(no subject)
erg. i hate life. it sucks. i have no friggin clue what im even thinkin nemore. erg im def. confused up the wazzoo. people are just so confusing. one day they love you and wanna be with you the next day they cant even say they love you and dont know if they wanna be with you.
yet i confuse myself. becuz i wanna be with him for the rest of my life. for gods sakes i LOVE him. but i dont deserve to be treated this way. i deserve to be loved and treated nicely. i deserve so much morrrre. so should i move on? is *he* wat i need to get over *him*? should i try it with *he*? i need *him* but i want *he*. ergggg. i cant do this nemore. i was stuck in my own world for 3 wks felt like i could control my life and its surroundings. felt like nothing could go wrong. felt like nothing could hurt me. and then when i got on that plane to come bak to this place i call home. it came crashing to an end and i realized it was just a dream...not even close to my reality. ldjsfljkdkjldjkfkljs i hate this. im sick of crying and thats all i know how to do when im here. i truely and honostly forget how to smile a real smile. i wanna go to my real home that feels like home to me. but idk where that issss. i thought it was there in IL with *him* but im not so sure about that. i just know its not here. it never was nor will it ever be.
i cant do this nemore.... i cant be me nemore.... i feel sick. i feel disgusting. i feel horrible. i feel slutty. i feel worse. i feel like im not me nemore. and i hate all these feelings inside of me.
yet i confuse myself. becuz i wanna be with him for the rest of my life. for gods sakes i LOVE him. but i dont deserve to be treated this way. i deserve to be loved and treated nicely. i deserve so much morrrre. so should i move on? is *he* wat i need to get over *him*? should i try it with *he*? i need *him* but i want *he*. ergggg. i cant do this nemore. i was stuck in my own world for 3 wks felt like i could control my life and its surroundings. felt like nothing could go wrong. felt like nothing could hurt me. and then when i got on that plane to come bak to this place i call home. it came crashing to an end and i realized it was just a dream...not even close to my reality. ldjsfljkdkjldjkfkljs i hate this. im sick of crying and thats all i know how to do when im here. i truely and honostly forget how to smile a real smile. i wanna go to my real home that feels like home to me. but idk where that issss. i thought it was there in IL with *him* but im not so sure about that. i just know its not here. it never was nor will it ever be.
i cant do this nemore.... i cant be me nemore.... i feel sick. i feel disgusting. i feel horrible. i feel slutty. i feel worse. i feel like im not me nemore. and i hate all these feelings inside of me.