Yosuke realized that could read either as a question or a command. It didn't really matter. He supposed that, deep down, he meant it as both.
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/09/12(Mon)22:12 No.127223613 still too skinny
Yosuke bit his lip hard and stared at the screen until the words blurred together into a watery puddle. He was putting his body out there, his totally bare naked body, and all this asshole could say was that he was too skinny?! He could have at least tried to say something nice, or maybe he could have just not said anything, but Yosuke knew better than to expect that. Fuck, he had made the same kinds of comments, even worse, and maybe those people had been just like him, lonely and scared half to death and just wanting someone to notice them, wanting someone to... to want them. He was going to refresh one more time, just one more, and if nobody cared then he didn't care, and he'd never go to that site again and he'd throw the camera out too, for good measure.
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/09/12(Mon)22:22 No.127223711 show us what u rly got ;)
... They were defending him. Okay, Yosuke supposed there were jerks everywhere, but these people were defending him, telling him not to listen, telling him they still wanted more. Now he owed it to them to give them what they wanted to see. Was there really nothing else wrong with him, nothing they wanted to call him out on? Did somebody seriously just say they wanted to suck his dick? Fuck. He reached down, touched himself with the pads of his fingers, running them up and down the side of his cock, and he was about to wrap his hand around it and give himself a good stroke when he heard his phone ring. Trapped in his pocket, it seemed a mile away, and when he pushed himself to his feet and padded over to it, his cock almost throbbed in protest.
Thread 13/?
anonymous
January 30 2012, 02:57:59 UTC
Yosuke covered his mouth with one hand and his chest heaved twice. What the fuck was he doing? Souji was calling him, probably sitting in his bedroom in his pajamas, waiting for Yosuke to answer the phone, maybe even excited to talk to him, and Yosuke was posting pictures of his dick for strangers on the internet. Disgusting. He was so fucking disgusting. He shouldn't answer the phone. He didn't deserve to talk to Souji now. He probably didn't deserve to talk to Souji ever again, not after what he had done, not after what he was planning to do. But he wanted to talk to Souji so badly...
"Hello?"
"Hey. Did I wake you up?"
"Nah. You kidding? You said you'd call, no way I was going to sleep before you did, dude."
"Ah... so you'd let me keep you up all night?"
Yosuke could almost hear Souji's eyebrow raising and he laughed, his eyes crinkling at the corners, the most honest thing he thought he'd felt all day. For once he didn't feel like he was living in some pale imitation of the real world - when he could hear Souji's voice, everything was okay again, everything was good again, and he was happy. He never, ever wanted to hang up. Call ended... to be disconnected from Souji was almost physically painful for him, even if it was represented only by an icon on a cell phone screen.
Their phone call lasted nearly an hour and Yosuke didn't think of the thread again, didn't need to, didn't need to even look at his computer. Eventually Souji started to yawn, and Yosuke's eyelids became heavy, and just before midnight they hung up, Yosuke pointedly refusing to look at the screen, placing the phone face down beside his pillow without pushing the end call button. If it was going to betray him by ending the call, it might as well do it without his consent. He rolled over and was almost instantly asleep, but then his phone buzzed with a new message.
Seta Souji Apr 09, 2012 23:51 PM
I forgot to tell you something. mm? I love you. ughhhhh so embarrassing i love you too Good night. night, souji
[screw you too lj i had lovely formatting on those text messages but you STRIPPED MY TABLES! anons, thank you for reading. authornon is glad to know you find this worthy of your time. ♥]
Re: Thread 13/?
anonymous
January 31 2012, 10:29:59 UTC
SHOW US WHAT U RLY GOT AUTHOR ANON ;)
ok im sorry lmfao this is really good though i was actually dying while reading it in the absolute best of ways. your characterization is so ace and it feels really real and raw and arghhh PLEASE DON'T STOP WRITING MAN
Thread 14/?
anonymous
February 2 2012, 02:08:30 UTC
Talking to Souji made things both better and worse. While they were connected, everything was fine; Yosuke could almost pretend that Souji was back in his room at Dojima's, just a few minutes away, that he'd see him at school or Junes or near the river the next day and that everything would be alright. As soon as they hung up, though, the illusion vanished and the realization that Souji wasn't there hit Yosuke with a feeling like ice in the pit of his stomach. It was an exhausting cycle. He had tried keeping a blog for a while, thinking maybe he could make some sense of what he was feeling if he could see it written out in black and white, but all the entries were basically the same--
I went to school. I went to Junes. My friends don't understand how I feel. I'm lonely. I miss my partner.
--and nothing else, just a broken record repeating itself over and over and over, the needle stuck in the worst possible groove. Yosuke wished he could drown it out, forget about it, be a normal kid, go back to joking his way through school and not act like a zombie with the group and play with Teddie and be happy to talk to Souji, have more to tell him than "it's okay," look forward to when he was going to visit. He wondered if Souji ever felt like this or if he thought of Yosuke more as something he only had to deal with on odd weekends and school vacations now. That would be fair. Yosuke was used to being a problem for other people.
The next morning his mother left a boxed lunch for him on the counter. Yosuke would have preferred her to just be there to wish him a good day, but he figured the lunch was better than nothing and went through the motions until it was time to eat it. Everyone was meeting on the roof again - honestly, can't they pick somewhere else - and Yosuke silently followed. He was about to sit down when he felt a tap on his shoulder and turned around to see Kanji standing behind him, looking awkwardly at the ground somewhere in the vicinity of Yosuke's shoes.
"Uh... Yosuke-senpai, can I talk to you for a minute?"
"... Okay?"
Yosuke could count on one hand the number of times Kanji had asked if he could talk to him alone. Once, he had wanted to know whether or not his mother liked bunnies so that he could make her a matching doll for the one she had purchased from the textile shop. Once, he had wanted to know whether or not Yosuke thought Naoto liked Souji or if it would be okay if he, you know, wrote her a letter. Yosuke had had a good laugh at that one before clapping Kanji on the shoulder and wishing him luck with his writing endeavors. The last time, Kanji had wanted to make sure none of the girls had actually cooked the lunch they brought to school. That was it. Now, though, Kanji waved him over to the area on the other side of the door, away from where everyone else was eating.
"Senpai... I don't know if I should be sayin' anything about this. It ain't really my place, but uh... dammit, I think everyone else is doin' this wrong. You're hurtin' real bad cause Souji-senpai ain't here and they think if they just don't talk about him you won't think about him and it ain't workin'. So if you ever wanna talk or whatever, I ain't gonna pretend like he don't exist. Uh..."
Thread 15/?
anonymous
February 2 2012, 02:09:19 UTC
Yosuke was silent. He supposed he should have said something, if only to make it a little less awkward, but he couldn't think of a single thing to say and couldn't bring himself to laugh it off either, although it was hilarious that Kanji was the only one who noticed it was fucking killing him to have to eat on the damn roof every day in the same place he used to eat with Souji, with a bunch of people who had been close to him and now wanted to act like he was some kind of imaginary friend.
"Thanks, man," was all he managed to say, and Kanji seemed relieved that the conversation was over. Still a lumbering, bumbling kind of guy, but at least he was observant and thoughtful enough to say what he said. As they re-approached the group, Yosuke thought he felt better, he might actually feel like laughing a little, and then something Kanji said - they think if they just don't talk about him you won't think about him - ran through his head, over and over, and Yosuke clenched his fists. They were talking about this? They had conversations about this. He stalked over to the group, thought all of the pain and anger was written across his face, and Yukiko actually looked frightened. Chie stood up as though she wanted to calm him down. Of course she did. Now he finally understood.
"What the fuck?"
"Yosuke... what's wrong?"
"Do I look like a mental patient to you? Do you think I'm crazy?"
"What are you talking about?"
"How long did you spend talking about how much of a pathetic loser I am before you all decided that it would be better for me if you pretended Souji never existed? Huh? Was I like an experiment for you or something - 'oh, let's not set off the lunatic, he might lose his shit and I don't want to have to clean up after him!' Or maybe it's just easier for you if I forget about him? Because nobody here except Kanji seems to think that maybe I don't want to act like Souji has some kind of disease! You're supposed to be my friends!"
"We are your friends! We care about you! That's why we made that decision - we thought it would make it harder for you - we're sorry... come on, just sit down and we can talk about it and--"
"Leave me alone."
His voice cracked on the last syllable. It didn't matter whether they left him alone or not. He was already alone. Maybe he was crazy. People didn't act like this when their boyfriend or girlfriend moved away. They went along with it and met up with them when they could and sometimes it worked out and sometimes it didn't, and either way, they adjusted. They didn't cry or yell at their friends or write blogs about how sad they were or worry their parents or read their saved text messages compulsively like they would find the meaning of life in there somewhere. What was wrong with him?
He thought he had done everything right. He didn't cry; he didn't want Souji to feel bad about leaving. He never asked him to stay. He had said once, I wish you could stay, and Souji had replied I do, too, and that had been it. If Souji had wanted to stay, he would have, and Yosuke shouldn't have tried to change his mind. He hadn't talked about what it would be like after Souji moved. Souji had tried a few times, probably out of pity, and Yosuke had grinned, told him it would be just like always, and changed the subject. He didn't even try to keep Souji to himself the morning before he left, trying to be understanding about him needing to say goodbye to everyone, and he only had a few minutes alone with him before his train arrived. That was what you were supposed to do. That was what normal people did.
Thread 16/?
anonymous
February 2 2012, 02:14:35 UTC
Yosuke spent the rest of the lunch period in the empty art room, leaning against the supply closet, staring off into space. He stepped on an errant tube of paint on the way out, picked it up, and hurled it into the wall easel on the opposite side. It exploded on impact, painted the white paper with angry black streaks, and Yosuke was satisfied. He kept seeing those streaks in the back of his mind, over and over, and the rest of the day went by in a blur of lessons and paint streaks and other people talking and (falsely) concerned faces and paint streaks. He slipped out of class before anyone else, ran to his bike, and pedaled as hard as he could before someone could catch up to him. His phone went off when he had almost reached his last turn.
Seta Souji Apr 10, 2012 16:03 PM
Chie told me what happened today. w/e its fine They really were trying to make it better for you. do u want 2 lecture me 2 dont need that No. I just don't want you to be upset. cant u understand why im upset You feel like they're treating you like you're fragile. They want to protect you. ur supposed to protect me but ur not here r u turnin my phone off now
Maybe Souji would feel bad. Maybe he'd worry about him and he'd come to visit that weekend. Maybe he'd decide that leaving in the first place had been a stupid, stupid idea. Yosuke trudged up the steps to his room and turned his computer on. It had been too long - his previous thread would be deleted, no more checking for replies - he'd just have to start a new one. He was going to make sure today's was even better. These people didn't tiptoe around him, didn't try to make everything nice, just stared at his dick and told it like it was and asked for more and made him feel like in this part of the universe, he was worth the attention. Good. He'd give them a nice show.
He stood in front of the mirror, took a few experimental shots, and frowned. The lighting was too dim. He grabbed his desk lamp, plugged it in beside his futon, removed the shade and... there, perfect, no doubt about what you were looking at now. It wasn't enough like this, though, they'd already seen that. It would make a nice intro, though. He took a few shots of himself in the mirror, thighs spread, holding his dick, and then moved to his futon itself, laying across it and keeping his knees wide apart. He had to aim the camera with one hand, which was difficult, but he got the hang of it, stroked himself a few times and clicked the shutter when he was half-hard. Something about the way the flash went off went right to his dick and he got another picture of it fully hard and flush against his stomach, one of him teasing the head, one when it started to leak precome and smeared it just below his navel. Fuck, he was going to come so hard... but they weren't going to get that for free.
Thread 17/?
anonymous
February 2 2012, 02:15:34 UTC
Souji liked to draw it out too, make him wait, tell him it'll feel so good if he doesn't come yet. He never had the self-control to do it to himself but Souji did it every time he jerked him off, got him up so close and then pulled his hand off and held him down so he couldn't thrust, couldn't touch himself. His toes would curl and Souji would kiss his throat and the feeling was fucking delicious, being right on the edge and just a touch away from blowing it all over his partner's hand. He'd try to rock his hips and squirm and Souji would reach down to his balls, circle them with one finger, hold them in his hand and whisper to Yosuke how tight they were and how full and ask him if he needed to come... and Yosuke would tell him no, not yet, and that was when it got really good, when Souji would suck on the tip and look up at him so he could watch Yosuke's eyes until he was right on the edge and then he'd pull off again and it made Yosuke nearly scream. It wasn't until it crossed from aching into almost-but-not-quite pain that he would grab Souji's hand, and then Souji would know he had enough and would take him down his throat until he finished and ended up panting and light-headed on the couch or the futon or wherever they were. Afterwards Souji would pull Yosuke into his arms and he'd try to match Souji's breathing and--
--and he was not going to think about it anymore, not tonight. He plugged in the camera and got a good look at the pictures, cropped them a little, cleaned them up, and finally signed on. He was still hard and he really wanted to put his hand back where he really wanted it, but first things first, these had to be uploaded, and posted, and looked at, and commented on. He wondered how long he could keep everyone's attention - in this place, with a hard dick, he could probably get at least 15 minutes, 20 minutes if he was lucky. Well worth it.
It was that easy. All he had to do was click a button and that picture was instantly on the internet, in front of hundreds - thousands - of people, and in less than a minute he would have a reply from someone else, possibly hundreds of miles away. It was a little scary, really. It was just so easy. What if he wasn't posting his own picture, but a picture of someone else, someone who didn't want it uploaded? That wouldn't matter. Nobody would know. People could look at it and save it and jerk off to it and that person wouldn't be able to do a damn thing about it. Well, not unless they had the thread password. Yosuke was always very careful to set passwords. All he had to do was remove the image and then it was like it never existed. Nobody would save his pics, he had decided. They weren't that good. He wasn't like the kids with thousands of views and fans and even nicknames from their followers. Yosuke didn't particularly want that but he was a little jealous nonetheless. What did these people have that he didn't? Oh, right. Everything. F5.
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/10/12(Tue)18:44 No.127668732 lets see you hard already
Time/date stamp? Seriously? Yosuke hadn't thought of that and he almost laughed. They thought somebody would think these pictures were good enough to steal and post as their own? What a joke. It was more likely that somebody would steal those and enter them in an ugly-skinny competition. This guy must be an ass, one of those people that became jaded or cynical somehow and took it out on everyone else. Yosuke could see himself becoming one of those people, if there had never been a Souji, if he had just been left alone. He would have gone through school with no real bonds, no real attachments; graduated and skipped college in favor of Junes; probably married someone he was really just settling for and have a worthless kid of his own and end up just like his father. Click. Post.
Was he seriously doing this? Posting a picture once, okay, maybe even twice, but... did he really have a whole fucking lineup ready? He was going to let these people see him like this? His erection was waning and he wasn't sure if he felt like doing anything about it at this point. He'd leave up what he posted... maybe check back in a while, see if he felt like posting more... leave everyone hanging... that would create more interest anyway, right? They'd be surprised when he came back, oh I was hoping to see more of this guy, and he'd be hard again and it would be even better. He was just about to sign off when his email icon flashed. One new message.
From: Seta Souji (seta.souji@live.jp) Sent: Tuesday, April 10, 2012 18:45:02 To: Hanamura Yosuke (mansard.roof@yahoo.co.jp)
Yosuke,
I'm sorry I upset you. You're right; I should be doing more for you. I think everyone else was trying to do what they thought I would want them to do - make sure you were okay. If I had known that was how they were going to do it, I would have told them it wasn't a good idea, but they really meant well. They did their best. Nobody thinks you're fragile - or at least, no more fragile than anyone else would be. I'm not really okay every day either. I wish I was back home.
I love you. I miss you. Please try to forgive everyone else. I won't ask for the same thing because I don't deserve it yet.
Thread 19/?
anonymous
February 2 2012, 02:17:49 UTC
Yosuke read the email five times, laid his head down on his desk, and cried. He was disgusted with himself. How the fuck could he make Souji write this email - I don't deserve it yet - he was the one who should be coming out with statements like that! He was the one who didn't deserve any of this, not Souji's forgiveness, sure as hell not his I love you, not while he was taking pictures of his dick for strangers. He had even looked forward to doing it today, thought about it while voices at school droned on, imagined how he would pose and what kinds of comments he might get. He could forget about a lot of things when he was reading those threads. He might even forget about this email. He angrily wiped the tears from his eyes and switched tabs. F5.
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/10/12(Tue)18:48 No.127668834 looks good..give us a live feed
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/10/12(Tue)18:49 No.127668843 i wanna see u cum
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/10/12(Tue)18:49 No.127668847 You look like u get super wet for a boy.... ;)
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/10/12(Tue)18:49 No.127668853 balls too
Feed? Yosuke had almost hoped they'd ask for a feed, he thought... maybe that was why he hadn't gone all the way with the pictures. Pictures... he still had more of those. They were asking him for a feed after only two. He had at least seven good shots, maybe eight, and if he could stretch it out until the eighth picture, they'd definitely watch the feed. He'd have a decent audience then. But feeds were a little different than pictures. Feeds were live, totally live, your hand on your dick while other people watched you and touched themselves, and there was no room for error, you better stay hard and come hard and get a good clear shot of it.
There was just one thing he had to do first.
From: Hanamura Yosuke (mansard.roof@yahoo.co.jp) Sent: Tuesday, April 10, 2012 19:02:11 To: Seta Souji (seta.souji@live.jp)
partner
i'm sorry & i don't deserve you
yosuke
url > secure.livestream.com/myaccount/launchchannel > go
Re: Thread 19/?
anonymous
February 2 2012, 09:24:56 UTC
New reader and I have to say... OH MY GOD.
This is so well done, everything from the introspective prose to the texts and emails and of course the beautifully formatted porn threads. I am loving this fill so much.
Re: Thread 19/?
anonymous
February 2 2012, 13:17:56 UTC
Yosukeeee, you are projecting your insecurity for a thirty-mile radius. >:( At this rate, if you keep believing all your friends secretly hate you or ought to hate you, you really won't deserve them!
Of course, it's totally believable coming from him. And it's one of the thing that's making this fill so satisfying to read. I'll definitely be looking forward to the next update; thanks for what you've given us so far!
❑ Anonymous 04/09/12(Mon)22:12 No.127223607 [Reply]
remember me
Yosuke realized that could read either as a question or a command. It didn't really matter. He supposed that, deep down, he meant it as both.
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/09/12(Mon)22:12 No.127223613
still too skinny
Yosuke bit his lip hard and stared at the screen until the words blurred together into a watery puddle. He was putting his body out there, his totally bare naked body, and all this asshole could say was that he was too skinny?! He could have at least tried to say something nice, or maybe he could have just not said anything, but Yosuke knew better than to expect that. Fuck, he had made the same kinds of comments, even worse, and maybe those people had been just like him, lonely and scared half to death and just wanting someone to notice them, wanting someone to... to want them. He was going to refresh one more time, just one more, and if nobody cared then he didn't care, and he'd never go to that site again and he'd throw the camera out too, for good measure.
File : 2957264.png-(236 KB, 500x700)
❑ Anonymous 04/09/12(Mon)22:12 No.127223607 [Reply]
remember me
45 posts and 25 image replies omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/09/12(Mon)22:20 No.127223677
>>127223613
sit down
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/09/12(Mon)22:21 No.127223692
niceee give us more
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/09/12(Mon)22:21 No.127223700
id suck that js
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/09/12(Mon)22:21 No.127223702
>>127223613
don't listen to him, stroke it for us ok
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/09/12(Mon)22:22 No.127223711
show us what u rly got ;)
... They were defending him. Okay, Yosuke supposed there were jerks everywhere, but these people were defending him, telling him not to listen, telling him they still wanted more. Now he owed it to them to give them what they wanted to see. Was there really nothing else wrong with him, nothing they wanted to call him out on? Did somebody seriously just say they wanted to suck his dick? Fuck. He reached down, touched himself with the pads of his fingers, running them up and down the side of his cock, and he was about to wrap his hand around it and give himself a good stroke when he heard his phone ring. Trapped in his pocket, it seemed a mile away, and when he pushed himself to his feet and padded over to it, his cock almost throbbed in protest.
Seta Souji
mobile
Reply
"Hello?"
"Hey. Did I wake you up?"
"Nah. You kidding? You said you'd call, no way I was going to sleep before you did, dude."
"Ah... so you'd let me keep you up all night?"
Yosuke could almost hear Souji's eyebrow raising and he laughed, his eyes crinkling at the corners, the most honest thing he thought he'd felt all day. For once he didn't feel like he was living in some pale imitation of the real world - when he could hear Souji's voice, everything was okay again, everything was good again, and he was happy. He never, ever wanted to hang up. Call ended... to be disconnected from Souji was almost physically painful for him, even if it was represented only by an icon on a cell phone screen.
Their phone call lasted nearly an hour and Yosuke didn't think of the thread again, didn't need to, didn't need to even look at his computer. Eventually Souji started to yawn, and Yosuke's eyelids became heavy, and just before midnight they hung up, Yosuke pointedly refusing to look at the screen, placing the phone face down beside his pillow without pushing the end call button. If it was going to betray him by ending the call, it might as well do it without his consent. He rolled over and was almost instantly asleep, but then his phone buzzed with a new message.
Seta Souji
Apr 09, 2012 23:51 PM
I forgot to tell you something.
mm?
I love you.
ughhhhh so embarrassing
i love you too
Good night.
night, souji
[screw you too lj i had lovely formatting on those text messages but you STRIPPED MY TABLES! anons, thank you for reading. authornon is glad to know you find this worthy of your time. ♥]
Reply
Reply
I like where this is going and desire more.
Reply
ok im sorry lmfao this is really good though i was actually dying while reading it in the absolute best of ways. your characterization is so ace and it feels really real and raw and arghhh PLEASE DON'T STOP WRITING MAN
Reply
I went to school.
I went to Junes.
My friends don't understand how I feel.
I'm lonely.
I miss my partner.
--and nothing else, just a broken record repeating itself over and over and over, the needle stuck in the worst possible groove. Yosuke wished he could drown it out, forget about it, be a normal kid, go back to joking his way through school and not act like a zombie with the group and play with Teddie and be happy to talk to Souji, have more to tell him than "it's okay," look forward to when he was going to visit. He wondered if Souji ever felt like this or if he thought of Yosuke more as something he only had to deal with on odd weekends and school vacations now. That would be fair. Yosuke was used to being a problem for other people.
The next morning his mother left a boxed lunch for him on the counter. Yosuke would have preferred her to just be there to wish him a good day, but he figured the lunch was better than nothing and went through the motions until it was time to eat it. Everyone was meeting on the roof again - honestly, can't they pick somewhere else - and Yosuke silently followed. He was about to sit down when he felt a tap on his shoulder and turned around to see Kanji standing behind him, looking awkwardly at the ground somewhere in the vicinity of Yosuke's shoes.
"Uh... Yosuke-senpai, can I talk to you for a minute?"
"... Okay?"
Yosuke could count on one hand the number of times Kanji had asked if he could talk to him alone. Once, he had wanted to know whether or not his mother liked bunnies so that he could make her a matching doll for the one she had purchased from the textile shop. Once, he had wanted to know whether or not Yosuke thought Naoto liked Souji or if it would be okay if he, you know, wrote her a letter. Yosuke had had a good laugh at that one before clapping Kanji on the shoulder and wishing him luck with his writing endeavors. The last time, Kanji had wanted to make sure none of the girls had actually cooked the lunch they brought to school. That was it. Now, though, Kanji waved him over to the area on the other side of the door, away from where everyone else was eating.
"Senpai... I don't know if I should be sayin' anything about this. It ain't really my place, but uh... dammit, I think everyone else is doin' this wrong. You're hurtin' real bad cause Souji-senpai ain't here and they think if they just don't talk about him you won't think about him and it ain't workin'. So if you ever wanna talk or whatever, I ain't gonna pretend like he don't exist. Uh..."
Reply
"Thanks, man," was all he managed to say, and Kanji seemed relieved that the conversation was over. Still a lumbering, bumbling kind of guy, but at least he was observant and thoughtful enough to say what he said. As they re-approached the group, Yosuke thought he felt better, he might actually feel like laughing a little, and then something Kanji said - they think if they just don't talk about him you won't think about him - ran through his head, over and over, and Yosuke clenched his fists. They were talking about this? They had conversations about this. He stalked over to the group, thought all of the pain and anger was written across his face, and Yukiko actually looked frightened. Chie stood up as though she wanted to calm him down. Of course she did. Now he finally understood.
"What the fuck?"
"Yosuke... what's wrong?"
"Do I look like a mental patient to you? Do you think I'm crazy?"
"What are you talking about?"
"How long did you spend talking about how much of a pathetic loser I am before you all decided that it would be better for me if you pretended Souji never existed? Huh? Was I like an experiment for you or something - 'oh, let's not set off the lunatic, he might lose his shit and I don't want to have to clean up after him!' Or maybe it's just easier for you if I forget about him? Because nobody here except Kanji seems to think that maybe I don't want to act like Souji has some kind of disease! You're supposed to be my friends!"
"We are your friends! We care about you! That's why we made that decision - we thought it would make it harder for you - we're sorry... come on, just sit down and we can talk about it and--"
"Leave me alone."
His voice cracked on the last syllable. It didn't matter whether they left him alone or not. He was already alone. Maybe he was crazy. People didn't act like this when their boyfriend or girlfriend moved away. They went along with it and met up with them when they could and sometimes it worked out and sometimes it didn't, and either way, they adjusted. They didn't cry or yell at their friends or write blogs about how sad they were or worry their parents or read their saved text messages compulsively like they would find the meaning of life in there somewhere. What was wrong with him?
He thought he had done everything right. He didn't cry; he didn't want Souji to feel bad about leaving. He never asked him to stay. He had said once, I wish you could stay, and Souji had replied I do, too, and that had been it. If Souji had wanted to stay, he would have, and Yosuke shouldn't have tried to change his mind. He hadn't talked about what it would be like after Souji moved. Souji had tried a few times, probably out of pity, and Yosuke had grinned, told him it would be just like always, and changed the subject. He didn't even try to keep Souji to himself the morning before he left, trying to be understanding about him needing to say goodbye to everyone, and he only had a few minutes alone with him before his train arrived. That was what you were supposed to do. That was what normal people did.
Reply
Seta Souji
Apr 10, 2012 16:03 PM
Chie told me what happened today.
w/e its fine
They really were trying to make it better for you.
do u want 2 lecture me 2
dont need that
No. I just don't want you to be upset.
cant u understand why im upset
You feel like they're treating you like you're fragile.
They want to protect you.
ur supposed to protect me
but ur not here r u
turnin my phone off now
Maybe Souji would feel bad. Maybe he'd worry about him and he'd come to visit that weekend. Maybe he'd decide that leaving in the first place had been a stupid, stupid idea. Yosuke trudged up the steps to his room and turned his computer on. It had been too long - his previous thread would be deleted, no more checking for replies - he'd just have to start a new one. He was going to make sure today's was even better. These people didn't tiptoe around him, didn't try to make everything nice, just stared at his dick and told it like it was and asked for more and made him feel like in this part of the universe, he was worth the attention. Good. He'd give them a nice show.
He stood in front of the mirror, took a few experimental shots, and frowned. The lighting was too dim. He grabbed his desk lamp, plugged it in beside his futon, removed the shade and... there, perfect, no doubt about what you were looking at now. It wasn't enough like this, though, they'd already seen that. It would make a nice intro, though. He took a few shots of himself in the mirror, thighs spread, holding his dick, and then moved to his futon itself, laying across it and keeping his knees wide apart. He had to aim the camera with one hand, which was difficult, but he got the hang of it, stroked himself a few times and clicked the shutter when he was half-hard. Something about the way the flash went off went right to his dick and he got another picture of it fully hard and flush against his stomach, one of him teasing the head, one when it started to leak precome and smeared it just below his navel. Fuck, he was going to come so hard... but they weren't going to get that for free.
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--and he was not going to think about it anymore, not tonight. He plugged in the camera and got a good look at the pictures, cropped them a little, cleaned them up, and finally signed on. He was still hard and he really wanted to put his hand back where he really wanted it, but first things first, these had to be uploaded, and posted, and looked at, and commented on. He wondered how long he could keep everyone's attention - in this place, with a hard dick, he could probably get at least 15 minutes, 20 minutes if he was lucky. Well worth it.
File : 932569425.png-(236 KB, 500x700)
❑ Anonymous 04/10/12(Tue)18:39 No.127668710 [Reply]
comment if u want more
It was that easy. All he had to do was click a button and that picture was instantly on the internet, in front of hundreds - thousands - of people, and in less than a minute he would have a reply from someone else, possibly hundreds of miles away. It was a little scary, really. It was just so easy. What if he wasn't posting his own picture, but a picture of someone else, someone who didn't want it uploaded? That wouldn't matter. Nobody would know. People could look at it and save it and jerk off to it and that person wouldn't be able to do a damn thing about it. Well, not unless they had the thread password. Yosuke was always very careful to set passwords. All he had to do was remove the image and then it was like it never existed. Nobody would save his pics, he had decided. They weren't that good. He wasn't like the kids with thousands of views and fans and even nicknames from their followers. Yosuke didn't particularly want that but he was a little jealous nonetheless. What did these people have that he didn't? Oh, right. Everything. F5.
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❑ Anonymous 04/10/12(Tue)18:39 No.127668710 [Reply]
comment if u want more
67 posts and 39 image replies omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/10/12(Tue)18:43 No.127668713
commentt
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/10/12(Tue)18:43 No.127668719
I'm watching.
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/10/12(Tue)18:43 No.127668725
love ur pics
>> ❑ HaRu-SaN !!uFqb+xPCOxu 04/10/12(Tue)18:43 No.127668730
time/date stamp please
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/10/12(Tue)18:44 No.127668732
lets see you hard already
Time/date stamp? Seriously? Yosuke hadn't thought of that and he almost laughed. They thought somebody would think these pictures were good enough to steal and post as their own? What a joke. It was more likely that somebody would steal those and enter them in an ugly-skinny competition. This guy must be an ass, one of those people that became jaded or cynical somehow and took it out on everyone else. Yosuke could see himself becoming one of those people, if there had never been a Souji, if he had just been left alone. He would have gone through school with no real bonds, no real attachments; graduated and skipped college in favor of Junes; probably married someone he was really just settling for and have a worthless kid of his own and end up just like his father. Click. Post.
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/10/12(Tue)18:48 No.127668791
File35798346.jpg-(236 KB, 500x700)
Was he seriously doing this? Posting a picture once, okay, maybe even twice, but... did he really have a whole fucking lineup ready? He was going to let these people see him like this? His erection was waning and he wasn't sure if he felt like doing anything about it at this point. He'd leave up what he posted... maybe check back in a while, see if he felt like posting more... leave everyone hanging... that would create more interest anyway, right? They'd be surprised when he came back, oh I was hoping to see more of this guy, and he'd be hard again and it would be even better. He was just about to sign off when his email icon flashed. One new message.
From: Seta Souji (seta.souji@live.jp)
Sent: Tuesday, April 10, 2012 18:45:02
To: Hanamura Yosuke (mansard.roof@yahoo.co.jp)
Yosuke,
I'm sorry I upset you. You're right; I should be doing more for you. I think everyone else was trying to do what they thought I would want them to do - make sure you were okay. If I had known that was how they were going to do it, I would have told them it wasn't a good idea, but they really meant well. They did their best. Nobody thinks you're fragile - or at least, no more fragile than anyone else would be. I'm not really okay every day either. I wish I was back home.
I love you. I miss you. Please try to forgive everyone else. I won't ask for the same thing because I don't deserve it yet.
Souji
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>> ❑ Anonymous 04/10/12(Tue)18:48 No.127668834
looks good..give us a live feed
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/10/12(Tue)18:49 No.127668843
i wanna see u cum
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/10/12(Tue)18:49 No.127668847
You look like u get super wet for a boy.... ;)
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/10/12(Tue)18:49 No.127668853
balls too
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/10/12(Tue)18:49 No.127668861
nice op-would watch feed
Feed? Yosuke had almost hoped they'd ask for a feed, he thought... maybe that was why he hadn't gone all the way with the pictures. Pictures... he still had more of those. They were asking him for a feed after only two. He had at least seven good shots, maybe eight, and if he could stretch it out until the eighth picture, they'd definitely watch the feed. He'd have a decent audience then. But feeds were a little different than pictures. Feeds were live, totally live, your hand on your dick while other people watched you and touched themselves, and there was no room for error, you better stay hard and come hard and get a good clear shot of it.
There was just one thing he had to do first.
From: Hanamura Yosuke (mansard.roof@yahoo.co.jp)
Sent: Tuesday, April 10, 2012 19:02:11
To: Seta Souji (seta.souji@live.jp)
partner
i'm sorry & i don't deserve you
yosuke
url > secure.livestream.com/myaccount/launchchannel > go
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This is so well done, everything from the introspective prose to the texts and emails and of course the beautifully formatted porn threads. I am loving this fill so much.
PLZ POST MAOR THX ;D
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Of course, it's totally believable coming from him. And it's one of the thing that's making this fill so satisfying to read. I'll definitely be looking forward to the next update; thanks for what you've given us so far!
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