Oh, the Virtual-Gone-Wild Drama!
So, I've been back home from CO for er...wow. Not quite a week. I could swear it's been longer. :P I've had stomach issues since the night I got in, and no clue why. If, after a couple more days of eating all things bland and uninteresting (and especially without tomato or chocolate or carbonic acid), I'll turn to the pharmacy. If OTC stuff doesn't help, I'll have to go to the doctor. Bleh!
I filled out financial aid forms over the weekend, which depressed me by reminding me just how much money we don't have. But it also makes me feel as if I'm moving forward. I think we've finally decided that Full Sail is out (can't spend another 2 years here; even if the allergies get better, my body now associates it with depression and large amounts of anxiety, so even when I feel okay I'm only waiting to feel crappy again). So I'm looking at all the schools I've previously attended (given that I'm a readmit with a likelier chance of acceptance). I think we ruled out UNM because I won't have a car. So that leaves CSU (as a last resort...I don't really want to go full circle to see how far I haven't come, thanks very much) and Metro in that category, and Boulder and UNC as other options. Beth said (at least half-jokingly, I'm sure) that I could sleep on her couch in her new apartment if I wanted. Amanda's boyfriend's parents own a house in Boulder which she said she could try to weasel away as a "student house" for all of us, since the boyfriend is moving up there to go to school. I might kill her in the process, but so might he. I actually like this one a lot...possibly because he's kinda like the more ambitious male version of me. I wouldn't need a car either way, nor if I went to Metro. I'd only have to live near a light rail station to get to Metro (huzzah the city planners who designed that brilliant idea! I would've done better had I not feared for my life every day I drove to campus). I would prefer to start in August, of course, but I doubt most of them have application windows still open. I suppose I should look that up, huh?
So I guess that makes it sorta official. I am moving. Which means Jeremy and I will be separated while he finishes school. In some ways, I think it'll actually be good for him. He's not allowed to do what's best for school while I'm here, since I'm stuck at home all day with nothing else to do. If I'm not here, he won't have to worry about making me happy by showing up for meals or constantly calling to update me, or any schedule conflicts with others. I don't know about normal schools, but I can tell you tech schools are freaking hard while married. The top scheduling issues they've had while attempting to film things crop up for the marrieds, while the singles just go along with whatever. And there are a lot of issues. I think he'll actually get more made if I'm not here. The reason I'm going is to feel better, and be able to take care of my health issues, of course. But I do really think it will be better for his career and our future if he has more room to work now (which would have been solved ages ago if I'd ever been able to get a job, but no...stupid Florida).
The current state of emotions here was only made worse by Jeremy's brother, too. We've all been playing Final Fantasy XI since...er...April? I think. We finally had a group that could kick butt together. Jeremy got to interact with his brother and I had people I knew I could hang out with (even if virtually) as a comfort and something to look forward to. As far as long-distance hang-outs go, it was lovely. We were finally all to the point where we should be able to kill the *(&#(*&$(&$ dragon I've been trying to slay since we turned it off a year ago. And then Friday night, his brother said he would be on Saturday to play with us. Saturday rolls around, he doesn't show. So Jeremy calls. The next thing I know, Jeremy's having a shouting match with the phone. I have never seen him that angry. Ever. It was clear his brother had decided not to play anymore, randomly, out of the blue. Worse yet, he didn't see any reason Jeremy had a right to feel angry with him, or that he had any reason to apologize. At the end of the night, after an hour or two of Jeremy trying to get him to give a logical, understandable reason, his brother hung up and turned off his phone. This led to Jeremy freaking out that his brother, a highly emotional person, would do something stupid, like get in a car to go for a drive on a dark Wyoming road while crying too hard to see. So he called his parents, thinking that his brother just wasn't answering when *he* called. They ended up calling a friend near them in CA to get the number for the pastor of the church Micah works for, and asking him to find Micah. He spent who knows how long driving around the admittedly small town in search of him. Jeremy gave him space for a couple days, and he finally called last night. Still didn't apologize. Still didn't understand why Jeremy was so upset (and he didn't just decided not to play anymore, he deleted his character and dumped the game completely without talking to Jeremy about it, and it is the one thing they could do together). Somehow heard "I hate you" when Jeremy said, "Just so you know, I'm taking it personally and I'm mad at you." He also made it difficult for the friend of his who played with us to want to play anymore, destroyed half the fun of the game by tainting it with negative crap. And right after Derek bought the game. Jeremy is now more hurt than anything. But me, I'm still pissed and flabberghasted. I'm not the most religious person out there, I'm sure we'll all agree. So when someone tells me video games don't bring them closer to God so they're not playing anymore, I get a little confused. I can accept that as a personal choice, though. But when they say, "I can't play because God doesn't like it, and he won't let me enjoy it anymore," I get really, really confused. When they then turn to their friends and family and say, "If you want to keep playing, that's a choice you'll have to make," I get pissed. Because what friend isn't going to feel guilty? And my brain just totally shuts down when they follow it up with, "You can't be mad at me because it's God's decision." Denying one's responsibility in life steams my clams under normal circumstances; when people bring God into it so they don't have to own up, that totally and utterly alters my opinion of them. It's been a fun couple of days, let me tell you.
Argh.
So...yeah. There's more to that story, but it IS personal, so I won't blab it all over LJ.
Today, we're going to Disney. Likely it'll be hot and humid, and then beautiful and rainy, and then humid all over again. And BUSY. But that's okay. I want out. I want sun that isn't going to burn on contact. Woohoo! :D
I filled out financial aid forms over the weekend, which depressed me by reminding me just how much money we don't have. But it also makes me feel as if I'm moving forward. I think we've finally decided that Full Sail is out (can't spend another 2 years here; even if the allergies get better, my body now associates it with depression and large amounts of anxiety, so even when I feel okay I'm only waiting to feel crappy again). So I'm looking at all the schools I've previously attended (given that I'm a readmit with a likelier chance of acceptance). I think we ruled out UNM because I won't have a car. So that leaves CSU (as a last resort...I don't really want to go full circle to see how far I haven't come, thanks very much) and Metro in that category, and Boulder and UNC as other options. Beth said (at least half-jokingly, I'm sure) that I could sleep on her couch in her new apartment if I wanted. Amanda's boyfriend's parents own a house in Boulder which she said she could try to weasel away as a "student house" for all of us, since the boyfriend is moving up there to go to school. I might kill her in the process, but so might he. I actually like this one a lot...possibly because he's kinda like the more ambitious male version of me. I wouldn't need a car either way, nor if I went to Metro. I'd only have to live near a light rail station to get to Metro (huzzah the city planners who designed that brilliant idea! I would've done better had I not feared for my life every day I drove to campus). I would prefer to start in August, of course, but I doubt most of them have application windows still open. I suppose I should look that up, huh?
So I guess that makes it sorta official. I am moving. Which means Jeremy and I will be separated while he finishes school. In some ways, I think it'll actually be good for him. He's not allowed to do what's best for school while I'm here, since I'm stuck at home all day with nothing else to do. If I'm not here, he won't have to worry about making me happy by showing up for meals or constantly calling to update me, or any schedule conflicts with others. I don't know about normal schools, but I can tell you tech schools are freaking hard while married. The top scheduling issues they've had while attempting to film things crop up for the marrieds, while the singles just go along with whatever. And there are a lot of issues. I think he'll actually get more made if I'm not here. The reason I'm going is to feel better, and be able to take care of my health issues, of course. But I do really think it will be better for his career and our future if he has more room to work now (which would have been solved ages ago if I'd ever been able to get a job, but no...stupid Florida).
The current state of emotions here was only made worse by Jeremy's brother, too. We've all been playing Final Fantasy XI since...er...April? I think. We finally had a group that could kick butt together. Jeremy got to interact with his brother and I had people I knew I could hang out with (even if virtually) as a comfort and something to look forward to. As far as long-distance hang-outs go, it was lovely. We were finally all to the point where we should be able to kill the *(&#(*&$(&$ dragon I've been trying to slay since we turned it off a year ago. And then Friday night, his brother said he would be on Saturday to play with us. Saturday rolls around, he doesn't show. So Jeremy calls. The next thing I know, Jeremy's having a shouting match with the phone. I have never seen him that angry. Ever. It was clear his brother had decided not to play anymore, randomly, out of the blue. Worse yet, he didn't see any reason Jeremy had a right to feel angry with him, or that he had any reason to apologize. At the end of the night, after an hour or two of Jeremy trying to get him to give a logical, understandable reason, his brother hung up and turned off his phone. This led to Jeremy freaking out that his brother, a highly emotional person, would do something stupid, like get in a car to go for a drive on a dark Wyoming road while crying too hard to see. So he called his parents, thinking that his brother just wasn't answering when *he* called. They ended up calling a friend near them in CA to get the number for the pastor of the church Micah works for, and asking him to find Micah. He spent who knows how long driving around the admittedly small town in search of him. Jeremy gave him space for a couple days, and he finally called last night. Still didn't apologize. Still didn't understand why Jeremy was so upset (and he didn't just decided not to play anymore, he deleted his character and dumped the game completely without talking to Jeremy about it, and it is the one thing they could do together). Somehow heard "I hate you" when Jeremy said, "Just so you know, I'm taking it personally and I'm mad at you." He also made it difficult for the friend of his who played with us to want to play anymore, destroyed half the fun of the game by tainting it with negative crap. And right after Derek bought the game. Jeremy is now more hurt than anything. But me, I'm still pissed and flabberghasted. I'm not the most religious person out there, I'm sure we'll all agree. So when someone tells me video games don't bring them closer to God so they're not playing anymore, I get a little confused. I can accept that as a personal choice, though. But when they say, "I can't play because God doesn't like it, and he won't let me enjoy it anymore," I get really, really confused. When they then turn to their friends and family and say, "If you want to keep playing, that's a choice you'll have to make," I get pissed. Because what friend isn't going to feel guilty? And my brain just totally shuts down when they follow it up with, "You can't be mad at me because it's God's decision." Denying one's responsibility in life steams my clams under normal circumstances; when people bring God into it so they don't have to own up, that totally and utterly alters my opinion of them. It's been a fun couple of days, let me tell you.
Argh.
So...yeah. There's more to that story, but it IS personal, so I won't blab it all over LJ.
Today, we're going to Disney. Likely it'll be hot and humid, and then beautiful and rainy, and then humid all over again. And BUSY. But that's okay. I want out. I want sun that isn't going to burn on contact. Woohoo! :D