lonely

Oct 20, 2008 00:46

Too much time alone. Head trips. Karin was able to make me feel better for a while. Now I started looking for a guitar teacher and I see success stories.. or maybe it only seems that way.. but I see people who went after their dream and I look at myself. My dream is slipping away. I can't even grasp it anymore. I used to be able to fantasize and excite myself. Now it's all shit. I CAN'T PRACTICE FOR MORE THAN 20 MINUTES BECAUSE I DON'T FEEL LIKE PLAYING ANYTHING. i just force myself to do some exercises until my fingers get tired. But I don't do more sets. I just stop there. Cuz the way I used to practice.. I would play extremely difficult songs.. i would practice the hard parts slowly and then go faster.. and now I can't learn anything new or play anything old. So I'm stuck with my improvisations and exercises. I'm STUCK I'M STUCK I'M STUCK I'M STUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.

FUCK!

so frustrating.

and most teachers seem like shit. I guess I can just use the "first lesson on the house" thing.. nothing to lose.

I'm starting to miss the numbness. This is not what I had in mind.

Must not lose it.

somebody help me. where is alon damn it...

-s
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