I'll Be Seeing You
Chapter Forty-Four: Everybody’s Talkin’
A Brokeback Mountain movie canon a/u diverging at the time of Ennis’s divorce.
Rated: NC17 just to be safe.
Warning: m/m sexual situations
Disclaimer: I borrow these characters from Annie Proulx and the actors that embodied them on screen.
My deepest thanks to Jean.
::::::::::::::::::::::
People are talkin, talking ’bout people
I hear them whisper, you won’t believe it
They think we’re lovers kept under covers
I just ignore it, but they keep saying
We laugh just a little too loud
We stand just a little too close
We stare just a little too long
Maybe they’re seeing, something we don’t, darlin’
Let’s give them something to talk about
Let’s give them something to talk about
Let’s give them something to talk about
How about love?
Bonnie Raitt, “Something to Talk About”
:::::::::::::::::::
“Whut?” Jack looked up from making Bobby’s lunch.
“I said won’t it be nice to see LaShawn and Randall again? I swear, Jack. Men don’t never listen to a word women say.”
“Sorry,” Jack pushed aside the turmoil caused by her words, cut the sandwich in half and put it on a plate. “Yeah. I ain’t seen them in a month a Sundays. I’m gonna take Bobby a snack. See ya later,” he said, kissing the air near the top of her head as he left the kitchen.
Though Ennis and Jack’s brand spankin’ new double-wide trailer home had arrived that morning, mostly furnished, and been settled in place, the household goods had yet to be moved in. Lureen hadn’t made Jack or Ennis feel uncomfortable in the big house, but Jack was eager to be with Ennis in a place of their own. It had been his heart’s wish for so long that he was almost afraid for it to come true. What if it wasn’t what he’d built up in his head for all these years? What if he’d become so used to the longing that he missed, in the perverse way he missed the pain of a toothache after it was gone? Just having these thoughts made Jack uneasy; ten years ago, he would have pulled Ennis into a bare trailer as soon as it was unhitched and christened it proper right there on the linoleum.
“Hey, there big, bad Bobby,” Jack said, as he walked into the recently converted garage. “What’s the count?”
Bobby did two more pull-ups and let himself drop into his chair. “I did a googol,” he said, rolling toward the plate of food in Jack’s hand.
“Maybe ya want a change your drawers then,” Jack said, pulling the plate back as Bobby reached for it.
Bobby rolled his eyes. “A googol is ten to the hundredth power, Dad.”
“That right? It sure sounds like somethin’ else,” Jack joked.
“Git the chewin’ gum out a your ears,” Bobby advised, reaching for the plate again. Jack moved it behind his back. Bobby pushed out of the chair and wrapped his arms around his dad, going for the food. Jack slid the plate off onto the tool bench to his left and they wrestled for a few seconds, until Bobby abruptly became self-conscious. Jack felt the change in mood, and didn’t let it go without remark.
“Too big to hug your old man?” he asked lightly as he let Bobby go, and picked up the plate.
“Naw,” Bobby said, too quickly. “I’m just hungry.”
“Here ya go,” Jack handed over the sandwich and potato salad.
“No chips?”
“No chips. I’m tryin’ some diff’rent kinds a potato salad before I decide which one t’ make for the barbecue.”
“You know how gay that sounds, don’t ya?”
Jack grinned. “Well, I am gay, if that’s the name ya settled on for whutever I am.”
“You’re my dad,” Bobby said in the same tone he would have used to say that the sun rose in the east and set in the west.
“I’m tryin’,” Jack said, sitting down on the weight bench. “That’s why I’m gonna tell ya that it hurt me just now when ya pulled away from me. I don’t know how t’ make ya understand how much havin’ your love has come t’ mean to a man that once claimed t’ not want kids. Don’t forgit that ya got permission t’ tell me when I’m doin’ somethin’ that hurts you.”
Bobby swallowed the mouthful of ham sandwich that had turned to plaster in his mouth. He reached for a drink that wasn’t there, and his father went to fetch his water bottle for him. Bobby took a long gulp and wiped his mouth, trying to think of something, anything to tell his dad that wouldn’t touch on the real problem. He’d thought a lot about this while exercising and he could see only one ending to such a conversation. Dad being Dad would feel like he had to make a choice between his son and his… best friend, and Bobby didn’t want that. It was just about the last thing he wanted right now. His family was back together, and all of them were happy for once; the rest of it, he could live with. “I’m sorry, Dad,” he said. “I did kind a have this weird feelin’ for a minute that I was huggin’ a gay guy and I didn’t know whut to do. But you’re not some guy; you’re my dad.” Bobby picked up a forkful of the potato salad. “It does kind a bug me when ya hug me in front a my friends though. Sorry.” Bobby put the potato salad in his mouth. “Oh man, this is great!” he mumbled as he chewed. “Whut’s in this?”
“Ya sure it ain’t too gay?” Bobby laughed and Jack grimaced at the display. “Damn, son, now that’s whut I call gross.”
“Takes one to know one. Can you hang out for a while? I’m takin’ a break.”
“I’m sorry, Bobby. I want a git as much moved in t’ the trailer as I can while it’s light. Want a watch a movie, or somethin’, after supper?”
“Yeah. Sure. That’d be great. Whut’re we havin’?”
“You ain’t even finished lunch and you’re worried ‘bout supper?”
“I am if you’re cookin’ it. Ha! I got ya that time.”
“Well, I’m workin’ on that, too. Lissen, if ya ain’t got no big problems t’ tell me, maybe I can tell ya one a mine.”
“Don’t ya got a move some stuff?”
“Hell, I’ll set a couple a them shop lights up if it gits too dark. County ought a sign off on the new ‘lectric any day and we can hook up to it.”
“Well, all right, whut’s on your mind?”
“Well Doc, it’s like this,” Jack took his cue from Bobby. “I got this special friend, and I want a be with him always. We promised to tell each other the truth, but I ain’t exactly been holdin’ up my end a that bargain. I’m afraid that…”
“Dad,” Bobby interrupted. “Just tell ‘im. Cain’t be no worse than how you’re feelin’ now, if you’re really scared. It’s kind a like that time I spilled a whole bottle a my enamel model paint. I was so scared a whut was gonna happen when Mom saw the rug. And the longer I kept it to myself, the scareder I got, ‘til I was thinkin’ ‘bout it all the time. When I finally ‘fessed up, ya know whut happened?”
“Your mama got a new rug and was happy as a clam ‘bout it.”
“Purty much,” Bobby grinned. “But that ain’t my point.”
“I got your point. I just don’t want Ennis t’ git a new rug.”
“Okay, your time’s up,” Bobby said.
Jack stood. “I really do appreciate how hard ya try to act like all this is normal.”
“Go on. Pay my secretary on the way out. And I’m pickin’ the movie.”
“I’m guessin’ ya asked your mama t’ stop at the video store?”
Bobby grinned. “Ain’t it funny that she don’t like me watchin’ TV, but movies’re okay?”
“I think it’s mostly ‘cause she’s got some say in whut movies ya watch.”
“No kiddin’. She won’t even hear about horror movies. I’m sixteen, not six. I ain’t gonna have nightmares ‘cause I watch “Halloween” before I go to bed.”
“I might. See ya at supper,” Jack said, as he walked to the door. “And Bobby, we talked about you exercisin’ without somebody close by. Don’t want a catch ya doin’ it again.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Bobby said and wished his dad good luck as the door closed. He turned his boombox back up as he finished his lunch, and contemplated doing a few shaky knee bends. But by the time he took the last bite, he knew he’d do as his father asked. This being careful of other people’s feelings stuff was pretty complicated, but Bobby was sure that it would hurt his Dad if he disobeyed him in this. With a sigh, Bobby opened his algebra book.
:::::::::::::::::
“Hold up there, hoss,” Jack called out. “Lemme give ya a hand with that.”
“I got it,” Ennis said, shifting the armchair onto its side. Jack came up as Ennis pushed the top half of the recliner into the trailer. Together, they manhandled the rest of the brown naugahyde-covered beast through the door.
“Whut the hell ya want this ol’ thing in here for?” Jack eyed the La-Z-Boy in the middle of the manufactured home’s color coordinated stock furnishings.
Ennis sat down and pulled the handle on the side. The footrest sprang up as the chair canted backward. Ennis beckoned to Jack. Jack took a step toward him, and then turned to shut the door. In another moment he was sitting athwart Ennis’s thighs, his legs over the arm of the chair and his arms around Ennis’s neck. After a kiss that tested the limits of his lungpower, Jack drew back a little and cowboyed up.
“I gotta tell ya something, pard,” he said. “And I think maybe I ought not t’ be settin’ on your lap when I say it.”
“Why not?”
“Ya might pitch me off onto the floor is why not,” Jack said, getting to his feet, as Ennis tilted the chair upright. “You know ‘bout my trouble with law, and them drug dealers I got mixed up with. Both sets of ‘em, Mexico and Dallas, though I reckon they was connected.”
“I don’t reckon that was anybody’s fault, Jack. I was killin’ myself with the bottle before Junior stepped up and knocked sense in t’ me.”
“It’s more ‘n that. I shacked up with this hustler down in Mexico. His name ain’t important, but I went to ‘im regular.”
“He’s the one got ya involved. I think ya told me this.”
“I’m workin’ up to it,” Jack said. “I was so lonesome without ya that I grabbed hold a just about anythin’ that’d keep me warm at night. I didn’t always look too close, and it was usually dark anyway. I ain’t gonna set here and tell ya ‘bout every man I been with since ya turned me away, not unless ya got some need t’ hear ‘bout it,” he waited for Ennis to shake his head. “But I do got a tell ya ‘bout one of ‘em.”
“All right,” Ennis leaned forward in his chair.
“I was seein’ this deputy sheriff,” Jack said. “But after a while, I seen he was just usin’ me, and I walked away from ‘im. I didn’t have a lot a choices just then, so I called on an old friend, a ranch foreman at the Taylor spread right here in Childress. In fact, he was more than a friend.” Jack paused, as Ennis’s features tightened like a turtle going into its shell. “It ain’t my aim t’ hurt ya, bud,” he said softly. “But ya might run in t’ the guy one day, and I’d rather ya know who he is than not.”
“Me, too,” Ennis said.
“His name’s Randall Malone. Got a purty li’l wife name a LaShawn. Randall was… He was real good to me. I b’lieve he really cared about me; said he did anyway. Offered t’ leave ‘is wife and all. And I walked away from him, too.”
“And ya walked away from that Rally fella.”
“Reckon I got a habit a leavin’, huh? Even Lureen. I left her a long time before she divorced me, but that ain’t whut I want a say to ya. When I left Randall, he told me that was the end, but after I left Cal, the policemen, I was desperate to call Randall up and ask ‘im for a job. The whole time, I was tryin’ t’ decide whut I’d say if he made sex a part a the deal. He shamed me by never even hintin’ ‘til I brought it up.”
“Why would ya do that?”
“Cause I was lonely. I’m a human bein’, Ennis! I cain’t git by with just wrangin’ it out and thinkin’ ‘bout you. I need somebody t’ hold ‘n fall asleep next to.”
“Ya love ‘im?”
“Ya mean, did I love ‘im?” Jack blew out a breath. “If I say no, I’m a slut. If I say yes, I could lose ya.”
Ennis got out of the chair so fast that Jack flinched back, but all Ennis did was kneel in front of Jack. “Ya ain’t gonna lose me. Only way you’ll get rid a me, Jack Twist, is with a bullet. I sure hope that suits ya.”
Jack put his palms against Ennis’s cheeks, framing the face of the one he’d walk through fire for, had walked through fire for. “It suits me,” he said. “Ya ready t’ hear the rest?”
“There’s more?”
Jack opened his arms, and Ennis leaned into him, head on Jack’s chest, hugging him close. “Randall hired me on and didn’t gimme no more slack than he give the other hands. I worked hard and kept t’ myself until someone invited me t’ the poker game in the bunkhouse one night. After I answered ever’body’s questions without gittin’ mad, they decided I wasn’t so bad, and quit ignorin’ me. Friday nights, Randall would show up with a few cases and play a couple a hands, and on one a them nights, me ‘n him got t’ talkin’.”
Ennis heard Jack’s heart beat speed up and figured he knew what was coming next.
“We went outside to have a smoke, like ever’body and his brother wasn’t smokin’ inside. The we went ‘round the back a the buildin’ ‘cause a the wind. Randall had to hold his hands over mine to get the damn cigarette lit, and two seconds later, neither of us gave a damn about havin’ a smoke,” Jack paused. “Both of us was sorry as soon as we was done. Randall had a steady fella over in Whelan that he hadn’t mentioned, and I felt like one a the bastards that’d used me t’ scratch an itch. Didn’t stop us from doin’ it again the next night.”
“Jack,” Ennis looked up. “I know I ain’t got no right t’ be jealous, but… I don’t know if I can hear anymore a this without gittin’ riled up.”
“I just wanted ya t’ know about ‘im ‘cause he’s comin’ to the barbecue.” The look on Ennis’s face made Jack want to explain. “Lureen invited him and his wife. She’s still friends with LaShawn for some reason.”
“I don’t know how I feel ‘bout runnin’ in t’ some guy ya fucked.”
Jack stood up. “Randall ain’t some guy I fucked. Steve, Mingo, Cal, Rally might all just be guys I fucked, but not Randall. He’s the only one that didn’t want anything from me but my company. I didn’t love him like I love you, but he’s a good man, and this ain’t his fault.”
“No, I reckon it ain’t,” Ennis said, rising from his knees. “Still don’t think I want a meet him.”
“So… whut? Ya ain’t comin’ to the barbecue now?”
“That ain’t whut I said.”
Jack threw his hands in the air. “Jesus H, Ennis!” he exclaimed as he headed for the door. “I’m gonna go git some more stuff out a the truck while ya think about this.”
Ennis kicked at the recliner as Jack stomped down the freestanding concrete steps. “Goddamn stubborn sonuvabitch,” Jack muttered, grabbing a cardboard box with the Four Roses label on the side. As he picked it up, the old tape on the bottom gave way and dumped the contents in the bed of the pickup. “Whut the hell is this crap, Ennis, ya packrat,” Jack continued to grouse as he gathered the papers and small objects together. A small triangle of sky blue caught his eye, and he pulled a picture postcard from wrack of personal souvenirs. He knew this scene; he’d bought this card, written on it with such hope, and put it in the mailbox. Setting it aside, Jack began to sift through the pile, finding card after card and adding each to the stack. Leaving everything else as it was, he went back to the trailer. “Ya kept ‘em,” he said simply.
“Couldn’t stand t’ throw ‘em away. Would a been too much like throwin’ you away again.”
“Broke my heart all over again every time ya didn’t answer.”
“Ya know how sorry I am ‘bout that.”
“But ya kept ‘em,” Jack repeated. “Goddamnit, I ain’t gonna cry ‘bout this, but knowin’ ya kept ‘em. Ya really did miss me, didn’t ya?”
“Every day and every night, but I thought I was doin’ whut was best for ever’body.”
“If you’d a just answered one of ‘em. Or if I’d a just picked up the phone, or got in the truck and made ya talk t’ me. But cain’t nuthin’ be done about that now. We just cain’t be that stupid ever again.”
“Nope. C’mere, darlin’.”
Jack sighed. “You are the only man I ever let call me that,” he said as he walked into Ennis’s embrace. “Ya got any idea whut the hell ya do t’ me, boy?”
“Same thing ya do t’ me, I reckon,” Ennis said, pressing his crotch to Jack’s. “I’m ready, if you’re willin’.”
“Ain’t a matter a that so much as whether we got the time.”
“I remember when we had all the time in the world,” Ennis said in Jack’s ear. “Up on Brokeback, I never thought it was gonna end. That’s why I got so mad that day Aguirre told us t’ bring down the sheep. It just hit me so hard. I was countin’ on at least another month, but somethin’ in me believed we’d go on like we was forever.”
“We ought a go back there sometime, maybe,” Jack lips moved against Ennis’s eyelids in the gentlest of kisses.
“Maybe we ought a just remember it like it was,” Ennis tilted his head to capture Jack’s mouth.
“I remember it every time we kiss like that. You ain’t gonna sit out the barbecue, are ya? This is Lureen’s big show. She’s got to where she don’t have t’ care whut folks around here think about her. Hardly any a her business is local anymore, and through some contact a hers she got an interview with a company called Komatsu that don’t even sell farm equipment. She’s talkin’ ‘bout movin’ t’ Dallas.”
“Jack.”
“Whut.”
“If ya promise t’ stop talkin’, I’ll come t’ Lureen’s barbecue.”
Jack chuckled softly. “Ya got a deal,” he said, looking at his watch. “And we got about twenty minutes, if we don’t unload anythin’ else.”
“Won’t hurt them boxes t’ set in the truck one more night. There’s a cover over ‘em.”
Jack shoved hard against Ennis’s sternum and Ennis sat down abruptly in the easy chair. Moving to the side of the recliner, Jack pulled the handle and looked down at his horizontal man. “Well, git them britches down; ain’t gonna happen by itself,” Jack grinned as he worked the buttons of his jeans.
It wasn’t easy, but it was fun, and in about seventeen minutes, the two men had given each other all the pleasure possible in that length of time, and in a La-Z-Boy. The three extra minutes were spent wrapped around one another and wrapped in a languid, floating peace.
“Ya know this barbecue is gonna give Childress somethin’ to talk about for while t’ come,” Jack said. “Everybody’s gonna wonder whut kind a sleepin’ arrangements we got among all a us livin’ here. Lureen says let ‘em talk, and give ‘em somethin’ good t’ talk about.”
“Well, I don’t know ‘bout that…” Ennis began.
“I’m kiddin’,” Jack said, kissing the top of Ennis’s head. “Come on, cowboy. Let’s git cleaned up. Time for supper, and I’m gonna watch a movie with Bobby. Interested?”
“We’ll see,” Ennis said.
“Reckon it depends on the movie, huh?”
“Nope, depends on Bobby.”
Jack nodded, “He’s okay with bein’ gay in principle, but he’s still havin’ a little trouble with it bein’ in ‘is face. It just embarrasses ‘im.”
“Sure enough,” Ennis said.
Bobby was gracious about inviting Ennis to watch Raiders of the Lost Ark. Lureen and Sarah pretended to watch from the dining room while they talked about the disposition of money from the sale of the Twist farm. It hadn’t brought that much, but Lou Mundy knew some investors that had done right by him, and Lureen was explaining the plan they’d drawn up to Sarah. Lureen had seen the movie with Bobby when it first came out, and Sarah was a little scandalized by the use of the Ark of the Covenant in a Hollywood production that didn’t star Charlton Heston. Lureen was good at explaining, Sarah was a quick study, and the little meeting was lightened by many digressions that had nothing to do with percentages. From time to time, they glanced over at the other room, but their eyes went to the three watching the film. Bobby sprawled sideways in a corner of the big couch, his feet up on the cushions. Jack and Ennis sat side by side at the other end, thighs touching, as engrossed as Bobby in the adventure on the screen.
“You know somethin’, Sarah,” Lureen said. “This might not be some people’s idea of a fam’ly, but right now, it sure feels like one to me.”
tbc
A Brokeback Mountain movie canon a/u diverging at the time of Ennis’s divorce.
Rated: NC17 just to be safe.
Warning: m/m sexual situations
Disclaimer: I borrow these characters from Annie Proulx and the actors that embodied them on screen.
My deepest thanks to Jean.
::::::::::::::::::::::
People are talkin, talking ’bout people
I hear them whisper, you won’t believe it
They think we’re lovers kept under covers
I just ignore it, but they keep saying
We laugh just a little too loud
We stand just a little too close
We stare just a little too long
Maybe they’re seeing, something we don’t, darlin’
Let’s give them something to talk about
Let’s give them something to talk about
Let’s give them something to talk about
How about love?
Bonnie Raitt, “Something to Talk About”
:::::::::::::::::::
“Whut?” Jack looked up from making Bobby’s lunch.
“I said won’t it be nice to see LaShawn and Randall again? I swear, Jack. Men don’t never listen to a word women say.”
“Sorry,” Jack pushed aside the turmoil caused by her words, cut the sandwich in half and put it on a plate. “Yeah. I ain’t seen them in a month a Sundays. I’m gonna take Bobby a snack. See ya later,” he said, kissing the air near the top of her head as he left the kitchen.
Though Ennis and Jack’s brand spankin’ new double-wide trailer home had arrived that morning, mostly furnished, and been settled in place, the household goods had yet to be moved in. Lureen hadn’t made Jack or Ennis feel uncomfortable in the big house, but Jack was eager to be with Ennis in a place of their own. It had been his heart’s wish for so long that he was almost afraid for it to come true. What if it wasn’t what he’d built up in his head for all these years? What if he’d become so used to the longing that he missed, in the perverse way he missed the pain of a toothache after it was gone? Just having these thoughts made Jack uneasy; ten years ago, he would have pulled Ennis into a bare trailer as soon as it was unhitched and christened it proper right there on the linoleum.
“Hey, there big, bad Bobby,” Jack said, as he walked into the recently converted garage. “What’s the count?”
Bobby did two more pull-ups and let himself drop into his chair. “I did a googol,” he said, rolling toward the plate of food in Jack’s hand.
“Maybe ya want a change your drawers then,” Jack said, pulling the plate back as Bobby reached for it.
Bobby rolled his eyes. “A googol is ten to the hundredth power, Dad.”
“That right? It sure sounds like somethin’ else,” Jack joked.
“Git the chewin’ gum out a your ears,” Bobby advised, reaching for the plate again. Jack moved it behind his back. Bobby pushed out of the chair and wrapped his arms around his dad, going for the food. Jack slid the plate off onto the tool bench to his left and they wrestled for a few seconds, until Bobby abruptly became self-conscious. Jack felt the change in mood, and didn’t let it go without remark.
“Too big to hug your old man?” he asked lightly as he let Bobby go, and picked up the plate.
“Naw,” Bobby said, too quickly. “I’m just hungry.”
“Here ya go,” Jack handed over the sandwich and potato salad.
“No chips?”
“No chips. I’m tryin’ some diff’rent kinds a potato salad before I decide which one t’ make for the barbecue.”
“You know how gay that sounds, don’t ya?”
Jack grinned. “Well, I am gay, if that’s the name ya settled on for whutever I am.”
“You’re my dad,” Bobby said in the same tone he would have used to say that the sun rose in the east and set in the west.
“I’m tryin’,” Jack said, sitting down on the weight bench. “That’s why I’m gonna tell ya that it hurt me just now when ya pulled away from me. I don’t know how t’ make ya understand how much havin’ your love has come t’ mean to a man that once claimed t’ not want kids. Don’t forgit that ya got permission t’ tell me when I’m doin’ somethin’ that hurts you.”
Bobby swallowed the mouthful of ham sandwich that had turned to plaster in his mouth. He reached for a drink that wasn’t there, and his father went to fetch his water bottle for him. Bobby took a long gulp and wiped his mouth, trying to think of something, anything to tell his dad that wouldn’t touch on the real problem. He’d thought a lot about this while exercising and he could see only one ending to such a conversation. Dad being Dad would feel like he had to make a choice between his son and his… best friend, and Bobby didn’t want that. It was just about the last thing he wanted right now. His family was back together, and all of them were happy for once; the rest of it, he could live with. “I’m sorry, Dad,” he said. “I did kind a have this weird feelin’ for a minute that I was huggin’ a gay guy and I didn’t know whut to do. But you’re not some guy; you’re my dad.” Bobby picked up a forkful of the potato salad. “It does kind a bug me when ya hug me in front a my friends though. Sorry.” Bobby put the potato salad in his mouth. “Oh man, this is great!” he mumbled as he chewed. “Whut’s in this?”
“Ya sure it ain’t too gay?” Bobby laughed and Jack grimaced at the display. “Damn, son, now that’s whut I call gross.”
“Takes one to know one. Can you hang out for a while? I’m takin’ a break.”
“I’m sorry, Bobby. I want a git as much moved in t’ the trailer as I can while it’s light. Want a watch a movie, or somethin’, after supper?”
“Yeah. Sure. That’d be great. Whut’re we havin’?”
“You ain’t even finished lunch and you’re worried ‘bout supper?”
“I am if you’re cookin’ it. Ha! I got ya that time.”
“Well, I’m workin’ on that, too. Lissen, if ya ain’t got no big problems t’ tell me, maybe I can tell ya one a mine.”
“Don’t ya got a move some stuff?”
“Hell, I’ll set a couple a them shop lights up if it gits too dark. County ought a sign off on the new ‘lectric any day and we can hook up to it.”
“Well, all right, whut’s on your mind?”
“Well Doc, it’s like this,” Jack took his cue from Bobby. “I got this special friend, and I want a be with him always. We promised to tell each other the truth, but I ain’t exactly been holdin’ up my end a that bargain. I’m afraid that…”
“Dad,” Bobby interrupted. “Just tell ‘im. Cain’t be no worse than how you’re feelin’ now, if you’re really scared. It’s kind a like that time I spilled a whole bottle a my enamel model paint. I was so scared a whut was gonna happen when Mom saw the rug. And the longer I kept it to myself, the scareder I got, ‘til I was thinkin’ ‘bout it all the time. When I finally ‘fessed up, ya know whut happened?”
“Your mama got a new rug and was happy as a clam ‘bout it.”
“Purty much,” Bobby grinned. “But that ain’t my point.”
“I got your point. I just don’t want Ennis t’ git a new rug.”
“Okay, your time’s up,” Bobby said.
Jack stood. “I really do appreciate how hard ya try to act like all this is normal.”
“Go on. Pay my secretary on the way out. And I’m pickin’ the movie.”
“I’m guessin’ ya asked your mama t’ stop at the video store?”
Bobby grinned. “Ain’t it funny that she don’t like me watchin’ TV, but movies’re okay?”
“I think it’s mostly ‘cause she’s got some say in whut movies ya watch.”
“No kiddin’. She won’t even hear about horror movies. I’m sixteen, not six. I ain’t gonna have nightmares ‘cause I watch “Halloween” before I go to bed.”
“I might. See ya at supper,” Jack said, as he walked to the door. “And Bobby, we talked about you exercisin’ without somebody close by. Don’t want a catch ya doin’ it again.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Bobby said and wished his dad good luck as the door closed. He turned his boombox back up as he finished his lunch, and contemplated doing a few shaky knee bends. But by the time he took the last bite, he knew he’d do as his father asked. This being careful of other people’s feelings stuff was pretty complicated, but Bobby was sure that it would hurt his Dad if he disobeyed him in this. With a sigh, Bobby opened his algebra book.
:::::::::::::::::
“Hold up there, hoss,” Jack called out. “Lemme give ya a hand with that.”
“I got it,” Ennis said, shifting the armchair onto its side. Jack came up as Ennis pushed the top half of the recliner into the trailer. Together, they manhandled the rest of the brown naugahyde-covered beast through the door.
“Whut the hell ya want this ol’ thing in here for?” Jack eyed the La-Z-Boy in the middle of the manufactured home’s color coordinated stock furnishings.
Ennis sat down and pulled the handle on the side. The footrest sprang up as the chair canted backward. Ennis beckoned to Jack. Jack took a step toward him, and then turned to shut the door. In another moment he was sitting athwart Ennis’s thighs, his legs over the arm of the chair and his arms around Ennis’s neck. After a kiss that tested the limits of his lungpower, Jack drew back a little and cowboyed up.
“I gotta tell ya something, pard,” he said. “And I think maybe I ought not t’ be settin’ on your lap when I say it.”
“Why not?”
“Ya might pitch me off onto the floor is why not,” Jack said, getting to his feet, as Ennis tilted the chair upright. “You know ‘bout my trouble with law, and them drug dealers I got mixed up with. Both sets of ‘em, Mexico and Dallas, though I reckon they was connected.”
“I don’t reckon that was anybody’s fault, Jack. I was killin’ myself with the bottle before Junior stepped up and knocked sense in t’ me.”
“It’s more ‘n that. I shacked up with this hustler down in Mexico. His name ain’t important, but I went to ‘im regular.”
“He’s the one got ya involved. I think ya told me this.”
“I’m workin’ up to it,” Jack said. “I was so lonesome without ya that I grabbed hold a just about anythin’ that’d keep me warm at night. I didn’t always look too close, and it was usually dark anyway. I ain’t gonna set here and tell ya ‘bout every man I been with since ya turned me away, not unless ya got some need t’ hear ‘bout it,” he waited for Ennis to shake his head. “But I do got a tell ya ‘bout one of ‘em.”
“All right,” Ennis leaned forward in his chair.
“I was seein’ this deputy sheriff,” Jack said. “But after a while, I seen he was just usin’ me, and I walked away from ‘im. I didn’t have a lot a choices just then, so I called on an old friend, a ranch foreman at the Taylor spread right here in Childress. In fact, he was more than a friend.” Jack paused, as Ennis’s features tightened like a turtle going into its shell. “It ain’t my aim t’ hurt ya, bud,” he said softly. “But ya might run in t’ the guy one day, and I’d rather ya know who he is than not.”
“Me, too,” Ennis said.
“His name’s Randall Malone. Got a purty li’l wife name a LaShawn. Randall was… He was real good to me. I b’lieve he really cared about me; said he did anyway. Offered t’ leave ‘is wife and all. And I walked away from him, too.”
“And ya walked away from that Rally fella.”
“Reckon I got a habit a leavin’, huh? Even Lureen. I left her a long time before she divorced me, but that ain’t whut I want a say to ya. When I left Randall, he told me that was the end, but after I left Cal, the policemen, I was desperate to call Randall up and ask ‘im for a job. The whole time, I was tryin’ t’ decide whut I’d say if he made sex a part a the deal. He shamed me by never even hintin’ ‘til I brought it up.”
“Why would ya do that?”
“Cause I was lonely. I’m a human bein’, Ennis! I cain’t git by with just wrangin’ it out and thinkin’ ‘bout you. I need somebody t’ hold ‘n fall asleep next to.”
“Ya love ‘im?”
“Ya mean, did I love ‘im?” Jack blew out a breath. “If I say no, I’m a slut. If I say yes, I could lose ya.”
Ennis got out of the chair so fast that Jack flinched back, but all Ennis did was kneel in front of Jack. “Ya ain’t gonna lose me. Only way you’ll get rid a me, Jack Twist, is with a bullet. I sure hope that suits ya.”
Jack put his palms against Ennis’s cheeks, framing the face of the one he’d walk through fire for, had walked through fire for. “It suits me,” he said. “Ya ready t’ hear the rest?”
“There’s more?”
Jack opened his arms, and Ennis leaned into him, head on Jack’s chest, hugging him close. “Randall hired me on and didn’t gimme no more slack than he give the other hands. I worked hard and kept t’ myself until someone invited me t’ the poker game in the bunkhouse one night. After I answered ever’body’s questions without gittin’ mad, they decided I wasn’t so bad, and quit ignorin’ me. Friday nights, Randall would show up with a few cases and play a couple a hands, and on one a them nights, me ‘n him got t’ talkin’.”
Ennis heard Jack’s heart beat speed up and figured he knew what was coming next.
“We went outside to have a smoke, like ever’body and his brother wasn’t smokin’ inside. The we went ‘round the back a the buildin’ ‘cause a the wind. Randall had to hold his hands over mine to get the damn cigarette lit, and two seconds later, neither of us gave a damn about havin’ a smoke,” Jack paused. “Both of us was sorry as soon as we was done. Randall had a steady fella over in Whelan that he hadn’t mentioned, and I felt like one a the bastards that’d used me t’ scratch an itch. Didn’t stop us from doin’ it again the next night.”
“Jack,” Ennis looked up. “I know I ain’t got no right t’ be jealous, but… I don’t know if I can hear anymore a this without gittin’ riled up.”
“I just wanted ya t’ know about ‘im ‘cause he’s comin’ to the barbecue.” The look on Ennis’s face made Jack want to explain. “Lureen invited him and his wife. She’s still friends with LaShawn for some reason.”
“I don’t know how I feel ‘bout runnin’ in t’ some guy ya fucked.”
Jack stood up. “Randall ain’t some guy I fucked. Steve, Mingo, Cal, Rally might all just be guys I fucked, but not Randall. He’s the only one that didn’t want anything from me but my company. I didn’t love him like I love you, but he’s a good man, and this ain’t his fault.”
“No, I reckon it ain’t,” Ennis said, rising from his knees. “Still don’t think I want a meet him.”
“So… whut? Ya ain’t comin’ to the barbecue now?”
“That ain’t whut I said.”
Jack threw his hands in the air. “Jesus H, Ennis!” he exclaimed as he headed for the door. “I’m gonna go git some more stuff out a the truck while ya think about this.”
Ennis kicked at the recliner as Jack stomped down the freestanding concrete steps. “Goddamn stubborn sonuvabitch,” Jack muttered, grabbing a cardboard box with the Four Roses label on the side. As he picked it up, the old tape on the bottom gave way and dumped the contents in the bed of the pickup. “Whut the hell is this crap, Ennis, ya packrat,” Jack continued to grouse as he gathered the papers and small objects together. A small triangle of sky blue caught his eye, and he pulled a picture postcard from wrack of personal souvenirs. He knew this scene; he’d bought this card, written on it with such hope, and put it in the mailbox. Setting it aside, Jack began to sift through the pile, finding card after card and adding each to the stack. Leaving everything else as it was, he went back to the trailer. “Ya kept ‘em,” he said simply.
“Couldn’t stand t’ throw ‘em away. Would a been too much like throwin’ you away again.”
“Broke my heart all over again every time ya didn’t answer.”
“Ya know how sorry I am ‘bout that.”
“But ya kept ‘em,” Jack repeated. “Goddamnit, I ain’t gonna cry ‘bout this, but knowin’ ya kept ‘em. Ya really did miss me, didn’t ya?”
“Every day and every night, but I thought I was doin’ whut was best for ever’body.”
“If you’d a just answered one of ‘em. Or if I’d a just picked up the phone, or got in the truck and made ya talk t’ me. But cain’t nuthin’ be done about that now. We just cain’t be that stupid ever again.”
“Nope. C’mere, darlin’.”
Jack sighed. “You are the only man I ever let call me that,” he said as he walked into Ennis’s embrace. “Ya got any idea whut the hell ya do t’ me, boy?”
“Same thing ya do t’ me, I reckon,” Ennis said, pressing his crotch to Jack’s. “I’m ready, if you’re willin’.”
“Ain’t a matter a that so much as whether we got the time.”
“I remember when we had all the time in the world,” Ennis said in Jack’s ear. “Up on Brokeback, I never thought it was gonna end. That’s why I got so mad that day Aguirre told us t’ bring down the sheep. It just hit me so hard. I was countin’ on at least another month, but somethin’ in me believed we’d go on like we was forever.”
“We ought a go back there sometime, maybe,” Jack lips moved against Ennis’s eyelids in the gentlest of kisses.
“Maybe we ought a just remember it like it was,” Ennis tilted his head to capture Jack’s mouth.
“I remember it every time we kiss like that. You ain’t gonna sit out the barbecue, are ya? This is Lureen’s big show. She’s got to where she don’t have t’ care whut folks around here think about her. Hardly any a her business is local anymore, and through some contact a hers she got an interview with a company called Komatsu that don’t even sell farm equipment. She’s talkin’ ‘bout movin’ t’ Dallas.”
“Jack.”
“Whut.”
“If ya promise t’ stop talkin’, I’ll come t’ Lureen’s barbecue.”
Jack chuckled softly. “Ya got a deal,” he said, looking at his watch. “And we got about twenty minutes, if we don’t unload anythin’ else.”
“Won’t hurt them boxes t’ set in the truck one more night. There’s a cover over ‘em.”
Jack shoved hard against Ennis’s sternum and Ennis sat down abruptly in the easy chair. Moving to the side of the recliner, Jack pulled the handle and looked down at his horizontal man. “Well, git them britches down; ain’t gonna happen by itself,” Jack grinned as he worked the buttons of his jeans.
It wasn’t easy, but it was fun, and in about seventeen minutes, the two men had given each other all the pleasure possible in that length of time, and in a La-Z-Boy. The three extra minutes were spent wrapped around one another and wrapped in a languid, floating peace.
“Ya know this barbecue is gonna give Childress somethin’ to talk about for while t’ come,” Jack said. “Everybody’s gonna wonder whut kind a sleepin’ arrangements we got among all a us livin’ here. Lureen says let ‘em talk, and give ‘em somethin’ good t’ talk about.”
“Well, I don’t know ‘bout that…” Ennis began.
“I’m kiddin’,” Jack said, kissing the top of Ennis’s head. “Come on, cowboy. Let’s git cleaned up. Time for supper, and I’m gonna watch a movie with Bobby. Interested?”
“We’ll see,” Ennis said.
“Reckon it depends on the movie, huh?”
“Nope, depends on Bobby.”
Jack nodded, “He’s okay with bein’ gay in principle, but he’s still havin’ a little trouble with it bein’ in ‘is face. It just embarrasses ‘im.”
“Sure enough,” Ennis said.
Bobby was gracious about inviting Ennis to watch Raiders of the Lost Ark. Lureen and Sarah pretended to watch from the dining room while they talked about the disposition of money from the sale of the Twist farm. It hadn’t brought that much, but Lou Mundy knew some investors that had done right by him, and Lureen was explaining the plan they’d drawn up to Sarah. Lureen had seen the movie with Bobby when it first came out, and Sarah was a little scandalized by the use of the Ark of the Covenant in a Hollywood production that didn’t star Charlton Heston. Lureen was good at explaining, Sarah was a quick study, and the little meeting was lightened by many digressions that had nothing to do with percentages. From time to time, they glanced over at the other room, but their eyes went to the three watching the film. Bobby sprawled sideways in a corner of the big couch, his feet up on the cushions. Jack and Ennis sat side by side at the other end, thighs touching, as engrossed as Bobby in the adventure on the screen.
“You know somethin’, Sarah,” Lureen said. “This might not be some people’s idea of a fam’ly, but right now, it sure feels like one to me.”
tbc