Rend thy Heart [15/??]
anonymous
April 8 2012, 10:34:45 UTC
-=====-
Their visits started to lean toward more friendly, more comfortable with each other despite the few after that had both of them on eggshells. The recent visit he was driving back from left him thinking. He had asked Adachi to tell him about his life, about his past. That he wanted to understand him better.
"No, Dojima." A pained expression. "I don't want you to really know...not yet at least..."
His heart had clenched. He already knew. And he felt as though he betrayed Adachi, after all the trust they displayed each other during these visits, how close that had gotten. "...I'll wait until you are ready." He felt so hollow after those words. They were bitter like stale bile in his throat.
"...I would like to know about you though. About your life."
Dojima just nodded, not even giving rise to it was odd to have someone request this, not even Chisato had. When they did talk about their lives, it just had come up but never a request. He felt like he owed Adachi, for having heard his life behind his back. It wasn't like he had anything terrible to really hide. His growing up wasn't... wasn't Adachi's. Anywhere near it. At all. The guilt made him pour out everything.
So, he told Adachi about his life. When he was young as he could remember, his parents, his sister. The trouble he had in school at times with being stubborn. His Highschool years. How much he didn't want his sister to marry this one guy, and yet she did, and they had Souji. He saw Souji only as a small baby, and from then on, seemed like her and her husband were just too busy, with very few phone-calls. And then he tapped on the work aspect of his life: When he decided to get into the Force, how much trouble it had been, his first arrest, interesting points in the job...
"Why'd you stop there?" He tilted his head, sipping at the water cup.
"Hnn..." Dojima clenched his jaw, eyes falling from their connection.
Adachi just leaned forward, "I want to hear everything, Nanako included..." He looked so serious. "Please don't stop." The sincerity in his voice surprised Dojima, and he just nodded and continued.
"I met Chisato on.. "
The entire time, Adachi just sat there and listened to him. He questioned, getting clarification, making small jokes. Not bored. But he genuinely seemed interested in knowing Dojima better. Honestly, that touched him. The fact someone had requested, and kept urging him on, rather than just politely sitting back and waiting for him to just talk. That someone just really had wanted to know.
Adachi wouldn't let him stop, not until he heard a summary up until his appearance. Even then, he wanted to know what went on. So Dojima told him about how Souji basically gave him a verbal slap in the face, as well as Nanako, about how bad a father he had been.
"I don't blame you. The fact she was the very reminder of... your late wife. Of course it would be hard. And of course you'd feel guilt." Adachi smiled at him, warmly in fact. "You're... a true man. Admitting to your fault. And trying to fix it... er... actually fixing it really." He gave out a nervous laugh. A laugh that had guilt in it.
"Hmph." Dojima just snorted out air in a mild laugh. "A bit late though. I should have done it sooner."
The dark eyes just bore into him. "But you did it, Dojima. You did it before any damage could be done."
Closing his eyes, he gave a nod in a silent agreement. Opening them, he matched the eyes. "...You've done your own good too." A raised eyebrow in response. Adachi was thinking, it was obvious. So Dojima just volunteered, he wasn't playing a guessing game. "It wasn't until you became my partner, that I had begun to laugh again since Chisato's...passing on." The corners of his mouth rose, only slightly.
Adachi sat there, unsure of what to think or how to handle the statement. Dojima swore the man had rosed on his cheeks, his mouth slightly open in disbelief. Dojima just reached over and patted Adachi on the shoulder, getting up to go.
"And you were there to my drunk ass home." His hand returned to Adachi's shoulder, and he gave it a firm squeeze. "Thank you, Adachi." A pause. "I guess I'll see you again soon. Please take care of yourself."
The older man left... And a single tear hit the back of Adachi's hand.
Rend thy Heart [16/??]
anonymous
April 25 2012, 10:35:57 UTC
(( Many apologies for late update... and it not being much. Life just bit me hard for a while.. Hopefully I can get back into swing.))
-=====-
Things became hectic at work. Another case had dropped itself on the precedents lap. Another murder. Dojima didn't want to really deal with it. The scene was atrocious, the victim had been cut up and shot much more than what would have been needed...
Even through his irritation and disgust, he thought about a certain ex-cop and his reaction to seeing a dead body... And despite everything he could only think jokingly, without Adachi even being here, he was lightening up a grotesque situation. At least he wouldn't have to deal with this.. Not anymore. It was a bitter thought. One that sunk into his gut, rising up bile. Swallowing hard, choking it down.
He began looking forward to the visits... Even if things turned sour, it was a moment in his life where he took a break from work, wouldn't get called in. Rather, would say he didn't get the call until after the visit. It was time he treasured, and it made him realize the time with Nanako as well as precious. A father being able to see his daughter night after night, without permissions or schedules, he learned the meaning of holding each moment with her close to his heart even more so despite all the events that happened.
Because he didn't have that ease to do for his friend.
Too much that had happened made him realize the saying of "You never know what you had until it's gone." Chisato, almost Nanako, Adachi, even the lack of Souji in the house now.
Nanako was tilting her head, pausing in her dinner. "Daddy?" It snapped him out of his thoughts, and he took his gaze away from broiled fish laying in front of him, untouched as stared.
"Yes?" Tried to give her a smile.
"Uhm..." She set down her chopsticks. Dojima tried not to frown, she always did that when she was going to ask something serious. "Will I ever be able to go visit Adachi-san?"
At first he wanted to lie, say that he'd be out at some point, that she could see him. But since Nanako and him had broken through at the floodplains, he promised that he'd not lie to her, that he'd be a better father. It was hard at times, but she was so mature for her age, and deserved so much from him. "...Not for a.. They don't let anyone under the adult age in... for safety reasons..." Hoping she'd understand that.
"Oh."
"He's... doing a lot better though. If you want..." Quickly thinking of something, something that will make her feel included. "Draw for him, make him a card or letter. I can give those to him." Watching Nanako for her reaction to that, hoping it would at least make her face rise in content.
Exhale of relief as she picked up her chopsticks. "Okay! I'll do that Daddy! You have to promise not to read anything though."
"Hey...hey. I wouldn't do that, what do you take your father for?" But he was laughing. It wasn't like he had to make sure she didn't say anything to offend Adachi or anything bad.
Rend thy Heart [17/??]
anonymous
April 25 2012, 10:37:17 UTC
-------
"Here's a letter from Nanako..."
From his pocket he produced a pink envelope with stickers of flowers and small animals decorated across it.
Adachi took one glance at it and started to laugh. "Dojima. It's ok if it is from you. I won't judge you."
Thwap-
"Ow.ow.. Geez, I was joking."
A sharp flick of his wrist had brought the envelope to contact with Adachi's lanky arm. Dojima was smirking, no trace of anger or hurt, just complete playfulness. Their interactions had been getting to the point where it was hard to believe he was visiting the ex-detective in a mental hospital. "Well go on and read it then." Holding it out and wagging it.
The younger man snatched it away. "Nanako's a sweet kid, you're lucky to have her, Dojima." Tearing open the envelope rather delicately, not wanting to ruin Nanako's decoration.
"I know. That's something I don't need to be told..." The words could of been harsh, but they were light, and said with a bittersweet smile. "...I'm lucky for plenty of reasons."
They knew when to let topics drop. Thankfully there was a valid reason to just ignore it, rather than awkwardly move to something else... Adachi started to chuckle as he read the girl's letter. "So you drink less now? You never mentioned that."
"I try to... Even with the stress, just.. It doesn't help and all the times I was sloshed and coming home to Nanako... I just..." Grimace. "That's not what a good father does."
"Hmm that's not what Nanako said."
That tone only made Dojima brace himself. That tone of teasing and jabs, what exactly had she put down that would make Adachi sound like he had canon fodder.
" 'Daddy stopped drinking because he said it isn't fun without you! I hope you get better soon, I miss having you over here, and so does Daddy. He is probably too shy to say this, but he says you are his best friend!' " Adachi's face was one of pure smug amusement.
Nanako really was a smart and clever girl. "Ghn." Dojima slowly crossed his arms, leaning away from making any comment. But the teasing didn't come. Instead Adachi had a warm expression on his face as he read the rest of the letter.
The visit was smooth and light. Just before Dojima left, Adachi called out to him. "D-Dojima!...I think of you the same... A close friend... Heh..." Seemed embarrassed. Which only made the moment between the two grown men be even more uncomfortable.
The ride home felt serene. If only this would last.
Re: Rend thy Heart [17/??]
anonymous
April 25 2012, 15:52:10 UTC
*TIGHTER SQUISHHUGS* ❤
o nomnom nom the same shameless anon loves u like cabbages+fatty tuna now & wishes u well in life. ganbatte! ;u;❤
ur updates always cheer tis shameless anon up! sankyuu! ur part where adachi made dojima "Ghn." made anon laugh from the heart! ;u; such a warm, light moment. & "Here after all this time, that side of him still was there. Adachi: I want you to give me yours."'s mind-blownin', absolute favorite parts. anon hope after depressin' exams draw mini scenes from tis w ur permission. sankyuu again! ❤ *shuts up*
Re: Rend thy Heart [17/??]
anonymous
April 26 2012, 00:36:04 UTC
I've said so before but, writer!anon, you're the best. I'm kind of curious now if you have any other fills on the meme! I'd love to read them. I-if that's okay. Haha.
I hope life isn't kicking you too hard. This fill is definitely worth the wait, so take as much time as you need. And keep up the great work!
Their visits started to lean toward more friendly, more comfortable with each other despite the few after that had both of them on eggshells. The recent visit he was driving back from left him thinking. He had asked Adachi to tell him about his life, about his past. That he wanted to understand him better.
"No, Dojima." A pained expression. "I don't want you to really know...not yet at least..."
His heart had clenched. He already knew. And he felt as though he betrayed Adachi, after all the trust they displayed each other during these visits, how close that had gotten. "...I'll wait until you are ready." He felt so hollow after those words. They were bitter like stale bile in his throat.
"...I would like to know about you though. About your life."
Dojima just nodded, not even giving rise to it was odd to have someone request this, not even Chisato had. When they did talk about their lives, it just had come up but never a request. He felt like he owed Adachi, for having heard his life behind his back. It wasn't like he had anything terrible to really hide. His growing up wasn't... wasn't Adachi's. Anywhere near it. At all. The guilt made him pour out everything.
So, he told Adachi about his life. When he was young as he could remember, his parents, his sister. The trouble he had in school at times with being stubborn. His Highschool years. How much he didn't want his sister to marry this one guy, and yet she did, and they had Souji. He saw Souji only as a small baby, and from then on, seemed like her and her husband were just too busy, with very few phone-calls. And then he tapped on the work aspect of his life: When he decided to get into the Force, how much trouble it had been, his first arrest, interesting points in the job...
"Why'd you stop there?" He tilted his head, sipping at the water cup.
"Hnn..." Dojima clenched his jaw, eyes falling from their connection.
Adachi just leaned forward, "I want to hear everything, Nanako included..." He looked so serious. "Please don't stop." The sincerity in his voice surprised Dojima, and he just nodded and continued.
"I met Chisato on.. "
The entire time, Adachi just sat there and listened to him. He questioned, getting clarification, making small jokes. Not bored. But he genuinely seemed interested in knowing Dojima better. Honestly, that touched him. The fact someone had requested, and kept urging him on, rather than just politely sitting back and waiting for him to just talk. That someone just really had wanted to know.
Adachi wouldn't let him stop, not until he heard a summary up until his appearance. Even then, he wanted to know what went on. So Dojima told him about how Souji basically gave him a verbal slap in the face, as well as Nanako, about how bad a father he had been.
"I don't blame you. The fact she was the very reminder of... your late wife. Of course it would be hard. And of course you'd feel guilt." Adachi smiled at him, warmly in fact. "You're... a true man. Admitting to your fault. And trying to fix it... er... actually fixing it really." He gave out a nervous laugh. A laugh that had guilt in it.
"Hmph." Dojima just snorted out air in a mild laugh. "A bit late though. I should have done it sooner."
The dark eyes just bore into him. "But you did it, Dojima. You did it before any damage could be done."
Closing his eyes, he gave a nod in a silent agreement. Opening them, he matched the eyes. "...You've done your own good too." A raised eyebrow in response. Adachi was thinking, it was obvious. So Dojima just volunteered, he wasn't playing a guessing game. "It wasn't until you became my partner, that I had begun to laugh again since Chisato's...passing on." The corners of his mouth rose, only slightly.
Adachi sat there, unsure of what to think or how to handle the statement. Dojima swore the man had rosed on his cheeks, his mouth slightly open in disbelief. Dojima just reached over and patted Adachi on the shoulder, getting up to go.
"And you were there to my drunk ass home." His hand returned to Adachi's shoulder, and he gave it a firm squeeze. "Thank you, Adachi." A pause. "I guess I'll see you again soon. Please take care of yourself."
The older man left... And a single tear hit the back of Adachi's hand.
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*were there to take my drunk ass home))
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Bleh. Sorry~
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Oh man, please don't eat me though.
And I don't intend on completely dropping it and want to see it to the end, it just might take a while because life happens. OTL
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-=====-
Things became hectic at work. Another case had dropped itself on the precedents lap. Another murder. Dojima didn't want to really deal with it. The scene was atrocious, the victim had been cut up and shot much more than what would have been needed...
Even through his irritation and disgust, he thought about a certain ex-cop and his reaction to seeing a dead body... And despite everything he could only think jokingly, without Adachi even being here, he was lightening up a grotesque situation. At least he wouldn't have to deal with this.. Not anymore. It was a bitter thought. One that sunk into his gut, rising up bile. Swallowing hard, choking it down.
He began looking forward to the visits... Even if things turned sour, it was a moment in his life where he took a break from work, wouldn't get called in. Rather, would say he didn't get the call until after the visit. It was time he treasured, and it made him realize the time with Nanako as well as precious. A father being able to see his daughter night after night, without permissions or schedules, he learned the meaning of holding each moment with her close to his heart even more so despite all the events that happened.
Because he didn't have that ease to do for his friend.
Too much that had happened made him realize the saying of "You never know what you had until it's gone." Chisato, almost Nanako, Adachi, even the lack of Souji in the house now.
Nanako was tilting her head, pausing in her dinner. "Daddy?" It snapped him out of his thoughts, and he took his gaze away from broiled fish laying in front of him, untouched as stared.
"Yes?" Tried to give her a smile.
"Uhm..." She set down her chopsticks. Dojima tried not to frown, she always did that when she was going to ask something serious. "Will I ever be able to go visit Adachi-san?"
At first he wanted to lie, say that he'd be out at some point, that she could see him. But since Nanako and him had broken through at the floodplains, he promised that he'd not lie to her, that he'd be a better father. It was hard at times, but she was so mature for her age, and deserved so much from him. "...Not for a.. They don't let anyone under the adult age in... for safety reasons..." Hoping she'd understand that.
"Oh."
"He's... doing a lot better though. If you want..." Quickly thinking of something, something that will make her feel included. "Draw for him, make him a card or letter. I can give those to him." Watching Nanako for her reaction to that, hoping it would at least make her face rise in content.
Exhale of relief as she picked up her chopsticks. "Okay! I'll do that Daddy! You have to promise not to read anything though."
"Hey...hey. I wouldn't do that, what do you take your father for?" But he was laughing. It wasn't like he had to make sure she didn't say anything to offend Adachi or anything bad.
Reply
"Here's a letter from Nanako..."
From his pocket he produced a pink envelope with stickers of flowers and small animals decorated across it.
Adachi took one glance at it and started to laugh. "Dojima. It's ok if it is from you. I won't judge you."
Thwap-
"Ow.ow.. Geez, I was joking."
A sharp flick of his wrist had brought the envelope to contact with Adachi's lanky arm. Dojima was smirking, no trace of anger or hurt, just complete playfulness. Their interactions had been getting to the point where it was hard to believe he was visiting the ex-detective in a mental hospital. "Well go on and read it then." Holding it out and wagging it.
The younger man snatched it away. "Nanako's a sweet kid, you're lucky to have her, Dojima." Tearing open the envelope rather delicately, not wanting to ruin Nanako's decoration.
"I know. That's something I don't need to be told..." The words could of been harsh, but they were light, and said with a bittersweet smile. "...I'm lucky for plenty of reasons."
They knew when to let topics drop. Thankfully there was a valid reason to just ignore it, rather than awkwardly move to something else... Adachi started to chuckle as he read the girl's letter. "So you drink less now? You never mentioned that."
"I try to... Even with the stress, just.. It doesn't help and all the times I was sloshed and coming home to Nanako... I just..." Grimace. "That's not what a good father does."
"Hmm that's not what Nanako said."
That tone only made Dojima brace himself. That tone of teasing and jabs, what exactly had she put down that would make Adachi sound like he had canon fodder.
" 'Daddy stopped drinking because he said it isn't fun without you! I hope you get better soon, I miss having you over here, and so does Daddy. He is probably too shy to say this, but he says you are his best friend!' " Adachi's face was one of pure smug amusement.
Nanako really was a smart and clever girl. "Ghn." Dojima slowly crossed his arms, leaning away from making any comment. But the teasing didn't come. Instead Adachi had a warm expression on his face as he read the rest of the letter.
The visit was smooth and light. Just before Dojima left, Adachi called out to him. "D-Dojima!...I think of you the same... A close friend... Heh..." Seemed embarrassed. Which only made the moment between the two grown men be even more uncomfortable.
The ride home felt serene. If only this would last.
Reply
o nomnom nom the same shameless anon loves u like cabbages+fatty tuna now & wishes u well in life. ganbatte! ;u;❤
ur updates always cheer tis shameless anon up! sankyuu!
ur part where adachi made dojima "Ghn." made anon laugh from the heart! ;u; such a warm, light moment.
& "Here after all this time, that side of him still was there. Adachi: I want you to give me yours."'s mind-blownin', absolute favorite parts. anon hope after depressin' exams draw mini scenes from tis w ur permission. sankyuu again! ❤ *shuts up*
Reply
I don't think any writer would ever turn down art.
Reply
I hope life isn't kicking you too hard. This fill is definitely worth the wait, so take as much time as you need. And keep up the great work!
Reply
And it's more than okay! Feel free to also drop me a line too.
http://coffeexcabbage.livejournal.com/
It's my anon-journal. But I posted a few things I wrote. I have alot that is unfinished right now.
B-but yeah now I'm going to just be flustered over here.
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This story is perfect.
The characters are spot-on, how it's building up is so natural and beautiful and...and.. aaah~~! ;///u///; It really keeps a reader hooked. <33
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And akfsafhhl ////
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