I HAVE NO DUNGEON, AND I MUST TROLL (36b/...?)
anonymous
April 22 2012, 23:49:30 UTC
He gasps, as a heavy hand claps his shoulder from behind. Braces himself: any moment now--any moment--that hand'll shove him into the lockers, and if he's lucky, he'll only bruise. If he's lucky--
"Nice job, man!"
"Huh?" He turns around hesitantly, arms crossed protectively over his chest.
"Dude! You're all over the radio! What are you even doing here? Shouldn't you be, I don't know, off in a hot tub, somewhere, with seven hot chicks, or--oh, seven hot guys, I guess, but you know. Somewhere…not here?"
"Oh." Yosuke forces a grin. His stomach's still fluttering with nerves, and it'll be a miracle if he doesn't vomit, the second he's got some privacy. "I, uh…well, I failed history, so…."
"Ha, you suck." The guy shakes himself out, wet-dog style. "Kidding. Me, too, actually. Guess we're classmates, then. Sign my notebook?"
Yosuke's stomach unknots itself a little, with the dawning realisation that he's not about to get his ass kicked. "Seriously?"
"Yeah! My sister's head over heels for you. She'll do my chores all summer, for something signed."
Yosuke digs out a pen, still half-expecting the guy to jerk the notebook away and laugh in his face. Nothing happens. He signs. "Well…here you go, then. Happy summer."
The guy grins. "I'm Keita, by the way. Oh, and watch out for Terada and Mutsume, from 3E. They're, like, crazy haters--you know, first with Junes, and now your music…." He trails off, and frowns. "Like Junes was your fault, right? But you know how some people are."
Yosuke nods. "Yeah."
"Well, whatever, right? Fuck 'em. Summer term's, what, six weeks? And I'll try to keep people around you. Ones who don't agree with that shit, ya know? You'll be fine." The way Keita draws himself up, in his moment of defiance, is so much like Souji that Yosuke's chest tightens with a funny combination of nostalgia and anticipation.
It's weird to be alone with Yukiko. Normally, she and Chie are a package deal, or the whole group tags along, but not tonight. Not tonight--and she looks as uncomfortable as he feels. He guesses it's not just the lack of buffers that's making her nervous.
"So…." He deliberately lets the word hang in the air, giving her an opening to say whatever it is she's going to say.
"So, everyone's forgiven him, now." There's an edge to her voice: bitterness, perhaps.
Yosuke shrugs. "I suppose. I don't know."
"They're all making plans for his visit, like nothing ever happened. And if I don't join in--"
"No-one will think any less of you."
She snorts--a tiny, ladylike sound, which nonetheless manages to convey her anger. "That's not the point. I just--I don't see why it should be easy for him."
"I don't think it is." Souji hasn't been in touch, true to his word, but Yosuke's managed to glean a few tidbits from Kanji and Teddie, and Naoto's had this reflective look, lately, which means she's concerned about something. Or someone.
"What about you?"
"Me?"
"Have you made any plans?"
"Not really." He looks away. It's getting late. He'll have to go home, soon, or Dad'll start to worry. "I mean, I pretty much know what I want to say to him, but whether I can be a friend to him, well…that more depends on what he says to me."
"What do you want to hear?"
Yosuke shrugs. "No idea." When she doesn't respond--waiting, perhaps, for more--he finds himself at a loss for words. "I really don't."
She smiles, a little sadly. "Well, we're all here for you, no matter what. You know that, don't you?"
He nods. She leans in and kisses him on the forehead. That makes him smile, but her doubts have woken answering worries in him. Souji's been practically moving heaven and earth to repair his damaged relationships. And Yukiko--she was always one of his closest friends. Might even have had a little thing for him, at one time. If she can't forgive him…is it something she sees in him, something she knows, that makes her want to turn her back?
Yosuke hangs his head, alone now in the gathering gloom. Summer's half over, already. Time for reflection is running out.
He desperately, desperately doesn't want to make the wrong choice.
"And now, for the million-dollar question: what's next for our talented Mr. Hanamura?"
"Oh, uh--" Yosuke ducks his head, swallows hard: that question wasn't on the list. He's got nothing--and how the hell did Rise do it, back when she was Risette? He looks for Dad, for his manager, for Kanji or Rise, even Naoto, but the lights are everywhere; the lights are in his face. And his makeup's starting to run, and he might just burst into tears, and what if he pukes, pukes on TV, in front of--in front of--
C'mon. This is an easy one.
"I haven't decided yet. I mean--well, y'know--I got offered a scholarship, if I could get my grades up. To study music, which is...like, I wanna do more writing, and maybe--uh, the production end of things, I guess. And…well, you've all heard Internet Boyfriend. You know I'm not that smart. So--"
People are laughing--laughing at him, and oh god, is that sweat between his legs, or has he wet himself? What's so fucking funny? What's--
Calm down, partner. They're not laughing at you. See? They've stopped, now. They thought you made a joke. That's all.
He licks his lips. Soon, he'll be hearing Souji's voice again, for real, but he can't think about that, right now. Not live, before a studio audience, with everyone waiting for him to finish his sentence. He smiles, hoping it doesn't look utterly ghastly. "So, yeah--um, I'm opening for Orange Range, next month, but after that, Dad says I need to hit the books, for real…." He manages to laugh along, this time. "After that, well--looks like there's going to be an album; I'm allowed to talk about that, now…signed a--"
But everyone's cheering, and no-one's listening, and Yosuke looks away, self-conscious. Fifteen minutes of fame feels like fifteen years, under the spotlights.
Kanji's trying to distract him. It's totally obvious…and he's totally grateful. "Man, did they eat up your 'shy guy' bit, or what?--the women, especially, those ones in the front row? It was like…dude, I thought you were bombing, up there, but the audience was all 'awwwwwww'--and what was going on with those shirts?"
"Shirts?"
"Yeah--didn't you notice? Most of 'em had Internet Boyfriend ones, but there were a few Internet Girlfriends out there--ha! I bet they wanna be your girlfriends. You're, like…sexy, now. I don't get it, myself, but…."
Yosuke laughs, a little ruefully. "No…no. That's not it. I--god, this is going to sound sad, but I've sorta been Googling myself, to make sure everyone doesn't hate me, or…I mean, why should I care, right? But I do, and--"
"Yeah, yeah--you're insecure; news at eleven. What'd you find?"
"The Internet Girlfriend thing? It's just…it's become cool for people to say they were into my music back when Internet Boyfriend was still Internet Girlfriend. And I feel like such a douche, even knowing that, saying it out loud, but--oh, fuck you."
Kanji's laughing his ass off.
And a gleam of silver appears, past the line of trees, in the distance. Souji's train. Yosuke's own laughter turns brittle, and catches in his throat. "Uh…Kanji?"
I HAVE NO DUNGEON, AND I MUST TROLL (37b/...?)
anonymous
April 22 2012, 23:58:24 UTC
"I just…." The train vanishes into a tunnel, and he watches for it to come out the other side. "I mean…I've been thinking about it practically this whole time--what I wanted to say to him, what I wanted to do, even what I wanted him to say, but I--I mean, what if it doesn't even matter, any more?"
"How do you mean?"
"Like, with Internet Boyfriend, and the album, and me maybe getting that scholarship, and moving away…and everyone knowing I like guys, now--fuck, why didn't I take down all that shit about how gay I am, before I started getting popular? What if he doesn't want to be associated with that? There's whole message board threads, people trying to figure out who the real boyfriend was, and…. And I--I...what if he's only coming here to say…."
"Goodbye?"
"Yeah."
"Oh, man. I hadn't even thought of that." Kanji kicks a rock. It skitters off the platform, and clatters on the tracks below. "Well, what did you want to say to him? I mean, if you don't want to be with him, either, no problem. Right?"
"What if he doesn't even want to be friends?"
"C'mon. You really think, after everything you've--"
Yosuke surges to his feet. "I can't do this."
"What?"
"I'm sorry. I can't. Not like this. Tell him I…fuck; just tell the truth. Tell him I freaked out, I can't handle this, I--I'll call him later, or e-mail, or…."
"Wait--you're seriously just--"
Yosuke runs. He wants to hate himself for this--hate himself enough to go back, to not stand Souji up, to face what he's got to face--but his legs won't stop pumping, and then he's in the car, begging Dad to drive, just drive, please get him out of here.
And later, much later, curled round his hot water bottle under the blankets, he's calm again.
I HAVE NO DUNGEON, AND I MUST TROLL (38/...?)
anonymous
April 23 2012, 00:02:03 UTC
From: nosy Subject: please read this Date: July 19, 2012, 2:14:06 PM To: souji seta
i am so fucking sorry about today. i was there. i swear i was, but i saw the train coming and all these thoughts came jumbling into my head, and i thought i was going to lose it…oh god. couldn't face you like that. not with everything i'd saved up to say twisting my tongue into knots, and i was scared you wouldn't even want to see me…did kanji tell you already?
well, if you're pissed, i won't blame you. the rest of this…well, if me not being there was all you needed to see, you don't have to read it. it's…what i wanted to tell you. if you still wanted to hear it. which i wasn't at all sure you would, which is why i totally bailed on you.
ok.
you've been warned.
don't read any more if you're done with me, at this point. i only want you to know this shit if you still care.
seriously.
point of no return, here.
…
when we first met, i didn't really have anyone. hadn't made friends here yet, old friends kinda forgot about me, ma & dad tied up with their own problems…it sucked. i'm the kind of person who needs, well, other people. when it's just me, i feel…invisible, like i don't even exist, or something. like i don't matter.
you were the first friend i made, and that meant something. no, honesty time: it meant everything. i needed you so bad it was kinda freaky, like one of those movies with the stalker roommates…single white female territory, no joke. i'd have done anything not to lose you. even after everything you did, the thought of letting you go, not having you in my life…it scared the hell out of me. i thought…no, i was SURE…if we weren't friends any more, nobody else would be friends with me, either.
these last few weeks have shown me i was wrong. everyone's been…idk, i can't even describe it, except to say it's been amazing. at first, i thought it was just pity, because of what you did, but then it was like…we were actually having fun, and it was easy, and…and i could just tell they liked me. even naoto…i always thought she more tolerated me than anything else, but then we found out we like the same books, so that was a start, and it got better from there.
i know, i know, get to the point, yosuke, right? but i had to tell you i'm…not like that any more. i don't need you so bad i can't even SEE you.
so…when i look at you now, will i like what i see? that's the question. i guess i don't know, for sure. but i think i'm strong enough to take the risk of finding out. if you're mrhorrible, deep down, i'll be ok. i mean, i'll be sad, don't get me wrong, but you're not my whole world, any more. my life won't end if you troll me.
so, i guess what i'm saying is…can we talk? face to face?
--yosuke
From: souji seta
Subject: Re: please read this Date: July 19, 2012, 2:29:22 PM To: nosy
I'm not angry with you, Yosuke. Not even a little bit. Kanji did tell me about your panic attack, but to be honest, I never truly expected you to greet me at the station. (And when I found out you'd tried, I had to fake a big sneeze, to explain my watering eyes.)
I won't keep you in suspense, though: I don't care if the whole world finds out I'm the Internet boyfriend. Having seven billion strangers find out, and hate me for it, would be nothing at all, compared to the sting of my own friends finding out, and being hurt by it. The fact that you're all still talking to me, all still there for me, is humbling beyond belief.
Can I come over later? I can't abandon Nanako right away, and there are some things I need to say to my uncle, but I can be there around 8.
--Souji
From: nosy Subject: Re: please read this Date: July 19, 2012, 2:30:00 AM To: souji seta
I HAVE NO DUNGEON, AND I MUST TROLL (39a/40)
anonymous
April 23 2012, 00:12:01 UTC
Souji looks terrible. Nervous. Tired.
"What's the matter?"
He shakes his head, blinks, and licks his lips. "I--I couldn't help but notice, in your e-mail…." He blinks again, and scrubs at his mouth. "You didn't actually say you wanted to…to have me in your life."
Yosuke looks down at his hands. "No. I guess I didn't."
Silence stretches between them, chilly and uncomfortable. Downstairs, Dad's puttering about, making more noise than he probably needs to. Making his presence known, no doubt: that's right, kids; I'm home--no funny business. Souji gets an orange prescription bottle out of his jacket pocket, and sets it down on the night-table, with a quiet clack.
"What--?"
"I stole this," he says.
"Uh…okay?"
"Really?"
"No!" Yosuke snatches the bottle. "Fuck that--not okay! Why would you…where'd you even--?"
"Yesterday morning. Before I left. Some guy on my floor had it. Got it from his mother."
"Got it?"
"Stole it." Souji wipes at his face again. "It's Valium. I was nervous. About this. And there's…there's more."
Screw this. "Not while you're high. Come back tomorrow, once you've had a chance to sober up, and maybe we can--"
"I'm not high." Souji's staring out the window. The light of the setting sun's hitting his eyes in a weird way, casting a glare over whatever expression might be there. "I took one on the train, but I brought it back up right away. As soon as I could make it to a bathroom. Maybe fifteen minutes, it was in my system. And that was hours ago."
"Oh." Yosuke fidgets with the bottle, rolling it from hand to hand. "And you're telling me all this because…?"
"Because I lied. When I said I had it under control--the drugs, I mean, before I met you. I made it sound like it wasn't a big deal, but...." He coughs, and stares at the floor. "My parents…they weren't wrong, sending me to England. I wanted you to feel sorry for me, or…or, I don't know, I wanted to feel sorry for myself, and the only way I could do that was if it wasn't my fault. But it was."
"So, you're…addicted to this stuff?"
Souji shakes his head. "Not any more. Or--well, not physically, anyway. I'm not using, apart from that time I called you in the middle of the night, and today. Just sometimes, it gets like…I need something to get me through the night, or a difficult conversation, or…. I'm sorry."
"I'm still not sure why you're telling me this now."
"I didn't want to lie, any more. Especially if there was any chance for us--I didn't want there to be secrets under the surface, waiting to jump up and bite us in the ass."
Yosuke takes a deep breath. "I'm not giving these back." He shakes the bottle.
Souji nods.
"It's good, though."
"What is?"
"Well, at least you're facing your problems. Being honest about them. I--hey, don't cry."
"I'm not." That's a lie, but Yosuke lets it slide.
"Look, I don't need you to be perfect. I don't need you to be, y'know, a hundred percent on top of everything, a hundred percent of the time. I mean, fuck, look at me: some variety show hostess called me Hardgay's cute little brother in front of…of the entire world. I'm in summer school. I'm seeing a shrink. My Internet boyfriend's falling apart on my futon--I'm a mess. Does that make you not want to be with me?"
Souji looks up, all startlement. "Wh-what? Yosuke, if I could be with you…if you'd let me be with you, I'd--I'd fall at your feet, kiss your toes, grab onto your socks to keep you from getting--wait, what's with the face?"
Yosuke grins, suddenly filled with confidence, and a weird sense of playfulness. "What's with the face? What's with the foot fetish, out of nowhere?"
Souji just stares, for a moment, but when he laughs, it's almost like old times.
"So…you called me your Internet boyfriend, earlier."
"After your big junkie confession, yeah." Yosuke elbows him in the ribs, to show he isn't mad. They've moved out to the balcony, to get away from the bad music drifting from Dad's study. It's dark, but the stars are out, and the warmth of the day lingers in the air.
"Does that mean…." Souji messes with the creases in his slacks, fucking them up and straightening them out again. "I can't say it."
"I'm not ready to give up on you."
"So, you want--?"
"I want to take it slow. Get to know this new, non-liar Souji, before we dive into anything serious. That good?"
Souji lets out a long, unsteady breath, and nods. "It's more than I had any right to expect."
Yosuke gives him time to collect himself, scanning the heavens for shooting stars. He doesn't find any--but the lights of Souji's neighbourhood, in the distance, remind him of something. "How'd it go with your uncle, earlier? And Nanako?"
The dark's hiding Souji's face, but Yosuke can tell he's smiling. "Awkward, at first. I had--I had a lot to apologise for. And I pretty much felt like crap, after what I did on the train. But Nanako made me some lunch, and we all had a long talk, and after a while…well, I think it would've felt really good, if I hadn't been terrified of what you might say. Or not say."
The dark gives Yosuke courage, and he reaches for Souji's hand. Their fingers entwine.
"You were right," says Souji, after a while.
"About what?"
"This." He squeezes Yosuke's hand. "I guess I didn't have to wipe myself all over you like a deranged octopus, to show that I liked you."
Yosuke laughs. "You didn't wipe yourself all over me."
"Yeah, I did."
"Yeah...you did."
Inside, first Dad's study door, then his bedroom door, rattles open and shut. Yosuke has no immediate plans to do anything with Souji, beyond what they're already doing, but it gives him a little thrill, knowing he could.
I HAVE NO DUNGEON, AND I MUST TROLL (40a/40)
anonymous
April 23 2012, 00:17:34 UTC
UGLY'S BAD SIDE
opiate of the asses (nobody_nose) wrote, @ 2012-12-25 05:21:30
Current mood: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Current music: TM Revolution - Vertical Infinity
home sweet home!!! finally!!!!!!!! just got home from tokyo, and omg, never thought i'd be so happy to see this place. did a total faceplant into my mattress, like "yessssssssssssssssssssszzzzzzzzzzzz..." you could sleep in the best hotel bed ever, with microfoam and memory pads and…well, y'know, whatever beds have, to make them comfortable…but no hotel bed welcomes your shape like your own bed in your own room at home.
xmas concert was awesome. i was so nervous going on, with it being my last big appearance till the summer tour…felt like everything was riding on how i did, like if i sucked, everyone would forget me by new year. but i think i'm finally getting used to it. i didn't even puke backstage (or onstage, like in osaka…fuuuuuuuuck that). a bunch of my friends were there, and my dad, and that made it better.
so. the next 6 months'll be aaaaaaaaaall about studying. dad's sending me to a special cram school, where they're going to jam everything i need to know down my throat before summer, so i won't have to be touring and studying at the same time, any more. oh...i didn't get that scholarship. found out today. letter was waiting when i got home…so i guess that'll be it for school. i should be happy, but…idk, internet boyfriend's going to uni, and i guess i had this fantasy of us going to classes together, sharing a dorm…. oh, well. maybe higher education wasn't for me…though, i guess i could afford it on my own, now, if i wanted to try. there's hope!
still. it's a bummer to get that official confirmation of dumbness. 'cause i gotta be pretty dense if i'm playing concerts, putting out albums, living music every day, and i still can't get into a music course. :-(
anyway, enough about that. internet boyfriend will be HERE in like 3 hours, and i haven't slept or showered or eaten, even changed my clothes…still in my leather pants from the concert, ewwwwwww. so nasty. we had this huuuuuuuuuuge fight, last week, about me throwing the past back in his face whenever things got tough. i was all in denial, at first, like "fuck you, that wasn't what i meant." but it totally was. so i wanna make it up to him, and greeting him with sweaty balls is not the way to do that. tmi?
thanks again to all of you who came to the concert, or wished me luck. to be honest, this is still pretty overwhelming for me. hope i don't sound whiny, by the way. just so excited and sleep deprived and all over the place and…beginning to think i'm welded into these freakin' pants. AAAAARGH!
I HAVE NO DUNGEON, AND I MUST TROLL (40b/40)
anonymous
April 23 2012, 00:20:20 UTC
ho_down37777 2012-12-25 5:22 AM (link)
Hehehe, you always sound whiny, but that's why we heart you. (Just teasing!) Have fun with "Internet BF." And if you can't get those leather pants off, you could always keep them on, and take some pics for your fans….just sayin'….
DAT ASS! ::trollface::
(Reply to this) (Thread)
blancmange_party 2012-12-25 5:23 AM (link)
HAPPY XMAS/NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!! (I'm getting your album for Xmas, and you were also just on the radio, LOL.)
(Reply to this) (Thread)
carpal_bong 2012-12-25 5:25 AM (link)
gdi, i never get first comment any moar. remember when it used to be just me replyin 2 most of ur entries? i was the original hana fan. don't forget it. lol neway, glad its still workin out with u guys. i was like "no wai" when u first got back with him, but i guess u knew wat u were doin. gl gettin out of your pants.
(Reply to this) (Thread)
snibblefnoo 2012-12-25 5:25 AM (link)
u suck
(Reply to this) (Thread)
snibblefnoo 2012-12-25 5:25 AM (link)
and t.m. revolution sucks too
(Reply to this) (Thread)
snibblefnoo 2012-12-25 5:26 AM (link)
you should suck each others dicks
(Reply to this) (Thread)
harbl_boat 2012-12-25 5:26 AM (link)
I LOVE YOU, HAPPY HOLIDAYS! MY SISTER NAMED HER CAT AFTER YOU, AND BTW, SHE LOVED IT WHEN YOU WORE THAT HELLO KITTY SHIRT! YOU SHOULD WEAR IT AGAIN ON YOUR SUMMER TOUR! SEE YOU THEN (FROM THE AUDIENCE, DOn'T FREAK, I'M NOT A STALKER!!@!!!!!)
(Reply to this) (Thread)
harbl_boat 2012-12-25 5:27 AM (link)
PS DON'T LISTEN TO SNIBBLFLU, HE JUST JELLY CAUSE NOBODY SUCKS HIS DICK!
(Reply to this) (Thread)
mrnorrible 2012-12-25 5:32 AM (link)
Didn't you get my e-mail? I took an earlier train, and am at my uncle's house now, so you've exactly 15 minutes to get out of those pants. ;-)
(Just kidding. I'll give you time to shower and eat, and so forth. But I am here, so call me the second you're ready. Miss you!)
I HAVE NO DUNGEON, AND I MUST TROLL (40c/40)
anonymous
April 23 2012, 00:29:01 UTC
Yosuke's practically nodding off into his soup, by the time Dad's got lunch on the table. But that's fine; that's all right. Dad and Souji are talking, laughing--Dad's telling some story about the tour, the one he always tells, where someone threw a rose on stage, and Yosuke thought it was a mouse, and screamed into the mic.
"It worries me, sometimes," he says. Yosuke's heard this before, too, heard it enough times that he doesn't even roll his eyes. "There are people who like him because he's so vulnerable, because of things like the rose, and his vomiting on the stage at--"
"Dad!"
"Sorry." But he doesn't sound sorry. He sounds happy, and concerned, and sort of indulgent. He plops a big scoop of goma-ae onto Yosuke's plate, and bids him eat. Souji's already digging in.
This is good.
__________________________________________________________________________________ ...and that's it! Hope the long wait didn't totally ruin the ending! And, wow, when did the captcha thingies become impossible to decipher? AUGH!
Re: I HAVE NO DUNGEON, AND I MUST TROLL (40c/40)
anonymous
April 25 2012, 13:41:00 UTC
Oh my god, ANON. You don't know how happy I was to see this update. To be completely honest, this fic is probably 70-80% of the reason I'm still on the kink meme at all (not that the other anons aren't doing good work here -- but I've been here for a couple of years right now, and I'm definitely starting to feel like it's time for me to move on), so it meant so much to me to finally see it finished, and to see you here again one last time? wait, no, now I'm just getting morbid, and to get this sense of, I don't even know, closure for these guys and myself. Like, you've been one of my favorite parts of the whole meme, and this story in particular fills me with so many feelings, and I feel like we've all gone on a ~journey~ together (even though anonymity means it's been a lot easier for me to identify you than it has for you to ever identify me -- but take my word that I've been here all along! I've tried to comment as often as I could). It's like the closing of a really special chapter of my internet life.
/rambling
As for the update itself, I'm so glad that things are looking up for Souji and Yosuke and that they're finally on the road to some sort of stability. I think you did a really good job of making Souji "work" for his forgiveness so that it doesn't feel too easy now to see them reconcile; you really get the sense that they've both grown a lot, and that they're going to continue to grow together, and it's this really great thing (that wouldn't have been nearly so meaningful if there hadn't been so much angst and conflict preceding it). I know I must have commented to this effect at some point on one of your stories, but one of my favorite things about the way you write Souji and Yosuke's relationship is how they both have a lot of issues, but their relationship is still a fundamentally positive thing that helps them both to be their best selves (although with Souji it certainly takes a while to get to that point). Like, they're messed up, but they're exactly the sort of messed up that one another needs, and they're able to grow into better people together. I felt like the story left them on a really good note.
Also: Yosuke, the viral music sensation! It sounds about right that he would get shopped around variety shows for about a year, to who knows what degree of commercial success after that. I would worry about all the trolling and backlash he's going to be subjected to as part and parcel of being famous . . . except I guess that Souji unintentionally gave him a crash course in learning to deal with trolls, so he's probably equipped to handle them now. "JOKE'S ON YOU, HATERS; NONE OF YOU CAN MAKE ME FEEL AS BAD AS THE PERSON I LOVE DID. :D :'D"
::did I mention that I love your Yosuke::
::because I really love your Yosuke::
This comment is getting pretty long and incoherent, so I should probably wrap things up here, haha. But one last thing I want to say/ask as long as you're around -- this should be treated as the most optional of optional suggestions, but have you ever considered uploading some of your longer stories like this to a place where they can exist in a single document (like as a series of LJ entries, or an AO3 story, or even a html file uploaded to a site like pastebin or mediafire)? I've saved all the LJ comment threads religiously, but a part of me would selfishly love to have a clean version of some stories where you don't have to worry about things like threaded comments getting squashed at the edge of the page. That said, I know that reformatting and reuploading can be a total pain, and you've already done so much for us just by writing these stories, so I really don't want to push. Just know that if you ever did do such a thing, I would download the fics again in a heartbeat. <3
Re: I HAVE NO DUNGEON, AND I MUST TROLL (40c/40)
anonymous
April 26 2012, 02:01:48 UTC
And thank YOU for the lovely comment! <3 <3 <3 I was beginning to think I totally screwed up the ending, as the days were passing, and nobody was saying anything! Phew! I'm so glad you enjoyed it. In fact, it sort of felt like a weird meme journey for me, as well...not just with this fic, but with everything I've written here. I normally don't write fanfic or participate in fandom at all, but this was just the outlet I needed during a time of...well, having the worst/most boring job in the world, and needing SOMETHING to fill up these insanely long, dull shifts with. But I've definitely moved on professionally since then, and you're probably right about the whole "one last time" bit. I might occasionally write a shorter fill, when I have a dull day at my current job, or when it's raining and there's nothing to do, but I don't think I'll have the time or energy to commit to something quite as long and involved as this, again. Oh, and I might finish "Souji Pees on Everyone," at some point...ha, ha, ha.
In a way, it's sort of sad to say goodbye, or so long, or whatever I'm saying, here...even though the meme is anonymous, it WAS a big (though strange) part of my life, for a while.
I'm glad it came across that a lot of growth/maturing had gone on, on both sides; that's really what I was going for, with the ending...that Yosuke had started to find his confidence, and Souji had started to be honest with himself/others...and they could go from there.
Hmm, I have given a passing thought to putting my meme fics somewhere more convenient, but laziness (and complete technical incompetence; can't think of an easy way to preserve the formatting, as you say) has won out, so far. I guess if I ever get another boring job and have some extra time on my hands, I might. Ha, ha! I also feel kind of silly backing up kink meme fanfiction, as if it were something that deserved preservation for posterity! :-D :-D :-D
But I have to say, thank you again for sticking with me through this whole fill, especially with the SLOW updates, towards the end. If I ever do post my fics anywhere else, I'll post a link to the meme so that anyone who is interested can go there.
Re: I HAVE NO DUNGEON, AND I MUST TROLL (40c/40)
anonymous
January 12 2013, 16:50:32 UTC
Anon who originally hoped the author might re-upload the story elsewhere (and was just now checking flatview by chance -- hello!)
Ooh! Do you happen to know a nice way to archive it, by any chance? Because I was recently trying to back up the part that's on the old meme, and discovered that LJ's new comment scheme and its fancy expand option make saving whole pages a nightmare. If there's a way to save this fic (or any other kink meme fill) and preserve the formatting without having to copy-paste the code of each individual comment by hand, I would love you forever.
(Hope it's okay if I ask this, authornon -- wouldn't want to tread on your toes! I just adore this fic and would like to have a hard copy that looks as pretty as possible, just in case livejournal does ever give up the ghost.)
Re: I HAVE NO DUNGEON, AND I MUST TROLL (40c/40)
anonymous
April 30 2012, 04:25:42 UTC
Oh. My. This has been quite a ride. Thank you. I'm really really glad I only just read the whole thing this morning, because I don't know how I could have waited that long between updates.
I love that Souji's fucked up in his own way, too. But I really REALLY love that bit about him not being everything to Yosuke because as much as I enjoy their get-together fics, I also enjoy Yosuke growing in that direction as a character, even without the yay-I-nailed-down-the-leader aspect.
I love all the little details about Yosuke with the rest of the team: his BFFery with Kanji, Naoto not tolerating him but actually liking him, Yukiko being ruthless, Chie actually being attracted to him at first...yeah.
Anyway basically this was amazing, how you made them work for it, how you made US work for it, heh. I'm glad I decided to read this fic instead of something productive and socially-desirable. (Real life? Blech.) Thank you, again. I also hope you get this on AO3 or somewhere for easy bookmarking and reccing.
Re: I HAVE NO DUNGEON, AND I MUST TROLL (40c/40)
anonymous
May 2 2012, 03:37:35 UTC
Thank you so much for reading, and for commenting! It really means a lot, to know people enjoyed it! <3 <3 <3
I'm glad it worked for you, Yosuke growing out of his extreme neediness a bit...I always thought he would NEED that kind of perspective and growth before he could really have a mature relationship, even without all the conflict involved with this fill.
And I have to say, the little snippets with the rest of the team were some of my favourite parts to write. It was fun to imagine how Yosuke might relate to them, both at his worst moments and with his growing confidence. :-)
"Nice job, man!"
"Huh?" He turns around hesitantly, arms crossed protectively over his chest.
"Dude! You're all over the radio! What are you even doing here? Shouldn't you be, I don't know, off in a hot tub, somewhere, with seven hot chicks, or--oh, seven hot guys, I guess, but you know. Somewhere…not here?"
"Oh." Yosuke forces a grin. His stomach's still fluttering with nerves, and it'll be a miracle if he doesn't vomit, the second he's got some privacy. "I, uh…well, I failed history, so…."
"Ha, you suck." The guy shakes himself out, wet-dog style. "Kidding. Me, too, actually. Guess we're classmates, then. Sign my notebook?"
Yosuke's stomach unknots itself a little, with the dawning realisation that he's not about to get his ass kicked. "Seriously?"
"Yeah! My sister's head over heels for you. She'll do my chores all summer, for something signed."
Yosuke digs out a pen, still half-expecting the guy to jerk the notebook away and laugh in his face. Nothing happens. He signs. "Well…here you go, then. Happy summer."
The guy grins. "I'm Keita, by the way. Oh, and watch out for Terada and Mutsume, from 3E. They're, like, crazy haters--you know, first with Junes, and now your music…." He trails off, and frowns. "Like Junes was your fault, right? But you know how some people are."
Yosuke nods. "Yeah."
"Well, whatever, right? Fuck 'em. Summer term's, what, six weeks? And I'll try to keep people around you. Ones who don't agree with that shit, ya know? You'll be fine." The way Keita draws himself up, in his moment of defiance, is so much like Souji that Yosuke's chest tightens with a funny combination of nostalgia and anticipation.
______________________________________________________________________________________
It's weird to be alone with Yukiko. Normally, she and Chie are a package deal, or the whole group tags along, but not tonight. Not tonight--and she looks as uncomfortable as he feels. He guesses it's not just the lack of buffers that's making her nervous.
"So…." He deliberately lets the word hang in the air, giving her an opening to say whatever it is she's going to say.
"So, everyone's forgiven him, now." There's an edge to her voice: bitterness, perhaps.
Yosuke shrugs. "I suppose. I don't know."
"They're all making plans for his visit, like nothing ever happened. And if I don't join in--"
"No-one will think any less of you."
She snorts--a tiny, ladylike sound, which nonetheless manages to convey her anger. "That's not the point. I just--I don't see why it should be easy for him."
"I don't think it is." Souji hasn't been in touch, true to his word, but Yosuke's managed to glean a few tidbits from Kanji and Teddie, and Naoto's had this reflective look, lately, which means she's concerned about something. Or someone.
"What about you?"
"Me?"
"Have you made any plans?"
"Not really." He looks away. It's getting late. He'll have to go home, soon, or Dad'll start to worry. "I mean, I pretty much know what I want to say to him, but whether I can be a friend to him, well…that more depends on what he says to me."
"What do you want to hear?"
Yosuke shrugs. "No idea." When she doesn't respond--waiting, perhaps, for more--he finds himself at a loss for words. "I really don't."
She smiles, a little sadly. "Well, we're all here for you, no matter what. You know that, don't you?"
He nods. She leans in and kisses him on the forehead. That makes him smile, but her doubts have woken answering worries in him. Souji's been practically moving heaven and earth to repair his damaged relationships. And Yukiko--she was always one of his closest friends. Might even have had a little thing for him, at one time. If she can't forgive him…is it something she sees in him, something she knows, that makes her want to turn her back?
Yosuke hangs his head, alone now in the gathering gloom. Summer's half over, already. Time for reflection is running out.
He desperately, desperately doesn't want to make the wrong choice.
Reply
From: souji_mobile
11:15, Thursday. Hope to see you there….
______________________________________________________________________________________
"And now, for the million-dollar question: what's next for our talented Mr. Hanamura?"
"Oh, uh--" Yosuke ducks his head, swallows hard: that question wasn't on the list. He's got nothing--and how the hell did Rise do it, back when she was Risette? He looks for Dad, for his manager, for Kanji or Rise, even Naoto, but the lights are everywhere; the lights are in his face. And his makeup's starting to run, and he might just burst into tears, and what if he pukes, pukes on TV, in front of--in front of--
C'mon. This is an easy one.
"I haven't decided yet. I mean--well, y'know--I got offered a scholarship, if I could get my grades up. To study music, which is...like, I wanna do more writing, and maybe--uh, the production end of things, I guess. And…well, you've all heard Internet Boyfriend. You know I'm not that smart. So--"
People are laughing--laughing at him, and oh god, is that sweat between his legs, or has he wet himself? What's so fucking funny? What's--
Calm down, partner. They're not laughing at you. See? They've stopped, now. They thought you made a joke. That's all.
He licks his lips. Soon, he'll be hearing Souji's voice again, for real, but he can't think about that, right now. Not live, before a studio audience, with everyone waiting for him to finish his sentence. He smiles, hoping it doesn't look utterly ghastly. "So, yeah--um, I'm opening for Orange Range, next month, but after that, Dad says I need to hit the books, for real…." He manages to laugh along, this time. "After that, well--looks like there's going to be an album; I'm allowed to talk about that, now…signed a--"
But everyone's cheering, and no-one's listening, and Yosuke looks away, self-conscious. Fifteen minutes of fame feels like fifteen years, under the spotlights.
______________________________________________________________________________________
Kanji's trying to distract him. It's totally obvious…and he's totally grateful. "Man, did they eat up your 'shy guy' bit, or what?--the women, especially, those ones in the front row? It was like…dude, I thought you were bombing, up there, but the audience was all 'awwwwwww'--and what was going on with those shirts?"
"Shirts?"
"Yeah--didn't you notice? Most of 'em had Internet Boyfriend ones, but there were a few Internet Girlfriends out there--ha! I bet they wanna be your girlfriends. You're, like…sexy, now. I don't get it, myself, but…."
Yosuke laughs, a little ruefully. "No…no. That's not it. I--god, this is going to sound sad, but I've sorta been Googling myself, to make sure everyone doesn't hate me, or…I mean, why should I care, right? But I do, and--"
"Yeah, yeah--you're insecure; news at eleven. What'd you find?"
"The Internet Girlfriend thing? It's just…it's become cool for people to say they were into my music back when Internet Boyfriend was still Internet Girlfriend. And I feel like such a douche, even knowing that, saying it out loud, but--oh, fuck you."
Kanji's laughing his ass off.
And a gleam of silver appears, past the line of trees, in the distance. Souji's train. Yosuke's own laughter turns brittle, and catches in his throat. "Uh…Kanji?"
"Yeah?"
Reply
"How do you mean?"
"Like, with Internet Boyfriend, and the album, and me maybe getting that scholarship, and moving away…and everyone knowing I like guys, now--fuck, why didn't I take down all that shit about how gay I am, before I started getting popular? What if he doesn't want to be associated with that? There's whole message board threads, people trying to figure out who the real boyfriend was, and…. And I--I...what if he's only coming here to say…."
"Goodbye?"
"Yeah."
"Oh, man. I hadn't even thought of that." Kanji kicks a rock. It skitters off the platform, and clatters on the tracks below. "Well, what did you want to say to him? I mean, if you don't want to be with him, either, no problem. Right?"
"What if he doesn't even want to be friends?"
"C'mon. You really think, after everything you've--"
Yosuke surges to his feet. "I can't do this."
"What?"
"I'm sorry. I can't. Not like this. Tell him I…fuck; just tell the truth. Tell him I freaked out, I can't handle this, I--I'll call him later, or e-mail, or…."
"Wait--you're seriously just--"
Yosuke runs. He wants to hate himself for this--hate himself enough to go back, to not stand Souji up, to face what he's got to face--but his legs won't stop pumping, and then he's in the car, begging Dad to drive, just drive, please get him out of here.
And later, much later, curled round his hot water bottle under the blankets, he's calm again.
He's ready.
Reply
Subject: please read this
Date: July 19, 2012, 2:14:06 PM
To: souji seta
i am so fucking sorry about today. i was there. i swear i was, but i saw the train coming and all these thoughts came jumbling into my head, and i thought i was going to lose it…oh god. couldn't face you like that. not with everything i'd saved up to say twisting my tongue into knots, and i was scared you wouldn't even want to see me…did kanji tell you already?
well, if you're pissed, i won't blame you. the rest of this…well, if me not being there was all you needed to see, you don't have to read it. it's…what i wanted to tell you. if you still wanted to hear it. which i wasn't at all sure you would, which is why i totally bailed on you.
ok.
you've been warned.
don't read any more if you're done with me, at this point. i only want you to know this shit if you still care.
seriously.
point of no return, here.
…
when we first met, i didn't really have anyone. hadn't made friends here yet, old friends kinda forgot about me, ma & dad tied up with their own problems…it sucked. i'm the kind of person who needs, well, other people. when it's just me, i feel…invisible, like i don't even exist, or something. like i don't matter.
you were the first friend i made, and that meant something. no, honesty time: it meant everything. i needed you so bad it was kinda freaky, like one of those movies with the stalker roommates…single white female territory, no joke. i'd have done anything not to lose you. even after everything you did, the thought of letting you go, not having you in my life…it scared the hell out of me. i thought…no, i was SURE…if we weren't friends any more, nobody else would be friends with me, either.
these last few weeks have shown me i was wrong. everyone's been…idk, i can't even describe it, except to say it's been amazing. at first, i thought it was just pity, because of what you did, but then it was like…we were actually having fun, and it was easy, and…and i could just tell they liked me. even naoto…i always thought she more tolerated me than anything else, but then we found out we like the same books, so that was a start, and it got better from there.
i know, i know, get to the point, yosuke, right? but i had to tell you i'm…not like that any more. i don't need you so bad i can't even SEE you.
so…when i look at you now, will i like what i see? that's the question. i guess i don't know, for sure. but i think i'm strong enough to take the risk of finding out. if you're mrhorrible, deep down, i'll be ok. i mean, i'll be sad, don't get me wrong, but you're not my whole world, any more. my life won't end if you troll me.
so, i guess what i'm saying is…can we talk? face to face?
--yosuke
From: souji seta
Subject: Re: please read this
Date: July 19, 2012, 2:29:22 PM
To: nosy
I'm not angry with you, Yosuke. Not even a little bit. Kanji did tell me about your panic attack, but to be honest, I never truly expected you to greet me at the station. (And when I found out you'd tried, I had to fake a big sneeze, to explain my watering eyes.)
I won't keep you in suspense, though: I don't care if the whole world finds out I'm the Internet boyfriend. Having seven billion strangers find out, and hate me for it, would be nothing at all, compared to the sting of my own friends finding out, and being hurt by it. The fact that you're all still talking to me, all still there for me, is humbling beyond belief.
Can I come over later? I can't abandon Nanako right away, and there are some things I need to say to my uncle, but I can be there around 8.
--Souji
From: nosy
Subject: Re: please read this
Date: July 19, 2012, 2:30:00 AM
To: souji seta
yes. and thank you for understanding about today.
--yosuke
Reply
"What's the matter?"
He shakes his head, blinks, and licks his lips. "I--I couldn't help but notice, in your e-mail…." He blinks again, and scrubs at his mouth. "You didn't actually say you wanted to…to have me in your life."
Yosuke looks down at his hands. "No. I guess I didn't."
Silence stretches between them, chilly and uncomfortable. Downstairs, Dad's puttering about, making more noise than he probably needs to. Making his presence known, no doubt: that's right, kids; I'm home--no funny business. Souji gets an orange prescription bottle out of his jacket pocket, and sets it down on the night-table, with a quiet clack.
"What--?"
"I stole this," he says.
"Uh…okay?"
"Really?"
"No!" Yosuke snatches the bottle. "Fuck that--not okay! Why would you…where'd you even--?"
"Yesterday morning. Before I left. Some guy on my floor had it. Got it from his mother."
"Got it?"
"Stole it." Souji wipes at his face again. "It's Valium. I was nervous. About this. And there's…there's more."
Screw this. "Not while you're high. Come back tomorrow, once you've had a chance to sober up, and maybe we can--"
"I'm not high." Souji's staring out the window. The light of the setting sun's hitting his eyes in a weird way, casting a glare over whatever expression might be there. "I took one on the train, but I brought it back up right away. As soon as I could make it to a bathroom. Maybe fifteen minutes, it was in my system. And that was hours ago."
"Oh." Yosuke fidgets with the bottle, rolling it from hand to hand. "And you're telling me all this because…?"
"Because I lied. When I said I had it under control--the drugs, I mean, before I met you. I made it sound like it wasn't a big deal, but...." He coughs, and stares at the floor. "My parents…they weren't wrong, sending me to England. I wanted you to feel sorry for me, or…or, I don't know, I wanted to feel sorry for myself, and the only way I could do that was if it wasn't my fault. But it was."
"So, you're…addicted to this stuff?"
Souji shakes his head. "Not any more. Or--well, not physically, anyway. I'm not using, apart from that time I called you in the middle of the night, and today. Just sometimes, it gets like…I need something to get me through the night, or a difficult conversation, or…. I'm sorry."
"I'm still not sure why you're telling me this now."
"I didn't want to lie, any more. Especially if there was any chance for us--I didn't want there to be secrets under the surface, waiting to jump up and bite us in the ass."
Yosuke takes a deep breath. "I'm not giving these back." He shakes the bottle.
Souji nods.
"It's good, though."
"What is?"
"Well, at least you're facing your problems. Being honest about them. I--hey, don't cry."
"I'm not." That's a lie, but Yosuke lets it slide.
"Look, I don't need you to be perfect. I don't need you to be, y'know, a hundred percent on top of everything, a hundred percent of the time. I mean, fuck, look at me: some variety show hostess called me Hardgay's cute little brother in front of…of the entire world. I'm in summer school. I'm seeing a shrink. My Internet boyfriend's falling apart on my futon--I'm a mess. Does that make you not want to be with me?"
Souji looks up, all startlement. "Wh-what? Yosuke, if I could be with you…if you'd let me be with you, I'd--I'd fall at your feet, kiss your toes, grab onto your socks to keep you from getting--wait, what's with the face?"
Yosuke grins, suddenly filled with confidence, and a weird sense of playfulness. "What's with the face? What's with the foot fetish, out of nowhere?"
Souji just stares, for a moment, but when he laughs, it's almost like old times.
Reply
"So…you called me your Internet boyfriend, earlier."
"After your big junkie confession, yeah." Yosuke elbows him in the ribs, to show he isn't mad. They've moved out to the balcony, to get away from the bad music drifting from Dad's study. It's dark, but the stars are out, and the warmth of the day lingers in the air.
"Does that mean…." Souji messes with the creases in his slacks, fucking them up and straightening them out again. "I can't say it."
"I'm not ready to give up on you."
"So, you want--?"
"I want to take it slow. Get to know this new, non-liar Souji, before we dive into anything serious. That good?"
Souji lets out a long, unsteady breath, and nods. "It's more than I had any right to expect."
Yosuke gives him time to collect himself, scanning the heavens for shooting stars. He doesn't find any--but the lights of Souji's neighbourhood, in the distance, remind him of something. "How'd it go with your uncle, earlier? And Nanako?"
The dark's hiding Souji's face, but Yosuke can tell he's smiling. "Awkward, at first. I had--I had a lot to apologise for. And I pretty much felt like crap, after what I did on the train. But Nanako made me some lunch, and we all had a long talk, and after a while…well, I think it would've felt really good, if I hadn't been terrified of what you might say. Or not say."
The dark gives Yosuke courage, and he reaches for Souji's hand. Their fingers entwine.
"You were right," says Souji, after a while.
"About what?"
"This." He squeezes Yosuke's hand. "I guess I didn't have to wipe myself all over you like a deranged octopus, to show that I liked you."
Yosuke laughs. "You didn't wipe yourself all over me."
"Yeah, I did."
"Yeah...you did."
Inside, first Dad's study door, then his bedroom door, rattles open and shut. Yosuke has no immediate plans to do anything with Souji, beyond what they're already doing, but it gives him a little thrill, knowing he could.
For now, this feels right.
Reply
opiate of the asses (nobody_nose) wrote,
@ 2012-12-25 05:21:30
Current mood: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Current music: TM Revolution - Vertical Infinity
home sweet home!!! finally!!!!!!!! just got home from tokyo, and omg, never thought i'd be so happy to see this place. did a total faceplant into my mattress, like "yessssssssssssssssssssszzzzzzzzzzzz..." you could sleep in the best hotel bed ever, with microfoam and memory pads and…well, y'know, whatever beds have, to make them comfortable…but no hotel bed welcomes your shape like your own bed in your own room at home.
xmas concert was awesome. i was so nervous going on, with it being my last big appearance till the summer tour…felt like everything was riding on how i did, like if i sucked, everyone would forget me by new year. but i think i'm finally getting used to it. i didn't even puke backstage (or onstage, like in osaka…fuuuuuuuuck that). a bunch of my friends were there, and my dad, and that made it better.
so. the next 6 months'll be aaaaaaaaaall about studying. dad's sending me to a special cram school, where they're going to jam everything i need to know down my throat before summer, so i won't have to be touring and studying at the same time, any more. oh...i didn't get that scholarship. found out today. letter was waiting when i got home…so i guess that'll be it for school. i should be happy, but…idk, internet boyfriend's going to uni, and i guess i had this fantasy of us going to classes together, sharing a dorm…. oh, well. maybe higher education wasn't for me…though, i guess i could afford it on my own, now, if i wanted to try. there's hope!
still. it's a bummer to get that official confirmation of dumbness. 'cause i gotta be pretty dense if i'm playing concerts, putting out albums, living music every day, and i still can't get into a music course. :-(
anyway, enough about that. internet boyfriend will be HERE in like 3 hours, and i haven't slept or showered or eaten, even changed my clothes…still in my leather pants from the concert, ewwwwwww. so nasty. we had this huuuuuuuuuuge fight, last week, about me throwing the past back in his face whenever things got tough. i was all in denial, at first, like "fuck you, that wasn't what i meant." but it totally was. so i wanna make it up to him, and greeting him with sweaty balls is not the way to do that. tmi?
thanks again to all of you who came to the concert, or wished me luck. to be honest, this is still pretty overwhelming for me. hope i don't sound whiny, by the way. just so excited and sleep deprived and all over the place and…beginning to think i'm welded into these freakin' pants. AAAAARGH!
later. <3
(1060 comments) - (Post a new comment)
Reply
2012-12-25 5:22 AM (link)
Hehehe, you always sound whiny, but that's why we heart you. (Just teasing!) Have fun with "Internet BF." And if you can't get those leather pants off, you could always keep them on, and take some pics for your fans….just sayin'….
DAT ASS! ::trollface::
(Reply to this) (Thread)
blancmange_party
2012-12-25 5:23 AM (link)
HAPPY XMAS/NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!! (I'm getting your album for Xmas, and you were also just on the radio, LOL.)
(Reply to this) (Thread)
carpal_bong
2012-12-25 5:25 AM (link)
gdi, i never get first comment any moar. remember when it used to be just me replyin 2 most of ur entries? i was the original hana fan. don't forget it. lol neway, glad its still workin out with u guys. i was like "no wai" when u first got back with him, but i guess u knew wat u were doin. gl gettin out of your pants.
(Reply to this) (Thread)
snibblefnoo
2012-12-25 5:25 AM (link)
u suck
(Reply to this) (Thread)
snibblefnoo
2012-12-25 5:25 AM (link)
and t.m. revolution sucks too
(Reply to this) (Thread)
snibblefnoo
2012-12-25 5:26 AM (link)
you should suck each others dicks
(Reply to this) (Thread)
harbl_boat
2012-12-25 5:26 AM (link)
I LOVE YOU, HAPPY HOLIDAYS! MY SISTER NAMED HER CAT AFTER YOU, AND BTW, SHE LOVED IT WHEN YOU WORE THAT HELLO KITTY SHIRT! YOU SHOULD WEAR IT AGAIN ON YOUR SUMMER TOUR! SEE YOU THEN (FROM THE AUDIENCE, DOn'T FREAK, I'M NOT A STALKER!!@!!!!!)
(Reply to this) (Thread)
harbl_boat
2012-12-25 5:27 AM (link)
PS DON'T LISTEN TO SNIBBLFLU, HE JUST JELLY CAUSE NOBODY SUCKS HIS DICK!
(Reply to this) (Thread)
mrnorrible
2012-12-25 5:32 AM (link)
Didn't you get my e-mail? I took an earlier train, and am at my uncle's house now, so you've exactly 15 minutes to get out of those pants. ;-)
(Just kidding. I'll give you time to shower and eat, and so forth. But I am here, so call me the second you're ready. Miss you!)
(Reply to this) (Thread)
...
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"It worries me, sometimes," he says. Yosuke's heard this before, too, heard it enough times that he doesn't even roll his eyes. "There are people who like him because he's so vulnerable, because of things like the rose, and his vomiting on the stage at--"
"Dad!"
"Sorry." But he doesn't sound sorry. He sounds happy, and concerned, and sort of indulgent. He plops a big scoop of goma-ae onto Yosuke's plate, and bids him eat. Souji's already digging in.
This is good.
__________________________________________________________________________________
...and that's it! Hope the long wait didn't totally ruin the ending! And, wow, when did the captcha thingies become impossible to decipher? AUGH!
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/rambling
As for the update itself, I'm so glad that things are looking up for Souji and Yosuke and that they're finally on the road to some sort of stability. I think you did a really good job of making Souji "work" for his forgiveness so that it doesn't feel too easy now to see them reconcile; you really get the sense that they've both grown a lot, and that they're going to continue to grow together, and it's this really great thing (that wouldn't have been nearly so meaningful if there hadn't been so much angst and conflict preceding it). I know I must have commented to this effect at some point on one of your stories, but one of my favorite things about the way you write Souji and Yosuke's relationship is how they both have a lot of issues, but their relationship is still a fundamentally positive thing that helps them both to be their best selves (although with Souji it certainly takes a while to get to that point). Like, they're messed up, but they're exactly the sort of messed up that one another needs, and they're able to grow into better people together. I felt like the story left them on a really good note.
Also: Yosuke, the viral music sensation! It sounds about right that he would get shopped around variety shows for about a year, to who knows what degree of commercial success after that. I would worry about all the trolling and backlash he's going to be subjected to as part and parcel of being famous . . . except I guess that Souji unintentionally gave him a crash course in learning to deal with trolls, so he's probably equipped to handle them now. "JOKE'S ON YOU, HATERS; NONE OF YOU CAN MAKE ME FEEL AS BAD AS THE PERSON I LOVE DID. :D :'D"
::did I mention that I love your Yosuke::
::because I really love your Yosuke::
This comment is getting pretty long and incoherent, so I should probably wrap things up here, haha. But one last thing I want to say/ask as long as you're around -- this should be treated as the most optional of optional suggestions, but have you ever considered uploading some of your longer stories like this to a place where they can exist in a single document (like as a series of LJ entries, or an AO3 story, or even a html file uploaded to a site like pastebin or mediafire)? I've saved all the LJ comment threads religiously, but a part of me would selfishly love to have a clean version of some stories where you don't have to worry about things like threaded comments getting squashed at the edge of the page. That said, I know that reformatting and reuploading can be a total pain, and you've already done so much for us just by writing these stories, so I really don't want to push. Just know that if you ever did do such a thing, I would download the fics again in a heartbeat. <3
Thank you again for sharing this story with us!
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In a way, it's sort of sad to say goodbye, or so long, or whatever I'm saying, here...even though the meme is anonymous, it WAS a big (though strange) part of my life, for a while.
I'm glad it came across that a lot of growth/maturing had gone on, on both sides; that's really what I was going for, with the ending...that Yosuke had started to find his confidence, and Souji had started to be honest with himself/others...and they could go from there.
Hmm, I have given a passing thought to putting my meme fics somewhere more convenient, but laziness (and complete technical incompetence; can't think of an easy way to preserve the formatting, as you say) has won out, so far. I guess if I ever get another boring job and have some extra time on my hands, I might. Ha, ha! I also feel kind of silly backing up kink meme fanfiction, as if it were something that deserved preservation for posterity! :-D :-D :-D
But I have to say, thank you again for sticking with me through this whole fill, especially with the SLOW updates, towards the end. If I ever do post my fics anywhere else, I'll post a link to the meme so that anyone who is interested can go there.
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Ooh! Do you happen to know a nice way to archive it, by any chance? Because I was recently trying to back up the part that's on the old meme, and discovered that LJ's new comment scheme and its fancy expand option make saving whole pages a nightmare. If there's a way to save this fic (or any other kink meme fill) and preserve the formatting without having to copy-paste the code of each individual comment by hand, I would love you forever.
(Hope it's okay if I ask this, authornon -- wouldn't want to tread on your toes! I just adore this fic and would like to have a hard copy that looks as pretty as possible, just in case livejournal does ever give up the ghost.)
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I love that Souji's fucked up in his own way, too. But I really REALLY love that bit about him not being everything to Yosuke because as much as I enjoy their get-together fics, I also enjoy Yosuke growing in that direction as a character, even without the yay-I-nailed-down-the-leader aspect.
I love all the little details about Yosuke with the rest of the team: his BFFery with Kanji, Naoto not tolerating him but actually liking him, Yukiko being ruthless, Chie actually being attracted to him at first...yeah.
Anyway basically this was amazing, how you made them work for it, how you made US work for it, heh. I'm glad I decided to read this fic instead of something productive and socially-desirable. (Real life? Blech.) Thank you, again. I also hope you get this on AO3 or somewhere for easy bookmarking and reccing.
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I'm glad it worked for you, Yosuke growing out of his extreme neediness a bit...I always thought he would NEED that kind of perspective and growth before he could really have a mature relationship, even without all the conflict involved with this fill.
And I have to say, the little snippets with the rest of the team were some of my favourite parts to write. It was fun to imagine how Yosuke might relate to them, both at his worst moments and with his growing confidence. :-)
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