Radio 4 Woman's Hour on childfree women
Woman's Hour on Radio 4 yesterday and today had two programmes about childfree women. One was the usual format with interviews of "experts" and people who have opinions and the one today was a 45 minute phone in.
The interview programme was really a bit blah, and there was a lot of insinuation that some of these women would have had children if their circumstances had been different (i.e. had more money, right man etc and that they would surely regret their choice. I think that Jenny Murray was finding it hard to actually "get" the idea that some women just are not interested in having children of their own because many of her comments showed a lack of understanding, and her prejudice was showing just a little at some places in the programme.
There was also a piece by a 63 year old woman who hadn't had children because she'd never met the right man at the right time. She's not chosen to be childfree in that case, she's someone that would have liked kids and therefore regretted not having them. Her experience does not invalidate all the 60-odd year old women who didn't want children and are happy that they didn't have them. They do exist by the way, my lovely aunt Gill never had kids and has never once regretted it - as she says, she brought up her four younger siblings and didn't need to do it all over again.
I KNOW that Jenni Murray is a mother, but I do wish that she'd been able to keep the incredulity out of her voice when talking to people on the phone in "what, you NEVER had any regrets that you didn't have children" or "you never thought about having children in your x numbers of years of marriage" or worst of all to a 36 year old woman who couldn't decide whether or not to have children "well you'd better get on with it if you are going to, the clock is ticking". Arrgghhh BINGO! There was also a focus on the fact that many of these women had pets and lots of intimation on Murray's part that these were child substitutes.
But the callers were really interesting, including someone that had two (now grown up) children and had deeply regretted it as she had never wanted to be a mother and now in her 50s still wished that she wasn't, and didn't particularly want grandchildren either. Many women called to say that they had had deeply satisfying lives, including one 50 something old who had worked in planning and was a chartered surveyor right at the top of her profession and was about to become the first female president of the Chartered Institute of Highways Professionals. As she said, there's no way that she could have got there if she'd had children.
There was also the obligatory (white, male, late middle aged) misogynist who phoned in with some crass comments about how a woman's place is in the home and that men and women are totally different and women are there to have babies and it's the fault of the media (the Guardian was mentioned in particular!) that women have "stopped having babies". I was sat there aghast, and I think Murray was too as she didn't challenge him for ages, it was embarrassing! She eventually cut him off. But talk about trolling on talk radio!
The most moving caller was a woman who had been diagnosed with terminal cancer and had been living with the disease for a number of years. She certainly challenged Murray's assumptions that childfree people "have no-one to look after them when they got old". This particular lady said that she had absolutely NO regrets about not having had children, was proud of her life and was being supported by her husband, friends and neighbours who had become very close during the course of her illness. Her testimony had me sitting there with tears in my eyes.
I would recommend both these programmes, but I would say if you've just got 45 minutes free, to listen to the phone in, if only for the troll and the amazing woman with cancer's comment.
The interview programme was really a bit blah, and there was a lot of insinuation that some of these women would have had children if their circumstances had been different (i.e. had more money, right man etc and that they would surely regret their choice. I think that Jenny Murray was finding it hard to actually "get" the idea that some women just are not interested in having children of their own because many of her comments showed a lack of understanding, and her prejudice was showing just a little at some places in the programme.
There was also a piece by a 63 year old woman who hadn't had children because she'd never met the right man at the right time. She's not chosen to be childfree in that case, she's someone that would have liked kids and therefore regretted not having them. Her experience does not invalidate all the 60-odd year old women who didn't want children and are happy that they didn't have them. They do exist by the way, my lovely aunt Gill never had kids and has never once regretted it - as she says, she brought up her four younger siblings and didn't need to do it all over again.
I KNOW that Jenni Murray is a mother, but I do wish that she'd been able to keep the incredulity out of her voice when talking to people on the phone in "what, you NEVER had any regrets that you didn't have children" or "you never thought about having children in your x numbers of years of marriage" or worst of all to a 36 year old woman who couldn't decide whether or not to have children "well you'd better get on with it if you are going to, the clock is ticking". Arrgghhh BINGO! There was also a focus on the fact that many of these women had pets and lots of intimation on Murray's part that these were child substitutes.
But the callers were really interesting, including someone that had two (now grown up) children and had deeply regretted it as she had never wanted to be a mother and now in her 50s still wished that she wasn't, and didn't particularly want grandchildren either. Many women called to say that they had had deeply satisfying lives, including one 50 something old who had worked in planning and was a chartered surveyor right at the top of her profession and was about to become the first female president of the Chartered Institute of Highways Professionals. As she said, there's no way that she could have got there if she'd had children.
There was also the obligatory (white, male, late middle aged) misogynist who phoned in with some crass comments about how a woman's place is in the home and that men and women are totally different and women are there to have babies and it's the fault of the media (the Guardian was mentioned in particular!) that women have "stopped having babies". I was sat there aghast, and I think Murray was too as she didn't challenge him for ages, it was embarrassing! She eventually cut him off. But talk about trolling on talk radio!
The most moving caller was a woman who had been diagnosed with terminal cancer and had been living with the disease for a number of years. She certainly challenged Murray's assumptions that childfree people "have no-one to look after them when they got old". This particular lady said that she had absolutely NO regrets about not having had children, was proud of her life and was being supported by her husband, friends and neighbours who had become very close during the course of her illness. Her testimony had me sitting there with tears in my eyes.
I would recommend both these programmes, but I would say if you've just got 45 minutes free, to listen to the phone in, if only for the troll and the amazing woman with cancer's comment.