What else
Well I went back to work today after the whole head ache thing and it was so busy being the end of the fiscal year and all. I could barely hear myself think the phine rang so much with pwoplw asking stupid question about their Comp time. So all in all it was going good and I was asked to go to lunch with someone and I accept. It was very ackward at first. I really didnt know what to say consider the things that I have said to him in the past week. I tried to make small talk and that was not really working out. So I just said what I needed to and if he wanted to talk I let him. I was all ready to buy my own lunch when he said that he would get it and I figured even though I should argue it and buy my own it was not worth it in the end. So we walked back to my work and I said thanks and he said that he had fun and we went our seperate ways. I walked on the elevator and I felt really bad for everything that I had said to him. I know that what I said was only honest and that it was good to be that, but I could tell that I had really tore him up again and it hurt to see that. It does not make me want to change what I said because you cant change the truth but wow did I feel a little guilty. I mean who am I do judge him for caring about me the way that he does really? Isnt that what every girl wants is someone that will care for her no matter what she says or how she looks that day? It was a major gut check for me. I know that I do not want some string attached relationship because as you can tell I am not over the last one by anymeans! I just can not believe that I did this again to him knowing that he can not help how he feels about me at all. It is rally quite cute to see him all starry eyed and all, but it would not be good to see him get crushed if it didnt work out and I would not be able to live with myself if I lost a friend over it.
TIME. That is the key concept of the day. It takes a lot of time to build a relationship and so little time for someone to break your heart and then tons of time for you to get over that person and try to start over.It is like we spend forever looking for the perfect person when all in all does perfection really matter that much, and is anyone really so perfect that you can not live without them. Are we wasting our time looking for Mr Right when Mr Right Now is in front of you wanting to show you a good time and treat you the way that you deserve to be treated. I am not sure that there is someone so perfect that you can not live with out them but I think that there is someone just perfect enough for everyone. We dont all have to understand what people see in each other as long as they are happy. It is hard to like everyone in this world. There are some people that we will just not get along with but if the person they are with is happy then we should be happy for them. It is very hard to learn this but I have realized that sometimes you have to admit defeat and just deal with it.
My other big concept today is control. Who really has control over their life? Does anyone? I know that at this point I do not. I feel like I am spinning a thousands miles an hour and I have no idea where I will fall. I hate this feeling. I like to have some sorta control about what is going on in my crazy little world. Why is it that when you almost hit rock bottom you dont know if you can get up and start moving again. Hopless. This is how I feel about everything at this point. Like nothing is worth living for and love is just this fantasy that i have been told about since I was a little girl. Is it really out there? Does it truly exist. Im starting to be doubtful about all that. Maybe we just settle for whatever. I thought that I had it all and that was nothing but a lie. I almost feel like I was good while it was convenient and now well lets toss her aside utnil its good enough for me again. I think I will just give up on the whole love thing and just be thankful that i did expierence truly one time.
TIME. That is the key concept of the day. It takes a lot of time to build a relationship and so little time for someone to break your heart and then tons of time for you to get over that person and try to start over.It is like we spend forever looking for the perfect person when all in all does perfection really matter that much, and is anyone really so perfect that you can not live without them. Are we wasting our time looking for Mr Right when Mr Right Now is in front of you wanting to show you a good time and treat you the way that you deserve to be treated. I am not sure that there is someone so perfect that you can not live with out them but I think that there is someone just perfect enough for everyone. We dont all have to understand what people see in each other as long as they are happy. It is hard to like everyone in this world. There are some people that we will just not get along with but if the person they are with is happy then we should be happy for them. It is very hard to learn this but I have realized that sometimes you have to admit defeat and just deal with it.
My other big concept today is control. Who really has control over their life? Does anyone? I know that at this point I do not. I feel like I am spinning a thousands miles an hour and I have no idea where I will fall. I hate this feeling. I like to have some sorta control about what is going on in my crazy little world. Why is it that when you almost hit rock bottom you dont know if you can get up and start moving again. Hopless. This is how I feel about everything at this point. Like nothing is worth living for and love is just this fantasy that i have been told about since I was a little girl. Is it really out there? Does it truly exist. Im starting to be doubtful about all that. Maybe we just settle for whatever. I thought that I had it all and that was nothing but a lie. I almost feel like I was good while it was convenient and now well lets toss her aside utnil its good enough for me again. I think I will just give up on the whole love thing and just be thankful that i did expierence truly one time.