☁ a mess of blues
building stairways to lead you home
chen/d.o.
pg-13
originally posted @ chenpionships
Kyungsoo groans when he hears the familiar sound of a Skype video call request. He squints an eye open and sees Jongdae's profile picture on his phone screen.
It's a ridiculous picture. Jongdae had attempted to take a selfie of the two of them while Kyungsoo tried to carry him on his back- “Piggyback pictures are cute!” Jongdae had insisted- but Jongdae had only managed to hit the shutter button when the two of them end up entangled on the floor. The picture’s a little blurry but they’re both laughing, and it always makes Kyungsoo smile when it pops up on his phone or laptop whenever Jongdae calls. He hits 'Accept' and by the time the connection goes through, he has both eyes open and he's smiling.
The video is a little grainy but Kyungsoo can still see Jongdae. He looks sleepy, like he’s struggling to keep his eyes open but he’s smiling too. "Morning," he mumbles out. He’s laying on his side, his face pressed into the pillow.
“Good morning.” Kyungsoo isn’t a morning person but Jongdae manages to bring out a smile even when he’s half asleep.
When they had been living together, Jongdae handled Kyungsoo's morning crankiness well. He always let it bounce off him, and Kyungsoo is glad that even after he left to film his new show Jongdae had insisted on waking him up. It’s definitely better than his other wake up call option- his manager, Junmyeon, shaking him awake, looking stressed and ordering Kyungsoo out of bed while he babbles out Kyungsoo’s schedule for the day.
Kyungsoo smile deepens when Jongdae moves his phone closer to his face, although it makes him sad at the same too because he’s not actually getting any closer to Jongdae in reality. “You shouldn’t be up.”
Jongdae momentarily disappears and Kyungsoo gets a brief flash of the view of the bedroom wall. He knows Jongdae must have waved a hand dismissively at his comment, but seeing as one of his arms is tucked under his pillow, he had used the hand holding the phone. It’s a familiar gesture and it surprises Kyungsoo how he misses little things like Jongdae’s hand gestures.
“You said you were shooting a scene early in the morning today, so I set my alarm earlier too.” Jongdae is yawning when he’s back on the screen.
Kyungsoo feels bad that Jongdae usually has to wake up early just to call him, but he’s also come to rely on Jongdae’s wake up calls now. They put him in a semi-pleasant mood, and it’s especially nice to see Jongdae’s face in the morning when he has days that start at 4 AM. Like today.
“Thanks. You should go back to sleep though. I’m up.”
Jongdae nods in reply and Kyungsoo can’t help the tinge of sadness he feels when he sees the way Jongdae’s eyelids are already drooping. He misses waking up next to Jongdae. He used to love the way Jongdae struggled to stay awake on his days with an early start, mostly because he liked that he could lull Jongdae back to sleep by brushing a hand down his neck. Almost like a cat.
As if he’s read his mind, Jongdae’s eyes open and they’re lit up. “Wait, you have to say hi to Sehun before you go.”
Kyungsoo groans as Jongdae sits up and disappears from the screen. Not the cat. He hates the cat. He’s never met the cat, but he already hates it. He forces a smile on his face when Jongdae reappears, with Sehun the cat- their cat, even though Jongdae had adopted him when Kyungsoo was away.
Jongdae brings his phone closer to Sehun’s face, so Kyungsoo gets an unwilling close-up of the cat. “Say hi to your other daddy, Sehunnie,” he coos, making it wave a paw at Kyungsoo.
Kyungsoo tries not to scowl because Jongdae loves this mean-looking cat so much. He isn’t sure how to describe the expression on Sehun’s face. Jongdae uses an emoticon when he messages Kyungsoo when he’s annoyed about something, and that’s pretty much the way Sehun is staring at him now- like he’s annoyed and the feline embodiment of the >:( emoticon.
“Say hi,” Jongdae says to Kyungsoo, and he tries not to bristle at the fact that Sehun had gotten a gentle request to say hi while he’s being ordered.
“Hello, cat,” Kyungsoo says curtly, and Sehun actually hisses and makes a bold attempt to swipe at the screen. “I told you something was wrong with him!”
Jongdae frowns at him as he tries to pacify Sehun. “He’s sad because you’re acting so indifferent,” he says, scratching behind Sehun’s ears. “He just wants you to like him.”
It’s too early for his first eye roll of the day, Kyungsoo tells himself silently. It’s hard though because he’s sure Sehun doesn’t like him. Fine with him. The feeling is mutual. “Why’d you have to get a cat anyway?” he grumbles. “They’re so unfriendly and rude.”
“Then I must have a type because that’s what people say about you,” Jongdae says, laughing at the expression on Kyungsoo’s face. “I’m kidding...kind of.” Sehun seems to decide he’s not getting enough attention to make up for having to deal with Kyungsoo’s virtual presence and he mewls pitifully at Jongdae, who lets him go and he slinks out of view.
Good, Kyungsoo thinks spitefully. “You should go back to sleep,” he says again, even though Jongdae looks like he’s wide awake now.
“Yeah.” Jongdae’s still smiling, but it seems sadder now. They’re used to this already but the longer Kyungsoo is away, the harder it is to end their calls, even something as simple as a wake up call.
“I’ll call you when I’m on my lunch break,” Kyungsoo offers because it’s the only way they can end their calls on happy kind of note- promises of more calls later on.
“Okay,” Jongdae says, sighing.
“Hey.” Kyungsoo smiles. “One more week until my break and I’ll get to see you again.”
Jongdae brightens up at the reminder. “Yes! One more week until my right hand gets a break too.”
Kyungsoo can’t help it, he rolls his eyes. “Classy.”
“Nothing classy about me,” Jongdae replies. For some reason he seems to be smug about this.
“Don’t I know it,” Kyungsoo laughs. “We’ll talk later, okay?”
Jongdae seems content now that he’s been reminded that Kyungsoo is getting a break from shooting his show soon. “‘Kay,” he says cheerfully. “Love you!”
Kyungsoo’s throat tightens. It’s not new. In fact he’s sure that Love you has basically replaced the word goodbye for them; it seems to come out instinctively when they’re ending a conversation. Kyungsoo always feels his throat closing in for just a second, a millisecond, maybe because he’s never been good with handling emotions and he feels a lot of things when ever he hears Jongdae say it. When he and Jongdae had started going out, he had never thought to think so far ahead. He never thought that they’d get to being together for close to four years and that he’d be so far away for most of the third year.
“Love you too,” he manages to get out, before Jongdae exaggeratedly blows him a kiss and ends their call.
ϟ
Jongdae sits in front of his computer and frowns at the screen before he turns back to his phone where he’s talking to Kyungsoo. “You look like you didn’t even try. You need to up your airport fashion game. This all black attire is so boring.”
Kyungsoo makes a disgruntled sound. “Are you looking up pictures of me on the fansites again?” he demands. “Why do you waste so much time looking up pictures of me when you don’t even like the pictures half the time?”
“Excuse me, technophobe, I don’t actively look up pictures of you.” Jongdae moves away from the computer because he’s wasted enough time scrolling through pictures of Kyungsoo looking bored or annoyed, or a mixture of both. He’s amazed Kyungsoo has fans when he’s so boring. How did he get so famous when he doesn’t even smile? “It’s called Twitter. I followed a bunch of fansites so I don’t have to go looking for pictures, they just pop up.”
“Twitter.” Jongdae can feel Kyungsoo rolling his eyes.
“You should get an account,” Jongdae says, hopping over Sehun who is lazing around in the middle of the floor. “It’s a great way to keep in touch with your fans. You know, show them you’re human and you have feelings.”
“Can you see me rolling my eyes? Because I’m rolling my eyes.”
Jongdae huffs. “You’re so boring, Kyungsoo. Can’t you give your fans some kind of scandal? Actually wait, I guess if they knew what you were really like that would be sort of scandalous. You know they think you’re nice? Want me to read some of the comments?”
“No,” Kyungsoo answers shortly. “Shouldn’t you be getting ready for work?”
“I am.” Jongdae is already buttoning his shirt up and attempting to pour himself into his pants. Why did he get such tight pants for work? “I have some of them memorized. ‘Kyungsoo oppa looks so tired, he needs a break. Oppa, please be healthy. Oppa looks so handsome in this outfit. Kyungsoo oppa-'”
“Stop it.”
Jongdae stops. Not because Kyungsoo told him to, but because of the tone of his voice. Kyungsoo doesn’t actually sound irritated. He sounds- “Are you…” Jongdae is on his back on his bed as he struggles to button up his pants, but he manages to laugh at his boyfriend anyway. “Are you getting turned on?”
“No,” Kyungsoo snaps.
It’s no use though because Jongdae knows what he sounds like when he’s embarrassed and when he’s turned on. Jongdae laughs even harder and he gives up on his pants for now. “Oppa,” he says in a low voice.
“Jongdae-”
“Kyungsoo oppa,” Jongdae purrs. “When are you coming home? I’m so lonely without you.”
“Jongdae, stop. I’m about to get my makeup done.”
“But I miss you, oppa.” Jongdae frowns because his pants suddenly feel tighter and his plan is backfiring on him. “It’s been so long since we’ve been together. When I touch myself I always think of you.” He drops his voice even lower. “Do you think about me…oppa? Do you think about working me open with your-”
There’s a faint thump on the other end. “Fuck.” Kyungsoo sounds far away. “Jongdae, you need to stop.”
“But I’m hard now,” Jongdae whines.
“Whose fault is that?” Kyungsoo sounds clearer now, so Jongdae guesses he must have dropped his phone earlier.
“Come on,” Jongdae says, inching his hand down towards his cock. “You can finish me off. Just say something.” Before Kyungsoo can actually say anything, he quickly adds, “Something sexy, not ‘Jongdae, are you serious?’”
“Are you serious?” Kyungsoo demands anyway. “You want to have phone sex? I’m at work.”
“You’re such a prude,” Jongdae complains. “You literally just had to say something about wrapping your fingers around my cock and that would have been enough. But no. Now my cock is sad and it has retreated. Are you happy?”
“You should have timed this better!”
Jongdae pauses. “What? Phone sex?”
“Yes.” Kyungsoo sounds embarrassed, and Jongdae is going to be late for his shift if he doesn’t leave now but there’s no way he’s letting Kyungsoo off the hook.
“I thought you had no interest in phone sex,” he says, as he resumes his struggle with his pants.
“I don’t. Or I didn’t. But it’s been…it’s been seven months, Jongdae.”
Jongdae snorts. “What? You expect me to believe you haven’t touched yourself in seven months? I assumed you’ve been having a sordid love affair with your right hand while you pictured me.” He finally manages to get the button on his pants through the hole and he’s so busy silently cheering that he almost misses what Kyungsoo says.
Almost.
“Say that again.”
Kyungsoo groans. “No, it was embarrassing enough the first time.”
Jongdae sits up, grinning. “Please?” He knows he doesn’t sound like he’s pleading at all, he sounds smug. The cat chooses that moment to saunter over and he purrs as he paws at Jongdae’s leg, trying to get him to pick him up. The purring reminds Jongdae of what lead them to this conversation, so he sweetly adds, “Oppa.”
He hears Kyungsoo mutter out a death threat but that’s fairly normal.
“I said,” Kyungsoo says, sounding pained, “that I can’t come unless I listen to one of your voicemails.”
Jongdae can’t help it, he actually cackles. “You’re saying you can’t come unless you hear my voice? That’s what this means, right?”
“Yes,” Kyungsoo says tersely. “Which sucks because half the time you’re talking about your customers with weird coffee orders or you’re talking about the fucking cat.”
Jongdae snickers as he picks up Sehun. “Well, Sehun is very glad to be involved in the completion of your orgasm,” he says, scratching Sehun behind his ears.
“Jongdae.” Kyungsoo’s voice drops. “I really miss you.”
Oh. Jongdae squirms uncomfortably because he always feels like he’s the one doing all the missing and he doesn’t want to sound needy or clingy so he tries not to talk about how much he misses Kyungsoo. He assumes he knows, but he doesn’t voice it out loud because he doesn’t want Kyungsoo to feel guilty. But when Kyungsoo brings it ups, it makes being apart seem worse for some reason.
“I miss you too,” he says, sighing. Sehun lets out a burbling sound as he rubs his face along Jongdae’s arm. He thinks the cat is trying to be comforting. Maybe. “Four more days, right?”
“Yeah, four more days.” Kyungsoo is quiet for awhile. “Shouldn’t you have left for work already?”
Jongdae glances at the time and curses. He’s late. “Shit, yeah. I have to go. Talk to you later, okay? Love you.” He hangs up before Kyungsoo can reply.
Sehun is thrown off Jongdae’s lap when he stands up and he hisses at him angrily.
“Sorry, Sehunnie,” Jongdae says, rushing around the apartment to grab his keys and wallet. He’s putting on his shoes when his phone beeps with a message. He only opens it when he’s out the door and in the elevator.
It’s from Kyungsoo: ‘So phone sex. We should figure that out.’
Jongdae snickers although the wave of fondness he feels is followed by an ache. He misses Kyungsoo a lot. He’s glad he’s doing well but this has been the longest they’ve been apart. Seven months is too long. At least Kyungsoo will be home for his birthday.
ϟ
Jongdae looks tired when Kyungsoo finally manages to get a video call to go through. He knows it’s late but Jongdae is still dressed up so he probably just got back home.
“Are you okay?” Kyungsoo adjusts the laptop on his stomach as he lies down. He’s tired too. It’s almost midnight and he only managed to get rid of Junmyeon a few minutes ago. He vaguely thinks about ordering Junmyeon to take a vacation. They could both use the break from each other.
“Yeah, just tired.” Jongdae manages to smile at him despite looking like he’s ready to pass out. “Hi.”
Kyungsoo feels a wave of affection and he knows he should send him to bed, but he needs to tell Jongdae tonight. He’s been feeling guilty all day and he had avoided his phone for most of the day, even though he knew that Jongdae wouldn’t have the time to call him once his shift started. He’s not afraid of Jongdae. He’s just tired of always disappointing him.
“You sang at the nightclub tonight, right?” Kyungsoo is aware that he’s being a coward.
Jongdae makes a face. “Yeah.”
“How was it?” It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that short, one-word answers mean ‘I don’t want to talk about it.’ Kyungsoo knows he should drop it; Jongdae clearly doesn’t want to talk about his semi-regular gig singing at a nightclub.
“It was fine,” Jongdae says, looking away from the screen.
“Hey, Jongdae.” Kyungsoo sits up, letting the laptop slide down to his lap. He had been trying to stall but now he can see that something about Jongdae is off. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t want to do the nightclub thing anymore.”
Kyungsoo’s eyebrows knit together in alarm. “You love singing at the nightclub. You said it’s a good way to keep up with your singing while you wait for something to happen.”
When Jongdae turns back to him, his jaw is locked tight and Kyungsoo panics. He hadn’t realized that Jongdae was upset- really upset.
“I’m tired of waiting,” Jongdae finally says. His voice sounds steady but Kyungsoo has already clued in to how upset he is. “This isn’t going anywhere. I should be doing something more fruitful with my life. How long can I be working at a coffee shop? Am I going to be magically discovered singing at a seedy nightclub? How many auditions am I going to have to fail? I think it’s time for me to accept that this isn’t meant to be.”
“Jongdae,” Kyungsoo says quietly. “Did something happen?”
Jongdae shakes his head. “No,” he answers softly. “Nothing happened. But Luhan came to see me at work today. He got a promotion, which is great, and he deserves it. He’s worked so hard. What am I doing?”
“You deserve to be doing something you love. I know it takes a lot of patience to wait for something to happen, but it will. Something is going to happen for you, I know it will.” Kyungsoo feels discomfited. He’s too far away to be having this conversation. He’s too helpless from this distance. When Jongdae doesn’t reply to this, just stays quiet, he asks, “Where’s the cat?”
Jongdae looks at him in puzzlement. “The cat?”
Kyungsoo can’t see the hellion cat anywhere on the frame. “Sehun!” he calls out.
“Why are you-hey!”
Kyungsoo’s a little amazed when the cat actually slinks into view at the bottom left corner of the screen. He has that >:( look on his face again and Kyungsoo is starting to think that maybe this is just Sehun’s default face when he sees him. “What are you doing?” he asks, narrowing his eyes at the cat.
Jongdae’s fingers are stroking the cat’s sides but he’s watching Kyungsoo like he’s gone crazy. “What are you doing?”
“Your owner’s sad,” Kyungsoo tells Sehun. “Be comforting.”
Sehun hisses at him yet again but he purrs at Jongdae and he sounds like he’s commiserating. Maybe the cat isn’t completely useless. Kyungsoo smiles when Jongdae laughs at the way Sehun tries to paw at his shirt. Except he remembers that he still has to tell Jongdae.
Jongdae pushes the cat’s paw away but he lets him climb up his shoulder. “He was sleeping, you know,” he says. “He ran right over when you called him. I told you he likes you.”
Kyungsoo snorts. “Yeah right.” He does appreciate the way Sehun is making Jongdae laugh, even if it’s more because he’s tickling him with his tail. Jesus, even the cat was one-upping him in how to be there for Jongdae. “I have some bad news.”
Jongdae is still giggling at Sehun’s antics and Kyungsoo doesn’t know if it’s better that he’s at least a little happier now before he makes that smile drop off his face, or if he should have just told Jongdae when he was already down. “What is it?” He manages to settle the cat on his lap but he’s still smiling and Kyungsoo wants to disappear under a rock.
He is the worst boyfriend ever. “I can’t come home next week.”
Jongdae’s smile freezes and then he just looks confused. “What do you mean? You have to wait a little longer before you can get a break?”
“No. Well…yes. Probably.” Kyungsoo sighs. “I won’t be coming home any time soon. Yifan got injured shooting his scene and he won’t be able to film anything for the next two weeks, so the script writers are rewriting a bunch of scenes and changing the storyline a little. I need to be around for that.”
Jongdae’s face goes blank and the hand that had been petting the cat freezes. “Oh. Okay.”
Kyungsoo hadn’t expected Jongdae to fly into a rage or anything, but he hadn’t foreseen this non-reaction either. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I tried to see if I could at least get away for two days but they’re going to introduce a new storyline for me and I can’t- Jongdae, I’m really sorry.”
“I know,” Jongdae says vacantly. “It’s not your fault.”
“You’re mad.”
“No.” Jongdae moves away from the screen and Kyungsoo watches as he shoos Sehun off his lap. He doesn’t move back towards the computer. “I’m going to go, okay? I need a shower and then I’m going to go to bed.”
“Jongdae, don’t. Talk to me.” Kyungsoo is pleading because he doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t want Jongdae to go to bed mad or sad or both.
“It’s fine,” Jongdae insists, “I’m really tired. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay? You have to be up at seven, right?” He gives him a small smile. “You get to sleep in.”
Kyungsoo is distracted by this. “Not really,” he says, feeling a little lost. 7 AM is generally when he has to wake up most of the time.
Jongdae’s face falls. “It was a joke. Because you’ve been waking up around four or five lately.”
Kyungsoo feels his face burning. Fuck. He can’t even do basic things like getting Jongdae’s lame jokes. He was on a roll tonight. He decides to ignore this because it’s not the most important thing right now. “I’ll make it up to you.” He has no idea how he’s going to do this. He doesn’t usually make baseless promises but Jongdae doesn’t look upset or angry. He looks detached, like he’s getting used to Kyungsoo not coming through and Kyungsoo hates that this is true. He can’t do anything right lately.
“Yeah, okay. We’ll talk tomorrow, okay?”
“Sure. Of course.” Kyungsoo feels a little sick. It feel likes Jongdae is giving up a little. “I love you.”
Jongdae looks conflicted. “Okay,” he says and he ends the video call.
ϟ
Jongdae really isn’t mad. He knows it’s not Kyungsoo’s fault, he can’t help how his schedule works. He knows Kyungsoo must be tired too. Between late night filming-sometimes Kyungsoo is still filming his scenes at three in the morning-and flying around for various interviews and photoshoots and promotions for his show, Jongdae knows it’s not easy for him. So Jongdae’s upset that Kyungsoo won’t be back next week, but he figures he has enough on his plate, so he brushes it off.
Kyungsoo is apologetic, especially when the week starts. “I’m sorry I’m going to miss your birthday.”
Jongdae shrugs as he takes a sip of his coffee. “You’ve never actually been around on my birthday,” he says. “It’s okay.”
Kyungsoo groans. “I know, but we always manage to celebrate it whether it’s before the actual day or after. This time I’m just missing it completely.”
Jongdae is actually hoping that Kyungsoo will surprise him and show up on his birthday. He feels a little pathetic because he knows Kyungsoo is busy; they’ve only been able to talk in the mornings when Jongdae calls to wake up Kyungsoo and at night before Jongdae goes to bed. He’s still hoping that Kyungsoo will show up anyway.
Kyungsoo is the one to give him a wake up call on his birthday and Jongdae can’t help how disappointed he feels when he sees that Kyungsoo is already in the dressing room on the set of his show. It’s a quick call. Kyungsoo wishes him a happy birthday and apologizes for what has to be the five hundredth time for not being able to be there.
It’s a long day.
Jongdae had taken the day off. Not just because he had hoped he would be spending it with Kyungsoo-he also didn’t want to be working on his birthday. But the day stretches out too long and he regrets it. If he was working, he would be distracted and busy, not brooding in his apartment with no one except the cat for company.
He can’t help the disappointment and bitterness he feels. Not particularly because Kyungsoo is missing his birthday, but because this is the third time Kyungsoo was supposed to come home for a break only to have everything fall through at the last minute. He knows Kyungsoo isn’t the one to blame, but he feels abandoned, like he’s just waiting, and he’s tired of always waiting. Waiting for his chance to shine, waiting for Kyungsoo to come home-just waiting.
Jongdae’s too upset to try to hide it from Kyungsoo when he calls during his break. Even if he wanted to hide it, it’s useless because Kyungsoo is too good at reading him.
“I thought you would be here,” he ends up saying. He squeezes his eyes shut because even though Kyungsoo can’t see him, he’ll know if he cries. And this is such a stupid thing to cry about. He knows Kyungsoo’s schedule is crazy. Why had he hung all his hopes on him appearing for his birthday?
Kyungsoo is silent on the other end.
“Kyungsoo?”
“This is really hard for me, Jongdae.”
“I know.” Jongdae doesn’t mean to whisper but he’s trying hard to swallow his disappointment. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to make you feel bad.” He hears someone calling for Kyungsoo on the other end, probably Junmyeon.
“Jongdae…”
“You have to go, I know.”
“Just wait awhile, okay?” Kyungsoo sounds preoccupied. “I’ll make it up to you.”
In retrospect Jongdae should have caught on, but he’s too busy wallowing to pay attention. He’s already thinking about taking Sehun for a walk-do people walk cats?-and buying himself a cupcake. “Okay.” He sighs. “We’ll Skype tonight, okay? I miss your face.”
Kyungsoo laughs. “Yeah, okay. I’ll call you as soon as I’m done.”
“Love you.”
“I love you too.”
Jongdae sighs as he hangs up and flops face first into one of the couch cushions. He doesn’t move when Sehun decides that sitting on top of Jongdae’s head is an appropriate place to relax.
“Guess you’re going to have to wait to meet your other dad, Sehunnie.” His words come out muffled and Sehun’s only reply is to yawn and rest his own head next to Jongdae’s on the cushion.
Jongdae allows himself five more minutes of wallowing before he drags himself off the couch and decides he may as well try to walk Sehun. Who of course stares at his owner like he is profoundly disappointed in him. He stares at the leash that Jongdae is holding out to him and then stares back at Jongdae.
“Please?” Jongdae inches closer with the leash. “It’s my birthday.”
I’ve lost my mind, Jongdae thinks to himself. I’m trying to convince the cat to talk a walk with me. He reaches down and scoops the cat up. “You’re spending time with me,” he says firmly, and tries not to wince when Sehun lets out a loud screech. He marches out of his apartment in determination despite his cat’s temper tantrum.
The walk doesn’t last long. Jongdae can handle Sehun squirming in his arms, but Sehun hisses and bares his teeth every time they pass by someone. He finally gives in when Sehun tries to swipe at a couple who nearly bumps into them.
“Sorry,” he says, trapping Sehun’s paws with his hands when the man stares at the cat in horror. “He’s usually very sweet.” Which is a horrible lie, but they didn’t need to know that. He grumbles at Sehun all the way back to the apartment. “How can you be so much like Kyungsoo when you guys haven’t even met yet? Maybe I should cut you guys off.”
Sehun happily bounds away as soon as Jongdae sets him back down at the apartment. He kicks the pile of letters that arrived while they were gone, and they spill over by Jongdae’s feet. He picks up the pink envelope because he assumes it’s a birthday card. Probably from Baekhyun, the asshole. He’s never let Jongdae forget that he wanted to be the Pink Power Ranger when they were kids.
Something falls out when he pulls the card out of the envelope, but he’s too busy reading the front of the card.
This card does not contain any nudity, sex, or naughty language.
Okay. Probably not from Baekhyun then.
He opens the card. These things I will provide in person. Below that, Kyungsoo had written: Happy birthday! I told you I’d make it up to you. He hadn’t signed his name, just drawn a heart, but Jongdae knows his writing and he can recognize Kyungsoo’s lopsided hearts anywhere.
He frowns at the card because what? He’s already calling Kyungsoo, when he steps on something and he remembers it had fallen out of the envelope. He leans down to pick it up and he freezes when he realizes what it is.
“Hello? Jongdae? Are you there?”
Jongdae almost drops his phone. “Hang up,” he says. “I’m going to Skype you.”
“What? What do-”
Jongdae hangs up without another word and signs in to Skype immediately. “What is this?” he demands as soon as Kyungsoo appears on the screen. He holds the paper in front of the camera.
Kyungsoo is smiling when he pulls it away. “A plane ticket.”
“You bought me a plane ticket to come see you?” Jongdae feels like he’s going to cry again, only for a completely different reason this time. He feels guilty for complaining earlier when Kyungsoo had obviously already planned this out.
“Kind of.” Kyungsoo grins. “The plane ticket’s just part one of the surprise.”
Jongdae narrows his eyes. “What’s part two?”
“Do you know Junmyeon knows the person in charge of the music on the show?”
“No?” Jongdae is getting more confused with every passing second.
“He does.” Kyungsoo is practically beaming and Jongdae wants him to hurry up and get to the good part so he can move on from confused to happy too. “And lately I’ve been hanging out in the music studio during my breaks to get away from the makeup and costume people because they drive me crazy. So. Are you ready?”
Jongdae rolls his eyes. “Yes, hurry up. You’re the worst storyteller.”
“He’s been working on this new song for part four of the show’s soundtrack, and...you get to sing it!”
Jongdae freezes.
“Jongdae?”
Jongdae is horrified. “Why? He’s never even heard me sing.”
“Sure he has,” Kyungsoo says breezily. “Remember when you first started singing at the nightclub? Yixing recorded you singing and sent it to me so I could hear you? I have a bunch of those clips. I played it for him. He likes your voice. He thinks you’ll be perfect because he says your voice is raw and new and he says he needs something like that for this song. The point is, you have your own solo!” He pauses like he’s just noticed the colour draining out of Jongdae’s face. “Are you okay?”
“People watch your show,” Jongdae says weakly. “It’s really popular. People love your soundtrack. All those people are going to hear me. Why would you do that?”
Kyungsoo blinks at him. “Because I believe in you,” he answers simply. “So come, okay? Come down here and record the song. You’ll be great.”
“Kyungsoo-”
“And,” Kyungsoo adds. “I really miss your face.”
ϟ
As soon as Kyungsoo is done shooting his scenes, he rushes into his dressing room, ignoring Junmyeon calling out to him. He grabs his phone and he curses when he checks the time. Jongdae’s flight landed an hour and a half ago; he had missed picking him up at the airport.
It’s not a big deal. Jongdae had told him it wasn’t necessary, especially since Junmyeon had said he’d send someone to pick him up. It’s a big deal to Kyungsoo though. He had promised, and even if Jongdae had brushed it off, this is another bullet point on the growing list of How Many Times Do Kyungsoo Has Let Down Kim Jongdae. He knows getting Jongdae a song on the soundtrack scores him a lot of brownie points, but Jongdae’s only going to be here for a week and he intends to spends that one week making up for all the times he’s let him down.
“What?” he snaps when he hears the knock on the door. He assumes it’s Junmyeon and he knows he’s taking out his temper on the wrong person-he’s not angry at anyone but himself.
There’s another knock on the door, this one more timid. Shit, Kyungsoo thinks. It’s probably someone from the makeup department. Kyungsoo stares at the mirror and tries to force a smile on his face. It looks more like a grimace but it will have to do.
There’s one more knock. “I’m coming.” He can’t keep the irritation out of his voice as he hurries towards the door and opens it. “Shit.”
It’s not the most ideal first thing to say to someone he hasn’t seen for seven months.
Seven months. Has it really been seven months since he’s seen-really seen-Jongdae?
“Hi.” Jongdae’s knuckles are white from where he’s holding on to the handle of his suitcase. He looks uncertain, almost wary.
“What are you doing here?”
This isn’t how he imagined it would be meeting Jongdae again. He’s imagined it in a thousand different ways, but he had never once imagined this awkward, tension-filled silence.
Jongdae looks nervous. “They dropped me here. Junmyeon thought you’d want to see me as soon as you could.” He sounds betrayed, like he’s been lead to believe something that isn’t true. Even though it is true. Kyungsoo is happy to see him. “But you must be busy, so I’ll just wait-”
It’s that pained look that snaps Kyungsoo out of his surprise.
“No, god, no. Of course I’m not busy. Not for you.” Kyungsoo lets go of the door handle and he steps forward to grab Jongdae and he pulls him into a crushing hug.
He expects Jongdae to be stiff at first, but he isn’t. Jongdae melts into him, like it’s instinct, and Kyungsoo smiles because he’d been afraid that he had forgotten this-how to be with Jongdae, how to hold him, how to reassure him in person.
“I can feel my bones starting to crack,” Jongdae mumbles into his shoulder, even though he’s stepping in closer and tightening the grip he has around Kyungsoo’s waist.
“I don’t care.” Kyungsoo pulls him closer, forcing Jongdae up on his toes with his insistence. He doesn’t need to because they’re the same height, but Jongdae rests his chin on Kyungsoo’s shoulder and lets himself be pulled in.
Kyungsoo squeezes his eyes shut as he buries his nose in Jongdae’s neck because right now, he just wants to appreciate finally being with Jongdae. Jongdae doesn’t really smell like anything besides himself, but Kyungsoo decides he’s missed that smell anyway. He presses a kiss against Jongdae’s throat and he hears Jongdae sigh in contentment.
“I missed you,” he says, his lips brushing against Jongdae’s collarbone.
Kyungsoo opens his eyes when he hears a clattering noise at the door. He finds the source near Jongdae’s suitcase. “Did you bring-is that…?”
Jongdae turns to see what he’s looking at and he smiles. “Of course. Who would look after him while I was gone?”
Kyungsoo can’t help the aghast look on his face because he’s actually here-in all his >:( glory, Sehun the cat, looking highly unimpressed with Kyungsoo’s existence as always. “Cat,” he says, glaring at him.
Sehun bares his teeth at him and thumps his tail in the cage. Kyungsoo’s not stupid. He knows this is a temper tantrum.
“He likes you,” Jongdae says. There’s a hint of a smirk on his face so at least Kyungsoo knows he’s aware that they apparently own a cat who’s kind of an asshole.
ϟ
The week goes by fast.
They’re both busy and their breaks usually don’t happen at the same time. Jongdae knows recording a song isn’t a simple and easy job, so he’s not surprised at all the work he has to do. He doesn’t mind though; he’s tired but it’s a happy kind of tired.
When he’s done for the day, he finds Kyungsoo in his dressing room. He smirks at how he’s made up to look like he’s full of scrapes and bruises. “Are we getting beat up today?”
Kyungsoo looks up from the script he’s reading, and he smiles when he sees Jongdae. “Hey! Are you done for today?”
“Yeah.” Jongdae glances around the dressing room. “Where’s Sehun?”
Kyungsoo’s eye twitches. “With Junmyeon,” he answers. “He was getting in the way of my makeup artist. He made this weird yowling sound every time she got close to me. Jongdae, be honest. Do we own a sociopathic cat?”
Jongdae snickers. “Nah,” he says, dropping himself down on Kyungsoo’s lap. “He’s just possessive.”
“He’s weird,” Kyungsoo insists, drawing his arms around Jongdae. “I don’t like him. You know last night I woke up to get a glass of water and I found him sitting on top of the fridge. How did he get up there? He just stared at me the whole time.”
Jongdae laughs because Sehun is almost always asleep, even during the day. He’s amused that their cat is putting in so much work just to unnerve Kyungsoo. “He’s probably just getting used to you.”
“You’re a liar,” Kyungsoo says. “He’s just-”
He’s caught off guard when Jongdae catches his lips with his in a kiss. His eyes close as Jongdae gently brushes his thumb across his jaw, slowly working his mouth open.
Jongdae looks pleased when he pulls away. “Too much cat talk.”
Kyungsoo laughs. “Agreed,” he says, pressing another quick kiss to Jongdae’s lips. “How’s the song coming along?”
“Apparently if everything goes well, I’ll be done by tomorrow.” Jongdae beams at him. “Then I can just spend the rest of the time being oppa’s number one fan on the set.”
Kyungsoo gives him a look. “Please let my dick rest. It’s still worn out from last night.” He grunts when Jongdae squirms on his lap and he tightens his hold on his waist to stop him.
“You have a really big bathroom,” Jongdae says, stroking the side of Kyungsoo’s neck. “I don’t think shower sex has ever been that easy.” He leans in to kiss Kyungsoo right below his ear. “It’s a nice place. A nice second home.”
“It’s not a home,” Kyungsoo says quietly. “You know that. Home will always be you.”
Jongdae figures he must have missed Kyungsoo too much because he would have hit Kyungsoo if he had said that before, but it’s nice to hear now. “And Sehun. Home is me and Sehun.”
Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. “Yeah. Home is the cat too.”
ϟ
For the first time in ages, Kyungsoo wakes up before Jongdae’s wake up call. He hadn’t been sleeping well since Jongdae had gone back home. He sighs when he realizes he’s slept on the left side of the bed because he had gotten used to sharing a bed with Jongdae again. He rolls to the middle of the bed but it feels bigger and emptier this way so he rolls back over.
His phone starts buzzing before he hears that familiar Skype ringtone and his screen lights up. He grimaces at Jongdae’s new profile picture. He still isn’t sure how Jongdae had managed to get him to agree to wear matching couple shirts. He had just shown up at his dressing room one day and insisted that Kyungsoo had promised to take a picture wearing matching shirts.
Which may be true, since Jongdae is smart and asks Kyungsoo for things he normally wouldn’t agree to during sex.
That’s not even the worst part though. As if wearing matching shirts isn’t bad enough, Jongdae is also holding up Sehun between the two of them and the fucking cat is wearing a bow tie that matches their shirts.
Kyungsoo looks at the picture as his phone continues to ring. Both he and Sehun are also wearing matching >:( expressions, so there’s also that. He finally hits ‘Accept’ and waits for the video to connect.
Jongdae is propped up on his pillows when he finally gets on screen, and he smiles sleepily when he sees Kyungsoo. “Good morning!”
chen/d.o.
pg-13
originally posted @ chenpionships
Kyungsoo groans when he hears the familiar sound of a Skype video call request. He squints an eye open and sees Jongdae's profile picture on his phone screen.
It's a ridiculous picture. Jongdae had attempted to take a selfie of the two of them while Kyungsoo tried to carry him on his back- “Piggyback pictures are cute!” Jongdae had insisted- but Jongdae had only managed to hit the shutter button when the two of them end up entangled on the floor. The picture’s a little blurry but they’re both laughing, and it always makes Kyungsoo smile when it pops up on his phone or laptop whenever Jongdae calls. He hits 'Accept' and by the time the connection goes through, he has both eyes open and he's smiling.
The video is a little grainy but Kyungsoo can still see Jongdae. He looks sleepy, like he’s struggling to keep his eyes open but he’s smiling too. "Morning," he mumbles out. He’s laying on his side, his face pressed into the pillow.
“Good morning.” Kyungsoo isn’t a morning person but Jongdae manages to bring out a smile even when he’s half asleep.
When they had been living together, Jongdae handled Kyungsoo's morning crankiness well. He always let it bounce off him, and Kyungsoo is glad that even after he left to film his new show Jongdae had insisted on waking him up. It’s definitely better than his other wake up call option- his manager, Junmyeon, shaking him awake, looking stressed and ordering Kyungsoo out of bed while he babbles out Kyungsoo’s schedule for the day.
Kyungsoo smile deepens when Jongdae moves his phone closer to his face, although it makes him sad at the same too because he’s not actually getting any closer to Jongdae in reality. “You shouldn’t be up.”
Jongdae momentarily disappears and Kyungsoo gets a brief flash of the view of the bedroom wall. He knows Jongdae must have waved a hand dismissively at his comment, but seeing as one of his arms is tucked under his pillow, he had used the hand holding the phone. It’s a familiar gesture and it surprises Kyungsoo how he misses little things like Jongdae’s hand gestures.
“You said you were shooting a scene early in the morning today, so I set my alarm earlier too.” Jongdae is yawning when he’s back on the screen.
Kyungsoo feels bad that Jongdae usually has to wake up early just to call him, but he’s also come to rely on Jongdae’s wake up calls now. They put him in a semi-pleasant mood, and it’s especially nice to see Jongdae’s face in the morning when he has days that start at 4 AM. Like today.
“Thanks. You should go back to sleep though. I’m up.”
Jongdae nods in reply and Kyungsoo can’t help the tinge of sadness he feels when he sees the way Jongdae’s eyelids are already drooping. He misses waking up next to Jongdae. He used to love the way Jongdae struggled to stay awake on his days with an early start, mostly because he liked that he could lull Jongdae back to sleep by brushing a hand down his neck. Almost like a cat.
As if he’s read his mind, Jongdae’s eyes open and they’re lit up. “Wait, you have to say hi to Sehun before you go.”
Kyungsoo groans as Jongdae sits up and disappears from the screen. Not the cat. He hates the cat. He’s never met the cat, but he already hates it. He forces a smile on his face when Jongdae reappears, with Sehun the cat- their cat, even though Jongdae had adopted him when Kyungsoo was away.
Jongdae brings his phone closer to Sehun’s face, so Kyungsoo gets an unwilling close-up of the cat. “Say hi to your other daddy, Sehunnie,” he coos, making it wave a paw at Kyungsoo.
Kyungsoo tries not to scowl because Jongdae loves this mean-looking cat so much. He isn’t sure how to describe the expression on Sehun’s face. Jongdae uses an emoticon when he messages Kyungsoo when he’s annoyed about something, and that’s pretty much the way Sehun is staring at him now- like he’s annoyed and the feline embodiment of the >:( emoticon.
“Say hi,” Jongdae says to Kyungsoo, and he tries not to bristle at the fact that Sehun had gotten a gentle request to say hi while he’s being ordered.
“Hello, cat,” Kyungsoo says curtly, and Sehun actually hisses and makes a bold attempt to swipe at the screen. “I told you something was wrong with him!”
Jongdae frowns at him as he tries to pacify Sehun. “He’s sad because you’re acting so indifferent,” he says, scratching behind Sehun’s ears. “He just wants you to like him.”
It’s too early for his first eye roll of the day, Kyungsoo tells himself silently. It’s hard though because he’s sure Sehun doesn’t like him. Fine with him. The feeling is mutual. “Why’d you have to get a cat anyway?” he grumbles. “They’re so unfriendly and rude.”
“Then I must have a type because that’s what people say about you,” Jongdae says, laughing at the expression on Kyungsoo’s face. “I’m kidding...kind of.” Sehun seems to decide he’s not getting enough attention to make up for having to deal with Kyungsoo’s virtual presence and he mewls pitifully at Jongdae, who lets him go and he slinks out of view.
Good, Kyungsoo thinks spitefully. “You should go back to sleep,” he says again, even though Jongdae looks like he’s wide awake now.
“Yeah.” Jongdae’s still smiling, but it seems sadder now. They’re used to this already but the longer Kyungsoo is away, the harder it is to end their calls, even something as simple as a wake up call.
“I’ll call you when I’m on my lunch break,” Kyungsoo offers because it’s the only way they can end their calls on happy kind of note- promises of more calls later on.
“Okay,” Jongdae says, sighing.
“Hey.” Kyungsoo smiles. “One more week until my break and I’ll get to see you again.”
Jongdae brightens up at the reminder. “Yes! One more week until my right hand gets a break too.”
Kyungsoo can’t help it, he rolls his eyes. “Classy.”
“Nothing classy about me,” Jongdae replies. For some reason he seems to be smug about this.
“Don’t I know it,” Kyungsoo laughs. “We’ll talk later, okay?”
Jongdae seems content now that he’s been reminded that Kyungsoo is getting a break from shooting his show soon. “‘Kay,” he says cheerfully. “Love you!”
Kyungsoo’s throat tightens. It’s not new. In fact he’s sure that Love you has basically replaced the word goodbye for them; it seems to come out instinctively when they’re ending a conversation. Kyungsoo always feels his throat closing in for just a second, a millisecond, maybe because he’s never been good with handling emotions and he feels a lot of things when ever he hears Jongdae say it. When he and Jongdae had started going out, he had never thought to think so far ahead. He never thought that they’d get to being together for close to four years and that he’d be so far away for most of the third year.
“Love you too,” he manages to get out, before Jongdae exaggeratedly blows him a kiss and ends their call.
ϟ
Jongdae sits in front of his computer and frowns at the screen before he turns back to his phone where he’s talking to Kyungsoo. “You look like you didn’t even try. You need to up your airport fashion game. This all black attire is so boring.”
Kyungsoo makes a disgruntled sound. “Are you looking up pictures of me on the fansites again?” he demands. “Why do you waste so much time looking up pictures of me when you don’t even like the pictures half the time?”
“Excuse me, technophobe, I don’t actively look up pictures of you.” Jongdae moves away from the computer because he’s wasted enough time scrolling through pictures of Kyungsoo looking bored or annoyed, or a mixture of both. He’s amazed Kyungsoo has fans when he’s so boring. How did he get so famous when he doesn’t even smile? “It’s called Twitter. I followed a bunch of fansites so I don’t have to go looking for pictures, they just pop up.”
“Twitter.” Jongdae can feel Kyungsoo rolling his eyes.
“You should get an account,” Jongdae says, hopping over Sehun who is lazing around in the middle of the floor. “It’s a great way to keep in touch with your fans. You know, show them you’re human and you have feelings.”
“Can you see me rolling my eyes? Because I’m rolling my eyes.”
Jongdae huffs. “You’re so boring, Kyungsoo. Can’t you give your fans some kind of scandal? Actually wait, I guess if they knew what you were really like that would be sort of scandalous. You know they think you’re nice? Want me to read some of the comments?”
“No,” Kyungsoo answers shortly. “Shouldn’t you be getting ready for work?”
“I am.” Jongdae is already buttoning his shirt up and attempting to pour himself into his pants. Why did he get such tight pants for work? “I have some of them memorized. ‘Kyungsoo oppa looks so tired, he needs a break. Oppa, please be healthy. Oppa looks so handsome in this outfit. Kyungsoo oppa-'”
“Stop it.”
Jongdae stops. Not because Kyungsoo told him to, but because of the tone of his voice. Kyungsoo doesn’t actually sound irritated. He sounds- “Are you…” Jongdae is on his back on his bed as he struggles to button up his pants, but he manages to laugh at his boyfriend anyway. “Are you getting turned on?”
“No,” Kyungsoo snaps.
It’s no use though because Jongdae knows what he sounds like when he’s embarrassed and when he’s turned on. Jongdae laughs even harder and he gives up on his pants for now. “Oppa,” he says in a low voice.
“Jongdae-”
“Kyungsoo oppa,” Jongdae purrs. “When are you coming home? I’m so lonely without you.”
“Jongdae, stop. I’m about to get my makeup done.”
“But I miss you, oppa.” Jongdae frowns because his pants suddenly feel tighter and his plan is backfiring on him. “It’s been so long since we’ve been together. When I touch myself I always think of you.” He drops his voice even lower. “Do you think about me…oppa? Do you think about working me open with your-”
There’s a faint thump on the other end. “Fuck.” Kyungsoo sounds far away. “Jongdae, you need to stop.”
“But I’m hard now,” Jongdae whines.
“Whose fault is that?” Kyungsoo sounds clearer now, so Jongdae guesses he must have dropped his phone earlier.
“Come on,” Jongdae says, inching his hand down towards his cock. “You can finish me off. Just say something.” Before Kyungsoo can actually say anything, he quickly adds, “Something sexy, not ‘Jongdae, are you serious?’”
“Are you serious?” Kyungsoo demands anyway. “You want to have phone sex? I’m at work.”
“You’re such a prude,” Jongdae complains. “You literally just had to say something about wrapping your fingers around my cock and that would have been enough. But no. Now my cock is sad and it has retreated. Are you happy?”
“You should have timed this better!”
Jongdae pauses. “What? Phone sex?”
“Yes.” Kyungsoo sounds embarrassed, and Jongdae is going to be late for his shift if he doesn’t leave now but there’s no way he’s letting Kyungsoo off the hook.
“I thought you had no interest in phone sex,” he says, as he resumes his struggle with his pants.
“I don’t. Or I didn’t. But it’s been…it’s been seven months, Jongdae.”
Jongdae snorts. “What? You expect me to believe you haven’t touched yourself in seven months? I assumed you’ve been having a sordid love affair with your right hand while you pictured me.” He finally manages to get the button on his pants through the hole and he’s so busy silently cheering that he almost misses what Kyungsoo says.
Almost.
“Say that again.”
Kyungsoo groans. “No, it was embarrassing enough the first time.”
Jongdae sits up, grinning. “Please?” He knows he doesn’t sound like he’s pleading at all, he sounds smug. The cat chooses that moment to saunter over and he purrs as he paws at Jongdae’s leg, trying to get him to pick him up. The purring reminds Jongdae of what lead them to this conversation, so he sweetly adds, “Oppa.”
He hears Kyungsoo mutter out a death threat but that’s fairly normal.
“I said,” Kyungsoo says, sounding pained, “that I can’t come unless I listen to one of your voicemails.”
Jongdae can’t help it, he actually cackles. “You’re saying you can’t come unless you hear my voice? That’s what this means, right?”
“Yes,” Kyungsoo says tersely. “Which sucks because half the time you’re talking about your customers with weird coffee orders or you’re talking about the fucking cat.”
Jongdae snickers as he picks up Sehun. “Well, Sehun is very glad to be involved in the completion of your orgasm,” he says, scratching Sehun behind his ears.
“Jongdae.” Kyungsoo’s voice drops. “I really miss you.”
Oh. Jongdae squirms uncomfortably because he always feels like he’s the one doing all the missing and he doesn’t want to sound needy or clingy so he tries not to talk about how much he misses Kyungsoo. He assumes he knows, but he doesn’t voice it out loud because he doesn’t want Kyungsoo to feel guilty. But when Kyungsoo brings it ups, it makes being apart seem worse for some reason.
“I miss you too,” he says, sighing. Sehun lets out a burbling sound as he rubs his face along Jongdae’s arm. He thinks the cat is trying to be comforting. Maybe. “Four more days, right?”
“Yeah, four more days.” Kyungsoo is quiet for awhile. “Shouldn’t you have left for work already?”
Jongdae glances at the time and curses. He’s late. “Shit, yeah. I have to go. Talk to you later, okay? Love you.” He hangs up before Kyungsoo can reply.
Sehun is thrown off Jongdae’s lap when he stands up and he hisses at him angrily.
“Sorry, Sehunnie,” Jongdae says, rushing around the apartment to grab his keys and wallet. He’s putting on his shoes when his phone beeps with a message. He only opens it when he’s out the door and in the elevator.
It’s from Kyungsoo: ‘So phone sex. We should figure that out.’
Jongdae snickers although the wave of fondness he feels is followed by an ache. He misses Kyungsoo a lot. He’s glad he’s doing well but this has been the longest they’ve been apart. Seven months is too long. At least Kyungsoo will be home for his birthday.
ϟ
Jongdae looks tired when Kyungsoo finally manages to get a video call to go through. He knows it’s late but Jongdae is still dressed up so he probably just got back home.
“Are you okay?” Kyungsoo adjusts the laptop on his stomach as he lies down. He’s tired too. It’s almost midnight and he only managed to get rid of Junmyeon a few minutes ago. He vaguely thinks about ordering Junmyeon to take a vacation. They could both use the break from each other.
“Yeah, just tired.” Jongdae manages to smile at him despite looking like he’s ready to pass out. “Hi.”
Kyungsoo feels a wave of affection and he knows he should send him to bed, but he needs to tell Jongdae tonight. He’s been feeling guilty all day and he had avoided his phone for most of the day, even though he knew that Jongdae wouldn’t have the time to call him once his shift started. He’s not afraid of Jongdae. He’s just tired of always disappointing him.
“You sang at the nightclub tonight, right?” Kyungsoo is aware that he’s being a coward.
Jongdae makes a face. “Yeah.”
“How was it?” It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that short, one-word answers mean ‘I don’t want to talk about it.’ Kyungsoo knows he should drop it; Jongdae clearly doesn’t want to talk about his semi-regular gig singing at a nightclub.
“It was fine,” Jongdae says, looking away from the screen.
“Hey, Jongdae.” Kyungsoo sits up, letting the laptop slide down to his lap. He had been trying to stall but now he can see that something about Jongdae is off. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t want to do the nightclub thing anymore.”
Kyungsoo’s eyebrows knit together in alarm. “You love singing at the nightclub. You said it’s a good way to keep up with your singing while you wait for something to happen.”
When Jongdae turns back to him, his jaw is locked tight and Kyungsoo panics. He hadn’t realized that Jongdae was upset- really upset.
“I’m tired of waiting,” Jongdae finally says. His voice sounds steady but Kyungsoo has already clued in to how upset he is. “This isn’t going anywhere. I should be doing something more fruitful with my life. How long can I be working at a coffee shop? Am I going to be magically discovered singing at a seedy nightclub? How many auditions am I going to have to fail? I think it’s time for me to accept that this isn’t meant to be.”
“Jongdae,” Kyungsoo says quietly. “Did something happen?”
Jongdae shakes his head. “No,” he answers softly. “Nothing happened. But Luhan came to see me at work today. He got a promotion, which is great, and he deserves it. He’s worked so hard. What am I doing?”
“You deserve to be doing something you love. I know it takes a lot of patience to wait for something to happen, but it will. Something is going to happen for you, I know it will.” Kyungsoo feels discomfited. He’s too far away to be having this conversation. He’s too helpless from this distance. When Jongdae doesn’t reply to this, just stays quiet, he asks, “Where’s the cat?”
Jongdae looks at him in puzzlement. “The cat?”
Kyungsoo can’t see the hellion cat anywhere on the frame. “Sehun!” he calls out.
“Why are you-hey!”
Kyungsoo’s a little amazed when the cat actually slinks into view at the bottom left corner of the screen. He has that >:( look on his face again and Kyungsoo is starting to think that maybe this is just Sehun’s default face when he sees him. “What are you doing?” he asks, narrowing his eyes at the cat.
Jongdae’s fingers are stroking the cat’s sides but he’s watching Kyungsoo like he’s gone crazy. “What are you doing?”
“Your owner’s sad,” Kyungsoo tells Sehun. “Be comforting.”
Sehun hisses at him yet again but he purrs at Jongdae and he sounds like he’s commiserating. Maybe the cat isn’t completely useless. Kyungsoo smiles when Jongdae laughs at the way Sehun tries to paw at his shirt. Except he remembers that he still has to tell Jongdae.
Jongdae pushes the cat’s paw away but he lets him climb up his shoulder. “He was sleeping, you know,” he says. “He ran right over when you called him. I told you he likes you.”
Kyungsoo snorts. “Yeah right.” He does appreciate the way Sehun is making Jongdae laugh, even if it’s more because he’s tickling him with his tail. Jesus, even the cat was one-upping him in how to be there for Jongdae. “I have some bad news.”
Jongdae is still giggling at Sehun’s antics and Kyungsoo doesn’t know if it’s better that he’s at least a little happier now before he makes that smile drop off his face, or if he should have just told Jongdae when he was already down. “What is it?” He manages to settle the cat on his lap but he’s still smiling and Kyungsoo wants to disappear under a rock.
He is the worst boyfriend ever. “I can’t come home next week.”
Jongdae’s smile freezes and then he just looks confused. “What do you mean? You have to wait a little longer before you can get a break?”
“No. Well…yes. Probably.” Kyungsoo sighs. “I won’t be coming home any time soon. Yifan got injured shooting his scene and he won’t be able to film anything for the next two weeks, so the script writers are rewriting a bunch of scenes and changing the storyline a little. I need to be around for that.”
Jongdae’s face goes blank and the hand that had been petting the cat freezes. “Oh. Okay.”
Kyungsoo hadn’t expected Jongdae to fly into a rage or anything, but he hadn’t foreseen this non-reaction either. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I tried to see if I could at least get away for two days but they’re going to introduce a new storyline for me and I can’t- Jongdae, I’m really sorry.”
“I know,” Jongdae says vacantly. “It’s not your fault.”
“You’re mad.”
“No.” Jongdae moves away from the screen and Kyungsoo watches as he shoos Sehun off his lap. He doesn’t move back towards the computer. “I’m going to go, okay? I need a shower and then I’m going to go to bed.”
“Jongdae, don’t. Talk to me.” Kyungsoo is pleading because he doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t want Jongdae to go to bed mad or sad or both.
“It’s fine,” Jongdae insists, “I’m really tired. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay? You have to be up at seven, right?” He gives him a small smile. “You get to sleep in.”
Kyungsoo is distracted by this. “Not really,” he says, feeling a little lost. 7 AM is generally when he has to wake up most of the time.
Jongdae’s face falls. “It was a joke. Because you’ve been waking up around four or five lately.”
Kyungsoo feels his face burning. Fuck. He can’t even do basic things like getting Jongdae’s lame jokes. He was on a roll tonight. He decides to ignore this because it’s not the most important thing right now. “I’ll make it up to you.” He has no idea how he’s going to do this. He doesn’t usually make baseless promises but Jongdae doesn’t look upset or angry. He looks detached, like he’s getting used to Kyungsoo not coming through and Kyungsoo hates that this is true. He can’t do anything right lately.
“Yeah, okay. We’ll talk tomorrow, okay?”
“Sure. Of course.” Kyungsoo feels a little sick. It feel likes Jongdae is giving up a little. “I love you.”
Jongdae looks conflicted. “Okay,” he says and he ends the video call.
ϟ
Jongdae really isn’t mad. He knows it’s not Kyungsoo’s fault, he can’t help how his schedule works. He knows Kyungsoo must be tired too. Between late night filming-sometimes Kyungsoo is still filming his scenes at three in the morning-and flying around for various interviews and photoshoots and promotions for his show, Jongdae knows it’s not easy for him. So Jongdae’s upset that Kyungsoo won’t be back next week, but he figures he has enough on his plate, so he brushes it off.
Kyungsoo is apologetic, especially when the week starts. “I’m sorry I’m going to miss your birthday.”
Jongdae shrugs as he takes a sip of his coffee. “You’ve never actually been around on my birthday,” he says. “It’s okay.”
Kyungsoo groans. “I know, but we always manage to celebrate it whether it’s before the actual day or after. This time I’m just missing it completely.”
Jongdae is actually hoping that Kyungsoo will surprise him and show up on his birthday. He feels a little pathetic because he knows Kyungsoo is busy; they’ve only been able to talk in the mornings when Jongdae calls to wake up Kyungsoo and at night before Jongdae goes to bed. He’s still hoping that Kyungsoo will show up anyway.
Kyungsoo is the one to give him a wake up call on his birthday and Jongdae can’t help how disappointed he feels when he sees that Kyungsoo is already in the dressing room on the set of his show. It’s a quick call. Kyungsoo wishes him a happy birthday and apologizes for what has to be the five hundredth time for not being able to be there.
It’s a long day.
Jongdae had taken the day off. Not just because he had hoped he would be spending it with Kyungsoo-he also didn’t want to be working on his birthday. But the day stretches out too long and he regrets it. If he was working, he would be distracted and busy, not brooding in his apartment with no one except the cat for company.
He can’t help the disappointment and bitterness he feels. Not particularly because Kyungsoo is missing his birthday, but because this is the third time Kyungsoo was supposed to come home for a break only to have everything fall through at the last minute. He knows Kyungsoo isn’t the one to blame, but he feels abandoned, like he’s just waiting, and he’s tired of always waiting. Waiting for his chance to shine, waiting for Kyungsoo to come home-just waiting.
Jongdae’s too upset to try to hide it from Kyungsoo when he calls during his break. Even if he wanted to hide it, it’s useless because Kyungsoo is too good at reading him.
“I thought you would be here,” he ends up saying. He squeezes his eyes shut because even though Kyungsoo can’t see him, he’ll know if he cries. And this is such a stupid thing to cry about. He knows Kyungsoo’s schedule is crazy. Why had he hung all his hopes on him appearing for his birthday?
Kyungsoo is silent on the other end.
“Kyungsoo?”
“This is really hard for me, Jongdae.”
“I know.” Jongdae doesn’t mean to whisper but he’s trying hard to swallow his disappointment. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to make you feel bad.” He hears someone calling for Kyungsoo on the other end, probably Junmyeon.
“Jongdae…”
“You have to go, I know.”
“Just wait awhile, okay?” Kyungsoo sounds preoccupied. “I’ll make it up to you.”
In retrospect Jongdae should have caught on, but he’s too busy wallowing to pay attention. He’s already thinking about taking Sehun for a walk-do people walk cats?-and buying himself a cupcake. “Okay.” He sighs. “We’ll Skype tonight, okay? I miss your face.”
Kyungsoo laughs. “Yeah, okay. I’ll call you as soon as I’m done.”
“Love you.”
“I love you too.”
Jongdae sighs as he hangs up and flops face first into one of the couch cushions. He doesn’t move when Sehun decides that sitting on top of Jongdae’s head is an appropriate place to relax.
“Guess you’re going to have to wait to meet your other dad, Sehunnie.” His words come out muffled and Sehun’s only reply is to yawn and rest his own head next to Jongdae’s on the cushion.
Jongdae allows himself five more minutes of wallowing before he drags himself off the couch and decides he may as well try to walk Sehun. Who of course stares at his owner like he is profoundly disappointed in him. He stares at the leash that Jongdae is holding out to him and then stares back at Jongdae.
“Please?” Jongdae inches closer with the leash. “It’s my birthday.”
I’ve lost my mind, Jongdae thinks to himself. I’m trying to convince the cat to talk a walk with me. He reaches down and scoops the cat up. “You’re spending time with me,” he says firmly, and tries not to wince when Sehun lets out a loud screech. He marches out of his apartment in determination despite his cat’s temper tantrum.
The walk doesn’t last long. Jongdae can handle Sehun squirming in his arms, but Sehun hisses and bares his teeth every time they pass by someone. He finally gives in when Sehun tries to swipe at a couple who nearly bumps into them.
“Sorry,” he says, trapping Sehun’s paws with his hands when the man stares at the cat in horror. “He’s usually very sweet.” Which is a horrible lie, but they didn’t need to know that. He grumbles at Sehun all the way back to the apartment. “How can you be so much like Kyungsoo when you guys haven’t even met yet? Maybe I should cut you guys off.”
Sehun happily bounds away as soon as Jongdae sets him back down at the apartment. He kicks the pile of letters that arrived while they were gone, and they spill over by Jongdae’s feet. He picks up the pink envelope because he assumes it’s a birthday card. Probably from Baekhyun, the asshole. He’s never let Jongdae forget that he wanted to be the Pink Power Ranger when they were kids.
Something falls out when he pulls the card out of the envelope, but he’s too busy reading the front of the card.
This card does not contain any nudity, sex, or naughty language.
Okay. Probably not from Baekhyun then.
He opens the card. These things I will provide in person. Below that, Kyungsoo had written: Happy birthday! I told you I’d make it up to you. He hadn’t signed his name, just drawn a heart, but Jongdae knows his writing and he can recognize Kyungsoo’s lopsided hearts anywhere.
He frowns at the card because what? He’s already calling Kyungsoo, when he steps on something and he remembers it had fallen out of the envelope. He leans down to pick it up and he freezes when he realizes what it is.
“Hello? Jongdae? Are you there?”
Jongdae almost drops his phone. “Hang up,” he says. “I’m going to Skype you.”
“What? What do-”
Jongdae hangs up without another word and signs in to Skype immediately. “What is this?” he demands as soon as Kyungsoo appears on the screen. He holds the paper in front of the camera.
Kyungsoo is smiling when he pulls it away. “A plane ticket.”
“You bought me a plane ticket to come see you?” Jongdae feels like he’s going to cry again, only for a completely different reason this time. He feels guilty for complaining earlier when Kyungsoo had obviously already planned this out.
“Kind of.” Kyungsoo grins. “The plane ticket’s just part one of the surprise.”
Jongdae narrows his eyes. “What’s part two?”
“Do you know Junmyeon knows the person in charge of the music on the show?”
“No?” Jongdae is getting more confused with every passing second.
“He does.” Kyungsoo is practically beaming and Jongdae wants him to hurry up and get to the good part so he can move on from confused to happy too. “And lately I’ve been hanging out in the music studio during my breaks to get away from the makeup and costume people because they drive me crazy. So. Are you ready?”
Jongdae rolls his eyes. “Yes, hurry up. You’re the worst storyteller.”
“He’s been working on this new song for part four of the show’s soundtrack, and...you get to sing it!”
Jongdae freezes.
“Jongdae?”
Jongdae is horrified. “Why? He’s never even heard me sing.”
“Sure he has,” Kyungsoo says breezily. “Remember when you first started singing at the nightclub? Yixing recorded you singing and sent it to me so I could hear you? I have a bunch of those clips. I played it for him. He likes your voice. He thinks you’ll be perfect because he says your voice is raw and new and he says he needs something like that for this song. The point is, you have your own solo!” He pauses like he’s just noticed the colour draining out of Jongdae’s face. “Are you okay?”
“People watch your show,” Jongdae says weakly. “It’s really popular. People love your soundtrack. All those people are going to hear me. Why would you do that?”
Kyungsoo blinks at him. “Because I believe in you,” he answers simply. “So come, okay? Come down here and record the song. You’ll be great.”
“Kyungsoo-”
“And,” Kyungsoo adds. “I really miss your face.”
ϟ
As soon as Kyungsoo is done shooting his scenes, he rushes into his dressing room, ignoring Junmyeon calling out to him. He grabs his phone and he curses when he checks the time. Jongdae’s flight landed an hour and a half ago; he had missed picking him up at the airport.
It’s not a big deal. Jongdae had told him it wasn’t necessary, especially since Junmyeon had said he’d send someone to pick him up. It’s a big deal to Kyungsoo though. He had promised, and even if Jongdae had brushed it off, this is another bullet point on the growing list of How Many Times Do Kyungsoo Has Let Down Kim Jongdae. He knows getting Jongdae a song on the soundtrack scores him a lot of brownie points, but Jongdae’s only going to be here for a week and he intends to spends that one week making up for all the times he’s let him down.
“What?” he snaps when he hears the knock on the door. He assumes it’s Junmyeon and he knows he’s taking out his temper on the wrong person-he’s not angry at anyone but himself.
There’s another knock on the door, this one more timid. Shit, Kyungsoo thinks. It’s probably someone from the makeup department. Kyungsoo stares at the mirror and tries to force a smile on his face. It looks more like a grimace but it will have to do.
There’s one more knock. “I’m coming.” He can’t keep the irritation out of his voice as he hurries towards the door and opens it. “Shit.”
It’s not the most ideal first thing to say to someone he hasn’t seen for seven months.
Seven months. Has it really been seven months since he’s seen-really seen-Jongdae?
“Hi.” Jongdae’s knuckles are white from where he’s holding on to the handle of his suitcase. He looks uncertain, almost wary.
“What are you doing here?”
This isn’t how he imagined it would be meeting Jongdae again. He’s imagined it in a thousand different ways, but he had never once imagined this awkward, tension-filled silence.
Jongdae looks nervous. “They dropped me here. Junmyeon thought you’d want to see me as soon as you could.” He sounds betrayed, like he’s been lead to believe something that isn’t true. Even though it is true. Kyungsoo is happy to see him. “But you must be busy, so I’ll just wait-”
It’s that pained look that snaps Kyungsoo out of his surprise.
“No, god, no. Of course I’m not busy. Not for you.” Kyungsoo lets go of the door handle and he steps forward to grab Jongdae and he pulls him into a crushing hug.
He expects Jongdae to be stiff at first, but he isn’t. Jongdae melts into him, like it’s instinct, and Kyungsoo smiles because he’d been afraid that he had forgotten this-how to be with Jongdae, how to hold him, how to reassure him in person.
“I can feel my bones starting to crack,” Jongdae mumbles into his shoulder, even though he’s stepping in closer and tightening the grip he has around Kyungsoo’s waist.
“I don’t care.” Kyungsoo pulls him closer, forcing Jongdae up on his toes with his insistence. He doesn’t need to because they’re the same height, but Jongdae rests his chin on Kyungsoo’s shoulder and lets himself be pulled in.
Kyungsoo squeezes his eyes shut as he buries his nose in Jongdae’s neck because right now, he just wants to appreciate finally being with Jongdae. Jongdae doesn’t really smell like anything besides himself, but Kyungsoo decides he’s missed that smell anyway. He presses a kiss against Jongdae’s throat and he hears Jongdae sigh in contentment.
“I missed you,” he says, his lips brushing against Jongdae’s collarbone.
Kyungsoo opens his eyes when he hears a clattering noise at the door. He finds the source near Jongdae’s suitcase. “Did you bring-is that…?”
Jongdae turns to see what he’s looking at and he smiles. “Of course. Who would look after him while I was gone?”
Kyungsoo can’t help the aghast look on his face because he’s actually here-in all his >:( glory, Sehun the cat, looking highly unimpressed with Kyungsoo’s existence as always. “Cat,” he says, glaring at him.
Sehun bares his teeth at him and thumps his tail in the cage. Kyungsoo’s not stupid. He knows this is a temper tantrum.
“He likes you,” Jongdae says. There’s a hint of a smirk on his face so at least Kyungsoo knows he’s aware that they apparently own a cat who’s kind of an asshole.
ϟ
The week goes by fast.
They’re both busy and their breaks usually don’t happen at the same time. Jongdae knows recording a song isn’t a simple and easy job, so he’s not surprised at all the work he has to do. He doesn’t mind though; he’s tired but it’s a happy kind of tired.
When he’s done for the day, he finds Kyungsoo in his dressing room. He smirks at how he’s made up to look like he’s full of scrapes and bruises. “Are we getting beat up today?”
Kyungsoo looks up from the script he’s reading, and he smiles when he sees Jongdae. “Hey! Are you done for today?”
“Yeah.” Jongdae glances around the dressing room. “Where’s Sehun?”
Kyungsoo’s eye twitches. “With Junmyeon,” he answers. “He was getting in the way of my makeup artist. He made this weird yowling sound every time she got close to me. Jongdae, be honest. Do we own a sociopathic cat?”
Jongdae snickers. “Nah,” he says, dropping himself down on Kyungsoo’s lap. “He’s just possessive.”
“He’s weird,” Kyungsoo insists, drawing his arms around Jongdae. “I don’t like him. You know last night I woke up to get a glass of water and I found him sitting on top of the fridge. How did he get up there? He just stared at me the whole time.”
Jongdae laughs because Sehun is almost always asleep, even during the day. He’s amused that their cat is putting in so much work just to unnerve Kyungsoo. “He’s probably just getting used to you.”
“You’re a liar,” Kyungsoo says. “He’s just-”
He’s caught off guard when Jongdae catches his lips with his in a kiss. His eyes close as Jongdae gently brushes his thumb across his jaw, slowly working his mouth open.
Jongdae looks pleased when he pulls away. “Too much cat talk.”
Kyungsoo laughs. “Agreed,” he says, pressing another quick kiss to Jongdae’s lips. “How’s the song coming along?”
“Apparently if everything goes well, I’ll be done by tomorrow.” Jongdae beams at him. “Then I can just spend the rest of the time being oppa’s number one fan on the set.”
Kyungsoo gives him a look. “Please let my dick rest. It’s still worn out from last night.” He grunts when Jongdae squirms on his lap and he tightens his hold on his waist to stop him.
“You have a really big bathroom,” Jongdae says, stroking the side of Kyungsoo’s neck. “I don’t think shower sex has ever been that easy.” He leans in to kiss Kyungsoo right below his ear. “It’s a nice place. A nice second home.”
“It’s not a home,” Kyungsoo says quietly. “You know that. Home will always be you.”
Jongdae figures he must have missed Kyungsoo too much because he would have hit Kyungsoo if he had said that before, but it’s nice to hear now. “And Sehun. Home is me and Sehun.”
Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. “Yeah. Home is the cat too.”
ϟ
For the first time in ages, Kyungsoo wakes up before Jongdae’s wake up call. He hadn’t been sleeping well since Jongdae had gone back home. He sighs when he realizes he’s slept on the left side of the bed because he had gotten used to sharing a bed with Jongdae again. He rolls to the middle of the bed but it feels bigger and emptier this way so he rolls back over.
His phone starts buzzing before he hears that familiar Skype ringtone and his screen lights up. He grimaces at Jongdae’s new profile picture. He still isn’t sure how Jongdae had managed to get him to agree to wear matching couple shirts. He had just shown up at his dressing room one day and insisted that Kyungsoo had promised to take a picture wearing matching shirts.
Which may be true, since Jongdae is smart and asks Kyungsoo for things he normally wouldn’t agree to during sex.
That’s not even the worst part though. As if wearing matching shirts isn’t bad enough, Jongdae is also holding up Sehun between the two of them and the fucking cat is wearing a bow tie that matches their shirts.
Kyungsoo looks at the picture as his phone continues to ring. Both he and Sehun are also wearing matching >:( expressions, so there’s also that. He finally hits ‘Accept’ and waits for the video to connect.
Jongdae is propped up on his pillows when he finally gets on screen, and he smiles sleepily when he sees Kyungsoo. “Good morning!”