The Gooseberry Bush Chronicles Episode 9
Title: The Gooseberry Bush Chronicles
Chapter 9: Love Hurts
Rating: R for swears, mentions of abuse
Pairings: Kakairu
Genre: Crack. Like Whoa.
The Gooseberry Bush Chronicles
Episode 9
Kakashi had had enough. For three months now Iruka and him had been dating (for some reason as of yet unknown to man… perhaps it was the old “opposites attract” rule), and he had yet to get any action. And when he thought the term “any” he meant “not even a fucking hand-hold in the middle of a dark movie theatre." Seriously, Kakashi was a pervert extraordinaire. He had never gone this long in any relationship without getting a ‘lil poon-tang…er… ass…whatever.
So the perverted Jounin had decided (since he was a genius and all) that he would finally confront his adorable yet untouchable boyfriend about the issue. Surely the sensei would understand…heh… it was kinky to think about doing it with a teacher… Kakashi liked it. Maybe he could even dress up in a school-boy uniform and--!
His thoughts were cut off abruptly when he ran straight into the object of his thoughts, knocking him on his tight and rather tasty butt. Apparently, the fantasies had clogged his mind so much that he had missed out on the opportunity to oggle the real thing. Damn. He really needed to work on catching those missed opportunities.
“Ah, Kakashi-sensei,” Iruka noted observantly. Heh. He called him sensei. There was that kinky fantasy rearing its head all over again. Literally. (A/N: Think about it…)
He noticed belatedly that he had been staring at Iruka without saying anything for the last five minutes, and the Chunnin had begun blushing across the bridge of his scarred nose…which didn’t mar his face at all, but rather added to the adorability factor. Herm… maybe distracting thoughts brought good things once in a while. Maybe if he was lucky he’d get to kiss the scar and make it better one day. Shit, that thought was not perverted in the least. It was actually sweet. Another thing he had to work on.
“Er… gomen,” Kakashi finally stammered out. “Glad I ran into you. I was actually hoping I could speak with you.”
“Oh, of course!” Iruka beamed. “I just got out of teaching my classes. Shall we?”
Iruka led the way to his apartment, and Kakashi decided he rather liked it when Iruka led the way… good view of his ass from back here.
When they reached the apartment and stepped inside, Kakashi finally attacked. He backed the adorable Chunnin into the wall, and was about to lower his mask for a big ol’ sloppy kiss (you know, the good, healthy, old-fashioned kind…none of this namby pamby ‘first kiss’ chasteness) when he realized that Iruka was shaking enough to put an epileptic to shame and had a look of utter terror on his face.
“’Ruka?” he asked hesitantly, eyeing the frightened dolphin (well, he wasn’t really a dolphin, but that’s what his name meant, so you might as well refer to him in such an inaccurate way… it was cool). “What’s wrong?”
Iruka wheedled his way out of the copy-nin’s grasp and moved over to sit heavily on the couch…futon…whatever type of furniture ninjas use.
“I knew that this day would finally come,” Iruka murmured dramatically. “I had tried to avoid it, but…”
“What is it?” Kakashi asked, sitting beside him.
“Well, I’m…afraid of getting physical for a very serious and important reason…several actually. You don’t mind if I pour my heart and guts out onto your shoes?”
“Not at all. That’s why I wear shoes.”
“Oh, yes. I keep forgetting…” Iruka trailed off again.
“So…why are you afraid?” Kakashi prompted. He hoped this wouldn’t take too long, because if he wasn’t gonna get any tonight, he really needed to go home, watch some porn, have a good wank, and take a nap.
“Well, when I was younger you know how I was the class-clown and prankster? I made a lot of enemies, needless to say, and well, one day… some of the older boys decided to get me back for all the jokes I’d played on them.”
“Kicked the shit outta ya, eh?” Kakashi asked….sympathetically. If that sentence could really be intoned in a sympathetic way.
“At first, yeah,” Iruka said. It was the cheesy ‘Sadness and Sorrow’ background music that tipped Kakshi off… damn, this was about to get a lot more emotional and worse than he thought.
“After they beat me up, they…took turns…raping me…” A collective gasp was heard, as well as the wailing denial and grief from hundreds of fan-fiction addicts.
“Raped you?” Kakashi asked, horrified. “Why wasn’t it stopped?” Tears began flowing down Iruka’s face artistically.
“They hid us behind the gooseberry bush while they did it,” he sobbed out.
"Who?"
"Mizuki-san... he was my best friend and he betrayed me..." Iruka broke into helpless sobs.
"Who besides Mizuki?"
"Oh... a bunch of random, throw-away characters. You know, like all the ninjas who died when Orochimaru attacked that one time..."
“Oh, Iruka. I’m so sorry. I had no idea. To think you would be brave enough to even agree to be in a relationship with me after something so horrific…”
“Wait, there’s more,” Iruka interrupted.
“More?”
“Yes. You see,” Iruka stopped, the tears still running unchecked down his face as he raised a shaking hand to his sleeve. Slowly, he raised it to his elbow, showing angry, red criss-crossing cuts all the way up his forearm, mixed among a patchwork of scars. (Not criss-crossing patchwork quilts, mind you. Blankets were nowhere in the vicinity of this story.) “I also have been feeling so depressed for the past twenty years that I’ve taken to self-mutilation.”
Kakashi felt his eyes begin to sting with tears as he bent down and kissed the marks softly through his mask. (Awwww!)
“Why? Why!” he choked out.
“Well, you act so indifferent to me sometimes, I thought you would never return my love. I thought I wasn’t good enough. I deserve to be punished,” Iruka sobbed.
“Oh, koibito, no!” Kakashi ground out adamantly. “The only one to blame for this is me. How could I neglect you like that? I love you so!”
“Really, ‘Kashi?”
“Of course! How could you ever doubt that?”
“Oh, just hearing you say that makes me so happy!” Iruka smiled. “Now that I have your love, I’m sure I’ll be able to get over all this depression and angst immediately with no counseling whatsoever!”
“Iruka, you’re so beautiful! Can I kiss you?” Kakashi leaned in to do so, but stopped when he felt Iruka’s hand on his chest pushing him back.
“I’m not done yet,” he said. “There’s more.”
“Still?”
“Yeah. You see, I’m afraid I didn’t want to get close to you because I have a terminal disease. Consumption. Some weird, incurable form apparently. I didn’t want to put you through the pain of losing someone important to you. The doctors said I had five years left to live, and that was approximately 4 years, 11 months, 30 days, 23 hours, 59 minutes and 55 seconds ago. So sorry, but I guess I’ll see you when I see you. Love you.”
Having made this proclamation, Iruka promptly keeled over. Kakshi poked at his unmoving form. Yup, definitely dead.
The scarecrow (see above note about the use of the term ‘dolphin’) screamed his beloved’s name out in pain and denial. He beat his chest and ripped at his hair. Hot tears raced down his face, choking him. The grief was so incredibly OUCHIE! He let out a blood curdling wail.
Having gotten that out of his system, the Jounin decided he would go home. Now he definitely needed to watch porn, have a good wank, and take a nap.
Owari
P.S. In a completely unrelated coincidence, Sakura died of lack-of-breast cancer. Tsunade was quoted in her eulogy as saying, “Sure, she was starting to suck a little less, but she really took way too long to get there. You snooze, you loose, I always say.”
Chapter 9: Love Hurts
Rating: R for swears, mentions of abuse
Pairings: Kakairu
Genre: Crack. Like Whoa.
The Gooseberry Bush Chronicles
Episode 9
Kakashi had had enough. For three months now Iruka and him had been dating (for some reason as of yet unknown to man… perhaps it was the old “opposites attract” rule), and he had yet to get any action. And when he thought the term “any” he meant “not even a fucking hand-hold in the middle of a dark movie theatre." Seriously, Kakashi was a pervert extraordinaire. He had never gone this long in any relationship without getting a ‘lil poon-tang…er… ass…whatever.
So the perverted Jounin had decided (since he was a genius and all) that he would finally confront his adorable yet untouchable boyfriend about the issue. Surely the sensei would understand…heh… it was kinky to think about doing it with a teacher… Kakashi liked it. Maybe he could even dress up in a school-boy uniform and--!
His thoughts were cut off abruptly when he ran straight into the object of his thoughts, knocking him on his tight and rather tasty butt. Apparently, the fantasies had clogged his mind so much that he had missed out on the opportunity to oggle the real thing. Damn. He really needed to work on catching those missed opportunities.
“Ah, Kakashi-sensei,” Iruka noted observantly. Heh. He called him sensei. There was that kinky fantasy rearing its head all over again. Literally. (A/N: Think about it…)
He noticed belatedly that he had been staring at Iruka without saying anything for the last five minutes, and the Chunnin had begun blushing across the bridge of his scarred nose…which didn’t mar his face at all, but rather added to the adorability factor. Herm… maybe distracting thoughts brought good things once in a while. Maybe if he was lucky he’d get to kiss the scar and make it better one day. Shit, that thought was not perverted in the least. It was actually sweet. Another thing he had to work on.
“Er… gomen,” Kakashi finally stammered out. “Glad I ran into you. I was actually hoping I could speak with you.”
“Oh, of course!” Iruka beamed. “I just got out of teaching my classes. Shall we?”
Iruka led the way to his apartment, and Kakashi decided he rather liked it when Iruka led the way… good view of his ass from back here.
When they reached the apartment and stepped inside, Kakashi finally attacked. He backed the adorable Chunnin into the wall, and was about to lower his mask for a big ol’ sloppy kiss (you know, the good, healthy, old-fashioned kind…none of this namby pamby ‘first kiss’ chasteness) when he realized that Iruka was shaking enough to put an epileptic to shame and had a look of utter terror on his face.
“’Ruka?” he asked hesitantly, eyeing the frightened dolphin (well, he wasn’t really a dolphin, but that’s what his name meant, so you might as well refer to him in such an inaccurate way… it was cool). “What’s wrong?”
Iruka wheedled his way out of the copy-nin’s grasp and moved over to sit heavily on the couch…futon…whatever type of furniture ninjas use.
“I knew that this day would finally come,” Iruka murmured dramatically. “I had tried to avoid it, but…”
“What is it?” Kakashi asked, sitting beside him.
“Well, I’m…afraid of getting physical for a very serious and important reason…several actually. You don’t mind if I pour my heart and guts out onto your shoes?”
“Not at all. That’s why I wear shoes.”
“Oh, yes. I keep forgetting…” Iruka trailed off again.
“So…why are you afraid?” Kakashi prompted. He hoped this wouldn’t take too long, because if he wasn’t gonna get any tonight, he really needed to go home, watch some porn, have a good wank, and take a nap.
“Well, when I was younger you know how I was the class-clown and prankster? I made a lot of enemies, needless to say, and well, one day… some of the older boys decided to get me back for all the jokes I’d played on them.”
“Kicked the shit outta ya, eh?” Kakashi asked….sympathetically. If that sentence could really be intoned in a sympathetic way.
“At first, yeah,” Iruka said. It was the cheesy ‘Sadness and Sorrow’ background music that tipped Kakshi off… damn, this was about to get a lot more emotional and worse than he thought.
“After they beat me up, they…took turns…raping me…” A collective gasp was heard, as well as the wailing denial and grief from hundreds of fan-fiction addicts.
“Raped you?” Kakashi asked, horrified. “Why wasn’t it stopped?” Tears began flowing down Iruka’s face artistically.
“They hid us behind the gooseberry bush while they did it,” he sobbed out.
"Who?"
"Mizuki-san... he was my best friend and he betrayed me..." Iruka broke into helpless sobs.
"Who besides Mizuki?"
"Oh... a bunch of random, throw-away characters. You know, like all the ninjas who died when Orochimaru attacked that one time..."
“Oh, Iruka. I’m so sorry. I had no idea. To think you would be brave enough to even agree to be in a relationship with me after something so horrific…”
“Wait, there’s more,” Iruka interrupted.
“More?”
“Yes. You see,” Iruka stopped, the tears still running unchecked down his face as he raised a shaking hand to his sleeve. Slowly, he raised it to his elbow, showing angry, red criss-crossing cuts all the way up his forearm, mixed among a patchwork of scars. (Not criss-crossing patchwork quilts, mind you. Blankets were nowhere in the vicinity of this story.) “I also have been feeling so depressed for the past twenty years that I’ve taken to self-mutilation.”
Kakashi felt his eyes begin to sting with tears as he bent down and kissed the marks softly through his mask. (Awwww!)
“Why? Why!” he choked out.
“Well, you act so indifferent to me sometimes, I thought you would never return my love. I thought I wasn’t good enough. I deserve to be punished,” Iruka sobbed.
“Oh, koibito, no!” Kakashi ground out adamantly. “The only one to blame for this is me. How could I neglect you like that? I love you so!”
“Really, ‘Kashi?”
“Of course! How could you ever doubt that?”
“Oh, just hearing you say that makes me so happy!” Iruka smiled. “Now that I have your love, I’m sure I’ll be able to get over all this depression and angst immediately with no counseling whatsoever!”
“Iruka, you’re so beautiful! Can I kiss you?” Kakashi leaned in to do so, but stopped when he felt Iruka’s hand on his chest pushing him back.
“I’m not done yet,” he said. “There’s more.”
“Still?”
“Yeah. You see, I’m afraid I didn’t want to get close to you because I have a terminal disease. Consumption. Some weird, incurable form apparently. I didn’t want to put you through the pain of losing someone important to you. The doctors said I had five years left to live, and that was approximately 4 years, 11 months, 30 days, 23 hours, 59 minutes and 55 seconds ago. So sorry, but I guess I’ll see you when I see you. Love you.”
Having made this proclamation, Iruka promptly keeled over. Kakshi poked at his unmoving form. Yup, definitely dead.
The scarecrow (see above note about the use of the term ‘dolphin’) screamed his beloved’s name out in pain and denial. He beat his chest and ripped at his hair. Hot tears raced down his face, choking him. The grief was so incredibly OUCHIE! He let out a blood curdling wail.
Having gotten that out of his system, the Jounin decided he would go home. Now he definitely needed to watch porn, have a good wank, and take a nap.
Owari
P.S. In a completely unrelated coincidence, Sakura died of lack-of-breast cancer. Tsunade was quoted in her eulogy as saying, “Sure, she was starting to suck a little less, but she really took way too long to get there. You snooze, you loose, I always say.”