg., and that i should probably pursue some therapy for devising better stress coping skills.
so, this week out to be good vis a vis Jon, among other topics. i mean, if i can just avoid feeling too bad about any mishaps that may occur in our communication, and if Jon can just cause fewer of them, i ought to be pretty alright. and if i don't get too expectation-y and self-ish then i won't expect more than Jon can give me right now, i ought to be real good. let me explain the latter half of that statement (about being selfish).
i think i realized something. i want a man who is nearly identical to me in terms of my interests and abilities BECAUSE otherwise i consider him an impediment to my own personal fulfillment, which ultimately is a bad sign about where I am at in myself. i want someone to help me fulfill my own goals and potential!! i think that is nice in an idealistic way, and horrible in another way. this woman told me tonight, "two halves only make a whole in math. two half-people do not make a whole; they make two broken people." and i thought, 'perhaps the reason why most marriages fail is that you have two broken people, hoping the other will make them whole.' perhaps this is unhealthy, and unreasonable besides. perhaps i do expect to much of Jon. perhaps i could get more out of someone else, but maybe i'd be even more tempted to become co-dependent.
it's hard to say what can make a person whole, isn't it? but that it is equally important to figure it out, right? before too late in life, i would say. and this brings me to religion. see?? what else can make us whole, but the source of all life and love, etc.?
so, this week out to be good vis a vis Jon, among other topics. i mean, if i can just avoid feeling too bad about any mishaps that may occur in our communication, and if Jon can just cause fewer of them, i ought to be pretty alright. and if i don't get too expectation-y and self-ish then i won't expect more than Jon can give me right now, i ought to be real good. let me explain the latter half of that statement (about being selfish).
i think i realized something. i want a man who is nearly identical to me in terms of my interests and abilities BECAUSE otherwise i consider him an impediment to my own personal fulfillment, which ultimately is a bad sign about where I am at in myself. i want someone to help me fulfill my own goals and potential!! i think that is nice in an idealistic way, and horrible in another way. this woman told me tonight, "two halves only make a whole in math. two half-people do not make a whole; they make two broken people." and i thought, 'perhaps the reason why most marriages fail is that you have two broken people, hoping the other will make them whole.' perhaps this is unhealthy, and unreasonable besides. perhaps i do expect to much of Jon. perhaps i could get more out of someone else, but maybe i'd be even more tempted to become co-dependent.
it's hard to say what can make a person whole, isn't it? but that it is equally important to figure it out, right? before too late in life, i would say. and this brings me to religion. see?? what else can make us whole, but the source of all life and love, etc.?