Realization Chapter 3b: Jae's Realization
“Welcome back to the show! Today we have some very special guests. Commonly known as Asia’s Top Stars, the Hallyu Heroes, please welcome TVXQ!” The radio announcer, Kim Yungsoo, belted out his opening comments with gusto.
Jaejoong, Yunho, and Yoochun were doing a short segment on the radio today while Junsu and Changmin were off filming for a comedy segment on TV. Jaejoong smiled a little thinking back to this morning when Yoochun heard that only Junsu and Changmin were going to star in the comedy program. “Does this mean that we’re not funny??” Yoochun had said indignantly, pointing to himself, Yunho, and Jaejoong. Jaejoong knew that Yoochun only acted that way when he had to part ways with Junsu. Those two are so cute, Jaejoong thought to himself.
“Jaejoongssi, you look to be in a good mood today! The smile has never left your face, eh?” The radio announcer turned his attention to Jaejoong.
Jaejoong started a little but replied smoothly, “Of course I’m in a good mood. It’s a pleasure to be here today.” He didn’t forget to add a little aegyo to his voice.
Yunho and Yoochun also chimed in with their thanks for the invitation to the radio show.
“No, it’s I who must thank you! It’s an honor to have you three here.” The radio announcer added the blatant flattery that the three were used to hearing.
The conversation went into their future plans, especially details about their upcoming concert. Jaejoong let himself sit back: Yunho was the one who usually explained these kinds of things so he relaxed a bit, watching Yunho from the side of his eye. Yunho was as handsome as ever today with his hair spiked up in a really messy, natural look and wearing a clean cut navy blazer with dark dress pants. His manly “concept” was the complete opposite of that of Jaejoong. Jaejoong looked down at what he was wearing: a knit pink sweater-that looked suspiciously like a girl’s-skinny jeans, and lace up boots. Sometimes Jaejoong wondered if his dress coordinator noona was a Yunjae fangirl.
“Okay how about we answer some of the questions that fans have sent in!” The announcer lifted the cards that were lying in front of him.
“Here’s an interesting one. What are some annoying habits the other members have?”
Jaejoong smiled. He was used to fans asking random things about their personal lives. Yoochun quickly launched into a story about how Junsu sometimes talked in his sleep, in English too!
Several questions later, the announcer reached a question on the members’ ideal girlfriends. The announcer first directed the question towards Yunho. Jaejoong unconsciously let his body tense.
Yunho smiled easily and openly, “I think a lot of the fans are used to me saying my ideal type is Jeon Jihyunssi. But I think my style has changed a little over the years.”
He paused and went on.
“I don’t think I would really pinpoint a particular person as my perfect woman anymore. Maybe just some general characteristics I would look for is just a really simple, honest girl. A girl who looks good in just a t-shirt and jeans and doesn’t care that much about style or makeup. Oh and it would be nice if she had straight hair and was a good cook.”
Jaejoong let himself envision a “simple, honest girl” who would go well with Yunho. She would probably be pretty too, her slender arm intertwined with Yunho’s. Jaejoong could imagine it so well. Suddenly Jae’s heart hurt so much.
“Well, you seem to have a clear idea of what you want in a girlfriend Yunhossi. Hopefully you will find her out there sometime soon! What about you, Jaejoongssi?” The announcer now turned the question to Jaejoong.
Jaejoong realized all eyes were suddenly on him. He usually had some stock answer he would give for these kinds of programs that asked about ideal types. But suddenly he was at a loss for words.
Jaejoong’s mouth felt unusually dry. “I…don’t know,” He barely managed to rasp out.
The announcer seemed a little taken aback but tried to make a joke, “Ah, maybe Jaejoongssi is a man of high tastes?”
Jaejoong just shook his head, “No it’s not that…I just-“
I what? Jaejoong wondered to himself. He didn’t even know how to finish that sentence.
There was an awkward silence. Yunho looked at Jaejoong sharply and tried to remedy the situation, “In my opinion, Jaejoong needs a girl who will really take the lead and is assertive. Isn’t that right, Jaejoong?”
“I suppose so,” Jaejoong muttered. Jaejoong felt both Yoochun and Yunho staring at him but he couldn’t help it. Right now, he just didn’t want to spout out some random crap to please the fans.
As the announcer started the wrap up the radio segment, Jaejoong merely looked down while twiddling his thumbs. He could feel Yunho’s gaze burning into him but he didn’t want to look up.
After saying their goodbyes, the three members walked back towards the waiting room. Giving Yoochun a meaningful look, Yunho grabbed Jaejoong’s arm and waited until Yoochun walked away and was out of sight. Soon it was just Jaejoong and Yunho together in the hallway.
“What the hell was that, Jae?” Yunho’s voice was low with suppressed anger.
Jaejoong didn’t answer. He didn’t really want to talk to Yunho right now.
“Look, don’t think I haven’t noticed you’ve been acting kind of pissy towards me lately. I don’t know what it is but don’t let it affect our work activities. It only makes you look like an amateur and brings the team down as well.” Yunho’s words came out with deadly force and stabbed Jaejoong’s heart.
It’s not that Jaejoong himself was being sensitive and prickly on purpose. He just felt like he could never let his guard down or leave his heart vulnerable these days because he could feel how Yunho was sinking in and taking up so much space.
“I’m sorry,” Jaejoong said quietly.
Yunho’s face was stiff for a while but soon he let his facial muscles relax. He could never stay mad at Jaejoong for long.
“No, sorry I had to yell at you. It’s the whole leader thing you know.” Yunho sighed.
Jaejoong just nodded.
“Is there really something bothering you, though? These days you seem…distant.” Yunho’s eyes were filled with concern.
Jaejoong again felt the inability to speak that he had felt earlier on the radio show. There was no way he could confess to Yunho all the crazy things he was feeling as of recently.
“It’s nothing. Really.”
“Hey-”
Yunho looked like he still wanted to say something but Jaejoong went ahead and turned on his heel to leave. As Jaejoong walked away he could sense Yunho’s eyes still watching him. Jaejoong walked faster, wanting to put as much distance between himself and Yunho as he could.
Yunho, would you hate me very much if I said my ideal type was you? Because I think I’m in love with you.
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A/N I guess I could have waited to make this part of Chapter 4 but I was so excited to have finished that I went ahead and made a second part of chapter 3! Finally Jae's Realization....what a dunce. ^^