I'd rather be
Watching Supernatural. I am constantly inspired by this show and it's leads. It colours my life in so many tiny ways and has dimmed my enthusiasm for other TV shows. I found the show in the summer of 2014, about a year after Mom and Dad died. I was really struggling. On the surface, I was putting one foot in front of the other and getting done what I needed to do, but inside I was really having a hard time coming to terms with my loss. I was suddenly an orphan and since I was estranged from my brothers, it was like losing my entire family. Who was I if I wasn't taking care of my parents.
So, I finally decided to watch that "scary teenager" show on Netflix. And I fell in love. It became more than a simple distraction from my grief, it filled a void for family. Seeing the characters risk everything for each other made me feel loved in some odd way. The fact that the show wasn't about romance, but at it's heart was about love and devotion was completely new. I'd never seen a TV show like that before (or since.) Add in the fact that the characters were handsome big, damn heros and I was hooked. We watched 9 seasons that summer in time to watch the season 10 premier in the Fall.
A few years later I started to follow the actors on social media, and learned about the fandom and fan conventions. I couldn't get enough of these men who played the characters I loved so deeply. Admittedly I was worried. So often the actors who player the characters that I loved were disappointing as people. I was afraid that seeing the actors in person, as themselves was going to crush my feelings for the characters. Happily, I was wrong. In fact, I started to care about them even more. The leads, their wives, some of the actors and actresses who played "lesser" characters. It was amazing. I never made actual friends from my fellow fans. Apparently making friends is something I continue to suck at - my kryptonite if you will. But it was still so very cool to be someplace surrounded by people who loved what I loved and found it as captivating as I did.
Then I found fanfiction and I tipped right over the edge. I read for hours each night. Good stories that felt like they could be episodes, bad stories that were full of cliches and spelling mistakes, dark stories that painted the characters in ways I wouldn't have imagined, touching stories that made me cry. Even a few that made me mad. It was only a matter of time before the spark that had been dampened within me sputtered back to life. I've always loved writing, but I find it difficult to break out of the paralysis of world building to actually take the stories from my brain and put them on paper (or screen.) But with fanfiction, I didn't need to create the world or the characters, I could just imagine "what if" and put my beloved Sam and Dean into different situations.
Publishing my first (and not very good) story was a revelation. Not only did I get the enjoyment of creation, of taking an idea and turning into something, but I got feed back. I didn't realize how gratifying it was to have actual people read what I wrote. People with opinions and thoughts about the show, the characters and what I had created. The rush of a glowing review can never be overstated. Luckily I have a thick skin, so the occasional criticism doesn't deflate me too much. By writing, I found a piece of myself that had been missing and I none of that would have happened if I hadn't found this show.
327 episodes later and you'd think I'd have had my fill. But I have over 47 story outlines I want to flesh out and more ideas all the time. Last summer, I discovered writing challenges. I signed up for SummerGen and for the first time had an external motivation to write. It was a challenge for sure, but I loved it. So I've signed up for another challenge. Who would have thought that I'm still expanding my horizons within the Supernatural world?
A tiny part of me regrets not finding the show sooner, but maybe it was better to have found it when I needed it. The breadth and depth of the show, it's fandom and the fiction it inspires is so vast that I can't imagine getting tired of it. There is lots to immerse myself in and unlike some fandoms that seemed to collapse in on themselves when the source material ended, this one seems to expand. Jensen, Jared, Misha et al. certainly have inspired and moved me and given me joy far beyond the confines of the episodes themselves. Supernatural changed my life and for that I'm very grateful.