Ninja AU comic: Shogun of Steel
So xparrot and gnine asked for a Ninja/Pirate AU fic. And this got me to "researching" Ninjas (which consisted of reading related wikipedia articles and watching exactly one episode of the anime Naruto on a day I spent sick at home, which didn't overwhelm me exactly. I'm definitely not into anime anymore.)
Anyways, I got as far as thinking: if Clark were a Ninja, his given Japanese name would be Hoshi (meaning "star", one of the few words of Japanese I know. I can say "Good morning/evening, my name is N., I am German. Are you Japanese?" "sorry" "thank you" "I love you" and "What is this?", as well as assorted useless words like "star", "darkness", "delicious", "boyfriend" etc.)
And then, in the depths of memory, something stirred. Huh. Ninja Clark. I read this before somewhere... I looked closely at my harddrive.
I found the crack.
DC was there before me. I present you therefore the JLA as Ninjas Elseworlds, complete with Clark as a pretty ninja and the most Superman/Batman text you've seen since The Authority:
SHOGUN OF STEEL
a DC Elseworlds Comic
We begin in a dark and stormy night in "feudal Japan", land of the ninjas. The evil overlord known as the "Shogun of Steel" has come to Japan and rules the land with an iron steel fist. He wears armor that looks like Sauron from the movies, so we don't know who it is. Could it be... Clark? Dun dun dun!
But, wait. He's evil, so he kills the father of a little girl in front of her. The little Japanese girl cries.
Little Crying Japanese Girl becomes Pretty Grown-Up Japanese Girl. She's badass and hangs out with a guy who wears green clothes and carries a quiver and a bow, so he's obviously Green Arrow, but who is the girl? Wonder Woman? Lois Lane? Black Canary? We don't know yet, but she and Green Arrow head into a tavern to find a guy with magic powers whom they want to recruit. The art is pretty.
Guy With Magic Powers wears a hood and carries a sword with an "S" on the hilt. Who might he be? Duh. He has heat vision and pwns all the evil drunkards in a fight. Then he reveals that his awesome "S" sword has been forged by the man "who raised him like a father" but was murdered by said evil drunkards. Because Superninja is a drama queen, he then leaves. Pretty Japanese Girl and Green Arrow follow and reveal that they're the obligatory resistance fighters that come with every evil overlord:
Superninja isn't interesting in joining. Meanwhile, at the evil palace of the evil Shogun of Steel...
The Shogun is evil and wears purple. But don't let that (or the random tortured prisoner or the random samurai) distract you. The other important person in the room is Usotsu, evil bald henchman and traitor to his people. Rule #27 in Elseworlds: if there is a bald evil guy who betrays you to the alien overlords, it is Lex Luthor. The Shogun of Steel, who is not Superninja, seems to be able to read minds. Oh dear! Could he be the Martian Manhunter? We don't find out yet.
Meanwhile, on boat out on the sea (which makes no sense: Kal-El's father was apparently both a smith and a fisherman?!) Superninja angsts about his dead Dad. The ghost of Dead Dad appears to tell him his origin story, because no superhero is complete without one. Here is said origin story, hilariously rendered in Japanese style:
Dead Dad also reveals that Jor-El and Lara appeared to him from the spaceship and told him of Krypton's destruction. Responsible for it was... Brainiac! Oh noes... could it be? Yes! The Shogun of Steel is Brainiac!
Meanwhile, at the camp of the rebel ninjas, they are attacked by the troops of the evil Shogun of Steel, aka Brainiac. A little girl's parents are killed, and Pretty Japanese Girl Ninja flies into a protective rage! She has issues. And then, as in every Elseworlds, someone yells: "Look! Up in the sky!"
Superninja appears and saves the rebel ninjas' butts by kicking ass.
Superninja angsts about the girl's dead dad, because his Dad is dead, too. The evil henchmen flee, all except one: Henchman Lex, who watches from the shadows.
Henchman Lex returns to his evil overlord to tell him the sorry tale. Notice the anvils in his choice of words "now that they are in LEAGUE ... we bring them all to JUSTICE".
Shogun Brainiac reveals his secret weapon: a peace of Kryptonite. He tells Lex to forge a kryptonite sword from it.
Meanwhile, in the Secret Cave of the rebels, Green Arrow uses his powers of exposition to tell Superninja the origin story of Pretty Ninja Girl:
OMG! Pretty Ninja Girl is Batman! This proves that there are things more awesome than Batman in this world: Pretty Girl Ninja Batman!
Also part of the Ninja League are the Flash, Hawkman and a random fat guy. This is great, so Superninja joins. Pretty art ensues:
Then, one fine day, Henchman Lex rides into the rebel cave, revealing that he knew their hideout all along. He seems to have found God Buddha, and gives Kal-El a map of Shogun Brainiac's palace:
Girl Ninja Batman hates religion, but angsts and prays in the night. Superninja joins her, and they have a sweet moment. Then they kiss.
Meanwhile, at Shogun Brainiac's palace, the forging of the kryptonite sword is complete. Brainiac instantly proves that he is a smart evil overlord and beheads Henchman Lex. Poor Lex, for once he is sort of redeemable and instantly he gets killed. At least Kal-El realizes that if Lex is dead, he is next! (Ignore me, I'm a deluded shipper.)
The Ninja League and Brainiac fight. Brainiac can apparently control minds. Watch Girl Ninja Batman try not to stab herself in the background!
But Shogun Brainiac has the kryptonite sword! Green Arrow tries to get his act together and shoot Brainiac. Will an archer be useful in the JLA for once?
Shogun Brainiac moves in for the kill, but Girl Ninja Batman throws herself in front of Kal-El to save his life. Aww! Super/Bat forever. *draws hearts*
Green Arrow finally manages to shoot and saves the day. Brainiac dies. They are left to watch Girl Ninja Batman die in her lovers arms:
And after a last inspiring speech at her grave, the Ninja AU fades off into the sunset.
Now wasn't that a nice story? It didn't have pirates, but otherwise, what more could you want?
Anyways, I got as far as thinking: if Clark were a Ninja, his given Japanese name would be Hoshi (meaning "star", one of the few words of Japanese I know. I can say "Good morning/evening, my name is N., I am German. Are you Japanese?" "sorry" "thank you" "I love you" and "What is this?", as well as assorted useless words like "star", "darkness", "delicious", "boyfriend" etc.)
And then, in the depths of memory, something stirred. Huh. Ninja Clark. I read this before somewhere... I looked closely at my harddrive.
I found the crack.
DC was there before me. I present you therefore the JLA as Ninjas Elseworlds, complete with Clark as a pretty ninja and the most Superman/Batman text you've seen since The Authority:
SHOGUN OF STEEL
a DC Elseworlds Comic
We begin in a dark and stormy night in "feudal Japan", land of the ninjas. The evil overlord known as the "Shogun of Steel" has come to Japan and rules the land with an iron steel fist. He wears armor that looks like Sauron from the movies, so we don't know who it is. Could it be... Clark? Dun dun dun!
But, wait. He's evil, so he kills the father of a little girl in front of her. The little Japanese girl cries.
Little Crying Japanese Girl becomes Pretty Grown-Up Japanese Girl. She's badass and hangs out with a guy who wears green clothes and carries a quiver and a bow, so he's obviously Green Arrow, but who is the girl? Wonder Woman? Lois Lane? Black Canary? We don't know yet, but she and Green Arrow head into a tavern to find a guy with magic powers whom they want to recruit. The art is pretty.
Guy With Magic Powers wears a hood and carries a sword with an "S" on the hilt. Who might he be? Duh. He has heat vision and pwns all the evil drunkards in a fight. Then he reveals that his awesome "S" sword has been forged by the man "who raised him like a father" but was murdered by said evil drunkards. Because Superninja is a drama queen, he then leaves. Pretty Japanese Girl and Green Arrow follow and reveal that they're the obligatory resistance fighters that come with every evil overlord:
Superninja isn't interesting in joining. Meanwhile, at the evil palace of the evil Shogun of Steel...
The Shogun is evil and wears purple. But don't let that (or the random tortured prisoner or the random samurai) distract you. The other important person in the room is Usotsu, evil bald henchman and traitor to his people. Rule #27 in Elseworlds: if there is a bald evil guy who betrays you to the alien overlords, it is Lex Luthor. The Shogun of Steel, who is not Superninja, seems to be able to read minds. Oh dear! Could he be the Martian Manhunter? We don't find out yet.
Meanwhile, on boat out on the sea (which makes no sense: Kal-El's father was apparently both a smith and a fisherman?!) Superninja angsts about his dead Dad. The ghost of Dead Dad appears to tell him his origin story, because no superhero is complete without one. Here is said origin story, hilariously rendered in Japanese style:
Dead Dad also reveals that Jor-El and Lara appeared to him from the spaceship and told him of Krypton's destruction. Responsible for it was... Brainiac! Oh noes... could it be? Yes! The Shogun of Steel is Brainiac!
Meanwhile, at the camp of the rebel ninjas, they are attacked by the troops of the evil Shogun of Steel, aka Brainiac. A little girl's parents are killed, and Pretty Japanese Girl Ninja flies into a protective rage! She has issues. And then, as in every Elseworlds, someone yells: "Look! Up in the sky!"
Superninja appears and saves the rebel ninjas' butts by kicking ass.
Superninja angsts about the girl's dead dad, because his Dad is dead, too. The evil henchmen flee, all except one: Henchman Lex, who watches from the shadows.
Henchman Lex returns to his evil overlord to tell him the sorry tale. Notice the anvils in his choice of words "now that they are in LEAGUE ... we bring them all to JUSTICE".
Shogun Brainiac reveals his secret weapon: a peace of Kryptonite. He tells Lex to forge a kryptonite sword from it.
Meanwhile, in the Secret Cave of the rebels, Green Arrow uses his powers of exposition to tell Superninja the origin story of Pretty Ninja Girl:
OMG! Pretty Ninja Girl is Batman! This proves that there are things more awesome than Batman in this world: Pretty Girl Ninja Batman!
Also part of the Ninja League are the Flash, Hawkman and a random fat guy. This is great, so Superninja joins. Pretty art ensues:
Then, one fine day, Henchman Lex rides into the rebel cave, revealing that he knew their hideout all along. He seems to have found God Buddha, and gives Kal-El a map of Shogun Brainiac's palace:
Girl Ninja Batman hates religion, but angsts and prays in the night. Superninja joins her, and they have a sweet moment. Then they kiss.
Meanwhile, at Shogun Brainiac's palace, the forging of the kryptonite sword is complete. Brainiac instantly proves that he is a smart evil overlord and beheads Henchman Lex. Poor Lex, for once he is sort of redeemable and instantly he gets killed. At least Kal-El realizes that if Lex is dead, he is next! (Ignore me, I'm a deluded shipper.)
The Ninja League and Brainiac fight. Brainiac can apparently control minds. Watch Girl Ninja Batman try not to stab herself in the background!
But Shogun Brainiac has the kryptonite sword! Green Arrow tries to get his act together and shoot Brainiac. Will an archer be useful in the JLA for once?
Shogun Brainiac moves in for the kill, but Girl Ninja Batman throws herself in front of Kal-El to save his life. Aww! Super/Bat forever. *draws hearts*
Green Arrow finally manages to shoot and saves the day. Brainiac dies. They are left to watch Girl Ninja Batman die in her lovers arms:
And after a last inspiring speech at her grave, the Ninja AU fades off into the sunset.
Now wasn't that a nice story? It didn't have pirates, but otherwise, what more could you want?