Why Is The Lady In The Moon Blue
I think I just made myself crack. So now I'm in the need to say why sometimes I'll cry for no reason. Or why I sometimes just don’t like myself. For one the reason they think I'm stupid to go back to one friend is...because she were a reason when I tried to kill myself twice. She kept telling me I wasn't a good enough friend...that I was never there, and it seemed no matter how much I gave myself to her...my time my energy...she were never happy with me. And then it started at school to with Ms.thomas...and since I was never that happy to start...it broke me...twice she did that...because after the first time...I tried again because she started after I tried to push her away more...she got madder at me...and I tried again. That's why I stopped talking to her. Why I stopped asking her to hang out or to come with the rest of my friends. And now.... After I given her a new chance...she gives this to me. And she knows how I feel, I never get anyone. No one likes Kim like that. I mean sure Ruben...but fuck he's on the other side of the country. And that new guy I liked? Who said he liked me back...turned around and tells me he liked someone else...and their really close. And she then shows some interest in me. And I'm unsure how to deal with it. Because that's why I have such a messed up view of myself because no one wants me. I'm a friend but nothing more and I'm scared because I want someone but I don't want to become someone who needs someone. And I want her to be like how we used to be, best friends, but she wants something I just can't give her.
I'm telling her and you that...not because I want someone to feel bad for me. That was a while ago. Over a year. I was telling someone the reasons why II keep thinking about it. Why I keep everything from everyone. The reason I'm messed up.
It's not really one person’s fault. I had a mom who always worked, I didn't have dad, and I was always made fun of. When I was little I was called the crybaby, so then I stopped crying and held it in. I was called stupid...so I stopped asking for help...and acting as if I didn't care. I kept a smile on and was nice so no one would be mean. And then when everyone started getting boyfriends in girlfriends. I wanted one two, even if I said I didn't care. And then when I try and make it clear to myself why no one likes me...or wants me. Everyone tells me I'm wrong
I talk too much
No you don't your too shy, speak your mind
I'm ugly
No your not your pretty, beautiful
No one loves me
I love you, everyone loves you
I'm scared I'm going to be alone
You'll find someone; he's out there the one that will love you for you
And still...no matter what I still feel like when I was little and everyone called me cry baby. That I'm too stupid to get it, and I ...I.... I’m being stupid