Don't. Just don't.
So we all know about mansplaining and its sibling whitesplaining, and why you shouldn't do either.
There's another one I've noticed, and it's just as annoying. I'm not sure what to call it: healthysplaining, maybe?
I had a migraine yesterday. Most people know enough to leave me alone, but Ceece felt like she had to be helpful. Somehow.
"Have you tried Excedrin migraine?"
"Yeah. Doesn't work."
"Maybe you should distract yourself instead of sitting around in the dark."
"Light and sound make my head hurt."
"Yes, but you shouldn't sit around being depressed!"
"I'm. Having. A. Migraine."
"Being depressed might be causing your migraines. You should get out of the house!"
"There's sunshine out there. Even a little bit is too much."
*thinky pause* "Maybe you should eat some jell-o?"
"I already feel like I'm going to barf. Slidey-feeling food isn't going to help that."
"Well, I always like jell-o when my stomach is upset!"
"My. Stomach. Isn't. Upset. I'm. Having. A. Fucking. Migraine."
"I'm just trying to help!"
" ... "
Thing is, I know she was just trying to help. But sometimes, that whole well-meaning have-you-tried can be fucking annoying! Offering unsolicited advice can be irritating at the best of times; offering unsolicited advice to someone who's been suffering from a condition for years (bonus points if it's something you don't have) and knows at least how to make themselves comfortable can feel like line-crossing. And when someone is in pain, something that would normally only be an irritant can be HUGELY FUCKING ANNOYING
Speaking only for myself: this particular pain patient has had enough disempowering and denial from doctors. I don't need it from my friends.
Even if you are "just trying to help."
There's another one I've noticed, and it's just as annoying. I'm not sure what to call it: healthysplaining, maybe?
I had a migraine yesterday. Most people know enough to leave me alone, but Ceece felt like she had to be helpful. Somehow.
"Have you tried Excedrin migraine?"
"Yeah. Doesn't work."
"Maybe you should distract yourself instead of sitting around in the dark."
"Light and sound make my head hurt."
"Yes, but you shouldn't sit around being depressed!"
"I'm. Having. A. Migraine."
"Being depressed might be causing your migraines. You should get out of the house!"
"There's sunshine out there. Even a little bit is too much."
*thinky pause* "Maybe you should eat some jell-o?"
"I already feel like I'm going to barf. Slidey-feeling food isn't going to help that."
"Well, I always like jell-o when my stomach is upset!"
"My. Stomach. Isn't. Upset. I'm. Having. A. Fucking. Migraine."
"I'm just trying to help!"
" ... "
Thing is, I know she was just trying to help. But sometimes, that whole well-meaning have-you-tried can be fucking annoying! Offering unsolicited advice can be irritating at the best of times; offering unsolicited advice to someone who's been suffering from a condition for years (bonus points if it's something you don't have) and knows at least how to make themselves comfortable can feel like line-crossing. And when someone is in pain, something that would normally only be an irritant can be HUGELY FUCKING ANNOYING
Speaking only for myself: this particular pain patient has had enough disempowering and denial from doctors. I don't need it from my friends.
Even if you are "just trying to help."