On the Subject of Life and Death
On the Subject of Life and Death
So many thoughts are traveling through my head at speeds I cannot comprehend. I often wonder what the point of life is. I do not wonder for the same reasons that some people wonder though, I actually want to find answers. It has been made apparent to me in the past few months that some people wonder what life is about and they hate wondering and they hate living, so they feel like killing themselves. My life is a weird thing. I enjoy living, but there are times I find myself wondering why I enjoy it. One day this will all be gone, and I’m not ready for that. I’ve tried to make myself ready by living each day like it’s my last, but I’m beginning to think as though I’m going to live to be eighty and that I won’t have prepared for any of my life past the age of eighteen. People turn to me all the time and say, “put yourself in my shoes for a day”. I can’t fathom being in someone else’s shoes because what if my life is much easier or much harder, how am I suppose to react after that encounter? There are these points in which I am sitting on my couch and typing on my computer, or doing nothing at all, and I just think, why am I doing this? What is the point of sitting here and doing this? I am only thinking to myself, not making a difference, not doing anything. If I were out each minute of the day helping other people, only then I think would I find a reason for all this. But instead of doing that, I sit here, spending time on pointless shit that doesn’t affect anyone but myself.
Then I look at Heaven. What is Heaven? It is a place that followers of God live after their bodies leave the Earth. What is up there? I think it is a place that you live forever with no ending. Or is it that I am just thinking that because I am on Earth. I cannot imagine a place that I would go to after death on Earth, and spend all of eternity there. Last I checked eternity was forever. Would that not get boring? Would nobody question what the point of everlasting life in Heaven was? I am questioning it now, not saying it is wrong, I would just like to know what is so appealing about it. What is so bad about not believing in Heaven or Hell, just believing that when you die your body rots away and you no longer have thoughts? At least there would be some closure there. If I had to choose between Heaven or Hell I would choose Heaven, but right now I find that nothing appeals to me about everlasting life. Perhaps it is that I am young and I do not have that readiness that people who smell death have. Perhaps you must be closer to death to be ready to accept the fact that there is no real closure or ending to your life, if in fact you do follow your Savior Jesus Christ.
There are so many ideas swimming in my head that I have no idea what to think. I guess I just hope that they come to me in a dream or while I am asking God for answers. Maybe it is a part of human existence that we are not supposed to know the answers to many of our questions. In all wonderment, maybe that is why we are truly here, to ask and seek and eventually on our death bed, find.
So many thoughts are traveling through my head at speeds I cannot comprehend. I often wonder what the point of life is. I do not wonder for the same reasons that some people wonder though, I actually want to find answers. It has been made apparent to me in the past few months that some people wonder what life is about and they hate wondering and they hate living, so they feel like killing themselves. My life is a weird thing. I enjoy living, but there are times I find myself wondering why I enjoy it. One day this will all be gone, and I’m not ready for that. I’ve tried to make myself ready by living each day like it’s my last, but I’m beginning to think as though I’m going to live to be eighty and that I won’t have prepared for any of my life past the age of eighteen. People turn to me all the time and say, “put yourself in my shoes for a day”. I can’t fathom being in someone else’s shoes because what if my life is much easier or much harder, how am I suppose to react after that encounter? There are these points in which I am sitting on my couch and typing on my computer, or doing nothing at all, and I just think, why am I doing this? What is the point of sitting here and doing this? I am only thinking to myself, not making a difference, not doing anything. If I were out each minute of the day helping other people, only then I think would I find a reason for all this. But instead of doing that, I sit here, spending time on pointless shit that doesn’t affect anyone but myself.
Then I look at Heaven. What is Heaven? It is a place that followers of God live after their bodies leave the Earth. What is up there? I think it is a place that you live forever with no ending. Or is it that I am just thinking that because I am on Earth. I cannot imagine a place that I would go to after death on Earth, and spend all of eternity there. Last I checked eternity was forever. Would that not get boring? Would nobody question what the point of everlasting life in Heaven was? I am questioning it now, not saying it is wrong, I would just like to know what is so appealing about it. What is so bad about not believing in Heaven or Hell, just believing that when you die your body rots away and you no longer have thoughts? At least there would be some closure there. If I had to choose between Heaven or Hell I would choose Heaven, but right now I find that nothing appeals to me about everlasting life. Perhaps it is that I am young and I do not have that readiness that people who smell death have. Perhaps you must be closer to death to be ready to accept the fact that there is no real closure or ending to your life, if in fact you do follow your Savior Jesus Christ.
There are so many ideas swimming in my head that I have no idea what to think. I guess I just hope that they come to me in a dream or while I am asking God for answers. Maybe it is a part of human existence that we are not supposed to know the answers to many of our questions. In all wonderment, maybe that is why we are truly here, to ask and seek and eventually on our death bed, find.