A Treatise on Love and War
Yesterday, I chatted with a friend I haven't talked to in a long time. We asked each other how we have been, and gave each other updates on life in general. I mentioned that I've moved in with Balaa, and the question I immediately received from my friend was "Is marriage down the road?" and when I said no, the follow up question was "Are you guys
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I find it odd that you seem to be implying (correct me if I'm wrong) that there's only need for a serious commitment after marriage. I could care less about marriage (except for as you said, it being a promise of love), and I don't think getting married really changes anything. So I also don't see how marriage contributes to the failing of a relationship (unless of course the two people get married before they even know each other; but then it's still not the fault of the act of marriage but rather the two people not being compatible to begin with). The way I see it, it is never marriage that "prevents" people from going to seek sex with others, but an explicit commitment they make to each other to not do so.
I agree with you that most relationships fail without the need of third parties being involved, but that was not what I meant. I meant that IF third parties are involved, most of those relationships fail (Perhaps a grass is greener on the other side phenomenon?) We are indeed very impulsive creatures, but have you thought that this same rhetoric could be applied to polygamy as well? As in, people feeling the need to seek out sex elsewhere without asking themselves why and what are the consequences. Well.. OK, maybe the why question can be easily answered, heh. Everyone's a pervert, it's up to each individual to weigh the worth and potential repercussions of their actions. :P
Off the top of my head I can think of two couples I know who are polygamous. They have been together for 10 and 15 years. In both of each, one of the partners started to sleep with a person that ended up wanting more than just sex. One of the couples (the ones who had been together for 15 years!) split up because the person chose to go with their sexual partner, which left their other half utterly destroyed. The second couple still struggles but the involved partner had the good sense to break off the tie with their demanding lover. That kind of thing just makes me so so sad.
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And I was referring to the part where you said you've seen too many cases of people allowing their partner to go off and have sex with other people - that is how I usually define as an "open relationship", and while it may seem similar to what I share with my mate, the mentality behind it isn't the same.
And yes of course I thought the same rhetoric can be applied to polygamy. :) That's the whole point of my post - it takes a high level of maturity and rationality to control base instincts like jealousy and aggression. Polygamy isn't a viable solution for most people; but I also disagree with the idea that society should pass judgment on what a "proper" relationship should be.
People need to define what "love" means on their own.
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