Annual trip down to the family
So on the 22nd I flew down to Tampa to visit family and attend my brother's wedding. I hung out with my James and his fiance Angela at their place, and they went over the details of their wedding plans, plus gave me the tour of all the remodeling they've done around their place..
Saturday (23) I spent a little time with Dad and Marcia prior to the wedding that evening. He was very good through the whole ceremony and reception, but we could tell he was really, really struggle to maintain his lucidness. The whole situation with my father and his illness (AD) started to get to me. Not because of the disease itself, but the guilt I was carrying around for being up north in DC and not down south helping them out. I offered to watch Dad overnight so Marcia could get some sleep. I was unprepared for all the "up and down" of Dad walking around at night, laying down for a minute or two, and then starting all over again. By the morning I was pretty wiped out.
Sunday (24) morning I went back over the James' place and took a quick shower, and then went back to give Marcia a break for a bit. When she came back later that evening I went back to James' place and crashed for the evening.
Monday (25) I checked in with Marcia and she said Dad was being pretty lucid so I hung out with James until she called later in the afternoon saying she needed another break, due to Dad coming out of his lucid state and was being very confrontational. I had a good firm talk with Dad and he calmed down, even to a point of being pretty apologetic to Marcia when she came back in the evening. I ended up staying overnight again, but I was ready for it this time because Dad was being fairly lucid again and I was able to relax a bit while was down taking short (super short) naps. I also learned how to handle a few more of the routines that I didn't know how to the last time.
Tuesday (26) Dad was continuing to be lucid, which was a bit unusual, so I went to see my sister Cher and her boyfriend Darryl. It was cool to play around with her "Ein" dog where I was there. If I was ever to get a dog, I think it'd be a Welsh Corgi. Later in the afternoon Marcia needed to help out her sister and brother in Clearwater, so I went to watch Dad. About an hour after she left the lucid state wore off and I tried as best I could to calm him down and bring him back to reality, because I felt bad having to leave him like that when Marcia returned in the evening, not having the option to stay overnight due to a early morning flight back up north. By the time Marcia came back he was in a somewhat lucid state for me to go.
Wednesday (today), I flew back home.
You're probably wondering why I spent so much time with the folks and not with the siblings, and I'm guessing it was probably for peace of mind (or penance?), and relieving some of that guilt for not being there when everyone else in the family had to endure.
Out of all it I can safely say I now know Marcia's pain. With the addition that Hospice rejected care assistance for Dad (though she gets to use them free for 30 days before they snip the cord), the disease itself is a horrible and crippling thing. What with helping Dad dress, shower, feeding, help him take his medicines, watching him like a hawk, and cleaning up after him (not to mentioned wiping him up) at those times he completely misses the toilet, be it liquid or solid matter.
Leaving them both Tuesday even was hard for me, because even though he was fine for the moment, those moments can be fleeting, and it crushed me to have to leave it all for my safe haven up north.
There is some lights at the end of the tunnel though. Marcia was able to find an agency that could provide some affordable nursing aid for Dad when she needs a break, and its something us siblings will chip in for. Ultimately down the road I think we'll have to put Dad in a nursing home, which means Marcia will have to sell the house to afford the expense of the care, but that's still as I mentioned, down the road.
And to think, this is something I might myself get one day, but it would not surprise me, seeing our birth mother has dementia (compounded by epilepsy) and of course my dad has this.
I'm surprised all us kids aren't messed up.