(._.) ...
Just a big random rant... D:
Ugh. I've randomly gotten hit with some kind of depression. I woke up yesterday and just... I dunno, I felt dead.
I think it might be because I'm feeling disappointed in the drawings I've been producing. They're just not what I'm wanting to produce. I kinda wanna produce pictures with an actual background... or maybe with an actual artistic splash. I wanna paint but I don't have the patience for digital painting... And all this other crap. ._. Argh.
But all I have is characters in fancy poses and stuff. Then there's this weird complicated feeling 'I want to fanart, I don't want to do fanart'. Like I still want to do some TotA art among other things, but then I wanna do more original art.
I wanna try and do manga again, but I want to do my original stories, not doujinshi. But I don't really have a script or a story written for me to follow... mainly because I can't write very well. All my story ideas are so long and complicated that I don't know where to start, and I get frustrated and give up for a little while and jump to another project. I can't stay focused on something for very long, and it makes me wonder if I'll ever be able to accomplish anything in life.
I can't say life is making it a little easier. There is so much happening with my family, it kind weighing down my mind with thoughts... :( There are a lot of things that bother me and worry me...
Right now I kinda refresh my mind. I wanna do something else. I would play games but it's not having the same effect as it usually does. D: I defiantly want to get a job. I'm practically desperate for anything now. But I don't wake up soon enough for my mom to be able to take me out to hand out resumes. I tried applying online for bookstores but doesn't look like my resume is good enough... which sucks.
And I realized I only have like 2 months until the convention I've been looking forward to all year comes around. D: And I have no money, which is poop. Argh argh... >_<
It's not like I'm tired or anything. Like I've been trying to go to sleep earlier so I can wake up earlier. And I take naps and stuff, so I'm catching up on my sleep. I think I'm eating better. I have energy but I'm not doing anything productive. Or at least it doesn't feel like the last couple of days...
And stuff...
Been watching some anime. I guess I'm trying to find some inspiration to draw.
Watch Mushi-shi. It was really fascinating. :3 I really enjoyed the story telling and the animation. It had this sort of very wonderful charm and beauty to it.
And then I started watching Kateikyoushi Hitman Reborn. xD Mainly because
joey_fraser got me curious. :D The anime is... interesting. It's pretty amusing though it's just amusing at the moment. D: I wonder where I could find the manga because it feels like there's a lot of fillers and the anime isn't really going anywhere. Maybe it's just because I'm at episode 17... xD; Grah~! I want something interesting to happen. The characters are fun though :D. I think I'm a bit of a Lambo fan xD, but that might just be me. Reborn's voice is annoying through =_= my mom described his voice to be a 'Japanese Bart Simpson' xD.
I wanna finish watching Kyou Kara Maoh! but my mom's internet isn't fast enough >_> And I forget what episode I was on... again...
And I need to continue watching Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagan. xD; Eghhh... So many animes I've started watching and haven't finished...
xD Any more animes I should try and watch? D: I need something to get me off my ass.
Gurgh... .-. ...
Ugh. I've randomly gotten hit with some kind of depression. I woke up yesterday and just... I dunno, I felt dead.
I think it might be because I'm feeling disappointed in the drawings I've been producing. They're just not what I'm wanting to produce. I kinda wanna produce pictures with an actual background... or maybe with an actual artistic splash. I wanna paint but I don't have the patience for digital painting... And all this other crap. ._. Argh.
But all I have is characters in fancy poses and stuff. Then there's this weird complicated feeling 'I want to fanart, I don't want to do fanart'. Like I still want to do some TotA art among other things, but then I wanna do more original art.
I wanna try and do manga again, but I want to do my original stories, not doujinshi. But I don't really have a script or a story written for me to follow... mainly because I can't write very well. All my story ideas are so long and complicated that I don't know where to start, and I get frustrated and give up for a little while and jump to another project. I can't stay focused on something for very long, and it makes me wonder if I'll ever be able to accomplish anything in life.
I can't say life is making it a little easier. There is so much happening with my family, it kind weighing down my mind with thoughts... :( There are a lot of things that bother me and worry me...
Right now I kinda refresh my mind. I wanna do something else. I would play games but it's not having the same effect as it usually does. D: I defiantly want to get a job. I'm practically desperate for anything now. But I don't wake up soon enough for my mom to be able to take me out to hand out resumes. I tried applying online for bookstores but doesn't look like my resume is good enough... which sucks.
And I realized I only have like 2 months until the convention I've been looking forward to all year comes around. D: And I have no money, which is poop. Argh argh... >_<
It's not like I'm tired or anything. Like I've been trying to go to sleep earlier so I can wake up earlier. And I take naps and stuff, so I'm catching up on my sleep. I think I'm eating better. I have energy but I'm not doing anything productive. Or at least it doesn't feel like the last couple of days...
And stuff...
Been watching some anime. I guess I'm trying to find some inspiration to draw.
Watch Mushi-shi. It was really fascinating. :3 I really enjoyed the story telling and the animation. It had this sort of very wonderful charm and beauty to it.
And then I started watching Kateikyoushi Hitman Reborn. xD Mainly because
joey_fraser got me curious. :D The anime is... interesting. It's pretty amusing though it's just amusing at the moment. D: I wonder where I could find the manga because it feels like there's a lot of fillers and the anime isn't really going anywhere. Maybe it's just because I'm at episode 17... xD; Grah~! I want something interesting to happen. The characters are fun though :D. I think I'm a bit of a Lambo fan xD, but that might just be me. Reborn's voice is annoying through =_= my mom described his voice to be a 'Japanese Bart Simpson' xD.
I wanna finish watching Kyou Kara Maoh! but my mom's internet isn't fast enough >_> And I forget what episode I was on... again...
And I need to continue watching Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagan. xD; Eghhh... So many animes I've started watching and haven't finished...
xD Any more animes I should try and watch? D: I need something to get me off my ass.
Gurgh... .-. ...