babbling...

[bahamamoma]

Why is it that I keep trying to lie to myself, or try to defer my own truths? You know how a situation will turn out in the end, so you defer you true feelings and thoughts in the opposite direction to help conceal and hopefully change these feelings you really have. In actuality, you know how you truly feel. You just don't say it or bring up the topic in any kind of conversation that refers to it. Are you a coward for not speaking your own truths? Yes. Maybe. But what you are really trying to do is to protect yourself. Protect yourself from what though? From getting hurt, from others whom use your vulnerability for their own personal benefits and their likings. Maybe you know that you are protecting yourself from a situation that you know will turn out totally different from anticipated. But what if you stopped being a "coward" and told this person your true feelings for them. Where does this leave you now. More than likely exactly in the same position you are in now, nowhere, and perhaps slightly hurt and a little tattered. If that's the case. What's the point of taking chances. It just leaves you run down and wishing you never said anything in the first place. If you ask me, regardless... it's a lose- lose situation. And basically you're wasting my time and yours. So why give me such false hopes. Honesty is preferred.

"I got the choice to let it go, but if you don't let it go, then I ain't got no choice no more."