Yosuke quickly bookmarked the thread, english notes, turned off his computer before he could think about it too much, and unplugged it for good measure. He fell asleep on his back, covers kicked to the side and legs spread as though his body was trying to expose itself even subconsciously, like it knew what he was doing and was trying to tell him that if he was going to do it, then he should just fucking do it, stop dicking around and get to the dick already. ... If the comments were good. If people wanted to see it. If people thought he was--
'--beautiful, Yosuke,' wrapping his arms around Souji's shoulders and--
--worth seeing. Maybe he'd beat the kid with the livestream without even having a livestream. Unlikely, sure, but his type was popular now, even more popular than the girls, and you could never be sure what this audience would like. It could be anything. It could even be him. At least it might be a distraction, something he could do without making a nuisance of himself, and if he failed, well, nothing lost, nothing gained, and he could fade back into the audience and judge the next kid himself.
[notes: this was supposed to be maybe seven parts total & then it exploded. my other fills are basically straight porn; i have no idea how this happened. op, i am truly sorry you have gotten me as an authornon.]
Re: Thread 6/?
anonymous
January 29 2012, 03:58:44 UTC
fapfapfapfapfapfap
well, not really fapping, but very impressed so far. not op, but been thinking about this prompt. so happy someone is filling. would f5 forever but have a mac.
Re: Thread 6/?
anonymous
January 29 2012, 09:55:25 UTC
This is so, so good so far, authornon! I was really excited by this prompt when the OP first posted it, and you are more than doing it justice so far. Seriously, this is so painfully Yosuke, and the authentic 4chan formatting is a nice touch. Somehow I get the feeling he's still going to be bullied on the internet. :(
Re: Thread 6/?
anonymous
January 29 2012, 20:59:29 UTC
Coming out of lurking to say, this fill is amazing. Every emotional response is so real for Yosuke, and it's just a little bit painful how much I relate to the long distance relationship part. So curious to see what happens next, and I'm loving the authentic 4chan format. Authornon, you're awesome.
Thread 7/?
anonymous
January 30 2012, 02:35:21 UTC
Yosuke didn't get around to checking the thread until just before bed two nights later. Contrary to his plan of forgetting about it, he woke up thinking about it, almost checked it before school but forced himself to leave the computer unplugged and save it for later. The term had just started and he had already barely passed the first exams, squeaking by with what he thought were probably pity grades, bad enough to warrant a call to his mother to ask if he was sick or "having problems." He couldn't remember a time when he didn't have "problems." His mother had apologized for him, and that had been awful, having to see his mother bow on the phone and apologize for his stupidity. He should have known that material. It was all review, all stuff he had studied with Souji until he knew it up one side and down the other, but Souji had taken that with him too.
Not much had changed at school, otherwise. He was still the Junes kid. There was no overt name-calling or anything like that, but everyone had gone back to looking at him like yesterday's trash, rolling their eyes and whispering about him when he was still within earshot, and he was completely positive that they knew he could hear, that they wanted him to hear, although for some reason they were avoiding a direct confrontation. He made sure to ride his bike to and from school with great care. Nobody was going to pick him up and put him back on his feet anymore. He ate lunch with everyone else most days, usually picking at his food or trying to pawn it off on Kanji or Chie, and if anybody noticed that his uniform jacket fit him a little bit oddly, as though it was just a little too broad for his shoulders, or that the neatly handwritten name on the inside tag didn't say Hanamura Yosuke, they were kind enough not to mention it.
He usually tried to keep up with the conversation, at least, to say something or make a joke occasionally, just enough so that they wouldn't forget he was there without him really having to participate. They never talked about Souji. On one occasion, Yosuke wondered if he had lost his mind, if he had just dreamed Souji up one night when he felt especially alone, and it had been with great relief that he had seen Nanako in town and received a full report about the activities of Big Bro from her perspective. Sometimes he felt like he had more in common with Nanako than with his friends. Teddie was another story. He'd mention something about Souji and then clap a hand over his mouth, eyes wide, as though he wasn't supposed to have said whatever it was he had said. "He's not dead, idiot, you can say his name without thinking his spirit's going to show up and haunt us," Yosuke had told him once, and Teddie had just shrugged his tiny shoulders and quietly replied, "...but Yosuke gets sad when I talk about sensei." Now he felt even worse. Damn bear.
Work was about as enthralling as school was - stock, market, arrange, collect, smile. Repeat. Yosuke wondered if he still had a stack of the bits of metal and wires and fabrics they used to find in the TV, if he could bring them to Daidara and somehow convince him to build Automaton Yosuke, with a cheerful attitude and a perpetual grin. Nobody would notice the difference. It had always been a stretch for him to appear happy at Junes, but it was even more of a struggle these days. He blew off a shift once, just once, when he just didn't think he could look at another shipment of Tater Longs without ripping open all the bags and throwing them around the stock room before stomping them into dust, and his father had been furious, had grabbed him by the arm and thrown him through the doors just after closing and told him that the store had better be fucking sparkling by opening the next morning. Yosuke wasn't able to sleep that night, and he really liked sleeping these days because it meant he didn't have to think about anything, so he never did that again.
Thread 8/?
anonymous
January 30 2012, 02:37:03 UTC
He briefly considered joining a club, maybe meet some new people, but that thought only lasted a few seconds before he laughed out loud at how ridiculous it was. There wasn't a single person in Yasogami who didn't already know who he was, and there wasn't a single person in Yasogami who wanted to get to know him any better. Kou and Daisuke were alright, but he was about as athletic as a dying praying mantis and he wouldn't last on the soccer field, couldn't play basketball, not without thinking of... He loved music, but not school band music, didn't understand the point of drama - who needed more tragedy? - and on the days he wasn't working, he spent the afternoons holed up in his room, reorganizing his mp3s, blaring music loud enough so that he didn't have to think, composing emails to Souji and never sending most of them, trying to figure out how many emails he could send and how often he could send them before he became annoying. When Souji was home, Yosuke would usually meet him on IM, send him links and show him stupid things that might have at one time been funny, until he was sure Souji was laughing, and the thought of Souji laughing cheered him up enough to go downstairs for dinner. Souji always asked him how he was and Yosuke always lied. He didn't see the point in telling him the truth and making him worry, not now. If Souji were that concerned, he'd still be here.
Souji wasn't good at talking on IM, Yosuke found. He used proper punctuation and never used emoticons and it made him come off as a robot or Emperor Hirohito or something. It was much better to talk to him on the phone, to hear his voice, and although it wasn't fair, sometimes Yosuke wouldn't tell him when he was exhausted and sleep was imminent, just so that he could fall asleep to the sound of it. He knew Souji must be lonely too - the way he said I miss you had the same heaviness that it did when Yosuke said it - but Souji wasn't the same. He attracted people, people wanted to be near him, people wanted to be his friend and laugh with him and hug him and kiss him and fuck him and it made Yosuke sick, wondering when Souji was finally going to realize that he was tied down by a loser and find someone who was actually on his level. Yosuke had never worried about that when Souji had been here - not that he had enjoyed watching his partner get pink heart-shaped note after pink heart-shaped note - but he had been reasonably sure that he made Souji happy enough to not be interested. Souji had told him as much, in much kinder and stronger words, more than once. But now he was away, and as soon as people got away from Yosuke, things changed. Things always changed.
Today Yosuke hadn't done any of that, had come home from school and laid down on the couch and watched the same channel for five straight hours, watched a singing contest and a science show and a cooking lesson without really seeing any of them, his phone tucked into his hip pocket just in case, his bag thrown carelessly on top of his shoes. He probably had homework, but he couldn't look at it. He didn't want to think anymore. His phone went off in the middle of the cooking lesson, just as the smiling chef added pork to oil and it began to sizzle. It looked like it would taste alright but seeing the raw meat turned Yosuke's stomach. It was too bloody and too red and it looked like it would splatter all over the kitchen if you dropped it on the floor. Disgusting. Yosuke swallowed hard against the sudden bile in this throat and was relieved for the distraction of his text message notification.
Thread 9/?
anonymous
January 30 2012, 02:49:16 UTC
Seta Souji Apr 09, 2012 15:34 PM
Hey. yo What are you doing? nm watchin sum gross tv show.....u? Thinking about you. haha u are so weird call me l8r ok I was going to anyway. I miss you. me 2 so much Are you doing okay? yeah im fine not gonna forget 2 breathe i promise Okay. I'll still call you later, just to make sure. u mean so u can try to reset me if i forget Resuscitate. That's a good vocabulary word. ugh u are so lame <3 Do you need help with algebra? wat? omg no u r a huge dork ttyl partner <4 THAT DOESNT EVEN MEAN NETHING <5
Yosuke put his phone back into his pocket and laid back down, one hand over his eyes in case his mother walked back in. He could claim a piece of dust in his eye that way. He knew all mothers worried about their kids, but he thought his mother worried about him a little bit more, and it made him feel bad, guilty, like if he was less of a fuck-up his mother wouldn't have streaks of gray in her hair and he wouldn't hear her puttering around in the living room, racked with insomnia as he trolled the internet. He kept his light off when it got late, strained his eyes against the screen, so that she wouldn't see it under his door and know he wasn't sleeping.
Dinner came when his father turned up, lips set in a straight line that told Yosuke it would be much better if he sat up straight and shut up and ate every grain of rice in his bowl. When he was small, his mother had told him that the rice was sad if you didn't finish it, Yosuke, your rice is crying, and he choked it down even if he was stuffed full, usually ate it first and as fast as he could so that he wouldn't have to look at it later. His father had other priorities, going on about how he worked hard to put food on the table, but apparently that food wasn't good enough for his own son, and Yosuke ate whatever the hell he wanted him to until he went off to watch TV with his beer. That had lasted until his father seemed to give up, figuring Yosuke could eat fried chicken into next Tuesday and not gain an ounce, and after that he finally left him alone and let him do as he pleased... all except for the rice.
Thread 10/?
anonymous
January 30 2012, 02:50:11 UTC
He missed eating with Souji. He missed Souji coming in with a bento he had made the night before and asking Yosuke to eat lunch with him, just the two of them, and they'd sit shoulder-to-shoulder with their feet dangling off the roof. Yosuke loved whatever Souji made, partly because it was just fucking delicious, mostly because he had made it just for him. Yosuke would take off his headphones, jack up the volume and lay them down on his lap so Souji could hear the music too, and he'd tell Souji about the new band he discovered and Souji would tell him about the magic tricks he taught Nanako and Yosuke would ask him to teach him too, if only so that their hands would brush as Souji demonstrated his newest illusion. After lunch Souji would reach for his hand again and entwine their fingers and pretend to read Yosuke's palm.
'This is the love line. It's very important.'
'What does it mean?'
'The stronger it appears, the more strongly you love somebody. And yours... is really visible.'
'Does it really mean that?'
'It could.'
--Souji smiling almost shyly at him; Yosuke squeezing his hand, unable to keep the smile off his own face; Souji leaning over to kiss him softly--
'Thanks for lunch, partner.'
Yosuke stared at his hands sometimes, found the line Souji had been talking about, and traced it with the index finger of his opposite hand. He wondered if it reflected Souji's feelings, too, if it would fade or weaken if Souji's feelings waned. If it reflected his own heart, there would probably be a huge crack in it. He fingered it idly as his mother cleared the table, his father headed for the living room, and Yosuke went up to his bedroom, settling in for another long night at his desk.
bookmarks > school > english notes
Yosuke stared at the screen, disbelieving. 262 replies. Two hundred and sixty two fucking replies. This had to be a joke. Somebody had to be making fun of him, or maybe he had gotten hit by one of those spam bots, somebody using his thread to try to see Viagra or fake Uggs to the internet. Yosuke almost laughed. That kind of scam relied on popularity. Oh, man, had the spam bots picked the wrong thread. But...
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/08/12(Sun)04:52 No.127071330 post full body
Yosuke scrolled down. They... seriously wanted more pictures? They liked them - him - complete strangers thought he was hot? They were looking at him. They wanted to see him, if he posted another picture they'd look at it, they'd want to see it, they'd...
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/09/12(Mon)21:36 No.127223350 op u coming back or what?!?!?
No. No, he was definitely not coming back. Yosuke could think of a million reasons why he was not coming back, why it had been a terrible idea, why he should delete the bookmark and let the thread fade into obscurity and pray to every deity he could remember that nobody had saved that pic to their hard drives. But these comments... he felt kind of... god, he was such a slut, such a fucking whore to even be considering this. Souji would hate this - but Souji wasn't here. He tried to imagine how he'd feel, if he knew Souji was doing something like this, but he couldn't even picture it. Souji would never do something like this. Souji deserved someone who would never do something like this.
Yosuke turned off his computer, shoved it away almost angrily, and threw himself onto his futon, pressed his face down into the blankets and held a pillow over his head, breathing in heated fabric and wondering how hard he'd have to press to just stop breathing all together. Hadn't he joked about that with Souji earlier? Maybe if he stopped breathing, Souji would appear, and Souji would save him, would breathe for him like they did on dramas and when Yosuke's lungs were working again he'd grab Souji and kiss him until he was back to being breathless. But Souji was too far away to save him now, and Yosuke reached for the camera. These people, they... wanted the pictures... he wanted them to want the pictures... sick. Fucking sick, Hanamura.
About a third of the comments had asked for his dick, and really, Yosuke thought, it wasn't as if he walked around hanging out of his pants all day. Nobody was going to be able to pick him out of a cock line-up. He considered stroking himself a while first, getting it nice and hard, but then a little thrill of excitement went through him and he thought, if everyone liked it, maybe he'd offer that up for next time. Next time. Was he really already considering a next time? He thought of everyone else, guys and girls in their rooms looking at him, getting off to his body, and... yeah, he was considering a next time.
He laid on his futon for this one, spread his thighs a little so his cock was easier to see, lifted his chin up to ensure the camera wouldn't catch his face and snapped a first attempt at a picture. Out of focus. Too blurry. He adjusted the focus, fiddled with the camera buttons while sprawled naked over his blankets, too far gone now to think about what he must look like. Second attempt. He aimed too high, didn't get the tip, and without the tip it didn't count. Third attempt. Perfect. His nipples up at the top, just barely in the frame, back arched slightly, cock centered and clear. They'd love this one - if they were still interested. Yosuke couldn't blame them if they'd moved on to someone else.
Yosuke realized that could read either as a question or a command. It didn't really matter. He supposed that, deep down, he meant it as both.
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/09/12(Mon)22:12 No.127223613 still too skinny
Yosuke bit his lip hard and stared at the screen until the words blurred together into a watery puddle. He was putting his body out there, his totally bare naked body, and all this asshole could say was that he was too skinny?! He could have at least tried to say something nice, or maybe he could have just not said anything, but Yosuke knew better than to expect that. Fuck, he had made the same kinds of comments, even worse, and maybe those people had been just like him, lonely and scared half to death and just wanting someone to notice them, wanting someone to... to want them. He was going to refresh one more time, just one more, and if nobody cared then he didn't care, and he'd never go to that site again and he'd throw the camera out too, for good measure.
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/09/12(Mon)22:22 No.127223711 show us what u rly got ;)
... They were defending him. Okay, Yosuke supposed there were jerks everywhere, but these people were defending him, telling him not to listen, telling him they still wanted more. Now he owed it to them to give them what they wanted to see. Was there really nothing else wrong with him, nothing they wanted to call him out on? Did somebody seriously just say they wanted to suck his dick? Fuck. He reached down, touched himself with the pads of his fingers, running them up and down the side of his cock, and he was about to wrap his hand around it and give himself a good stroke when he heard his phone ring. Trapped in his pocket, it seemed a mile away, and when he pushed himself to his feet and padded over to it, his cock almost throbbed in protest.
Thread 13/?
anonymous
January 30 2012, 02:57:59 UTC
Yosuke covered his mouth with one hand and his chest heaved twice. What the fuck was he doing? Souji was calling him, probably sitting in his bedroom in his pajamas, waiting for Yosuke to answer the phone, maybe even excited to talk to him, and Yosuke was posting pictures of his dick for strangers on the internet. Disgusting. He was so fucking disgusting. He shouldn't answer the phone. He didn't deserve to talk to Souji now. He probably didn't deserve to talk to Souji ever again, not after what he had done, not after what he was planning to do. But he wanted to talk to Souji so badly...
"Hello?"
"Hey. Did I wake you up?"
"Nah. You kidding? You said you'd call, no way I was going to sleep before you did, dude."
"Ah... so you'd let me keep you up all night?"
Yosuke could almost hear Souji's eyebrow raising and he laughed, his eyes crinkling at the corners, the most honest thing he thought he'd felt all day. For once he didn't feel like he was living in some pale imitation of the real world - when he could hear Souji's voice, everything was okay again, everything was good again, and he was happy. He never, ever wanted to hang up. Call ended... to be disconnected from Souji was almost physically painful for him, even if it was represented only by an icon on a cell phone screen.
Their phone call lasted nearly an hour and Yosuke didn't think of the thread again, didn't need to, didn't need to even look at his computer. Eventually Souji started to yawn, and Yosuke's eyelids became heavy, and just before midnight they hung up, Yosuke pointedly refusing to look at the screen, placing the phone face down beside his pillow without pushing the end call button. If it was going to betray him by ending the call, it might as well do it without his consent. He rolled over and was almost instantly asleep, but then his phone buzzed with a new message.
Seta Souji Apr 09, 2012 23:51 PM
I forgot to tell you something. mm? I love you. ughhhhh so embarrassing i love you too Good night. night, souji
[screw you too lj i had lovely formatting on those text messages but you STRIPPED MY TABLES! anons, thank you for reading. authornon is glad to know you find this worthy of your time. ♥]
Re: Thread 13/?
anonymous
January 31 2012, 10:29:59 UTC
SHOW US WHAT U RLY GOT AUTHOR ANON ;)
ok im sorry lmfao this is really good though i was actually dying while reading it in the absolute best of ways. your characterization is so ace and it feels really real and raw and arghhh PLEASE DON'T STOP WRITING MAN
Thread 14/?
anonymous
February 2 2012, 02:08:30 UTC
Talking to Souji made things both better and worse. While they were connected, everything was fine; Yosuke could almost pretend that Souji was back in his room at Dojima's, just a few minutes away, that he'd see him at school or Junes or near the river the next day and that everything would be alright. As soon as they hung up, though, the illusion vanished and the realization that Souji wasn't there hit Yosuke with a feeling like ice in the pit of his stomach. It was an exhausting cycle. He had tried keeping a blog for a while, thinking maybe he could make some sense of what he was feeling if he could see it written out in black and white, but all the entries were basically the same--
I went to school. I went to Junes. My friends don't understand how I feel. I'm lonely. I miss my partner.
--and nothing else, just a broken record repeating itself over and over and over, the needle stuck in the worst possible groove. Yosuke wished he could drown it out, forget about it, be a normal kid, go back to joking his way through school and not act like a zombie with the group and play with Teddie and be happy to talk to Souji, have more to tell him than "it's okay," look forward to when he was going to visit. He wondered if Souji ever felt like this or if he thought of Yosuke more as something he only had to deal with on odd weekends and school vacations now. That would be fair. Yosuke was used to being a problem for other people.
The next morning his mother left a boxed lunch for him on the counter. Yosuke would have preferred her to just be there to wish him a good day, but he figured the lunch was better than nothing and went through the motions until it was time to eat it. Everyone was meeting on the roof again - honestly, can't they pick somewhere else - and Yosuke silently followed. He was about to sit down when he felt a tap on his shoulder and turned around to see Kanji standing behind him, looking awkwardly at the ground somewhere in the vicinity of Yosuke's shoes.
"Uh... Yosuke-senpai, can I talk to you for a minute?"
"... Okay?"
Yosuke could count on one hand the number of times Kanji had asked if he could talk to him alone. Once, he had wanted to know whether or not his mother liked bunnies so that he could make her a matching doll for the one she had purchased from the textile shop. Once, he had wanted to know whether or not Yosuke thought Naoto liked Souji or if it would be okay if he, you know, wrote her a letter. Yosuke had had a good laugh at that one before clapping Kanji on the shoulder and wishing him luck with his writing endeavors. The last time, Kanji had wanted to make sure none of the girls had actually cooked the lunch they brought to school. That was it. Now, though, Kanji waved him over to the area on the other side of the door, away from where everyone else was eating.
"Senpai... I don't know if I should be sayin' anything about this. It ain't really my place, but uh... dammit, I think everyone else is doin' this wrong. You're hurtin' real bad cause Souji-senpai ain't here and they think if they just don't talk about him you won't think about him and it ain't workin'. So if you ever wanna talk or whatever, I ain't gonna pretend like he don't exist. Uh..."
❑ Anonymous 04/08/12(Sun)04:51 No.127071289 [Reply]
;)
Yosuke quickly bookmarked the thread, english notes, turned off his computer before he could think about it too much, and unplugged it for good measure. He fell asleep on his back, covers kicked to the side and legs spread as though his body was trying to expose itself even subconsciously, like it knew what he was doing and was trying to tell him that if he was going to do it, then he should just fucking do it, stop dicking around and get to the dick already. ... If the comments were good. If people wanted to see it. If people thought he was--
'--beautiful, Yosuke,' wrapping his arms around Souji's shoulders and--
--worth seeing. Maybe he'd beat the kid with the livestream without even having a livestream. Unlikely, sure, but his type was popular now, even more popular than the girls, and you could never be sure what this audience would like. It could be anything. It could even be him. At least it might be a distraction, something he could do without making a nuisance of himself, and if he failed, well, nothing lost, nothing gained, and he could fade back into the audience and judge the next kid himself.
[notes: this was supposed to be maybe seven parts total & then it exploded. my other fills are basically straight porn; i have no idea how this happened. op, i am truly sorry you have gotten me as an authornon.]
Reply
well, not really fapping, but very impressed so far. not op, but been thinking about this prompt. so happy someone is filling. would f5 forever but have a mac.
love.
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Reply
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Not much had changed at school, otherwise. He was still the Junes kid. There was no overt name-calling or anything like that, but everyone had gone back to looking at him like yesterday's trash, rolling their eyes and whispering about him when he was still within earshot, and he was completely positive that they knew he could hear, that they wanted him to hear, although for some reason they were avoiding a direct confrontation. He made sure to ride his bike to and from school with great care. Nobody was going to pick him up and put him back on his feet anymore. He ate lunch with everyone else most days, usually picking at his food or trying to pawn it off on Kanji or Chie, and if anybody noticed that his uniform jacket fit him a little bit oddly, as though it was just a little too broad for his shoulders, or that the neatly handwritten name on the inside tag didn't say Hanamura Yosuke, they were kind enough not to mention it.
He usually tried to keep up with the conversation, at least, to say something or make a joke occasionally, just enough so that they wouldn't forget he was there without him really having to participate. They never talked about Souji. On one occasion, Yosuke wondered if he had lost his mind, if he had just dreamed Souji up one night when he felt especially alone, and it had been with great relief that he had seen Nanako in town and received a full report about the activities of Big Bro from her perspective. Sometimes he felt like he had more in common with Nanako than with his friends. Teddie was another story. He'd mention something about Souji and then clap a hand over his mouth, eyes wide, as though he wasn't supposed to have said whatever it was he had said. "He's not dead, idiot, you can say his name without thinking his spirit's going to show up and haunt us," Yosuke had told him once, and Teddie had just shrugged his tiny shoulders and quietly replied, "...but Yosuke gets sad when I talk about sensei." Now he felt even worse. Damn bear.
Work was about as enthralling as school was - stock, market, arrange, collect, smile. Repeat. Yosuke wondered if he still had a stack of the bits of metal and wires and fabrics they used to find in the TV, if he could bring them to Daidara and somehow convince him to build Automaton Yosuke, with a cheerful attitude and a perpetual grin. Nobody would notice the difference. It had always been a stretch for him to appear happy at Junes, but it was even more of a struggle these days. He blew off a shift once, just once, when he just didn't think he could look at another shipment of Tater Longs without ripping open all the bags and throwing them around the stock room before stomping them into dust, and his father had been furious, had grabbed him by the arm and thrown him through the doors just after closing and told him that the store had better be fucking sparkling by opening the next morning. Yosuke wasn't able to sleep that night, and he really liked sleeping these days because it meant he didn't have to think about anything, so he never did that again.
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Souji wasn't good at talking on IM, Yosuke found. He used proper punctuation and never used emoticons and it made him come off as a robot or Emperor Hirohito or something. It was much better to talk to him on the phone, to hear his voice, and although it wasn't fair, sometimes Yosuke wouldn't tell him when he was exhausted and sleep was imminent, just so that he could fall asleep to the sound of it. He knew Souji must be lonely too - the way he said I miss you had the same heaviness that it did when Yosuke said it - but Souji wasn't the same. He attracted people, people wanted to be near him, people wanted to be his friend and laugh with him and hug him and kiss him and fuck him and it made Yosuke sick, wondering when Souji was finally going to realize that he was tied down by a loser and find someone who was actually on his level. Yosuke had never worried about that when Souji had been here - not that he had enjoyed watching his partner get pink heart-shaped note after pink heart-shaped note - but he had been reasonably sure that he made Souji happy enough to not be interested. Souji had told him as much, in much kinder and stronger words, more than once. But now he was away, and as soon as people got away from Yosuke, things changed. Things always changed.
Today Yosuke hadn't done any of that, had come home from school and laid down on the couch and watched the same channel for five straight hours, watched a singing contest and a science show and a cooking lesson without really seeing any of them, his phone tucked into his hip pocket just in case, his bag thrown carelessly on top of his shoes. He probably had homework, but he couldn't look at it. He didn't want to think anymore. His phone went off in the middle of the cooking lesson, just as the smiling chef added pork to oil and it began to sizzle. It looked like it would taste alright but seeing the raw meat turned Yosuke's stomach. It was too bloody and too red and it looked like it would splatter all over the kitchen if you dropped it on the floor. Disgusting. Yosuke swallowed hard against the sudden bile in this throat and was relieved for the distraction of his text message notification.
Reply
Apr 09, 2012 15:34 PM
Hey.
yo
What are you doing?
nm watchin sum gross tv show.....u?
Thinking about you.
haha u are so weird
call me l8r ok
I was going to anyway.
I miss you.
me 2
so much
Are you doing okay?
yeah im fine
not gonna forget 2 breathe i promise
Okay. I'll still call you later, just to make sure.
u mean so u can try to reset me if i forget
Resuscitate. That's a good vocabulary word.
ugh u are so lame
<3
Do you need help with algebra?
wat?
omg no
u r a huge dork
ttyl partner
<4
THAT DOESNT EVEN MEAN NETHING
<5
Yosuke put his phone back into his pocket and laid back down, one hand over his eyes in case his mother walked back in. He could claim a piece of dust in his eye that way. He knew all mothers worried about their kids, but he thought his mother worried about him a little bit more, and it made him feel bad, guilty, like if he was less of a fuck-up his mother wouldn't have streaks of gray in her hair and he wouldn't hear her puttering around in the living room, racked with insomnia as he trolled the internet. He kept his light off when it got late, strained his eyes against the screen, so that she wouldn't see it under his door and know he wasn't sleeping.
Dinner came when his father turned up, lips set in a straight line that told Yosuke it would be much better if he sat up straight and shut up and ate every grain of rice in his bowl. When he was small, his mother had told him that the rice was sad if you didn't finish it, Yosuke, your rice is crying, and he choked it down even if he was stuffed full, usually ate it first and as fast as he could so that he wouldn't have to look at it later. His father had other priorities, going on about how he worked hard to put food on the table, but apparently that food wasn't good enough for his own son, and Yosuke ate whatever the hell he wanted him to until he went off to watch TV with his beer. That had lasted until his father seemed to give up, figuring Yosuke could eat fried chicken into next Tuesday and not gain an ounce, and after that he finally left him alone and let him do as he pleased... all except for the rice.
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'This is the love line. It's very important.'
'What does it mean?'
'The stronger it appears, the more strongly you love somebody. And yours... is really visible.'
'Does it really mean that?'
'It could.'
--Souji smiling almost shyly at him; Yosuke squeezing his hand, unable to keep the smile off his own face; Souji leaning over to kiss him softly--
'Thanks for lunch, partner.'
Yosuke stared at his hands sometimes, found the line Souji had been talking about, and traced it with the index finger of his opposite hand. He wondered if it reflected Souji's feelings, too, if it would fade or weaken if Souji's feelings waned. If it reflected his own heart, there would probably be a huge crack in it. He fingered it idly as his mother cleared the table, his father headed for the living room, and Yosuke went up to his bedroom, settling in for another long night at his desk.
bookmarks > school > english notes
Yosuke stared at the screen, disbelieving. 262 replies. Two hundred and sixty two fucking replies. This had to be a joke. Somebody had to be making fun of him, or maybe he had gotten hit by one of those spam bots, somebody using his thread to try to see Viagra or fake Uggs to the internet. Yosuke almost laughed. That kind of scam relied on popularity. Oh, man, had the spam bots picked the wrong thread. But...
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❑ Anonymous 04/08/12(Sun)04:51 No.127071289 [Reply]
;)
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/08/12(Sun)04:51 No.127071304
moar
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/08/12(Sun)04:51 No.127071309
moar of op
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/08/12(Sun)04:52 No.127071319
fuckk hot
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/08/12(Sun)04:52 No.127071328
File128458124.jpg-(40 KB, 500x500)
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/08/12(Sun)04:52 No.127071330
post full body
Yosuke scrolled down. They... seriously wanted more pictures? They liked them - him - complete strangers thought he was hot? They were looking at him. They wanted to see him, if he posted another picture they'd look at it, they'd want to see it, they'd...
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lets see your dick ;)
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/09/12(Mon)21:34 No.127223327
gross too skinny
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/09/12(Mon)21:34 No.127223334
qt op
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/09/12(Mon)21:35 No.127223342
>>127223327
stfu fatass
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/09/12(Mon)21:36 No.127223350
op u coming back or what?!?!?
No. No, he was definitely not coming back. Yosuke could think of a million reasons why he was not coming back, why it had been a terrible idea, why he should delete the bookmark and let the thread fade into obscurity and pray to every deity he could remember that nobody had saved that pic to their hard drives. But these comments... he felt kind of... god, he was such a slut, such a fucking whore to even be considering this. Souji would hate this - but Souji wasn't here. He tried to imagine how he'd feel, if he knew Souji was doing something like this, but he couldn't even picture it. Souji would never do something like this. Souji deserved someone who would never do something like this.
Yosuke turned off his computer, shoved it away almost angrily, and threw himself onto his futon, pressed his face down into the blankets and held a pillow over his head, breathing in heated fabric and wondering how hard he'd have to press to just stop breathing all together. Hadn't he joked about that with Souji earlier? Maybe if he stopped breathing, Souji would appear, and Souji would save him, would breathe for him like they did on dramas and when Yosuke's lungs were working again he'd grab Souji and kiss him until he was back to being breathless. But Souji was too far away to save him now, and Yosuke reached for the camera. These people, they... wanted the pictures... he wanted them to want the pictures... sick. Fucking sick, Hanamura.
About a third of the comments had asked for his dick, and really, Yosuke thought, it wasn't as if he walked around hanging out of his pants all day. Nobody was going to be able to pick him out of a cock line-up. He considered stroking himself a while first, getting it nice and hard, but then a little thrill of excitement went through him and he thought, if everyone liked it, maybe he'd offer that up for next time. Next time. Was he really already considering a next time? He thought of everyone else, guys and girls in their rooms looking at him, getting off to his body, and... yeah, he was considering a next time.
He laid on his futon for this one, spread his thighs a little so his cock was easier to see, lifted his chin up to ensure the camera wouldn't catch his face and snapped a first attempt at a picture. Out of focus. Too blurry. He adjusted the focus, fiddled with the camera buttons while sprawled naked over his blankets, too far gone now to think about what he must look like. Second attempt. He aimed too high, didn't get the tip, and without the tip it didn't count. Third attempt. Perfect. His nipples up at the top, just barely in the frame, back arched slightly, cock centered and clear. They'd love this one - if they were still interested. Yosuke couldn't blame them if they'd moved on to someone else.
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❑ Anonymous 04/09/12(Mon)22:12 No.127223607 [Reply]
remember me
Yosuke realized that could read either as a question or a command. It didn't really matter. He supposed that, deep down, he meant it as both.
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/09/12(Mon)22:12 No.127223613
still too skinny
Yosuke bit his lip hard and stared at the screen until the words blurred together into a watery puddle. He was putting his body out there, his totally bare naked body, and all this asshole could say was that he was too skinny?! He could have at least tried to say something nice, or maybe he could have just not said anything, but Yosuke knew better than to expect that. Fuck, he had made the same kinds of comments, even worse, and maybe those people had been just like him, lonely and scared half to death and just wanting someone to notice them, wanting someone to... to want them. He was going to refresh one more time, just one more, and if nobody cared then he didn't care, and he'd never go to that site again and he'd throw the camera out too, for good measure.
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❑ Anonymous 04/09/12(Mon)22:12 No.127223607 [Reply]
remember me
45 posts and 25 image replies omitted. Click Reply to view.
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/09/12(Mon)22:20 No.127223677
>>127223613
sit down
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/09/12(Mon)22:21 No.127223692
niceee give us more
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/09/12(Mon)22:21 No.127223700
id suck that js
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/09/12(Mon)22:21 No.127223702
>>127223613
don't listen to him, stroke it for us ok
>> ❑ Anonymous 04/09/12(Mon)22:22 No.127223711
show us what u rly got ;)
... They were defending him. Okay, Yosuke supposed there were jerks everywhere, but these people were defending him, telling him not to listen, telling him they still wanted more. Now he owed it to them to give them what they wanted to see. Was there really nothing else wrong with him, nothing they wanted to call him out on? Did somebody seriously just say they wanted to suck his dick? Fuck. He reached down, touched himself with the pads of his fingers, running them up and down the side of his cock, and he was about to wrap his hand around it and give himself a good stroke when he heard his phone ring. Trapped in his pocket, it seemed a mile away, and when he pushed himself to his feet and padded over to it, his cock almost throbbed in protest.
Seta Souji
mobile
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"Hello?"
"Hey. Did I wake you up?"
"Nah. You kidding? You said you'd call, no way I was going to sleep before you did, dude."
"Ah... so you'd let me keep you up all night?"
Yosuke could almost hear Souji's eyebrow raising and he laughed, his eyes crinkling at the corners, the most honest thing he thought he'd felt all day. For once he didn't feel like he was living in some pale imitation of the real world - when he could hear Souji's voice, everything was okay again, everything was good again, and he was happy. He never, ever wanted to hang up. Call ended... to be disconnected from Souji was almost physically painful for him, even if it was represented only by an icon on a cell phone screen.
Their phone call lasted nearly an hour and Yosuke didn't think of the thread again, didn't need to, didn't need to even look at his computer. Eventually Souji started to yawn, and Yosuke's eyelids became heavy, and just before midnight they hung up, Yosuke pointedly refusing to look at the screen, placing the phone face down beside his pillow without pushing the end call button. If it was going to betray him by ending the call, it might as well do it without his consent. He rolled over and was almost instantly asleep, but then his phone buzzed with a new message.
Seta Souji
Apr 09, 2012 23:51 PM
I forgot to tell you something.
mm?
I love you.
ughhhhh so embarrassing
i love you too
Good night.
night, souji
[screw you too lj i had lovely formatting on those text messages but you STRIPPED MY TABLES! anons, thank you for reading. authornon is glad to know you find this worthy of your time. ♥]
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I like where this is going and desire more.
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ok im sorry lmfao this is really good though i was actually dying while reading it in the absolute best of ways. your characterization is so ace and it feels really real and raw and arghhh PLEASE DON'T STOP WRITING MAN
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I went to school.
I went to Junes.
My friends don't understand how I feel.
I'm lonely.
I miss my partner.
--and nothing else, just a broken record repeating itself over and over and over, the needle stuck in the worst possible groove. Yosuke wished he could drown it out, forget about it, be a normal kid, go back to joking his way through school and not act like a zombie with the group and play with Teddie and be happy to talk to Souji, have more to tell him than "it's okay," look forward to when he was going to visit. He wondered if Souji ever felt like this or if he thought of Yosuke more as something he only had to deal with on odd weekends and school vacations now. That would be fair. Yosuke was used to being a problem for other people.
The next morning his mother left a boxed lunch for him on the counter. Yosuke would have preferred her to just be there to wish him a good day, but he figured the lunch was better than nothing and went through the motions until it was time to eat it. Everyone was meeting on the roof again - honestly, can't they pick somewhere else - and Yosuke silently followed. He was about to sit down when he felt a tap on his shoulder and turned around to see Kanji standing behind him, looking awkwardly at the ground somewhere in the vicinity of Yosuke's shoes.
"Uh... Yosuke-senpai, can I talk to you for a minute?"
"... Okay?"
Yosuke could count on one hand the number of times Kanji had asked if he could talk to him alone. Once, he had wanted to know whether or not his mother liked bunnies so that he could make her a matching doll for the one she had purchased from the textile shop. Once, he had wanted to know whether or not Yosuke thought Naoto liked Souji or if it would be okay if he, you know, wrote her a letter. Yosuke had had a good laugh at that one before clapping Kanji on the shoulder and wishing him luck with his writing endeavors. The last time, Kanji had wanted to make sure none of the girls had actually cooked the lunch they brought to school. That was it. Now, though, Kanji waved him over to the area on the other side of the door, away from where everyone else was eating.
"Senpai... I don't know if I should be sayin' anything about this. It ain't really my place, but uh... dammit, I think everyone else is doin' this wrong. You're hurtin' real bad cause Souji-senpai ain't here and they think if they just don't talk about him you won't think about him and it ain't workin'. So if you ever wanna talk or whatever, I ain't gonna pretend like he don't exist. Uh..."
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