wondering why I have a hard time falling asleep....
So it seems that I have a lot on my mind....well that is the conclusion since I can not fall asleep at night. It does not matter how tired I am or whatever. The one thing that keeps me up longer is being in my apartment all alone though. It is just more comfortable not sleeping alone, not sure if that is weird or not.
So I find myself trying to figure out what is on my mind I have come up with a short list so far. They include things like what I want to do since I graduate in the spring, where I see myself in about 5 years, what I have to accomplish before I graduate etc... Also it is like trying to figure out my feelings about things like I have figured out them about somethings but then again I am afraid to express those feelings because I so not want to change things...it is not that my feelings opposite of what people think they are it is just that some of them are stronger then I am willing to tell people or that I am willing to tell the person it involves. I just do not want to say something that will make them ackward. If it would just hurt me by saying then whatever but if it is going to make someone else ackward especially someone I really care about then forget about it.
It is just that finally things have begun falling into place in some parts of my life and I do not want to change that but it has also made me rethink sooo much of what I thought I was certain about. I do not know if that makes any sense to anyone I guess it is just something that you have to have experienced to understand completely. Or I could jsut be rambling what is on my mind in a way that only I can possibly get what I am saying. This seems to happen a lot.
I think getting my life in order seems to be what is keeping me up but then again I have no idea as to how to get my life in order. Like there is soo much to figure out, the real world is jsut too scary. I am soo not ready for it. It is like living in this college bubble seems to hide the fact that soon you will not have the safety of the bubble. It is like after graduation the bubble just pops and you are left standing there alone. Well maybe not completely alone but that is just how I am imagining it now.
Grr I dunno....
N-E-ways..scuba class is going well. I have a super early and long weekend ahead of me but then I am all certified. woohoo.
So I find myself trying to figure out what is on my mind I have come up with a short list so far. They include things like what I want to do since I graduate in the spring, where I see myself in about 5 years, what I have to accomplish before I graduate etc... Also it is like trying to figure out my feelings about things like I have figured out them about somethings but then again I am afraid to express those feelings because I so not want to change things...it is not that my feelings opposite of what people think they are it is just that some of them are stronger then I am willing to tell people or that I am willing to tell the person it involves. I just do not want to say something that will make them ackward. If it would just hurt me by saying then whatever but if it is going to make someone else ackward especially someone I really care about then forget about it.
It is just that finally things have begun falling into place in some parts of my life and I do not want to change that but it has also made me rethink sooo much of what I thought I was certain about. I do not know if that makes any sense to anyone I guess it is just something that you have to have experienced to understand completely. Or I could jsut be rambling what is on my mind in a way that only I can possibly get what I am saying. This seems to happen a lot.
I think getting my life in order seems to be what is keeping me up but then again I have no idea as to how to get my life in order. Like there is soo much to figure out, the real world is jsut too scary. I am soo not ready for it. It is like living in this college bubble seems to hide the fact that soon you will not have the safety of the bubble. It is like after graduation the bubble just pops and you are left standing there alone. Well maybe not completely alone but that is just how I am imagining it now.
Grr I dunno....
N-E-ways..scuba class is going well. I have a super early and long weekend ahead of me but then I am all certified. woohoo.