(no subject)

May 30, 2004 00:09

on thursday we (we being the senior class of langley high school) went to hershey park. while i did not recognize a good portion of people on my bus or hadn't realized they were in my grade, i expected that. i was more suprised by the fact that i not only recognized, but knew an even bigger portion. i was even more surprised to find myself in a great group of people. i rag on langley, a lot. and i still maintain that a lot of that bitching is justified. but you know, that's a part of me. i had fun. yeah, that's right, i'll admit it, i had fun. i like that girly, rich bitch, cookie cutter part of me. im glad its not all that i am, but its a relief sometimes to let it out. on friday we had a senior lunch and we got our yearbooks. another surprise: i'm in it. i managed to get myself on two pages other than my class picture. i guess i just never thought of myself as any significant part of the school. then i flipped to the senior pages which are compiled by the parents. i love mine, it's a nice thing to have in a yearbook. im in lauren's and ali's too. it's weird to think of yourself as being part of someone's life. you know, you grow up thinking the world revolves around you, then you realize it doesn't, but you don't completely accept it. you think people are part of your life, that's their role, but you're part of others' lives too. i don't know how much sense that makes, it's hard to articulate the humility. yet another surprise: i miss ali. i'm always taken aback on the rare occasion i'm with her when we laugh at the same things or have the same thoughts. we grew up together. 10 years with someone attaches you to them, like it or not. and i do miss her. i think i understand her more now, i have more empathy.

i want to get away. i want a new world. but i have just been able to admit to myself that i don't want to forget this life i have right now or the life i've had before today. what a simple thing to realize. what a long time it took me to get over myself and admit it.
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