The door wasn't rattling anymore, but the voice on the other side was still there. It was coming from lower now, as though Yosuke had simply slid down in front of it and decided to camp out there until Souji eventually had no choice but to emerge. He seemed to be killing the time by catching Souji up on things, now, instead of shouting for him to open the door and embarrassing them both.
“The transfer was a great opportunity. They even paid for my classes as long as I worked full time while I was in school and bought my own books.” Yosuke paused, here, to yawn. “It was a pain to learn how to get around a new city all over again, though. I think I got lost a dozen times the first week.” He laughed, but it was a little mirthless. That was a sound Souji also remembered. Yosuke used to make that sound a lot when he was trying to gloss over anything particularly terrible. Being sent halfway across the island must have been really frustrating for Yosuke. It must have been lonely, if he was still that bitter about it deep down. That transfer had been over two years ago.
“And the classes weren't anything I would have picked either. How to make mindless employee bots 101, accounting for people who want to live and die behind their desks 315, spit and tape web design for guys who work for companies too cheap to pay a real designer 228, how to make a noose out of your tie in two easy steps...um, 099. That kind of stuff.” Yosuke drawled on, putting extra effort into trying to come across as witty and interesting and self aware of his own boring life. That was something that Yosuke hadn't bothered to do around him in a long while, either. He was clearly nervous about the unexpected meeting. Or it could have been the door that Souji had basically slammed in his face, too. One of those things.
Souji adjusted his tie, now that Yosuke mentioned them. That didn't need adjusting, either, though. Like his hair, his tie was always perfect. Souji's clothes were always pressed, his shoes were always polished, and his underwear were always clean. He sighed, but the sigh was only a reminder of the fact that his perfectly pressed and recently tailored pants could really stand to be let out a bit.
“Gee, am I boring you in there?” Yosuke retorted slightly acidly from the other side of the door, obviously having heard the sigh. “That's really inconsiderate of me, isn't it? I'm in people's way out here too, you know. Some guy rolled a suitcase over my foot earlier and I think he filled it with rocks first just out of spite.”
That was all easy for Yosuke to complain about. He'd probably never needed a pair of pants let out before in his life, the lucky bastard.
“Do you hear me in there? I might have broken toes out here! I think I sat in someone's old gum, too.” The door thumped again, this time not with the rap of knuckles. It was most likely the sound of Yosuke's head bouncing off of the thin metal in frustration.
“I don't think so!” Souji didn't even see it coming, but Yosuke did. All Souji felt was the force of being knocked away to one side, hard. He grunted in pain. Yosuke had just knocked the breath right out of him, but he wasn't not angry. He was afraid. It wasn't the first time Yosuke had taken a huge blow for him.
Souji got up to his hands and knees, and Yukiko was just finishing the creepy baby-shaped shadow off with a fury that she hadn't possessed a moment ago. Teddie was screaming in his typical panic when something was very, very wrong. Chie had dropped down to her knees beside Yosuke, tears were already dripping down along the bridge of her nose. “Yukiko, hurry! He's not breathing!”
Yosuke wasn't the only one who had stopped breathing, and it wasn't just because of that hit that Souji had taken. Oh, please, no. He begged silently. He was too young to get someone killed. Yosuke was too young to die for someone. Chie was too young to be screaming at her friend to wake up or she would kick his ass. They were all in so far over their heads it wasn't even funny. How could they ever hope to do this?
But Yukiko kept her head enough to call for a revival spell. A moment later, Yosuke sat and drew in a ragged, gasping breath. Chie kicked him in the shin, still sobbing. Yukiko smiled at him with equal warmth and weariness. Souji's heart skipped a beat in his relief, as Yosuke's life-filled eyes found his. “Did you get it?” Yosuke asked, and Souji found that he could breathe again.
*
The fact of the matter was, you couldn't hide in a men's toilet forever. Souji sat across the booth from Yosuke, wanting but not daring to ask him not to drain the glasses the lovely barmaid kept pouring out for him quite so quickly. His usually bright eyes were already glazed over, and the scowl on his face seemed to deepen with every shot he threw back. “Don't rush to explain yourself or anything,” he grumbled. Souji frowned back at him. What was there to say? It was more than obvious why he'd been avoiding Yosuke, wasn't it?
Yosuke, who was leaning against the corner of the booth with his back to the wall, like someone who was used to fending off surprise attacks. He was just the way that Souji remembered him. An centimeter or two taller, maybe. A little light scruff on his chin that hadn't been there in high school, and the very light beginnings of a worry line etched along the bridge of his brow. He smelled of a spicy aftershave, and his style seemed even more laid back than before.
The t-shirt Yosuke sported under his coat was a familiar v-neck, though it was a solid gray-blue color that Souji never would have imagined on him before. His jeans were dark and stylish, probably expensive, definitely impractical. There were holes in the knees, in January. Yosuke was probably freezing, or he probably had been before he had half a bottle of liquor in his bloodstream, anyway. His wrists were resting on the table, slender as ever. When he drew a deep breath, Souji could see his ribs through his shirt. Aside from the bruise-like circles under his eyes, and the red, slightly puffy eyelids, Yosuke looked as good as he ever had. Maybe even better, with his hair falling messily in his face that way. He still had every gram of that carefree charm that Souji had always been drawn to.
“You're not even listening to me, are you?” Yosuke accused. He was right. Whatever he had been saying for the last ten or twenty minutes, Souji had missed it completely. Souji had been so absorbed in studying this taller, leaner, scruffier new version of his friend that he was surprised to look up and see the bottle now empty, and Yosuke leaning forward, studying him back.
Oh, this is awesome so far! I love the flashbacks. And is it just me, or does Yosuke not have any idea why Souji is being acting so distant? I like that it's very subtly done, not too dramatic but just right. I can't wait to read the rest!
Oh, anon... I do hope you still plan on writing and posting the rest of this. It's really great, a very fun read that pulls hard at my heartstrings. I look forward to the rest if you're still interested in continuing.
Don't worry, I haven't stopped writing. I've just been busier with school than usual this week! And thank you for your kind words, they're very much appreciated.
It was early autumn when Yosuke first took Souji by the hand and lead him up that hill that he liked so much. Yosuke was far too quiet that day, all of the shyness that he usually hid behind a casual tone and an easy smile bubbling up to the surface like the whirl of a quick running brook around a deeply embedded stone. It wasn't difficult to guess what that stone might be. Souji was all still water on the surface, as usual, but running deep through him was a little electric buzz. That was fine. Yosuke was weak to electricity, after all. He could use that.
Yosuke squeezed Souji's hand when they got to the top, then dropped it before Souji could decide not to squeeze back. There hadn't been any danger of that, but Souji didn't object. He knew that this was difficult for Yosuke. It was written all over the other boy's frame from head to toe. From the trembling in his core that he had been trying to pass off as shivering, right down to the alert flare of his nostrils, and the silent clenching and relaxing of his fists.
Souji waited patiently while Yosuke debated how to say what it was that he so desperately needed to communicate. After a moment, Yosuke spun around to face him. Souji opened his mouth to say something understanding and encouraging, but he never got the chance. Yosuke lunged and grabbed a fistful of Souji's shirt at the collar, tugging him in roughly for a kiss. Souji's teeth clicked against Yosuke's even through the other boy's lips. It was a mildly unpleasant sensation for Souji, but when Yosuke pulled back a split second later it was easy to see that he'd gotten the worse end of the deal. His lower lip was bleeding a bit, and the square of his jaw was forming a light bruise already. Still, he didn't look as if it was bothering him. He was just staring intently at Souji, and quite clearly waiting for a response.
Souji's response was hard to put into words. It was that little spark of electricity he had almost decided was a joke he'd made up in his bed giving him a severe jolt and filling his veins with a euphoric rush. It was a giddiness that Souji hadn't even known he was capable of. An unbridled joy that he'd seen on a few occasions from Yosuke when the other boy forgot himself and gave in to his always ample emotions. It was almost hard to believe that every sidelong glance and not-so-accidental brush of skin and shared smile had culminated into a moment that involved their faces being slammed violently together that way, with injuries dealt out and all.
For one very awful, incredibly fleeting second, the combination of joy and absurdity nearly made Souji laugh. The only thing that stopped him from it was glancing up to meet Yosuke's eyes and seeing them dark with terror and regret and a vast, blank emptiness that Souji also recognized. Yosuke was getting ready to be rejected. To have to make some painful joke at his own expense, drive the knife into his own stomach before anyone else had the chance, and torque it. It drove the laughter right out of Souji in an instant. Instead, he reached out and took Yosuke's hand.
The storm cleared from Yosuke's eyes with a slow blink. He glanced down at their entwined hands, and did something else that was familiar, but in a completely unexpected context. He burst into tears. This time, Souji knew exactly what to do. He opened his arms, and sank with Yosuke to his knees when Yosuke fell into them, wracked with the sobs that he had been holding in for so long. Souji's response finally came, murmured into Yosuke's hair where it tickled his nose as Yosuke hid his face in Souji's neck. “It's about time you worked up the nerve to do that.”
Yosuke sniffled, but even through the wavering caused by the tears, Souji could hear the silent breath of a rueful laugh. “Shut up.”
Souji could have escaped quite easily if he'd had the heart to. It hadn't taken the alcohol long to catch up to Yosuke at all. Anywhere between exasperatedly buying Yosuke the snow globe he'd become so enamored with in the convenience store next to the bar and rubbing his back silently while he sicked up everything he'd ingested that day over an unsuspecting sewer drain a dozen blocks later, Souji could have just shoved him into a taxi cab and run in the other direction with no discernible consequences. No one from Inaba besides his uncle still knew how to get a hold of Souji, and it wasn't as though Yosuke would be calling Dojima-san up to ask. He could have gone to class scot free the next day. Oddly enough, the logical argument held far less sway in the matter than the slight ache Souji felt tug at that one tiny, nearly forgotten loose thread in his heart that belong solely to Yosuke, there for the unraveling if he should so choose.
A great sigh and lent clean jacket later, Souji tugged a groaning and protesting Yosuke to his feet and turned them both in the direction of his own apartment. In spite of everything Souji had done to dissuade Yosuke from trusting him in the past few years, Yosuke allowed himself to be held up and steered by Souji. He seemed entirely unconcerned about where they might be going. He was, however, brooding silently. It didn't surprise Souji. Yosuke had always been such a crazy tangle of emotional live wires. It was more of a surprise that it had taken the entire day and most of the night, too, to finally set one off.
It was slow going, getting them both to Souji's building, in spite of the fact that it really wasn't all that far from the bar. Souji might have foreseen something like this occurring, but if he were completely honest, he'd simply departed the train at his own stop out habit. His life was simply predictable. Or at least it had been up until that afternoon. In spite of everything, Souji found himself smiling just a little. Yosuke had certainly never left him bored. The thought was so foreign to him these days, and the sudden comfortable familiar feeling of looking after Yosuke when he'd gotten himself into yet another stupid situation so reminiscent that Souji didn't even mind when Yosuke shoved away from him to lean over a flower trough and scandalized a few of Souji's boring, stuck-up classmates by showering the bed of winter irises within in CO(NH2)2. In fact, Souji might have even chuckled silently to himself as he lead Yosuke upstairs after everything was tucked back in and zipped up again.
It was only when Yosuke had stumbled out of his shoes and become a whiny, stubborn lump on the kitchen floor that Souji questioned the wisdom of bringing him home after all. Maybe he should have found a decent hotel and put him up there for the night instead. They would be sure to wake him up when it was time for him to check out, right? But no matter how much Souji coaxed, and tugged, and heaved quiet sighs of frustration, Yosuke refused to be led to the bedroom, or even the sofa. Souji eventually sank wearily down to join him there. Yosuke, who had been mostly uninterested in explaining himself thus far, just adamantly insistent on remaining where he was, mumbled something under his breath the moment Souji took the place beside him on the linoleum.
Souji reached over and tipped Yosuke's chin up, and brushed the hair out of his eyes. He frowned. Silent tears were dripping down Yosuke's face, though they were quickly covered again by a shake of the head, and too-long fringe falling back across Yosuke's face. Souji's stomach gave an odd lurch, seeing those tears. It wasn't unheard of for Yosuke to get weepy, he'd seen it several times before, but it was still unexpectedly heart rending. Souji took a slow, steadying breath before he asked Yosuke to repeat himself.
This time, Yosuke glanced up at Souji of his own accord. His eyes were dark and bitter, and far worse, completely baffled, as he asked a question Souji had never even considered might be on his mind.
(intermission)
anonymous
January 26 2012, 14:24:22 UTC
Sorry that's such a short update, but believe me when I say that I gave up far too much sleep to get even this much up just now. I'll definitely get back to work on it and do my best to finish it up quickly since people unexpectedly seem to be actually reading this!
Haha, yep, still reading this! Your sacrifice in sleep was not in vain, a!anon. I for one still love this. And love it even more after this update. Oh boys... ;A;
The door wasn't rattling anymore, but the voice on the other side was still there. It was coming from lower now, as though Yosuke had simply slid down in front of it and decided to camp out there until Souji eventually had no choice but to emerge. He seemed to be killing the time by catching Souji up on things, now, instead of shouting for him to open the door and embarrassing them both.
“The transfer was a great opportunity. They even paid for my classes as long as I worked full time while I was in school and bought my own books.” Yosuke paused, here, to yawn. “It was a pain to learn how to get around a new city all over again, though. I think I got lost a dozen times the first week.” He laughed, but it was a little mirthless. That was a sound Souji also remembered. Yosuke used to make that sound a lot when he was trying to gloss over anything particularly terrible. Being sent halfway across the island must have been really frustrating for Yosuke. It must have been lonely, if he was still that bitter about it deep down. That transfer had been over two years ago.
“And the classes weren't anything I would have picked either. How to make mindless employee bots 101, accounting for people who want to live and die behind their desks 315, spit and tape web design for guys who work for companies too cheap to pay a real designer 228, how to make a noose out of your tie in two easy steps...um, 099. That kind of stuff.” Yosuke drawled on, putting extra effort into trying to come across as witty and interesting and self aware of his own boring life. That was something that Yosuke hadn't bothered to do around him in a long while, either. He was clearly nervous about the unexpected meeting. Or it could have been the door that Souji had basically slammed in his face, too. One of those things.
Souji adjusted his tie, now that Yosuke mentioned them. That didn't need adjusting, either, though. Like his hair, his tie was always perfect. Souji's clothes were always pressed, his shoes were always polished, and his underwear were always clean. He sighed, but the sigh was only a reminder of the fact that his perfectly pressed and recently tailored pants could really stand to be let out a bit.
“Gee, am I boring you in there?” Yosuke retorted slightly acidly from the other side of the door, obviously having heard the sigh. “That's really inconsiderate of me, isn't it? I'm in people's way out here too, you know. Some guy rolled a suitcase over my foot earlier and I think he filled it with rocks first just out of spite.”
That was all easy for Yosuke to complain about. He'd probably never needed a pair of pants let out before in his life, the lucky bastard.
“Do you hear me in there? I might have broken toes out here! I think I sat in someone's old gum, too.” The door thumped again, this time not with the rap of knuckles. It was most likely the sound of Yosuke's head bouncing off of the thin metal in frustration.
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“I don't think so!” Souji didn't even see it coming, but Yosuke did. All Souji felt was the force of being knocked away to one side, hard. He grunted in pain. Yosuke had just knocked the breath right out of him, but he wasn't not angry. He was afraid. It wasn't the first time Yosuke had taken a huge blow for him.
Souji got up to his hands and knees, and Yukiko was just finishing the creepy baby-shaped shadow off with a fury that she hadn't possessed a moment ago. Teddie was screaming in his typical panic when something was very, very wrong. Chie had dropped down to her knees beside Yosuke, tears were already dripping down along the bridge of her nose. “Yukiko, hurry! He's not breathing!”
Yosuke wasn't the only one who had stopped breathing, and it wasn't just because of that hit that Souji had taken. Oh, please, no. He begged silently. He was too young to get someone killed. Yosuke was too young to die for someone. Chie was too young to be screaming at her friend to wake up or she would kick his ass. They were all in so far over their heads it wasn't even funny. How could they ever hope to do this?
But Yukiko kept her head enough to call for a revival spell. A moment later, Yosuke sat and drew in a ragged, gasping breath. Chie kicked him in the shin, still sobbing. Yukiko smiled at him with equal warmth and weariness. Souji's heart skipped a beat in his relief, as Yosuke's life-filled eyes found his. “Did you get it?” Yosuke asked, and Souji found that he could breathe again.
*
The fact of the matter was, you couldn't hide in a men's toilet forever. Souji sat across the booth from Yosuke, wanting but not daring to ask him not to drain the glasses the lovely barmaid kept pouring out for him quite so quickly. His usually bright eyes were already glazed over, and the scowl on his face seemed to deepen with every shot he threw back. “Don't rush to explain yourself or anything,” he grumbled. Souji frowned back at him. What was there to say? It was more than obvious why he'd been avoiding Yosuke, wasn't it?
Yosuke, who was leaning against the corner of the booth with his back to the wall, like someone who was used to fending off surprise attacks. He was just the way that Souji remembered him. An centimeter or two taller, maybe. A little light scruff on his chin that hadn't been there in high school, and the very light beginnings of a worry line etched along the bridge of his brow. He smelled of a spicy aftershave, and his style seemed even more laid back than before.
The t-shirt Yosuke sported under his coat was a familiar v-neck, though it was a solid gray-blue color that Souji never would have imagined on him before. His jeans were dark and stylish, probably expensive, definitely impractical. There were holes in the knees, in January. Yosuke was probably freezing, or he probably had been before he had half a bottle of liquor in his bloodstream, anyway. His wrists were resting on the table, slender as ever. When he drew a deep breath, Souji could see his ribs through his shirt. Aside from the bruise-like circles under his eyes, and the red, slightly puffy eyelids, Yosuke looked as good as he ever had. Maybe even better, with his hair falling messily in his face that way. He still had every gram of that carefree charm that Souji had always been drawn to.
“You're not even listening to me, are you?” Yosuke accused. He was right. Whatever he had been saying for the last ten or twenty minutes, Souji had missed it completely. Souji had been so absorbed in studying this taller, leaner, scruffier new version of his friend that he was surprised to look up and see the bottle now empty, and Yosuke leaning forward, studying him back.
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It was early autumn when Yosuke first took Souji by the hand and lead him up that hill that he liked so much. Yosuke was far too quiet that day, all of the shyness that he usually hid behind a casual tone and an easy smile bubbling up to the surface like the whirl of a quick running brook around a deeply embedded stone. It wasn't difficult to guess what that stone might be. Souji was all still water on the surface, as usual, but running deep through him was a little electric buzz. That was fine. Yosuke was weak to electricity, after all. He could use that.
Yosuke squeezed Souji's hand when they got to the top, then dropped it before Souji could decide not to squeeze back. There hadn't been any danger of that, but Souji didn't object. He knew that this was difficult for Yosuke. It was written all over the other boy's frame from head to toe. From the trembling in his core that he had been trying to pass off as shivering, right down to the alert flare of his nostrils, and the silent clenching and relaxing of his fists.
Souji waited patiently while Yosuke debated how to say what it was that he so desperately needed to communicate. After a moment, Yosuke spun around to face him. Souji opened his mouth to say something understanding and encouraging, but he never got the chance. Yosuke lunged and grabbed a fistful of Souji's shirt at the collar, tugging him in roughly for a kiss. Souji's teeth clicked against Yosuke's even through the other boy's lips. It was a mildly unpleasant sensation for Souji, but when Yosuke pulled back a split second later it was easy to see that he'd gotten the worse end of the deal. His lower lip was bleeding a bit, and the square of his jaw was forming a light bruise already. Still, he didn't look as if it was bothering him. He was just staring intently at Souji, and quite clearly waiting for a response.
Souji's response was hard to put into words. It was that little spark of electricity he had almost decided was a joke he'd made up in his bed giving him a severe jolt and filling his veins with a euphoric rush. It was a giddiness that Souji hadn't even known he was capable of. An unbridled joy that he'd seen on a few occasions from Yosuke when the other boy forgot himself and gave in to his always ample emotions. It was almost hard to believe that every sidelong glance and not-so-accidental brush of skin and shared smile had culminated into a moment that involved their faces being slammed violently together that way, with injuries dealt out and all.
For one very awful, incredibly fleeting second, the combination of joy and absurdity nearly made Souji laugh. The only thing that stopped him from it was glancing up to meet Yosuke's eyes and seeing them dark with terror and regret and a vast, blank emptiness that Souji also recognized. Yosuke was getting ready to be rejected. To have to make some painful joke at his own expense, drive the knife into his own stomach before anyone else had the chance, and torque it. It drove the laughter right out of Souji in an instant. Instead, he reached out and took Yosuke's hand.
The storm cleared from Yosuke's eyes with a slow blink. He glanced down at their entwined hands, and did something else that was familiar, but in a completely unexpected context. He burst into tears. This time, Souji knew exactly what to do. He opened his arms, and sank with Yosuke to his knees when Yosuke fell into them, wracked with the sobs that he had been holding in for so long. Souji's response finally came, murmured into Yosuke's hair where it tickled his nose as Yosuke hid his face in Souji's neck. “It's about time you worked up the nerve to do that.”
Yosuke sniffled, but even through the wavering caused by the tears, Souji could hear the silent breath of a rueful laugh. “Shut up.”
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Souji could have escaped quite easily if he'd had the heart to. It hadn't taken the alcohol long to catch up to Yosuke at all. Anywhere between exasperatedly buying Yosuke the snow globe he'd become so enamored with in the convenience store next to the bar and rubbing his back silently while he sicked up everything he'd ingested that day over an unsuspecting sewer drain a dozen blocks later, Souji could have just shoved him into a taxi cab and run in the other direction with no discernible consequences. No one from Inaba besides his uncle still knew how to get a hold of Souji, and it wasn't as though Yosuke would be calling Dojima-san up to ask. He could have gone to class scot free the next day. Oddly enough, the logical argument held far less sway in the matter than the slight ache Souji felt tug at that one tiny, nearly forgotten loose thread in his heart that belong solely to Yosuke, there for the unraveling if he should so choose.
A great sigh and lent clean jacket later, Souji tugged a groaning and protesting Yosuke to his feet and turned them both in the direction of his own apartment. In spite of everything Souji had done to dissuade Yosuke from trusting him in the past few years, Yosuke allowed himself to be held up and steered by Souji. He seemed entirely unconcerned about where they might be going. He was, however, brooding silently. It didn't surprise Souji. Yosuke had always been such a crazy tangle of emotional live wires. It was more of a surprise that it had taken the entire day and most of the night, too, to finally set one off.
It was slow going, getting them both to Souji's building, in spite of the fact that it really wasn't all that far from the bar. Souji might have foreseen something like this occurring, but if he were completely honest, he'd simply departed the train at his own stop out habit. His life was simply predictable. Or at least it had been up until that afternoon. In spite of everything, Souji found himself smiling just a little. Yosuke had certainly never left him bored. The thought was so foreign to him these days, and the sudden comfortable familiar feeling of looking after Yosuke when he'd gotten himself into yet another stupid situation so reminiscent that Souji didn't even mind when Yosuke shoved away from him to lean over a flower trough and scandalized a few of Souji's boring, stuck-up classmates by showering the bed of winter irises within in CO(NH2)2. In fact, Souji might have even chuckled silently to himself as he lead Yosuke upstairs after everything was tucked back in and zipped up again.
It was only when Yosuke had stumbled out of his shoes and become a whiny, stubborn lump on the kitchen floor that Souji questioned the wisdom of bringing him home after all. Maybe he should have found a decent hotel and put him up there for the night instead. They would be sure to wake him up when it was time for him to check out, right? But no matter how much Souji coaxed, and tugged, and heaved quiet sighs of frustration, Yosuke refused to be led to the bedroom, or even the sofa. Souji eventually sank wearily down to join him there. Yosuke, who had been mostly uninterested in explaining himself thus far, just adamantly insistent on remaining where he was, mumbled something under his breath the moment Souji took the place beside him on the linoleum.
Souji reached over and tipped Yosuke's chin up, and brushed the hair out of his eyes. He frowned. Silent tears were dripping down Yosuke's face, though they were quickly covered again by a shake of the head, and too-long fringe falling back across Yosuke's face. Souji's stomach gave an odd lurch, seeing those tears. It wasn't unheard of for Yosuke to get weepy, he'd seen it several times before, but it was still unexpectedly heart rending. Souji took a slow, steadying breath before he asked Yosuke to repeat himself.
This time, Yosuke glanced up at Souji of his own accord. His eyes were dark and bitter, and far worse, completely baffled, as he asked a question Souji had never even considered might be on his mind.
"What did I do?"
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