Eric
I realize it is not fair to eric to ignore him. I really don't mean to at all. At the job fair, i ran into andy, eric wasn't there while i was there. I know i should make time to see eric, i wanted to work on homework together, but everytime i try it ends up being him playing video games and me trying to do my homework while he tries his best to distract me in between the games. i just get tired of it after a while. it seems like i'm always in the dorms either with him (cept the last couple weeks where i have been gone most of the time) or doing homework, when i'm not in class or in the shop. i guess i just havn't tried hard enough to make time for him. even when i'm with him sometimes i just wanna be doing something else. i can't even see him going to any of the few parties i've been to besides him mopeing in the corner. i'm going hot tubbing fri with baja, at least a few guys from baja hopefully and he wants to go. so i said that he could. i'm kinda afraid, actually i'm very afraid of him going and just hating the baja guys for some reason. they are very protective of the girls and he doesn't realize that most of the time.
-this has become a rant i apoligize but continue being it's almost 2am-
he thinks that every single guy i know has other intentions besides friendship. i swear he thinks all the guys want to do is get me drunk so they can take advantage of me. i honestly think they only want to get me drunk to laugh at me. i don't think anyone of them would take advantage of me, and even if one did i don't think the rest would let him. he doesn't seem to think that's even possible.
one really bad thing is that besides unintentionally avoiding him, i just don't feel the spark i used to when we kiss. i want to give it time, because i do love him and i don't want to hurt him, but i feel like i've just let it go. i am definately avoiding it, i think he knows, but won't admit it. no matter what tomorrow should be interesting. i've gotta go to the shop (i have actual work to do on our car) and then go to the hot tub, i can almost guarantee that andy and eric( baja eric, not mine) will want to go. i know the will drink as will most ppl there, but i'm afraid eric is gonna get mad cause these ppl are drinking. some of them are over 21 while others are not. drinking is part of college. i started drinking last sat night after my race. actually i had drank b4 that, but i had never drank enough to do anything to me. part of that was cause i was upset which i know is a bad reason to drink, but i got tipsy, nothing else. i wasn't wasted just tipsy. i came back and def smelled of alcohol, which eric doesn't like. i don't care what he says he doesn't like me drinking. i think he disapproves of it. which upsets me cause i wanna be able to go out and have drinks and not worry about what my bf thinks of me when i get back. oi boys are soo confusing.
-this has become a rant i apoligize but continue being it's almost 2am-
he thinks that every single guy i know has other intentions besides friendship. i swear he thinks all the guys want to do is get me drunk so they can take advantage of me. i honestly think they only want to get me drunk to laugh at me. i don't think anyone of them would take advantage of me, and even if one did i don't think the rest would let him. he doesn't seem to think that's even possible.
one really bad thing is that besides unintentionally avoiding him, i just don't feel the spark i used to when we kiss. i want to give it time, because i do love him and i don't want to hurt him, but i feel like i've just let it go. i am definately avoiding it, i think he knows, but won't admit it. no matter what tomorrow should be interesting. i've gotta go to the shop (i have actual work to do on our car) and then go to the hot tub, i can almost guarantee that andy and eric( baja eric, not mine) will want to go. i know the will drink as will most ppl there, but i'm afraid eric is gonna get mad cause these ppl are drinking. some of them are over 21 while others are not. drinking is part of college. i started drinking last sat night after my race. actually i had drank b4 that, but i had never drank enough to do anything to me. part of that was cause i was upset which i know is a bad reason to drink, but i got tipsy, nothing else. i wasn't wasted just tipsy. i came back and def smelled of alcohol, which eric doesn't like. i don't care what he says he doesn't like me drinking. i think he disapproves of it. which upsets me cause i wanna be able to go out and have drinks and not worry about what my bf thinks of me when i get back. oi boys are soo confusing.