every rose has its thorn, just like every day has its dawn
hmmm yes after about 2-3 minutes spent on trying to figure out how to update my journal i now begin to write. what can i say im not live journal savy, and im alright with that. so usually i have a cloud of dust behind me as i leave my 8am class on every other tuesday morning, but for some reason today i have opted to stay for a little bit to asborb some of the student life we have here at ksu. i at one time thought about writing about all the strange encounters at ksu, for i have had many. i mean for example one time i was walking to class one brisk autumn morn and i see this lady at the coke machine and from the look on her face she seems distressed. so i look at her, probably give some half smile, and upon seeing my greeting she decides its her duty to warn me about the coke machine. so imagine my utter shock and amazement when the next words out of this lady's mouth are "you better watch out for that coke machine. its only giving out diet cokes!!" i mean wow, here i am going to class thinking all is right and safe with the world, but alas i have been mislead, because theres some faulty coke machine on the prowl. and you better watch out because if you make it angry it might start pelting diet coke cans at you. WHAT!?!?! yes, i dont try to explain it, nor do i try to explain the fact that there is a man here who thinks he is a genie. im afraid he has taken the christina aguerlia song "genie in a bottle" a little to literally. maybe it is the athem of his life. who knows, but he has an assortment of jenie shoes, all colors and textures. ive learned to look at the man behind the shoes. but anyways i leave class and decided to immerse myself in ksu culture. a few steps and cell phone conversations later i find myself entering the beloved doors of the horrace w. sturgiss library. and i do refer to this library with affection for it does hold a special place in my heart, for it has been my source of inspiration for many an emails. so i thought since i have hit a writers block at home everytime i click the "update journal" i might try a different setting. and what better place that my home for the past 5 yrs, kennesaw state university. so i wake up this morning, alarm going off around 7:45, and im not quite sure what radio station my alarm is set to, but i am pretty sure its going to have to change. because i do in fact feel like the first song that you hear in the morning could have a great effect on your mood for the day. example: bad: rhinestone cowboy (yes i have actually woken up to this song before) good: supsicious minds (by none other than the king of rock n' roll). so its early, im hating life but i struggle out of bed anyways. pull some dirty crumbled clothes off the floor and head out the door. well its gray and dreary and the music i was listening to didnt help matters. and all of a sudden i felt like i was on a WB teen mini drama. but then my thoughts were interupted by the bumper sticker on the lowered honda civic in front of me. it said WARNING: pirate on board. what?!?! so of course i was curious, i got over in the next lane, i wanted to see black beard face to face. so i pull up next to him, half hoping to see an eye patch, a peg leg, or maybe even a hook for one of this hands. and honestly could one drive if one of your hands was a hook? i dont know, but never the less, i was sadly disappointed. i saw none of those things, only a short stumby kid with a shaved head and an oversized sweatshirt. needless to say i felt i was a victim of false advertisement. i mean how many a kid has seen that bumper sticker and their heart leaped inside them with excitement, thinking they might actually get to see captian hook, and then to their dismay all they find is a thug? anyways so i pull in to school and begin my brisk walk to school. and not because im anxious about learning or hearing my teacher drone on about herself for the next 2 hrs, no because i felt i was going to explode. every tuesday morning on the way to school, i always get hit with the urge, given the consumption of mass amounts of coffee and water, and i always play the scenerio in my mind, what if i crapped my pants? what would i do, and fortunately i have always thought of a back up plan. going home. but today i had to go to class to turn in something, and i couldnt very well go into class reeking of poop. but i did have an extra pair of pants in the car. but none the less, i made it to a bathroom safe and sound. maybe i should delete that whole paragraph. so i get to class and put my books a few desks back. i come back and some one has moved all my stuff to the center seat on the front row. well i just bite the bullet and sit there. so this lady is from ga state and talking about the masters program in social work. so she throws out the question "why did you major in social work?" and you would think the number of times ive been asked this question i would mechanically mumble a response that would please the masses and make me look like a very kind a caring individual. but not today my friend, for i was not feeling the social work love. so as soon as that question left her lips, the ga state brouchure she gave us automatically became very interesting. so i acted very intrigued the whole time she looked about the room for a victim. but alas i came out victorous. i think that is the second time i have used alas in this journal entry. and honestly i dont know my thoughts on that. but as i sat in class today and heard this lady ramble on about the importance of a higher education and blah blah blah. i thought to myself i have not been made to be in the work force. i was not raised to be apart of coperate america. no my parents raised me to be a mom, and honestly thats all i really have a burning desire to be. but given i dont forsee that happening any time in the near future, i am forced to think about what will i do in 6 months. and i hate that, i hate the fact that i have to get a job, i hate the fact i have to think about my future. because i dont know what i want to do. and i have to get a man suit, which is a whole other topic in itself. and today i was sitting in class and thinking what the f did i major in this?!?! and today i had no idea, sometimes i know why. but today i just didnt care, i didnt care about helping people, i didnt care about making a difference, i didnt care about anything but going to my bed and going back to sleep. and i mean call it apathy, call it the way i am. i dont know. and honestly im sick of thinking about giving its been in my steady stream of thoughts ever since this school year began. so i will breech onto another subject, except for the fact i realized this journal entry is way long. and ive come to the realization that no one will probably read the whole thing. and im okay with it. and also i have no friends apparently according to my info page. and i dont know how to add them, but i am content being live journal friendless at the moment. but that could all change tomorrow. for i am relatively fickle. and last nite i was asked by someone why am i fickle. and ive never really thought about it, ive usually just dismissed it by saying "oh its just the way i am" or "when i find the right person i wont be fickle" or "ill grow out of it." but will i really? or is it going to take some effort to change the way i think? and ive decided last nite that i am not fickle by nature maybe, but the reason i am so fickle is that i make myself that way. i try not to commitment self completely to something a) because i like control and b) i always think theres something better out there. so in the heart of all this it boils down to the fact that i dont trust God to give me wisdom when somethings a go or somethings a bust. like obviously i know better than he does when its time for me to bail or push full speed ahead. but i guess being fickle would lean more towards the bail side. ok im out, i have no more words. well i do, but wont unleash them on the masses anymore. or the few lonely souls that read this.