*in love*
haha i felt the urge to update again...i'll probly write suttin tomorow too lol. aaanyways, yesterday was freakin amazing...and today was good too. honestly any day i spend with romoney is great. it makes long ass days like ive had lately go more quickly. i got 6 credit apps today, which means i get some sort of prize or something for it. that makes 30 for the month! im still beating adam and am still in the lead altho shawn is close behind haha. hes a really cool kid. he jus broke up w/the gf and i feel kinda bad. hes a really close friend now. him and carolyn at work. theyre awesome. anyways lol i still got the rest of the month tho, so we'll see. aanyways, today was pretty stupid for break cuz i was workin in the infants dept for a while cuz there was 5 ppl where 4 registers are, so i dint get told to go for break until around quarter of 3. so i leave and set my cell alarm so i'll be back on time, right? well i get back a half hr later at 315, and marys like ur late. im like what? no im not...shes like yeah u were sposta be back at 3. ok so yeah thats definitely 15 mins. u cant clock back in unless uve been gone 30. so im like whatever. then i wakl upstairs and danielle is like where have you been? i was like on my break i clocked in at quarter of cuz i wasnt told to go until late. i was on the floor doin stuff. oh man i was so pissed. so then im like whatever, but i had a 15 min break at 530. so im like danielle can i go? and shes like so are u guna MAKE it 15 this time? all snotty. im like look danielle ima set my alarm right here in front of u and ill be back up here before it rings ok? so i did and went down for break with romoney. i went up extra early so that it would ring right on the spot i nher face, and she wasnt even there. she went back downstairs so she couldnt hear it. argh!!! luciana was right. she thinks the managers are really stupid. in many ways yes i agree. luch is the bomb, tho. worta haha. romoney taught her some gangsta slang, like word or word up. shes so cute when she says it. oh and she is definitely a goddess cuz i gave her a whole pile of stuff that was a gift from this lady customer and none of it had tags, and she went out and found ALL of it!!! and got it so i could put tags on it. how crazy is that? all the infant shit is all mixed in too, its impossible to find aaanything. that woman is definitely amazing, and really cool to talk to. shes one of my fave ppl i work with, except romoney but thats a different story cuz i'm definitely in love with him. today i guess was pretty crazy too. whenever he has his arms around me i feel safe, and like it honestly just feels right. i get this crazy feeling whenever he holds me. on our break today i totalyl jus drooled in front of him, and while yes he did laugh like crazy at me, i really dint care. i nkow no matter what dumbass thing i do hes still guna love me. i did laugh my ass off too, cuz i mean, who jus sits there and drools lol. oh wait, that be me. lol then i was lookin on the floor somewhere past romoney and there was a dime on the floor, and i was randomly like, is that a dime? and romoney was just like wtf?!?!?! and i went over to it and sure enought it was a dime (it was kinda far away i hadda walk a ways to pick it up lol) and he jsut busted out laughing at me cuz i went and picked up a dime off the floor lol. so now he keeps teasin me goin, 'is that a dime'? lol. it was great tho. then for the last 10 or w/e mins of break he jus kinda sat there w/his arms around me and kissed me neck, (sorry if you dint wanna know this but yeah it is a journal and i dnot hand write anything anymore really) and it gave me these weird ass chills kinda like electricity runnin thru me. idk not really a horny feeling or anything just like, wow, it feels so incredibly good to know that someone cares taht mcuh about me and is really in love with me. it makes me crazy happy whenever i'm around him or whatever. no matter what he always puts a huge smile on my face. i love when my hair falls down in front of my face and he pushes it outa the way jus to kiss me. he i think is the greatest thing thats happened to me. we were talkin abt this earlier and he asked me if there was anyone that's been as good of a bf to me as he is, and honestly there really isnt. tonight i talked to him for like 2 hrs maybe more on the phone, and thats something i havent done since i was 14. it makes me feel kinda crazy. we just talked abt nothing really for 2 hrs. jus the randomest shit. he knows pretty much everything about me. all my secrets lol. i love how im not afraid to tell him anything, whatever comes to mind i can just tell him and not worry about it. he got quite an earful tonight on the phone lol. i guess i told him some stuff i dont tell anyone. i hope hes proud of that lol cuz thats the most special thing really i think jus being able to trust someone like that. i know its guna be mad hard if i get accepted to the naval academy and really decide to go there. but i think we can make it thru. theres probly guna be nights i sit in the shower with the night light on so the detailers wont see the light(cuz itll probly be past curfew) and be writing him letters. (each room has its own shower...but the toilets are communal..haha go figure) im really glad hes got faith in me to do whatever i want cuz no matter what he'll be by my side. i know goin to the academy im guna need a lot of support so i dont get all depressed or somethin and wanna quit. i asked him too if he thinks he'd meet anyone to replace me, and he was like are you kidding janine i'm in love with you and ive never been so sure of anything in my life. i honestly cant describe in words how happy that made me. to know that someone so amazing cares about me like that. i really want this to last forever. no one has made me this happy ever. i love all the stupid little things he does. when he winks at me it feels like the world stops, and he gets this crazy look on his face that jus radiates 'i love you' lol. i always thought love would be about finding that special person, and it being perfect. like for those of u who've read my disney essay that i posed up on here a while ago. but with him he's opened my eyes a little bit. i think i might write a revised version of that essay from a different point of view. a little more seriosu than sarcastic abt the world n stuff and peoples version of 'perfect' but i guess love is more really about finding one person, and even though you know theyre not perfect, you see them as such no matter what. i got that goin on with him. these past few weeks, though i was being a dumbass at first, seem like a dream to me. i wanna stop for a second and be like, wait, is this real? i mean i know that it is it just seems so hard to believe sometimes. im sure a lot of people think im absolutely outa my mind. i guess in some respects i might be, but i know what im feelin regardless abt what other people that just dont get it might think. im not really used to people seeing things my way in the first place, so it doesnt bother me. im really happy and thats what matters, right? this is his last week home, though. hes goin to visit his mom monday before he heads off to school, but he is comin back for my bday next thursday. i think im definitely guna be living for those weekend visits and whatnot. idk..he jus..fits into my vision for the future i guess. i really like that, and like him now, ive never been so sure of anything in my life either. now the challenge is to tell my mom. i feel like i cant tell her anything. romoney wants me to work on it, but i just, my parents never show affection or anything. i dont feel like there is love there. i dont wanna be like that when i get older. i wanna be like those couples you see at disney that give eachother a kiss and whisper i love you while their kids are nearby goin on some ride or something. you know what i mean? i kinda i guess invision me and romoney like that sometimes. i just dont think with my fam the way it is i could tell my mom that i care about someone as much as i do. i cant tell her anything like i said, anyways. its like people that tell their mom or w/e theyre having sex. (lol tricia...) i dont think i could ever do that. i guess im kinda worried abt telling my mom this. i honestly think she wont understand. actually i kinda invision her getting mad at me or something. i promised my baby i'd work on it tho, so i guess i have to. i cant believe ive written this much, but i guess i hada lot of things on my mind. im in love what can i say? :-d