Oct 20, 2008 00:46
Too much time alone. Head trips. Karin was able to make me feel better for a while. Now I started looking for a guitar teacher and I see success stories.. or maybe it only seems that way.. but I see people who went after their dream and I look at myself. My dream is slipping away. I can't even grasp it anymore. I used to be able to fantasize and excite myself. Now it's all shit. I CAN'T PRACTICE FOR MORE THAN 20 MINUTES BECAUSE I DON'T FEEL LIKE PLAYING ANYTHING. i just force myself to do some exercises until my fingers get tired. But I don't do more sets. I just stop there. Cuz the way I used to practice.. I would play extremely difficult songs.. i would practice the hard parts slowly and then go faster.. and now I can't learn anything new or play anything old. So I'm stuck with my improvisations and exercises. I'm STUCK I'M STUCK I'M STUCK I'M STUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.
FUCK!
so frustrating.
and most teachers seem like shit. I guess I can just use the "first lesson on the house" thing.. nothing to lose.
I'm starting to miss the numbness. This is not what I had in mind.
Must not lose it.
somebody help me. where is alon damn it...
-s