2014: Tell me when it kicks in (for articmonkeys)

Dec 28, 2014 23:07

For: articmonkeys
From: ANONYMOUS until December 30, 2014

Title: Tell me when it kicks in
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Baekhyun/Sehun
Length: 2,079 words
Summary: Baekhyun knows better than anyone else that unexpressed emotions never die. They are buried alive and come forth, later, in uglier ways.
Notes: A lot of liberties were taken with the prompt. I hope you like this!


PAUSE ▌▌

"I-uh, I would like---" Baekhyun pauses, unsure of how to continue.

I want an extra shot of espresso, please, he wants to say, but has no idea what the words for ‘one more' are in Mandarin. He's never been that great with words outside the realm of his native tongue as Joonmyun, his editor, had very kindly reminded him numerous times prior to his departure, and the few words that he'd managed to memorize before the journey have also left him. Baekhyun had laughed in Joonmyun's face then and promised he was fine before turning away, pulling a single suitcase with him through the double doors. Three days later, and with a severe headache, the sick feeling in Baekhyun expands further.

"You. Uh. Need help?" A voice behind him asks. Baekhyun whirls around and comes face to face with a skull-shaped necklace. The man donning the item is tall, clearly, as Baekhyun's nose only manages to greet his collarbone. He has a stern, pale face and his outfit is completely black, the only exception being the blond in his hair, but Baekhyun is ready to take anything he gets.

He nods wildly, with a little too much enthusiasm perhaps, as he blurts out his coffee order without a second thought. The man smiles and reiterates the order in Mandarin with the kind of grace Baekhyun writes about in his stories.

"I'm Zitao," he informs Baekhyun in slow, soft-spoken Korean, directing him towards one of tables by the window.

"I'm Baekhyun. Thank you for the coffee-"

"It's okay," Zitao says, gleefully. "You looked like you needed some help. Are you new to Beijing?"

"Yeah," Baekhyun admits. "I just arrived this week."

"Oh, I am waiting for a friend," Zitao says. "He's the one who taught me how to speak Korean. Maybe he can help you, if you need-"

Zitao pauses mid-sentence to wave at someone behind Baekhyun.

Baekhyun turns around to see someone he never expected to see again.

The man that walks into the café next is tall, almost as tall as Zitao himself and dressed in a light blue shirt that puts emphasis his slim figure. Baekhyun's stomach churns at the sight. It reminds Baekhyun of a scene from his second novel, where the main character meets the one he'd been searching for but the doubts kick in before he even says hello. Is this really what I have been waiting for? Has he been waiting for me too?

Usually, Baekhyun is good at talking more than necessary, filling empty spaces with words and more words, and sometimes, if he manages to write it down on paper, Joonmyun helps him turn it into something that sometimes resembles a manuscript. Baekhyun is good at talking more than required, but there are still exceptions, there are still people who leave him speechless.

"Hello," the man greets in an even tone, unlike the beating of Baekhyun's heart. "What's your name?"

◄◄ REWIND

"You don't have to go, you don't have to leave," Baekhyun tries to explain, to beg. "What about Jongin and Chanyeol and-"

"They'll live just fine without me, hyung," Sehun says with a scoff. His voice sounds so calm and casual, as if Baekhyun's just trying to convince Sehun that they shouldn't have ramen again tonight, so casual as if Sehun isn't running away to another country.

"No, they won't," Baekhyun argues relentlessly, "Jongin can't wake up on time without you and he also can't stay awake during classes without you. And who is going to keep Chanyeol away from Jongin? You know how much they both adore you. You don't understand-"

"I need to leave, hyung," Sehun insists. "They'll be fine without me."

They've had this discussion multiple times since Baekhyun found out Sehun's father was promoted and transferred at work. Sehun sounds more and more like he's giving up after every conversation, like he knows what Baekhyun's thinking but wants to hear it for himself. Baekhyun's ego is too huge during his younger years, to admit wanting Sehun to stay for his selfish reasons.

There are a lot of regrets Baekhyun has from then on but nothing compares to sight of seeing Sehun leave.

You don't understand, Baekhyun should've told him. They'll be fine, but what about me?

FORWARD ►►

They meet up again, because Sehun leaves his scarf behind when Zitao drags him away and Baekhyun isn't sure if it is deliberate or not, but he's sure this is what second chances feel like. He's written about it before, about being human and making mistakes, about how second chances are things we get, but not always deserve.

"Why are you in Beijing?" he asks Sehun one day. Asking why he isn't in Seoul feels too direct, too personal. Baekhyun doesn't know if he can still ask such questions anymore. Seven years is a long time to be away. Seven years is a long time for insecurities to grow, for uncertainties to increase.

"Same as you, I think," Sehun says with a shrug. "I ran away."

"I didn't run away," Baekhyun argues, looking at Sehun.

He's in a plain black t-shirt today, but the blond, a lighter shade than Zitao's, shines under the sunlight, looking a shade even lighter. Baekhyun knows he'll be writing about feelings that leave you breathless and faces that are embedded into the soul once he sits down with to write again.

"Okay," Sehun says. He doesn't believe Baekhyun.

◄◄ REWIND

Being pressed against a shelf looks much better in movies and sounds almost romantic in novels but if Baekhyun were to be honest, it hurts like a bitch in real life. There's an oddly placed book digging into Baekhyun's back in the most painful way imaginable that he's trying to ignore, focusing instead on the hands under his shirt.

"This isn't-" Baekhyun tries to say. Sehun uses this opportunity to force his tongue inside Baekhyun's mouth, halting Baekhyun's thought process successfully. Baekhyun moans, sucking on Sehun's tongue, unable to restrain himself. He's never been good at holding himself back, he's loud and obnoxious and incredibly attracted to Sehun. He brings a hand up to cup Sehun's chin and presses their mouths closer. Sehun mouth still tastes like the bar of chocolate Baekhyun had tossed his way earlier that morning; it is sweet with a hint of bitterness.

There's a chance that someone might catch them, that Chanyeol or Jongin themselves might catch them, but it isn't enough to force Baekhyun to stop. He has a handful of Sehun's shirt in one hand and the other around Sehun's neck, pulling him closer by the time the sirens in his head go off. Sehun's still so young. They shouldn't, this shouldn't-

FORWARD ►►

Sehun pushes Baekhyun back with force and it hurts just the way Baekhyun remembers. There's something comforting about that, Baekhyun thinks in the back of his mind, about knowing that some things still run the same course. Old leaves fall so that new ones can grow, but its the same really, same things over and over again.

Baekhyun's the more eager one this time, pulling Sehun closer and closer, refusing to let go. He can feel Sehun amusement, his laughter, through the little puffs of air against his lips.

He bites Sehun's lower lip in spite.

"You've got to stop doing that," Baekhyun says later, much later, after they've had dinner and after Baekhyun's heart has managed to calm down. "The pushing thing," he explains, scrunching his nose up, embarrassed, and a little shy. "It used to hurt a lot. Still does."

"I wouldn't know," Sehun says with a smirk, fingers brushing against Baekhyun's as they walk. The moon is high up in the sky and the streets are more empty than full. Sehun has no reason to walk this close.

"Brat," Baekhyun calls with a feeling of satisfaction.

It's been a long time coming.

◄◄ REWIND

Sehun is only a few inches taller than Baekhyun when they first meet.

Baekhyun's in his final year of high school but Sehun's a sophomore, so Baekhyun fills the week that follows their meeting with endless complaints regarding Sehun's verticality nevertheless. Sehun's also shy back then, and intimidated easily. Baekhyun's amusement turns into curiosity after the end of first week and into attraction not much later.

"You are really cute, kid," he makes sure to tell Sehun every day, reaching onto the tip of his toes to pat the younger's head. It's a downwards spiral, Baekhyun knows. It's called digging one's own grave, he knows.

"Your height is really cute, hyung," is Sehun's counter. "No, really, is the air fresh down there?"

It's childish and Baekhyun pulls Sehun into a headlock in return, all the while dragging him to the ice cream store down the street. He knows there is no going back, not after he catches himself thinking about the way Sehun smiles while scooping up a spoonful of ice-cream, that smile he gives when he's really happy, all crescent eyes and high cheekbones. It is a sight Baekhyun remembers in his dreams sometimes, one that imprints itself onto his brain for the many more years that come. It is a sight Baekhyun writes about frequently.

FORWARD ►►

"Do you miss Seoul?" Baekhyun dares to ask one day. Do you miss home? Do you miss us? Me?

Sehun's at least half a head taller than Baekhyun now and Baekhyun wonders if he'd have to strain his neck to look at Sehun if he stood too close. Then, he thinks about what Sehun would do if he stood too close. Sehun looks straight ahead as they walk, tongue swiping out for a brief second, eyes on the road. The street lights cast shadows under Sehun's eyes, dark shadows that make him look older, reminding Baekhyun of just how much time has passed. It's unsettling.

I want to travel a little, move around, see different scenery, Baekhyun had told Joonmyun before leaving; I have to go find inspiration, something I want to write about.

You're not running off to look for that kid from high school, Joonmyun had replied, but he knows Baekhyun can't leave a story unfinished. Baekhyun doesn't like how Joonmyun knows too much about his likes and dislikes, his habits and, worst of all, how Joonmyun knows how to read between his words.

As a writer, Baekhyun knows better than anyone else that unexpressed emotions never die. They are buried alive and come forth, later, in uglier ways. Baekhyun's job is to make the ugly sound beautiful, he thinks, maybe, he's not too sure. He isn't sure about a lot of things anymore.

"I've been here for a long time," Sehun tells him. Baekhyun wonders if he feels as lost as he sounds. "I barely what it was like anymore but- but, I think so."

The translation in Baekhyun's heart is, yes, I missed you a lot, hyung. I want to come back.

PLAY ►

"Baekhyun," he introduces himself, standing up from his chair and bowing slightly. He barely manages to force the words out through the turmoil his brain is in. "My name is, uh, Byun Baekhyun."

"I am Sehun," the man says with a smile, looking Baekhyun straight in the eye. Baekhyun looks away immediately, coughing forcefully. It hurts. "Where are you from?"

"Gyeonggi-do," Baekhyun stutters out. "But I live in Seoul."

He's sure his hair is astray and the dark circles under his eyes are glaringly visible. There's even a coffee stain on his shirt and Zitao's staring at him with the kind of wide interest that'd leave anyone flustered. Baekhyun has imagined this scene so many times in his head, written the different variations of it into his stories, but the fact that it is finally happen doesn't register in his brain.

"I used to live in Seoul, too," Sehun replies. His voice is calm, tone even, just the way it sounds in Baekhyun's memories. "We might have even seen each other before."

"I'd like to think so too," Baekhyun replies, heart pounding. In his mind, he'd always known that the chances of Sehun running in the opposite direction after seeing him were far greater than any other possibility. The chances of never running into Sehun were even greater. This. This feels a lot like a dream. "It's nice to meet you."

He means every word of it. He means it so much, it hurts.

Sehun smiles like he knows.

2014: fics, with: sehun, rating: pg-13

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