agape or agape
He stood between me and the Easter Sunday sunrise service. The beggar was literally at the doorstep of St. Martin-in-the-Fields, recounting his desperate plight. He was trembling - from lack of sleep, food, drugs, clothing, I couldn't tell. I was by myself - I had to catch a flight to Amsterdam in a couple hours, and my usual church companion wasn't so interested in hauling herself out of bed for a 5 am liturgical service. Of course, I was late, and it was already light out. I pulled out my wallet and fished out some coins - a few pounds - and handed it to him.
"That's it?" He was incredulous. "I don't have anywhere to go, no place to sleep, and that's all you can give me?!" He began to alternate between whining and ranting.
I stood there, frozen in shock while my mind whirled. I had given the man all of my change, but I did have much larger notes in my wallet. Would it be prudent to hand him £20? Normally in this situation, I would rather go to a convenience store and buy him a meal, but I was nearly half an hour late to the service. I also felt scared to be alone with a raving, unbalanced man on a deserted street. Words about caring for the least of brothers and sisters, looking after the sick, not turning away from flesh and blood swirled in my head.
Suddenly, an older woman swept into the church portico with all of her Easter finery. "Is he bothering you?" she demanded. I dumbly shook my head. She turned to the beggar - "She already gave you money, now leave her alone!" The beggar whined about not having enough money to stay in a hotel overnight and that the church wouldn't give him anything. The woman wasn't having any of it. "It is already day - you don't need a hotel to sleep! You should be grateful for what you have!"
"Grateful?" The man scoffed at us. He mumbled as he slunk away, "She wants me to be grateful?"
The woman turned to me again. "Are you okay?" I managed a wan smile. "Hmph. You know why the church didn't help? They probably figured he would spend the money on drink! Or he didn't even really ask!" She swept into the building, eager to join the other congregants meditating in darkness and silence.
I followed a few moments later. I was both relieved and ashamed. Easter Sunday. The irony.
"That's it?" He was incredulous. "I don't have anywhere to go, no place to sleep, and that's all you can give me?!" He began to alternate between whining and ranting.
I stood there, frozen in shock while my mind whirled. I had given the man all of my change, but I did have much larger notes in my wallet. Would it be prudent to hand him £20? Normally in this situation, I would rather go to a convenience store and buy him a meal, but I was nearly half an hour late to the service. I also felt scared to be alone with a raving, unbalanced man on a deserted street. Words about caring for the least of brothers and sisters, looking after the sick, not turning away from flesh and blood swirled in my head.
Suddenly, an older woman swept into the church portico with all of her Easter finery. "Is he bothering you?" she demanded. I dumbly shook my head. She turned to the beggar - "She already gave you money, now leave her alone!" The beggar whined about not having enough money to stay in a hotel overnight and that the church wouldn't give him anything. The woman wasn't having any of it. "It is already day - you don't need a hotel to sleep! You should be grateful for what you have!"
"Grateful?" The man scoffed at us. He mumbled as he slunk away, "She wants me to be grateful?"
The woman turned to me again. "Are you okay?" I managed a wan smile. "Hmph. You know why the church didn't help? They probably figured he would spend the money on drink! Or he didn't even really ask!" She swept into the building, eager to join the other congregants meditating in darkness and silence.
I followed a few moments later. I was both relieved and ashamed. Easter Sunday. The irony.