Rend thy Heart [12/??]
anonymous
April 3 2012, 02:43:41 UTC
Adachi was leaning back on pillows in the bed, staring out the reinforced window. In his hand as a white mug, probably with tea. There were a few books next to him on the nightstand as well. The only other thing was a desk and a closet. The room itself seemed pretty empty.
His head rolled over to see who just came in. Dojima's heart clenched again, those eyes. But in an instant, the eyes softened. Adachi sat up quickly, spilling what indeed was green tea on the sheets. "Ah shit!"
It broke the tension, Dojima just laughed as he went to the sink and grabbed the hand towel off the side of it. He approached Adachi with a smile. "Hey now. Don't get up so fast, I heard you had some cold." He patted the area, soaking up the spill. Adachi just watched him.
"I..I didn't expect a visitor." Under his eyes, there were dark, sunken in skin. He closed his eyes, making them even more apparent. "Thought it was another nurse just coming in to bother me."
"Hnnn. Well I am sorry to disappoint you."
"I...I didn't mean I didn't want to..." Adachi took a moment to realize that Dojima was joking. "Maybe I wouldn't be so disappointed if you came wearing the uniform."
The statement only made Dojima raise his eyebrows. This was feeling quite... weird. Caulking it up to him being sick, he thought he'd just humor him. Adachi had been sullen for quite a while now, it was a good turn of emotion. "I'll keep that in mind for next time. Do you want me to wear the hat as well?" He threw the towel toward the heap that was gathering under the sink.
Adachi just snapped a somewhat disgusted expression at him. "That's just creepy hearing you joke about it, Dojima-san." The look melted into amusement.
Dojima just shook his head. Seemed like this visit was going to be one of the better ones. Sometimes, Adachi was just so hollow and wordless, other times, he was afraid he would start crying again. These were the visits he looked forward too, just two men joking around as if nothing was wrong. Rolling up his sleeves, he grabbed the desk's chair and brought it up to Adachi's bedside, taking out the deck of cards from his shirt pocket. His cigarettes were back in the car.
"You're going to play against a sick man?" He gave Dojima a disapproving look.
"Bullshit. I bet you'll still somehow fish out the cards you need." The joker cards were discarded.
Adachi gave out a poutful noise. "Are you saying I cheat?"
"I didn't say that." He grabbed Adachi's mug from his hand and set it down as he replaced it with the dealt cards. "I just am glad I never bet on a game between us."
Re: Rend thy Heart [12/??]
anonymous
April 4 2012, 02:46:26 UTC
I absolutely had to come out of lurking to say how much I'm enjoying this, writer!anon! I get so excited when I see this fill has been updated. Keep up the excellent writing. ;u;
Rend thy Heart [13/??]
anonymous
April 4 2012, 09:00:57 UTC
"Hmm.. Maybe you should have, maybe would have eaten a bit better...Though..." Adachi smiled at him, almost... sweetly. "I always enjoyed eating at your house the most..."
"Haha.. And Adachi, just Dojima. I keep telling you that. I'm not your superior anymore. Not your co-worker, not a guy you need to be polite too. I consider myself to be your pal, and likewise." Those words almosted sounded like they were trying to convince Dojima, himself, not Adachi. He tried to push that to the back of his head. There was a quick change in Adachi's eyes, but they fell back to a smile.
They played a bit, it rolling into Dojima telling him about news both locally and worldwide, and about the workplace and how someone had accidently shreaded important files. He started to feel nervous, though, it was reminding him of the time that Adachi had become a mess of apologizes and tears.
"You seem like you are in deep thought, Dojima-san."
It snapped him out of his worry. "Ah sorry, I guess I've been a bit more tired lately too."
"...You do look like you've lost weight."
Shit, even Adachi noticed. "It's good for an old man like me not to be gaining a beer gut though, right?"
Adachi just stood silent, folding down his cards on his lap. Reaching over, he took Dojima's wrist. "I-it's not because of me... Is it?"
There was no way to stop the surprised expression Dojima involuntary had flashed across his face. But those eyes were now boring into him. They seemed so intense. "...No.. Just a bit of stress. You remember work."
But he didn't seem happy with the answer, that was apparent. "Yeah." He let go of Dojima's wrist. "Just... take care of yourself. Alright? You've always been stubborn about your health ever since I met you..." A weak smile. The voice sounded like it held something in it, weighing it.
"This coming from the man who actually has the cold?" He dealt out another hand. The card game had changed to Texas Hold Em, a few rounds ago. They both should be paying more attention if they actually cared about the game. He didn't want things to turn so serious, but he didn't want to just... derail away, making Adachi feel as though he was getting ignored.
Just... everything with these visits. He began to understand the man across from him, beyond the criminal, beyond the co-worker, beyond just a buddy who came over. He was the only one that cared. This man had no one else. Was that the only reason why he was always coming here? No. He did honestly care, he knew that much. He wasn't heartless.
"You're looking quite serious for someone who was joking."
Eyes met.
"Just... Thinking. Don't worry about it." He gave up, placing the cards down though. Knowing well from past experience that playing any more was out of the question.
"Why do you visit?"
The question he didn't want to hear. He had no idea how to answer it in a way that would keep Adachi from asking it again. Partly, he was worried about the truth coming out from Adachi's mouth, understanding and reading him better than he could every understand himself. To think that at one time, he felt the slender guy before him was just a simple thinking guy.
"Dojima?" Right, he had told Adachi to just drop the honorific. But it was the first time he ever actually listened.
He ran his hand through his hair on the side. "I've told you this already, Adachi. You're a good pal. There's more to you than you let the world know... a..and I don't mean that you." A long sigh. "Why do you have to question it every-so-often?"
Adachi just grabbed the mug he had refilled a good few moments ago, bringing it up to his lips and reeling slightly back as cold tea hit his mouth. He set it down. "I have a hard time believing."
"Well what the hell do you want me to say or do to make you?" Trying to keep his calm, keep it down, just try not to get worked up because he's striking a nerve. He's not feeling well, he probably doesn't realize what he's doing. He took a deep breath, "Look.. sor--"
Rend thy Heart [14/??]
anonymous
April 4 2012, 09:01:40 UTC
"No." Adachi was sitting up. Brows were furrowed, the sides of his mouth turned down and taut, "You want to prove to me? Prove that you trust me." The voice was harsh.
Fucking hell. He didn't want to play mindgames with him. "Adachi. You're not thinking right now, just relax, if I'm upsetting you I can lea--"
"You're running away."
Dojima winced as it hit right on the spot. "No. I am trying to just make sure you don't--"
"Fly off the handle? Go insane? Do something rash?"
This wasn't the Adachi he's been visiting. He hadn't seen this side of him since he was still back in jail. "Adachi..." He gave a warning tone.
"What? I am speaking the truth aren't I? Every day in here feels like hell. When you don't come here, I..." He cut himself short. Dojima didn't give chase.
A gritting of teeth. "...What do you want me to do to show you that you are wrong. That I trust you. I've been coming here, they let me in this room, without guards, without walls. We sit together by ourselves and talk. What else?"
"Guards are always at the doors. And..." He pulled out the familiar black rectangle. "There are these as well. Don't think I didn't hear that male nurse." It was unnerving. Here after all this time, that side of him still was there. "I want you to give me yours."
The hair on the back of his neck started to feel as though it prickled to the end. "Wh-what?" He his hand toward Adachi, getting flared up and gesturing. "Why- What ... GRAH FINE." Shoving his hand into his pocket he took it out, and flung it over to Adachi. He needed to cool down, so he went to the sink and splashed water on his face, not caring or giving mind what Adachi was thinking of his reactions.
Not a sound was made from the man behind him. Pressing the towel on his face, he turned around, the cold water had helped a bit. "I see your temper isn't any better Dojima."
"Not when I'm getting mind games, of course not." He crossed his arms.
"Come over here."
"Why?"
"Still not convinced. You did that out of anger."
"Adachi. I am godda-"
"Humor me."
Dojima stomped over to the bed. Peering down at Adachi. Only thinking about how much of a child Adachi was being at this moment.
Without word, Adachi's had struck out and grabbed Dojima's collar and yanked, catching Dojima offguard and offbalance as he pulled him down and placed his hand on the side of Dojima's neck. They were face to face, both trying to read each other's eyes. The moment was tense, all self-control was used to keep from the older man raising his hands at that moment, and pulling away. Now, his hands were gripped the sheets, waiting for whatever was to be done.
The hand slid toward the back of his neck, while he felt the other let go of his collar, sliding around to meet the hand, as they wrapped around, bringing Dojima further toward Adachi as the younger man rested his head on his arm. "...Thank you." And he let go.
The older man just... stayed there. Unsure.
Slowly, he pushed on his arms to get himself to upright, his back slightly feeling stiff now. In the patient's hand, the black button was there, offering it back to Dojima. He brought his hand up to Adachi's, and just pushed it away.
"Keep it. I don't need it when I'm visiting someone who trusts me as well."
Dojima sat back down on the chair, gathering up the cards. "Ah.. You had a shitty hand. Next time just say you fold."
Rend thy Heart [15/??]
anonymous
April 8 2012, 10:34:45 UTC
-=====-
Their visits started to lean toward more friendly, more comfortable with each other despite the few after that had both of them on eggshells. The recent visit he was driving back from left him thinking. He had asked Adachi to tell him about his life, about his past. That he wanted to understand him better.
"No, Dojima." A pained expression. "I don't want you to really know...not yet at least..."
His heart had clenched. He already knew. And he felt as though he betrayed Adachi, after all the trust they displayed each other during these visits, how close that had gotten. "...I'll wait until you are ready." He felt so hollow after those words. They were bitter like stale bile in his throat.
"...I would like to know about you though. About your life."
Dojima just nodded, not even giving rise to it was odd to have someone request this, not even Chisato had. When they did talk about their lives, it just had come up but never a request. He felt like he owed Adachi, for having heard his life behind his back. It wasn't like he had anything terrible to really hide. His growing up wasn't... wasn't Adachi's. Anywhere near it. At all. The guilt made him pour out everything.
So, he told Adachi about his life. When he was young as he could remember, his parents, his sister. The trouble he had in school at times with being stubborn. His Highschool years. How much he didn't want his sister to marry this one guy, and yet she did, and they had Souji. He saw Souji only as a small baby, and from then on, seemed like her and her husband were just too busy, with very few phone-calls. And then he tapped on the work aspect of his life: When he decided to get into the Force, how much trouble it had been, his first arrest, interesting points in the job...
"Why'd you stop there?" He tilted his head, sipping at the water cup.
"Hnn..." Dojima clenched his jaw, eyes falling from their connection.
Adachi just leaned forward, "I want to hear everything, Nanako included..." He looked so serious. "Please don't stop." The sincerity in his voice surprised Dojima, and he just nodded and continued.
"I met Chisato on.. "
The entire time, Adachi just sat there and listened to him. He questioned, getting clarification, making small jokes. Not bored. But he genuinely seemed interested in knowing Dojima better. Honestly, that touched him. The fact someone had requested, and kept urging him on, rather than just politely sitting back and waiting for him to just talk. That someone just really had wanted to know.
Adachi wouldn't let him stop, not until he heard a summary up until his appearance. Even then, he wanted to know what went on. So Dojima told him about how Souji basically gave him a verbal slap in the face, as well as Nanako, about how bad a father he had been.
"I don't blame you. The fact she was the very reminder of... your late wife. Of course it would be hard. And of course you'd feel guilt." Adachi smiled at him, warmly in fact. "You're... a true man. Admitting to your fault. And trying to fix it... er... actually fixing it really." He gave out a nervous laugh. A laugh that had guilt in it.
"Hmph." Dojima just snorted out air in a mild laugh. "A bit late though. I should have done it sooner."
The dark eyes just bore into him. "But you did it, Dojima. You did it before any damage could be done."
Closing his eyes, he gave a nod in a silent agreement. Opening them, he matched the eyes. "...You've done your own good too." A raised eyebrow in response. Adachi was thinking, it was obvious. So Dojima just volunteered, he wasn't playing a guessing game. "It wasn't until you became my partner, that I had begun to laugh again since Chisato's...passing on." The corners of his mouth rose, only slightly.
Adachi sat there, unsure of what to think or how to handle the statement. Dojima swore the man had rosed on his cheeks, his mouth slightly open in disbelief. Dojima just reached over and patted Adachi on the shoulder, getting up to go.
"And you were there to my drunk ass home." His hand returned to Adachi's shoulder, and he gave it a firm squeeze. "Thank you, Adachi." A pause. "I guess I'll see you again soon. Please take care of yourself."
The older man left... And a single tear hit the back of Adachi's hand.
Rend thy Heart [16/??]
anonymous
April 25 2012, 10:35:57 UTC
(( Many apologies for late update... and it not being much. Life just bit me hard for a while.. Hopefully I can get back into swing.))
-=====-
Things became hectic at work. Another case had dropped itself on the precedents lap. Another murder. Dojima didn't want to really deal with it. The scene was atrocious, the victim had been cut up and shot much more than what would have been needed...
Even through his irritation and disgust, he thought about a certain ex-cop and his reaction to seeing a dead body... And despite everything he could only think jokingly, without Adachi even being here, he was lightening up a grotesque situation. At least he wouldn't have to deal with this.. Not anymore. It was a bitter thought. One that sunk into his gut, rising up bile. Swallowing hard, choking it down.
He began looking forward to the visits... Even if things turned sour, it was a moment in his life where he took a break from work, wouldn't get called in. Rather, would say he didn't get the call until after the visit. It was time he treasured, and it made him realize the time with Nanako as well as precious. A father being able to see his daughter night after night, without permissions or schedules, he learned the meaning of holding each moment with her close to his heart even more so despite all the events that happened.
Because he didn't have that ease to do for his friend.
Too much that had happened made him realize the saying of "You never know what you had until it's gone." Chisato, almost Nanako, Adachi, even the lack of Souji in the house now.
Nanako was tilting her head, pausing in her dinner. "Daddy?" It snapped him out of his thoughts, and he took his gaze away from broiled fish laying in front of him, untouched as stared.
"Yes?" Tried to give her a smile.
"Uhm..." She set down her chopsticks. Dojima tried not to frown, she always did that when she was going to ask something serious. "Will I ever be able to go visit Adachi-san?"
At first he wanted to lie, say that he'd be out at some point, that she could see him. But since Nanako and him had broken through at the floodplains, he promised that he'd not lie to her, that he'd be a better father. It was hard at times, but she was so mature for her age, and deserved so much from him. "...Not for a.. They don't let anyone under the adult age in... for safety reasons..." Hoping she'd understand that.
"Oh."
"He's... doing a lot better though. If you want..." Quickly thinking of something, something that will make her feel included. "Draw for him, make him a card or letter. I can give those to him." Watching Nanako for her reaction to that, hoping it would at least make her face rise in content.
Exhale of relief as she picked up her chopsticks. "Okay! I'll do that Daddy! You have to promise not to read anything though."
"Hey...hey. I wouldn't do that, what do you take your father for?" But he was laughing. It wasn't like he had to make sure she didn't say anything to offend Adachi or anything bad.
Rend thy Heart [17/??]
anonymous
April 25 2012, 10:37:17 UTC
-------
"Here's a letter from Nanako..."
From his pocket he produced a pink envelope with stickers of flowers and small animals decorated across it.
Adachi took one glance at it and started to laugh. "Dojima. It's ok if it is from you. I won't judge you."
Thwap-
"Ow.ow.. Geez, I was joking."
A sharp flick of his wrist had brought the envelope to contact with Adachi's lanky arm. Dojima was smirking, no trace of anger or hurt, just complete playfulness. Their interactions had been getting to the point where it was hard to believe he was visiting the ex-detective in a mental hospital. "Well go on and read it then." Holding it out and wagging it.
The younger man snatched it away. "Nanako's a sweet kid, you're lucky to have her, Dojima." Tearing open the envelope rather delicately, not wanting to ruin Nanako's decoration.
"I know. That's something I don't need to be told..." The words could of been harsh, but they were light, and said with a bittersweet smile. "...I'm lucky for plenty of reasons."
They knew when to let topics drop. Thankfully there was a valid reason to just ignore it, rather than awkwardly move to something else... Adachi started to chuckle as he read the girl's letter. "So you drink less now? You never mentioned that."
"I try to... Even with the stress, just.. It doesn't help and all the times I was sloshed and coming home to Nanako... I just..." Grimace. "That's not what a good father does."
"Hmm that's not what Nanako said."
That tone only made Dojima brace himself. That tone of teasing and jabs, what exactly had she put down that would make Adachi sound like he had canon fodder.
" 'Daddy stopped drinking because he said it isn't fun without you! I hope you get better soon, I miss having you over here, and so does Daddy. He is probably too shy to say this, but he says you are his best friend!' " Adachi's face was one of pure smug amusement.
Nanako really was a smart and clever girl. "Ghn." Dojima slowly crossed his arms, leaning away from making any comment. But the teasing didn't come. Instead Adachi had a warm expression on his face as he read the rest of the letter.
The visit was smooth and light. Just before Dojima left, Adachi called out to him. "D-Dojima!...I think of you the same... A close friend... Heh..." Seemed embarrassed. Which only made the moment between the two grown men be even more uncomfortable.
The ride home felt serene. If only this would last.
His head rolled over to see who just came in. Dojima's heart clenched again, those eyes. But in an instant, the eyes softened. Adachi sat up quickly, spilling what indeed was green tea on the sheets. "Ah shit!"
It broke the tension, Dojima just laughed as he went to the sink and grabbed the hand towel off the side of it. He approached Adachi with a smile. "Hey now. Don't get up so fast, I heard you had some cold." He patted the area, soaking up the spill. Adachi just watched him.
"I..I didn't expect a visitor." Under his eyes, there were dark, sunken in skin. He closed his eyes, making them even more apparent. "Thought it was another nurse just coming in to bother me."
"Hnnn. Well I am sorry to disappoint you."
"I...I didn't mean I didn't want to..." Adachi took a moment to realize that Dojima was joking. "Maybe I wouldn't be so disappointed if you came wearing the uniform."
The statement only made Dojima raise his eyebrows. This was feeling quite... weird. Caulking it up to him being sick, he thought he'd just humor him. Adachi had been sullen for quite a while now, it was a good turn of emotion. "I'll keep that in mind for next time. Do you want me to wear the hat as well?" He threw the towel toward the heap that was gathering under the sink.
Adachi just snapped a somewhat disgusted expression at him. "That's just creepy hearing you joke about it, Dojima-san." The look melted into amusement.
Dojima just shook his head. Seemed like this visit was going to be one of the better ones. Sometimes, Adachi was just so hollow and wordless, other times, he was afraid he would start crying again. These were the visits he looked forward too, just two men joking around as if nothing was wrong. Rolling up his sleeves, he grabbed the desk's chair and brought it up to Adachi's bedside, taking out the deck of cards from his shirt pocket. His cigarettes were back in the car.
"You're going to play against a sick man?" He gave Dojima a disapproving look.
"Bullshit. I bet you'll still somehow fish out the cards you need." The joker cards were discarded.
Adachi gave out a poutful noise. "Are you saying I cheat?"
"I didn't say that." He grabbed Adachi's mug from his hand and set it down as he replaced it with the dealt cards. "I just am glad I never bet on a game between us."
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Reading this makes me super happy~
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"Haha.. And Adachi, just Dojima. I keep telling you that. I'm not your superior anymore. Not your co-worker, not a guy you need to be polite too. I consider myself to be your pal, and likewise." Those words almosted sounded like they were trying to convince Dojima, himself, not Adachi. He tried to push that to the back of his head. There was a quick change in Adachi's eyes, but they fell back to a smile.
They played a bit, it rolling into Dojima telling him about news both locally and worldwide, and about the workplace and how someone had accidently shreaded important files. He started to feel nervous, though, it was reminding him of the time that Adachi had become a mess of apologizes and tears.
"You seem like you are in deep thought, Dojima-san."
It snapped him out of his worry. "Ah sorry, I guess I've been a bit more tired lately too."
"...You do look like you've lost weight."
Shit, even Adachi noticed. "It's good for an old man like me not to be gaining a beer gut though, right?"
Adachi just stood silent, folding down his cards on his lap. Reaching over, he took Dojima's wrist. "I-it's not because of me... Is it?"
There was no way to stop the surprised expression Dojima involuntary had flashed across his face. But those eyes were now boring into him. They seemed so intense. "...No.. Just a bit of stress. You remember work."
But he didn't seem happy with the answer, that was apparent. "Yeah." He let go of Dojima's wrist. "Just... take care of yourself. Alright? You've always been stubborn about your health ever since I met you..." A weak smile. The voice sounded like it held something in it, weighing it.
"This coming from the man who actually has the cold?" He dealt out another hand. The card game had changed to Texas Hold Em, a few rounds ago. They both should be paying more attention if they actually cared about the game. He didn't want things to turn so serious, but he didn't want to just... derail away, making Adachi feel as though he was getting ignored.
Just... everything with these visits. He began to understand the man across from him, beyond the criminal, beyond the co-worker, beyond just a buddy who came over. He was the only one that cared. This man had no one else. Was that the only reason why he was always coming here? No. He did honestly care, he knew that much. He wasn't heartless.
"You're looking quite serious for someone who was joking."
Eyes met.
"Just... Thinking. Don't worry about it." He gave up, placing the cards down though. Knowing well from past experience that playing any more was out of the question.
"Why do you visit?"
The question he didn't want to hear. He had no idea how to answer it in a way that would keep Adachi from asking it again. Partly, he was worried about the truth coming out from Adachi's mouth, understanding and reading him better than he could every understand himself. To think that at one time, he felt the slender guy before him was just a simple thinking guy.
"Dojima?" Right, he had told Adachi to just drop the honorific. But it was the first time he ever actually listened.
He ran his hand through his hair on the side. "I've told you this already, Adachi. You're a good pal. There's more to you than you let the world know... a..and I don't mean that you." A long sigh. "Why do you have to question it every-so-often?"
Adachi just grabbed the mug he had refilled a good few moments ago, bringing it up to his lips and reeling slightly back as cold tea hit his mouth. He set it down. "I have a hard time believing."
"Well what the hell do you want me to say or do to make you?" Trying to keep his calm, keep it down, just try not to get worked up because he's striking a nerve. He's not feeling well, he probably doesn't realize what he's doing. He took a deep breath, "Look.. sor--"
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Fucking hell. He didn't want to play mindgames with him. "Adachi. You're not thinking right now, just relax, if I'm upsetting you I can lea--"
"You're running away."
Dojima winced as it hit right on the spot. "No. I am trying to just make sure you don't--"
"Fly off the handle? Go insane? Do something rash?"
This wasn't the Adachi he's been visiting. He hadn't seen this side of him since he was still back in jail. "Adachi..." He gave a warning tone.
"What? I am speaking the truth aren't I? Every day in here feels like hell. When you don't come here, I..." He cut himself short. Dojima didn't give chase.
A gritting of teeth. "...What do you want me to do to show you that you are wrong. That I trust you. I've been coming here, they let me in this room, without guards, without walls. We sit together by ourselves and talk. What else?"
"Guards are always at the doors. And..." He pulled out the familiar black rectangle. "There are these as well. Don't think I didn't hear that male nurse." It was unnerving. Here after all this time, that side of him still was there. "I want you to give me yours."
The hair on the back of his neck started to feel as though it prickled to the end. "Wh-what?" He his hand toward Adachi, getting flared up and gesturing. "Why- What ... GRAH FINE." Shoving his hand into his pocket he took it out, and flung it over to Adachi. He needed to cool down, so he went to the sink and splashed water on his face, not caring or giving mind what Adachi was thinking of his reactions.
Not a sound was made from the man behind him. Pressing the towel on his face, he turned around, the cold water had helped a bit. "I see your temper isn't any better Dojima."
"Not when I'm getting mind games, of course not." He crossed his arms.
"Come over here."
"Why?"
"Still not convinced. You did that out of anger."
"Adachi. I am godda-"
"Humor me."
Dojima stomped over to the bed. Peering down at Adachi. Only thinking about how much of a child Adachi was being at this moment.
Without word, Adachi's had struck out and grabbed Dojima's collar and yanked, catching Dojima offguard and offbalance as he pulled him down and placed his hand on the side of Dojima's neck. They were face to face, both trying to read each other's eyes. The moment was tense, all self-control was used to keep from the older man raising his hands at that moment, and pulling away. Now, his hands were gripped the sheets, waiting for whatever was to be done.
The hand slid toward the back of his neck, while he felt the other let go of his collar, sliding around to meet the hand, as they wrapped around, bringing Dojima further toward Adachi as the younger man rested his head on his arm. "...Thank you." And he let go.
The older man just... stayed there. Unsure.
Slowly, he pushed on his arms to get himself to upright, his back slightly feeling stiff now. In the patient's hand, the black button was there, offering it back to Dojima. He brought his hand up to Adachi's, and just pushed it away.
"Keep it. I don't need it when I'm visiting someone who trusts me as well."
Dojima sat back down on the chair, gathering up the cards. "Ah.. You had a shitty hand. Next time just say you fold."
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The last line made me chuckle though. Oh Dojima.
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Their visits started to lean toward more friendly, more comfortable with each other despite the few after that had both of them on eggshells. The recent visit he was driving back from left him thinking. He had asked Adachi to tell him about his life, about his past. That he wanted to understand him better.
"No, Dojima." A pained expression. "I don't want you to really know...not yet at least..."
His heart had clenched. He already knew. And he felt as though he betrayed Adachi, after all the trust they displayed each other during these visits, how close that had gotten. "...I'll wait until you are ready." He felt so hollow after those words. They were bitter like stale bile in his throat.
"...I would like to know about you though. About your life."
Dojima just nodded, not even giving rise to it was odd to have someone request this, not even Chisato had. When they did talk about their lives, it just had come up but never a request. He felt like he owed Adachi, for having heard his life behind his back. It wasn't like he had anything terrible to really hide. His growing up wasn't... wasn't Adachi's. Anywhere near it. At all. The guilt made him pour out everything.
So, he told Adachi about his life. When he was young as he could remember, his parents, his sister. The trouble he had in school at times with being stubborn. His Highschool years. How much he didn't want his sister to marry this one guy, and yet she did, and they had Souji. He saw Souji only as a small baby, and from then on, seemed like her and her husband were just too busy, with very few phone-calls. And then he tapped on the work aspect of his life: When he decided to get into the Force, how much trouble it had been, his first arrest, interesting points in the job...
"Why'd you stop there?" He tilted his head, sipping at the water cup.
"Hnn..." Dojima clenched his jaw, eyes falling from their connection.
Adachi just leaned forward, "I want to hear everything, Nanako included..." He looked so serious. "Please don't stop." The sincerity in his voice surprised Dojima, and he just nodded and continued.
"I met Chisato on.. "
The entire time, Adachi just sat there and listened to him. He questioned, getting clarification, making small jokes. Not bored. But he genuinely seemed interested in knowing Dojima better. Honestly, that touched him. The fact someone had requested, and kept urging him on, rather than just politely sitting back and waiting for him to just talk. That someone just really had wanted to know.
Adachi wouldn't let him stop, not until he heard a summary up until his appearance. Even then, he wanted to know what went on. So Dojima told him about how Souji basically gave him a verbal slap in the face, as well as Nanako, about how bad a father he had been.
"I don't blame you. The fact she was the very reminder of... your late wife. Of course it would be hard. And of course you'd feel guilt." Adachi smiled at him, warmly in fact. "You're... a true man. Admitting to your fault. And trying to fix it... er... actually fixing it really." He gave out a nervous laugh. A laugh that had guilt in it.
"Hmph." Dojima just snorted out air in a mild laugh. "A bit late though. I should have done it sooner."
The dark eyes just bore into him. "But you did it, Dojima. You did it before any damage could be done."
Closing his eyes, he gave a nod in a silent agreement. Opening them, he matched the eyes. "...You've done your own good too." A raised eyebrow in response. Adachi was thinking, it was obvious. So Dojima just volunteered, he wasn't playing a guessing game. "It wasn't until you became my partner, that I had begun to laugh again since Chisato's...passing on." The corners of his mouth rose, only slightly.
Adachi sat there, unsure of what to think or how to handle the statement. Dojima swore the man had rosed on his cheeks, his mouth slightly open in disbelief. Dojima just reached over and patted Adachi on the shoulder, getting up to go.
"And you were there to my drunk ass home." His hand returned to Adachi's shoulder, and he gave it a firm squeeze. "Thank you, Adachi." A pause. "I guess I'll see you again soon. Please take care of yourself."
The older man left... And a single tear hit the back of Adachi's hand.
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*were there to take my drunk ass home))
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Bleh. Sorry~
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Oh man, please don't eat me though.
And I don't intend on completely dropping it and want to see it to the end, it just might take a while because life happens. OTL
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-=====-
Things became hectic at work. Another case had dropped itself on the precedents lap. Another murder. Dojima didn't want to really deal with it. The scene was atrocious, the victim had been cut up and shot much more than what would have been needed...
Even through his irritation and disgust, he thought about a certain ex-cop and his reaction to seeing a dead body... And despite everything he could only think jokingly, without Adachi even being here, he was lightening up a grotesque situation. At least he wouldn't have to deal with this.. Not anymore. It was a bitter thought. One that sunk into his gut, rising up bile. Swallowing hard, choking it down.
He began looking forward to the visits... Even if things turned sour, it was a moment in his life where he took a break from work, wouldn't get called in. Rather, would say he didn't get the call until after the visit. It was time he treasured, and it made him realize the time with Nanako as well as precious. A father being able to see his daughter night after night, without permissions or schedules, he learned the meaning of holding each moment with her close to his heart even more so despite all the events that happened.
Because he didn't have that ease to do for his friend.
Too much that had happened made him realize the saying of "You never know what you had until it's gone." Chisato, almost Nanako, Adachi, even the lack of Souji in the house now.
Nanako was tilting her head, pausing in her dinner. "Daddy?" It snapped him out of his thoughts, and he took his gaze away from broiled fish laying in front of him, untouched as stared.
"Yes?" Tried to give her a smile.
"Uhm..." She set down her chopsticks. Dojima tried not to frown, she always did that when she was going to ask something serious. "Will I ever be able to go visit Adachi-san?"
At first he wanted to lie, say that he'd be out at some point, that she could see him. But since Nanako and him had broken through at the floodplains, he promised that he'd not lie to her, that he'd be a better father. It was hard at times, but she was so mature for her age, and deserved so much from him. "...Not for a.. They don't let anyone under the adult age in... for safety reasons..." Hoping she'd understand that.
"Oh."
"He's... doing a lot better though. If you want..." Quickly thinking of something, something that will make her feel included. "Draw for him, make him a card or letter. I can give those to him." Watching Nanako for her reaction to that, hoping it would at least make her face rise in content.
Exhale of relief as she picked up her chopsticks. "Okay! I'll do that Daddy! You have to promise not to read anything though."
"Hey...hey. I wouldn't do that, what do you take your father for?" But he was laughing. It wasn't like he had to make sure she didn't say anything to offend Adachi or anything bad.
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"Here's a letter from Nanako..."
From his pocket he produced a pink envelope with stickers of flowers and small animals decorated across it.
Adachi took one glance at it and started to laugh. "Dojima. It's ok if it is from you. I won't judge you."
Thwap-
"Ow.ow.. Geez, I was joking."
A sharp flick of his wrist had brought the envelope to contact with Adachi's lanky arm. Dojima was smirking, no trace of anger or hurt, just complete playfulness. Their interactions had been getting to the point where it was hard to believe he was visiting the ex-detective in a mental hospital. "Well go on and read it then." Holding it out and wagging it.
The younger man snatched it away. "Nanako's a sweet kid, you're lucky to have her, Dojima." Tearing open the envelope rather delicately, not wanting to ruin Nanako's decoration.
"I know. That's something I don't need to be told..." The words could of been harsh, but they were light, and said with a bittersweet smile. "...I'm lucky for plenty of reasons."
They knew when to let topics drop. Thankfully there was a valid reason to just ignore it, rather than awkwardly move to something else... Adachi started to chuckle as he read the girl's letter. "So you drink less now? You never mentioned that."
"I try to... Even with the stress, just.. It doesn't help and all the times I was sloshed and coming home to Nanako... I just..." Grimace. "That's not what a good father does."
"Hmm that's not what Nanako said."
That tone only made Dojima brace himself. That tone of teasing and jabs, what exactly had she put down that would make Adachi sound like he had canon fodder.
" 'Daddy stopped drinking because he said it isn't fun without you! I hope you get better soon, I miss having you over here, and so does Daddy. He is probably too shy to say this, but he says you are his best friend!' " Adachi's face was one of pure smug amusement.
Nanako really was a smart and clever girl. "Ghn." Dojima slowly crossed his arms, leaning away from making any comment. But the teasing didn't come. Instead Adachi had a warm expression on his face as he read the rest of the letter.
The visit was smooth and light. Just before Dojima left, Adachi called out to him. "D-Dojima!...I think of you the same... A close friend... Heh..." Seemed embarrassed. Which only made the moment between the two grown men be even more uncomfortable.
The ride home felt serene. If only this would last.
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