Rend thy Heart [3/??]
anonymous
March 22 2012, 09:10:28 UTC
-=====-
|Detective Dojima-san,
|Please present the enclosed letter to the Director at Hyōnosen.
|Moriguchi |Uyeda
A wave of relief settled in his chest as he held the letter. After a week of waiting, his request had been approved. Honestly, he didn't think it would be. Maybe the Judge had done so due to the circumstances. It didn't matter. He had gotten the permission in the form of the second sealed letter. In a moment of doubt, he wondered just what exactly did he believe this would accomplish.
Perhaps he was trying to redeem Adachi in his mind, or just have things made sense in his head on why all this had happened. He stood up and grabbed his coat. If he got over there quickly, maybe he could make the visiting hours. Thankfully Nanako was spending the night over at one of her friends in class, so it gave him a chance to not feel guilt for not heading home on time.
Once he reached his car, he slipped in, fastened his belt and glanced behind him, backing up slowly and set out for the twenty minute drive to the institution. He chewed on the cigarette more than actually inhaling, nervous of what the visit would entail. The time just dragged on as he drove, feeling anxious as he pulled into the parking lot finally, and stepped out of the vehicle.
Walking up to the doors, he discarded the abused cigarette in the tray, pulling out the letter and holding it tight. Approaching the desk, he noticed it was the same secretary. "I'd like to speak to the Director. I have a letter from Judge Moriguchi-san." She phoned for the Director and told Dojima to have a seat.
The Director emerged from the doors, and Dojima rose to his feet. He shook his hand and handed over the letter. The Director read the document, a look of concern flooding over his face. "Dojima-san. It is not my place to tell you, but however, I will strongly advise that this may be a poor decision. I will let the Doctor in charge talk to you." Without saying any more, the secretary had already started phoning.
A man in a white coat came out the door, pushing his glasses up as he glanced into the room. The Director spoke to him off to the side. Walking back toward the waiting man, he spoke, "Dojima-san, I presume. Please follow me into the back so we might have privacy." He bowed to the Director, as his boss gave a nod and returned to his own work.
He hated the smell of any hospital, it smelled of chemicals and just.. wrong. The air always had felt heavy. Then again, he didn't exactly have the best experiences with them, but who ever did? Dojima was led to a room with a couch and an office chair, as well as a desk and filing cabinets. "Please have a seat, Dojima-san." The speckled man sat down on the chair only after Dojima lowered himself onto the couch. "Ah, my apologies, where are my manners. I am Doctor Inao Junji." He bowed his head. "Director Fujima-san told me of your request and permission given, as well as a small background. He expressed concern due to the fact of Adachi-san's current state..." He paused, allowing the other man to ask if he wished.
Dojima folded his hands and leaned forward. "What do you mean by his current state?"
Pushing up his glasses, he stood up and went to the filing cabinets, quickly taking out a vanilla folder and opening it, glancing through. "Hmm.. How much do you want to know?"
Furrowing his brows, he only felt worry rise up in him. "Just tell me, Doctor."
"Very well. To simply put, he was fine when he came in. During one of therapy sessions, he had a rather violent outburst. They had to sedate him with a shot, and ever since, he's been quite silent and spaces out quite often, and has been showing signs of having a maladaptive mental state." Reclaiming his seat, Dr. Inao peered at Dojima and waited for a response without any expression.
Rend thy Heart [4/??]
anonymous
March 30 2012, 23:34:10 UTC
(( Sorry, just slowly writing this~ Feedback always loved.))
Dojima's face fell into a frown. "...Was there a trigger of some sort?" He was about to add that it was unlike Adachi to just have such an outburst, but quickly had caught himself. It was unlike Adachi to have been clever enough to fool everyone for near a year on being a murderer as well.
"I guess the best thing would just to follow your request to the fullest. I can get the vi-"
Dojima rose up onto his feet. "No... Just let me see him."
"Very well."
-----
Due to the previous outburst Adachi had, the only way to see him was the standard jail-like double paned glass with holes to speak through. Dojima waited on the visitor's side, and watched as the door opened. Two guards escorted the dark haired man in. His head was lowered, face shadowed. It had been two weeks since he saw him in court. And it was obvious even without seeing his face, that these two weeks had not treated him well.
The guards sat him down, and moved toward the door, giving room for them to talk.
"Adachi."
The younger man stiffened in his slumped position.
"Adachi." Dojima's voice almost sounded back to the way it was before all this mess. "Look at me."
The only response was a slow movement of the black haired head tilting up. Dojima furrowed his brows again. Those eyes seemed even more hollow than before. His cheeks were slightly thinner, during the time in jail, his face had gotten more angular from losing weight over the few months before his trial. There was something else there, a pained look in his eyes. Scared. What could of possibly spooked him.
"...You know I am not good at thinking of anything to say..." Dojima clawed mentally for any type of words. "Damnit."
Adachi opened his mouth to speak, but clamped it shut. It felt so awkward to see him so quiet. He had been such a motormouth before. With all the times he had barked at him to shut up, he now wanted to hear him even if it was nonsense.
"Nanako is doing just fine." This showed a reaction from Adachi, a look of almost relief. So he continued, "Getting good grades, being too clever for her age and her own good. With it just being her and myself, I've made sure to spend a good bit more time with her. She smiles bright and her health has been beyond perfect." He swore he saw a small smile from Adachi.
"...eally good." The words are just a low mumble. But it was a start.
"Yeah..." He clenched his knee. "Haven't had any late working nights. So I have been able to spend plenty of time."
A weak, cracked laugh came from Adachi. Opening his mouth once more, but swallowed his comment as he closed it back. Both of them knew what exactly he was going to say. Both of them knew it shouldn't be said unless more hurt was to be given. No late nights because the perp was sitting in front of him, caged.
Dojima just continued to give him small talk. Nothing much else was said from Adachi, much less honest eye contact, the man seemed to look beyond him. The visit had been filled with stale awkwardness, and only left Dojima worrying. Once Adachi was taken from the room, Dojima was escorted to the front.
The secretary greeted him. "Dr. Iano-san's card. His office number and email are included if you want to talk further. Have a good evening, Dojima-san."
Rend thy Heart [5/??]
anonymous
March 30 2012, 23:36:10 UTC
-=====-
A few nights passed, and he was fighting the urge to just open a can of Asahi to chug it down. Slowly he was trying to ease up on any alcohol, moreso for Nanako's sake than anything else. And lately, even though with the case now closed, alcohol just seemed to bring him even more into depression rather than before where it just made him forget. Each time he felt a buzz, he thought of Adachi and how much he missed his rude self-invites over as well as Dojima at times just letting him know Nanako had enjoyed the full house.
Nanako was asleep right now, the entire house was quiet and he was left to his thoughts. The image of Adachi looking so weak just burned in his head. He had pressed Souji for information after he had visiting Adachi at the prison. He wanted to know why it seemed like there was a big crack in his mind. Souji just had put his hand on his uncle's shoulder and clenched it strong.
"He went through something no one should ever. Uncle, I understand that the TV-world seems hard to believe but... just, his entire location was broken and he had become a puppet to himself and to something else. I'm telling you this because I want you to know, I can see the hurt... There's plenty I could probably say, but it might be better to talk to him yourself... I feel he's just as much as a victim as everyone else..."
Dojima leaned back, remembering all the words clearly. He had leaned into his nephew and grit his teeth. He let Souji know he appreciated the honesty and openness, and proceeded to yet again apologize for not believing him at first. Souji was just too nice of a kid.
And he had talked to Adachi a few days later when he mustered up the will. It had been a bad visit...
Cruel laughter had filled the room. It was just them both in the room, guards stationed out the door. "You want to know why? Why I did everything? I already told you, I was BORED." He sat back, waving his hand. The smirk on his face just as sinister." I did it because I could. I did it because I had the power. I had something to entertain me. I don't give a fucking shit about their lives, they are all just worthless beings, those stupid fucking bitches and those goddamn brats. I had a fucking tyrant as a partner, of course I wanted to let out steam! I--"
BANG
"FUCKING SHUT UP ADACHI! STOP GIVING ME ALL YOUR FUCKING SHIT AND HIDING BEHIND THE BASTARD EVERYONE THINKS YOU ARE!" Dojima had risen, his chest and shoulders jutting up and down with harsh breathing. His fist was slammed on the double paned glass, his teeth clenched.
There was silence as he calmed down. Guards had rushed in from both sides, making sure nothing had happened. Dojima just barked at them that everything was fine and to leave them be.
Adachi's cruel facade had wavered at the moment, and now he was just left with an emotionless face. "You put too much faith in me."
Dojima grabbed his coat, and was turning. He couldn't face him. Lest he lose his anger again. "I see a good man waiting behind this ugly one that's controlling him. The good man that was my partner..." And he just left.
And never knew the shaking that Adachi was left in, as his hands clenched his head, his heart valuing those words more than Dojima would ever know, and his head trying to tell him otherwise.
Rend thy Heart [6/??]
anonymous
March 31 2012, 23:23:35 UTC
(( Thanks for your patience! I tend to overload myself with little projects and sadly this is getting the shorter stick. I-I'll try to be better about it! ))
-=====-
"I don't understand anything that you are saying, Doc." Dojima leaned onto his knees as he held the phone up to his ear. He was using his lunch hour to figure out a bit more what was going on with Adachi. He'd be checking up once a week, but now he felt that wasn't enough. At first they didn't really tell him much, saying that it would be too much, and there was privacy issues. The doctor began to just take pity on how much he cared, and said the letter had stated he could tell.
The voice on the other line sighed, "Again. He is displaying signs of having psychosis. Delusional. He's got a thought disorder to where he keeps talking about some other world."
"But!..." Dojima just quieted himself. He was ready to believe it, but that didn't mean the rest of the world would just gladly accept it. "Anything else?" He drank his bitter coffee quickly, hardly even tasting it.
"As I told you, he has hallucinations from time to time, saying he's feeling like he's being watched by a giant eye. He is also seen in times in his room just keeping very odd positions, which is as simple as I can explain the catatonic symptoms. Depersonalization disorder is when patients feel they aren't quite whole or in their own body. He keeps going on about some Magatsu Izanagi as well... And I just.." He pauses, not wanting to sound frustrated about his own patient. "He's definably fitting the profiling of being sociopathic. He isn't showing much remorse for his actions at all... except if one subject gets taken up." The doctor actually paused.
This goddamn doctor fishes for people to ask for answers "And what subject is that?"
"Hmm.. You asked to see videos earlier. I've been very apprehensive about allowing you to see anything after your initial request" The words of because you seem quite unstable yourself were left out. "... But maybe it would be best if you heard from his own mouth?" That phrase. He wasn't sure he wanted to do something like that again.
"What do I need to do?"
After work, he called Nanako and said he was going to check up on Adachi. She told him not to worry, and that it he was a great friend to Adachi-san to care. Dojima just called her a sweet girl, and told her he'd be home to at least tuck her in and he'd read to her.
He felt like a VIP when he walked into the ward. The receptionist quickly had already called Dr. Inao the moment she saw him outside the doors. Instead of going to the wing where he could visit Adachi (which he was told, was the only time Adachi seemed sane enough and they felt safe to allow no barrier of the window. Anyone else other than Dojima, he had to be kept separate or he at times would snap), but to a room with a TV and VCR.
"I do hope that this helps you, and does not cause you to have your own mental upset." The doctor was also terrible at making any jokes, if that was his intention with that smile. "I only put the ones I thought would give you the most answers..."
"I'll put a post-it on which one I leave off." The doctor had left him at that, and he watched, learning about the man's past and wishing he didn't hear what he did.
Rend thy Heart [7/??]
anonymous
March 31 2012, 23:25:17 UTC
-=====- [The video opened up with Adachi sitting in a chair. Dr. Inao across from him, unlike the other two previous videos, there wasn't any more nurse thanks to the fact Adachi kept slandering her, and they concluded it was only back pedaling to have her here. And now unlike the other fews videos about his past, it was just the patient and doctor now, not even guards or other nurses. Adachi had been well-behaved and requested it just be them alone and he would talk more.
"Adachi-san. Since you promised if it was just the two of us, I would like to know your feelings about everything. So you can honestly tell your thoughts. I will not pass judgment, obviously, I would not have gotten into this field if I did not think I could handle it professionally." He pushed up his glasses, and had his notepad out.
Adachi didn't even look up.
"Please Adachi-san. Just cooperate and it'll be done and over."
"I felt nothing for them."
"Any reason?" The doctor urged.
"They were just worthless bitches who begged to just be punished."
"I see." He seemed slightly amused. "Continue?"
Adachi just glanced up. A bit surprised that the doctor had just so casually accepted it rather than try to ask questions. The ball was in his park.
"That's pretty much it. I had my eyes on Mayumi-san and then on that Saki-bitch, since I had her cornered. I've been scorned plenty of times before, after all... well.. that's not important."
"Hm." A few moments passed. "I would like to know about those, if you would be kind enough to share?"
"Plenty of them, just rejection after another. As if they were too good for me, when they were the ones I was too good for." Adachi leaned back with a sour look. "I was transferred because a dumb bitch opened her mouth. No one really believed her, but she was the daughter of the chief." He shrugged. "The man took a liking to me as well, so he didn't really state the reason I was transferred. I don't think he could believe the stupid, bumbling Adachi Tohru could possibly have done anything, but it would cause problems otherwise."
"Have you done any other sort of assault on anyone or anything?" Dr. Iano pressed on.
The lanky man gave him a questioning look. "What, you mean me as some sick kid kicking puppies and the like? Nah." He gave a laugh.
"I was just wanting to clarify, not accuse you of anything."
"Heh. Not like I'm offended. After all," He waved his hand. "I'm a cop... or was. Had to deal with that sort of shit from little brats all the time."
"Hm. Well back to the victims. There was the kidnappings by your accomplice. Did you tell him who to get?"
He laughed, and started to sound like he was bragging. "The fool had called right after the Midnight Channel aired, showing that Amagi-bitch. I was in luck since I was working late-night and had answered the call. All I had to do was suggest that he'd be the one to save her. I figured he probably could do the same thing, if he could see the channel." He grinned. "And that's how the whole game began. He kidnapped her, she got rescued. He saw someone else on the channel, and he did it again and again."
Rend thy Heart [8/??]
anonymous
March 31 2012, 23:26:09 UTC
"So he was more a pawn?" It seemed he was asking questions less than a counseling and more toward an investigation. Not that Adachi cared.
"I did feel sorry for him, maybe a bit, he was so pathetic. After all, those two bitches were gold-digging on him. The man lost it all just because he went for his own carnal desires... Almost like I had." If he hadn't had an expression of amusement, it might of been seen as maybe some sympathy.
"The kidnappings weren't really planned by you?"
"No, not at all. I just gave him the push, and the midnight channel did the rest. All I did was watch in amusement. Like I said, I didn't care about any of those high school brats."
The doctor leaned forward. "You've said about the teens. What about the last kidnapped victim."
Adachi glared at him. There was a good amount of silence.
"Adachi-san?"
Adachi almost looked like he was seething.
"What about Dojima Nanako-san?"
"...."
"She was the daughter of your force-partner, correct? Dojima Ryotaro-san."
"I didn't want her involved. It wasn't meant to of happened..." He was now hutched over.
"This contradicts your earlier statements, Adachi-san. You had stated you felt nothing for any of the victims of murder or the kidnapped..." He sighed. "Though it's--"
And it was like a nail had been struck. Adachi jumped to his feet. "I DIDNT WANT THEM TO BE INVOLVED THAT FUCKING IDIOT NAMATAME WENT TOO FAR!"
"A-Adachi-san, please sit do-!!!!"
He had lunged over toward Dr. Iano, grabbing the collar of his coat. "THEY WERENT SUPPOSE TO BE INVOLVED. N-not Nanako-chan. And... not Dojima-san." The doctor had already pressed the button in his hand, as guards rushed in and restrained him. He was thrashing around, his face looked scared. "I DIDNT WANT THEM TO GET HURT! I--"
A shot was injected, and Adachi slumped down.]
Dojima left the post-it on that one. Not wanting to watch anymore. He had to digest this. This all confused him, here he thought that man he once felt happy to have company with was dead. But he showed out, even if in an frenzied stance.
It bothered him more than heartlessness of his other words.
Re: Rend thy Heart [8/??]
anonymous
April 1 2012, 08:50:13 UTC
Ah that was a quicker than expect update, which is really pleasing! I am enjoying this so much so far ;~; I love the attachment Adachi feels towards the Dojima family.
Ah Adachi you numbskull. If only you could have held off murdering those two ladies.
Rend thy Heart [9/??]
anonymous
April 2 2012, 02:21:05 UTC
((Or had gotten closer to them before hand, though that wasn't anyone's fault. He just like.. barely knew them when he had done his deeds. But yeah. Bad Adachi. ))
-=====-
Not wanting to neglect his daughter, he made sure to space out the times he went to watch the videos. They wouldn't let him take them home, obviously, so he had to watch them in there office. During the day he felt like his work was slipping. The station chief even started to comment about it. Just, his mind kept on everything that was said, that was learned, everything on his mind was about Adachi it seemed.
Ever since that video.
Nothing shook him quite badly before that. He heard of the miserable past, of the bullying, his abusive father, him being starved and only fed meager meals, his mother that had forced herself on him after his father left, his run in with almost death. Everything. He had distanced himself slightly from everything, but once he heard that... heard that he wasn't just someone who didn't feel.
His lunch breaks were now almost completely taken up by phone calls, wondering how Adachi was doing, his weight, his eating habits, everything. He had argued with the doctor over and over about it. The Dr. Inao kept trying to persuade him that he should just leave it to those who had schooled in the field and to stop obviously stressing about it.
But how could he? After the video he had hesitated in actually visiting Adachi. But he did visit, and ever since that visit... he didn't know what to think.
~~~~~ (Flashback:)
"Hey Adachi... I brought you some Uni-Sushi this time." He held up a bento box.
Adachi was seemly getting better, at least around Dojima. The videos proved otherwise. He was just as harsh as ever around the doctor.
Dojima had a few rough visits before Adachi finally just stopped basically being an asshole. There was plenty of other worrisome behaviors. Dojima felt a kick in the chest each time he witnessed the moments where Adachi just seemed hollow. He fully believed both Souji and Adachi-- that this thing called a Persona had been torn from him, leaving him broken. Souji explained it, over the phone one night, that it had been a terrible sight, and he had even worried that he had killed him.
"Thank you, Dojima-san." The man was definably skinnier. They tried their best to get him to eat, but he just wouldn't. Dojima tried to voice his concern, and felt guilty as he basically had been used to guilt Adachi into eating.
Sitting down on the L-shaped couch, Dojima watched as the man's hands shook as he got his chopsticks and bit into the sushi. Expressionless still, he looked over to Dojima, his eyes showing a hidden smile.
"Heh. They won't let me bring you any booze, so I figured I'd get the next best thing." He gave a lighthearted smirk.
Quietly, Adachi ate the food as Dojima just told him about the days going by, outside news in the world, and interesting movies and shows. They had begun also playing Poker in all its variations, it brought out the Adachi he used to know at times.
Rend thy Heart [10/??]
anonymous
April 2 2012, 02:23:01 UTC
"Nanako's been doing good too." He placed down Two Pair as he saw Adachi's Straight Flush. Apparently this guy had a luck for cards he's been hiding all this time. "Ah right, she said to say that she misses you, and hopes to be able to see you sometime, I just don't really know what to tell her."
There was a spot of water on the cards.
"A-Adachi?"
More spots.
Adachi's shoulders were now shaking.
"H-Hey.. Adachi.. what's w---"
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry.." Adachi slowly started to curl up, clenching onto his head. "I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry..."
"What's gotten into you?!" Dojima instinctively reached over, and a moment too late realized it could be a dangerous thing, that he could set him off into a violent outburst from feeling as though Dojima might be attacking him.
But that didn't happen.
In fact, he wish it had.
Adachi turned toward him and grabbed his arm, clinging to him like a small child. Repeating his apology over and over. "What are you saying it for, Adachi.. I .. I..." He bit his lip, he felt uneasy having a grown man crying on him, even moreso it was someone he never thought would, not after everything.
"Nanako-chan... I... My fucking stupid... I almost... She almost... di--.." He broke into a harsh sob, leaning his head now onto Dojima's shoulder. "...I couldn't... I never wanted... either of you..." He gasped for breath between the tears. "To get caught up... N-Not...Not more than you had to be... I.. I..."
Dojima's heart was being torn up. Here was someone the entire town now hated, hell the world probably with the news, apologizing and showing grief. He didn't know what to do, but he let Adachi stay on him, placing his hand on Adachi's hair, and almost petting him, in small movements.
Adachi only cried harder. It was hard to hear what he said, but Dojima knew. He would be blind not to see it and deaf not to hear it within his heart. He did the only thing he could think of, wordlessly holding him tight as if he was a scared child. And they stayed like that for the rest of their time together.
Rend thy Heart [11/??]
anonymous
April 3 2012, 02:43:03 UTC
(( Adachi-baby is a tiny bit broken. *patpat* ))
-=====-
A few weeks went by since the visit. His visits were shorter. Adachi always excused himself of feeling tired about after a hour and a half, would tell Dojima goodnight, and leave the room. Nothing was ever said about the visit where Adachi had broken down.
It had been one of the days that he was going to go for a few hours to visit Adachi. Nanako had been very understanding, he couldn't be luckier to have such a daughter, she just told him to please make sure he was eating, and staying healthy. And always told him to say that she said hello and she missed Adachi-san. Of course, he never really told Adachi. He couldn't handle another breakdown from the man. He didn't know what to do, he never had to comfort anyone other than his wife and his daughter, and even then he felt like he did a poor job.
He called ahead as always.
"Ah Dojima-san."
"You sound like you're happy to hear from me... almost."
"I feel we're almost best friends with how much we talk now."
"Cut the crap, Doc."
"Yes, yes. Well I am assuming you are calling ahead for a face-to-face visit as always?"
"Yeah."
"Hmm.. Well Adachi-san is ill."
"W-what do you mean? He's got the flu or--"
"Just a cold and fever. Though as procedure, we do not want to put stress even by the slightest as patients tend to be worse when feeling under the weather. I suppose your visit is in good timing, maybe it might make him recover faster. He has been complaining about being bored since he cannot do any of the therapeutic activities."
"I see. Well, then I'll be right over there."
"Understood. Goodbye." The click in his ear. The doctor had bad phone manners, but I suppose they had pushed past the professional talking by now. It had been, what, four months? It felt longer. Or shorter. He wasn't exactly sure with the time anymore.
He was lead to Adachi's actual boarding room. It had been the first time he was taken down those halls, it was quite eerie. Moans and groans, some crashing, there was all sorts of noises going through some of the wards. No wonder they seemed to have such a stone-heart staff. His eye caught a name as he walked passed it, Namatame Taro . It would be best probably not to mention that, he hadn't even paid attention what happened to that man. It only made sense though, after what he heard from Souji. From...Adachi's videos.
"Here's for an emergency," The nurse pulled out the black rectangle with a small red button, just like he'd seen Dr. Iano use. "Just press it if anything happens, we'll come running. But just keep it hidden alright? There are also emergency buttons in the room, but normally that's patient use and doesn't call the guards." He opened the door for Dojima.
Rend thy Heart [12/??]
anonymous
April 3 2012, 02:43:41 UTC
Adachi was leaning back on pillows in the bed, staring out the reinforced window. In his hand as a white mug, probably with tea. There were a few books next to him on the nightstand as well. The only other thing was a desk and a closet. The room itself seemed pretty empty.
His head rolled over to see who just came in. Dojima's heart clenched again, those eyes. But in an instant, the eyes softened. Adachi sat up quickly, spilling what indeed was green tea on the sheets. "Ah shit!"
It broke the tension, Dojima just laughed as he went to the sink and grabbed the hand towel off the side of it. He approached Adachi with a smile. "Hey now. Don't get up so fast, I heard you had some cold." He patted the area, soaking up the spill. Adachi just watched him.
"I..I didn't expect a visitor." Under his eyes, there were dark, sunken in skin. He closed his eyes, making them even more apparent. "Thought it was another nurse just coming in to bother me."
"Hnnn. Well I am sorry to disappoint you."
"I...I didn't mean I didn't want to..." Adachi took a moment to realize that Dojima was joking. "Maybe I wouldn't be so disappointed if you came wearing the uniform."
The statement only made Dojima raise his eyebrows. This was feeling quite... weird. Caulking it up to him being sick, he thought he'd just humor him. Adachi had been sullen for quite a while now, it was a good turn of emotion. "I'll keep that in mind for next time. Do you want me to wear the hat as well?" He threw the towel toward the heap that was gathering under the sink.
Adachi just snapped a somewhat disgusted expression at him. "That's just creepy hearing you joke about it, Dojima-san." The look melted into amusement.
Dojima just shook his head. Seemed like this visit was going to be one of the better ones. Sometimes, Adachi was just so hollow and wordless, other times, he was afraid he would start crying again. These were the visits he looked forward too, just two men joking around as if nothing was wrong. Rolling up his sleeves, he grabbed the desk's chair and brought it up to Adachi's bedside, taking out the deck of cards from his shirt pocket. His cigarettes were back in the car.
"You're going to play against a sick man?" He gave Dojima a disapproving look.
"Bullshit. I bet you'll still somehow fish out the cards you need." The joker cards were discarded.
Adachi gave out a poutful noise. "Are you saying I cheat?"
"I didn't say that." He grabbed Adachi's mug from his hand and set it down as he replaced it with the dealt cards. "I just am glad I never bet on a game between us."
Re: Rend thy Heart [12/??]
anonymous
April 4 2012, 02:46:26 UTC
I absolutely had to come out of lurking to say how much I'm enjoying this, writer!anon! I get so excited when I see this fill has been updated. Keep up the excellent writing. ;u;
|Detective Dojima-san,
|Please present the enclosed letter to the Director at Hyōnosen.
|Moriguchi
|Uyeda
A wave of relief settled in his chest as he held the letter. After a week of waiting, his request had been approved. Honestly, he didn't think it would be. Maybe the Judge had done so due to the circumstances. It didn't matter. He had gotten the permission in the form of the second sealed letter. In a moment of doubt, he wondered just what exactly did he believe this would accomplish.
Perhaps he was trying to redeem Adachi in his mind, or just have things made sense in his head on why all this had happened. He stood up and grabbed his coat. If he got over there quickly, maybe he could make the visiting hours. Thankfully Nanako was spending the night over at one of her friends in class, so it gave him a chance to not feel guilt for not heading home on time.
Once he reached his car, he slipped in, fastened his belt and glanced behind him, backing up slowly and set out for the twenty minute drive to the institution. He chewed on the cigarette more than actually inhaling, nervous of what the visit would entail. The time just dragged on as he drove, feeling anxious as he pulled into the parking lot finally, and stepped out of the vehicle.
Walking up to the doors, he discarded the abused cigarette in the tray, pulling out the letter and holding it tight. Approaching the desk, he noticed it was the same secretary. "I'd like to speak to the Director. I have a letter from Judge Moriguchi-san." She phoned for the Director and told Dojima to have a seat.
The Director emerged from the doors, and Dojima rose to his feet. He shook his hand and handed over the letter. The Director read the document, a look of concern flooding over his face. "Dojima-san. It is not my place to tell you, but however, I will strongly advise that this may be a poor decision. I will let the Doctor in charge talk to you." Without saying any more, the secretary had already started phoning.
A man in a white coat came out the door, pushing his glasses up as he glanced into the room. The Director spoke to him off to the side. Walking back toward the waiting man, he spoke, "Dojima-san, I presume. Please follow me into the back so we might have privacy." He bowed to the Director, as his boss gave a nod and returned to his own work.
He hated the smell of any hospital, it smelled of chemicals and just.. wrong. The air always had felt heavy. Then again, he didn't exactly have the best experiences with them, but who ever did? Dojima was led to a room with a couch and an office chair, as well as a desk and filing cabinets. "Please have a seat, Dojima-san." The speckled man sat down on the chair only after Dojima lowered himself onto the couch. "Ah, my apologies, where are my manners. I am Doctor Inao Junji." He bowed his head. "Director Fujima-san told me of your request and permission given, as well as a small background. He expressed concern due to the fact of Adachi-san's current state..." He paused, allowing the other man to ask if he wished.
Dojima folded his hands and leaned forward. "What do you mean by his current state?"
Pushing up his glasses, he stood up and went to the filing cabinets, quickly taking out a vanilla folder and opening it, glancing through. "Hmm.. How much do you want to know?"
Furrowing his brows, he only felt worry rise up in him. "Just tell me, Doctor."
"Very well. To simply put, he was fine when he came in. During one of therapy sessions, he had a rather violent outburst. They had to sedate him with a shot, and ever since, he's been quite silent and spaces out quite often, and has been showing signs of having a maladaptive mental state." Reclaiming his seat, Dr. Inao peered at Dojima and waited for a response without any expression.
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Feedback always loved.))
Dojima's face fell into a frown. "...Was there a trigger of some sort?" He was about to add that it was unlike Adachi to just have such an outburst, but quickly had caught himself. It was unlike Adachi to have been clever enough to fool everyone for near a year on being a murderer as well.
"I guess the best thing would just to follow your request to the fullest. I can get the vi-"
Dojima rose up onto his feet. "No... Just let me see him."
"Very well."
-----
Due to the previous outburst Adachi had, the only way to see him was the standard jail-like double paned glass with holes to speak through. Dojima waited on the visitor's side, and watched as the door opened. Two guards escorted the dark haired man in. His head was lowered, face shadowed. It had been two weeks since he saw him in court. And it was obvious even without seeing his face, that these two weeks had not treated him well.
The guards sat him down, and moved toward the door, giving room for them to talk.
"Adachi."
The younger man stiffened in his slumped position.
"Adachi." Dojima's voice almost sounded back to the way it was before all this mess. "Look at me."
The only response was a slow movement of the black haired head tilting up. Dojima furrowed his brows again. Those eyes seemed even more hollow than before. His cheeks were slightly thinner, during the time in jail, his face had gotten more angular from losing weight over the few months before his trial. There was something else there, a pained look in his eyes. Scared. What could of possibly spooked him.
"...You know I am not good at thinking of anything to say..." Dojima clawed mentally for any type of words. "Damnit."
Adachi opened his mouth to speak, but clamped it shut. It felt so awkward to see him so quiet. He had been such a motormouth before. With all the times he had barked at him to shut up, he now wanted to hear him even if it was nonsense.
"Nanako is doing just fine." This showed a reaction from Adachi, a look of almost relief. So he continued, "Getting good grades, being too clever for her age and her own good. With it just being her and myself, I've made sure to spend a good bit more time with her. She smiles bright and her health has been beyond perfect." He swore he saw a small smile from Adachi.
"...eally good." The words are just a low mumble. But it was a start.
"Yeah..." He clenched his knee. "Haven't had any late working nights. So I have been able to spend plenty of time."
A weak, cracked laugh came from Adachi. Opening his mouth once more, but swallowed his comment as he closed it back. Both of them knew what exactly he was going to say. Both of them knew it shouldn't be said unless more hurt was to be given. No late nights because the perp was sitting in front of him, caged.
Dojima just continued to give him small talk. Nothing much else was said from Adachi, much less honest eye contact, the man seemed to look beyond him. The visit had been filled with stale awkwardness, and only left Dojima worrying. Once Adachi was taken from the room, Dojima was escorted to the front.
The secretary greeted him. "Dr. Iano-san's card. His office number and email are included if you want to talk further. Have a good evening, Dojima-san."
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A few nights passed, and he was fighting the urge to just open a can of Asahi to chug it down. Slowly he was trying to ease up on any alcohol, moreso for Nanako's sake than anything else. And lately, even though with the case now closed, alcohol just seemed to bring him even more into depression rather than before where it just made him forget. Each time he felt a buzz, he thought of Adachi and how much he missed his rude self-invites over as well as Dojima at times just letting him know Nanako had enjoyed the full house.
Nanako was asleep right now, the entire house was quiet and he was left to his thoughts. The image of Adachi looking so weak just burned in his head. He had pressed Souji for information after he had visiting Adachi at the prison. He wanted to know why it seemed like there was a big crack in his mind. Souji just had put his hand on his uncle's shoulder and clenched it strong.
"He went through something no one should ever. Uncle, I understand that the TV-world seems hard to believe but... just, his entire location was broken and he had become a puppet to himself and to something else. I'm telling you this because I want you to know, I can see the hurt... There's plenty I could probably say, but it might be better to talk to him yourself... I feel he's just as much as a victim as everyone else..."
Dojima leaned back, remembering all the words clearly. He had leaned into his nephew and grit his teeth. He let Souji know he appreciated the honesty and openness, and proceeded to yet again apologize for not believing him at first. Souji was just too nice of a kid.
And he had talked to Adachi a few days later when he mustered up the will. It had been a bad visit...
Cruel laughter had filled the room. It was just them both in the room, guards stationed out the door. "You want to know why? Why I did everything? I already told you, I was BORED." He sat back, waving his hand. The smirk on his face just as sinister." I did it because I could. I did it because I had the power. I had something to entertain me. I don't give a fucking shit about their lives, they are all just worthless beings, those stupid fucking bitches and those goddamn brats. I had a fucking tyrant as a partner, of course I wanted to let out steam! I--"
BANG
"FUCKING SHUT UP ADACHI! STOP GIVING ME ALL YOUR FUCKING SHIT AND HIDING BEHIND THE BASTARD EVERYONE THINKS YOU ARE!" Dojima had risen, his chest and shoulders jutting up and down with harsh breathing. His fist was slammed on the double paned glass, his teeth clenched.
There was silence as he calmed down. Guards had rushed in from both sides, making sure nothing had happened. Dojima just barked at them that everything was fine and to leave them be.
Adachi's cruel facade had wavered at the moment, and now he was just left with an emotionless face. "You put too much faith in me."
Dojima grabbed his coat, and was turning. He couldn't face him. Lest he lose his anger again. "I see a good man waiting behind this ugly one that's controlling him. The good man that was my partner..." And he just left.
And never knew the shaking that Adachi was left in, as his hands clenched his head, his heart valuing those words more than Dojima would ever know, and his head trying to tell him otherwise.
...and Dojima gave into that can of dry beer.
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I always love an Adachi that is torn in two.
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-=====-
"I don't understand anything that you are saying, Doc." Dojima leaned onto his knees as he held the phone up to his ear. He was using his lunch hour to figure out a bit more what was going on with Adachi. He'd be checking up once a week, but now he felt that wasn't enough. At first they didn't really tell him much, saying that it would be too much, and there was privacy issues. The doctor began to just take pity on how much he cared, and said the letter had stated he could tell.
The voice on the other line sighed, "Again. He is displaying signs of having psychosis. Delusional. He's got a thought disorder to where he keeps talking about some other world."
"But!..." Dojima just quieted himself. He was ready to believe it, but that didn't mean the rest of the world would just gladly accept it. "Anything else?" He drank his bitter coffee quickly, hardly even tasting it.
"As I told you, he has hallucinations from time to time, saying he's feeling like he's being watched by a giant eye. He is also seen in times in his room just keeping very odd positions, which is as simple as I can explain the catatonic symptoms. Depersonalization disorder is when patients feel they aren't quite whole or in their own body. He keeps going on about some Magatsu Izanagi as well... And I just.." He pauses, not wanting to sound frustrated about his own patient. "He's definably fitting the profiling of being sociopathic. He isn't showing much remorse for his actions at all... except if one subject gets taken up." The doctor actually paused.
This goddamn doctor fishes for people to ask for answers "And what subject is that?"
"Hmm.. You asked to see videos earlier. I've been very apprehensive about allowing you to see anything after your initial request" The words of because you seem quite unstable yourself were left out. "... But maybe it would be best if you heard from his own mouth?" That phrase. He wasn't sure he wanted to do something like that again.
"What do I need to do?"
After work, he called Nanako and said he was going to check up on Adachi. She told him not to worry, and that it he was a great friend to Adachi-san to care. Dojima just called her a sweet girl, and told her he'd be home to at least tuck her in and he'd read to her.
He felt like a VIP when he walked into the ward. The receptionist quickly had already called Dr. Inao the moment she saw him outside the doors. Instead of going to the wing where he could visit Adachi (which he was told, was the only time Adachi seemed sane enough and they felt safe to allow no barrier of the window. Anyone else other than Dojima, he had to be kept separate or he at times would snap), but to a room with a TV and VCR.
"I do hope that this helps you, and does not cause you to have your own mental upset." The doctor was also terrible at making any jokes, if that was his intention with that smile. "I only put the ones I thought would give you the most answers..."
"I'll put a post-it on which one I leave off." The doctor had left him at that, and he watched, learning about the man's past and wishing he didn't hear what he did.
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[The video opened up with Adachi sitting in a chair. Dr. Inao across from him, unlike the other two previous videos, there wasn't any more nurse thanks to the fact Adachi kept slandering her, and they concluded it was only back pedaling to have her here. And now unlike the other fews videos about his past, it was just the patient and doctor now, not even guards or other nurses. Adachi had been well-behaved and requested it just be them alone and he would talk more.
"Adachi-san. Since you promised if it was just the two of us, I would like to know your feelings about everything. So you can honestly tell your thoughts. I will not pass judgment, obviously, I would not have gotten into this field if I did not think I could handle it professionally." He pushed up his glasses, and had his notepad out.
Adachi didn't even look up.
"Please Adachi-san. Just cooperate and it'll be done and over."
"I felt nothing for them."
"Any reason?" The doctor urged.
"They were just worthless bitches who begged to just be punished."
"I see." He seemed slightly amused. "Continue?"
Adachi just glanced up. A bit surprised that the doctor had just so casually accepted it rather than try to ask questions. The ball was in his park.
"That's pretty much it. I had my eyes on Mayumi-san and then on that Saki-bitch, since I had her cornered. I've been scorned plenty of times before, after all... well.. that's not important."
"Hm." A few moments passed. "I would like to know about those, if you would be kind enough to share?"
"Plenty of them, just rejection after another. As if they were too good for me, when they were the ones I was too good for." Adachi leaned back with a sour look. "I was transferred because a dumb bitch opened her mouth. No one really believed her, but she was the daughter of the chief." He shrugged. "The man took a liking to me as well, so he didn't really state the reason I was transferred. I don't think he could believe the stupid, bumbling Adachi Tohru could possibly have done anything, but it would cause problems otherwise."
"Have you done any other sort of assault on anyone or anything?" Dr. Iano pressed on.
The lanky man gave him a questioning look. "What, you mean me as some sick kid kicking puppies and the like? Nah." He gave a laugh.
"I was just wanting to clarify, not accuse you of anything."
"Heh. Not like I'm offended. After all," He waved his hand. "I'm a cop... or was. Had to deal with that sort of shit from little brats all the time."
"Hm. Well back to the victims. There was the kidnappings by your accomplice. Did you tell him who to get?"
He laughed, and started to sound like he was bragging. "The fool had called right after the Midnight Channel aired, showing that Amagi-bitch. I was in luck since I was working late-night and had answered the call. All I had to do was suggest that he'd be the one to save her. I figured he probably could do the same thing, if he could see the channel." He grinned. "And that's how the whole game began. He kidnapped her, she got rescued. He saw someone else on the channel, and he did it again and again."
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"I did feel sorry for him, maybe a bit, he was so pathetic. After all, those two bitches were gold-digging on him. The man lost it all just because he went for his own carnal desires... Almost like I had." If he hadn't had an expression of amusement, it might of been seen as maybe some sympathy.
"The kidnappings weren't really planned by you?"
"No, not at all. I just gave him the push, and the midnight channel did the rest. All I did was watch in amusement. Like I said, I didn't care about any of those high school brats."
The doctor leaned forward. "You've said about the teens. What about the last kidnapped victim."
Adachi glared at him. There was a good amount of silence.
"Adachi-san?"
Adachi almost looked like he was seething.
"What about Dojima Nanako-san?"
"...."
"She was the daughter of your force-partner, correct? Dojima Ryotaro-san."
"I didn't want her involved. It wasn't meant to of happened..." He was now hutched over.
"This contradicts your earlier statements, Adachi-san. You had stated you felt nothing for any of the victims of murder or the kidnapped..." He sighed. "Though it's--"
And it was like a nail had been struck. Adachi jumped to his feet. "I DIDNT WANT THEM TO BE INVOLVED THAT FUCKING IDIOT NAMATAME WENT TOO FAR!"
"A-Adachi-san, please sit do-!!!!"
He had lunged over toward Dr. Iano, grabbing the collar of his coat. "THEY WERENT SUPPOSE TO BE INVOLVED. N-not Nanako-chan. And... not Dojima-san." The doctor had already pressed the button in his hand, as guards rushed in and restrained him. He was thrashing around, his face looked scared. "I DIDNT WANT THEM TO GET HURT! I--"
A shot was injected, and Adachi slumped down.]
Dojima left the post-it on that one. Not wanting to watch anymore. He had to digest this. This all confused him, here he thought that man he once felt happy to have company with was dead. But he showed out, even if in an frenzied stance.
It bothered him more than heartlessness of his other words.
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Ah Adachi you numbskull. If only you could have held off murdering those two ladies.
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-=====-
Not wanting to neglect his daughter, he made sure to space out the times he went to watch the videos. They wouldn't let him take them home, obviously, so he had to watch them in there office. During the day he felt like his work was slipping. The station chief even started to comment about it. Just, his mind kept on everything that was said, that was learned, everything on his mind was about Adachi it seemed.
Ever since that video.
Nothing shook him quite badly before that. He heard of the miserable past, of the bullying, his abusive father, him being starved and only fed meager meals, his mother that had forced herself on him after his father left, his run in with almost death. Everything. He had distanced himself slightly from everything, but once he heard that... heard that he wasn't just someone who didn't feel.
His lunch breaks were now almost completely taken up by phone calls, wondering how Adachi was doing, his weight, his eating habits, everything. He had argued with the doctor over and over about it. The Dr. Inao kept trying to persuade him that he should just leave it to those who had schooled in the field and to stop obviously stressing about it.
But how could he? After the video he had hesitated in actually visiting Adachi. But he did visit, and ever since that visit... he didn't know what to think.
~~~~~
(Flashback:)
"Hey Adachi... I brought you some Uni-Sushi this time." He held up a bento box.
Adachi was seemly getting better, at least around Dojima. The videos proved otherwise. He was just as harsh as ever around the doctor.
Dojima had a few rough visits before Adachi finally just stopped basically being an asshole. There was plenty of other worrisome behaviors. Dojima felt a kick in the chest each time he witnessed the moments where Adachi just seemed hollow. He fully believed both Souji and Adachi-- that this thing called a Persona had been torn from him, leaving him broken. Souji explained it, over the phone one night, that it had been a terrible sight, and he had even worried that he had killed him.
"Thank you, Dojima-san." The man was definably skinnier. They tried their best to get him to eat, but he just wouldn't. Dojima tried to voice his concern, and felt guilty as he basically had been used to guilt Adachi into eating.
Sitting down on the L-shaped couch, Dojima watched as the man's hands shook as he got his chopsticks and bit into the sushi. Expressionless still, he looked over to Dojima, his eyes showing a hidden smile.
"Heh. They won't let me bring you any booze, so I figured I'd get the next best thing." He gave a lighthearted smirk.
Quietly, Adachi ate the food as Dojima just told him about the days going by, outside news in the world, and interesting movies and shows. They had begun also playing Poker in all its variations, it brought out the Adachi he used to know at times.
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There was a spot of water on the cards.
"A-Adachi?"
More spots.
Adachi's shoulders were now shaking.
"H-Hey.. Adachi.. what's w---"
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry.." Adachi slowly started to curl up, clenching onto his head. "I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry..."
"What's gotten into you?!" Dojima instinctively reached over, and a moment too late realized it could be a dangerous thing, that he could set him off into a violent outburst from feeling as though Dojima might be attacking him.
But that didn't happen.
In fact, he wish it had.
Adachi turned toward him and grabbed his arm, clinging to him like a small child. Repeating his apology over and over. "What are you saying it for, Adachi.. I .. I..." He bit his lip, he felt uneasy having a grown man crying on him, even moreso it was someone he never thought would, not after everything.
"Nanako-chan... I... My fucking stupid... I almost... She almost... di--.." He broke into a harsh sob, leaning his head now onto Dojima's shoulder. "...I couldn't... I never wanted... either of you..." He gasped for breath between the tears. "To get caught up... N-Not...Not more than you had to be... I.. I..."
Dojima's heart was being torn up. Here was someone the entire town now hated, hell the world probably with the news, apologizing and showing grief. He didn't know what to do, but he let Adachi stay on him, placing his hand on Adachi's hair, and almost petting him, in small movements.
Adachi only cried harder. It was hard to hear what he said, but Dojima knew. He would be blind not to see it and deaf not to hear it within his heart. He did the only thing he could think of, wordlessly holding him tight as if he was a scared child. And they stayed like that for the rest of their time together.
(Flashback end)
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-=====-
A few weeks went by since the visit. His visits were shorter. Adachi always excused himself of feeling tired about after a hour and a half, would tell Dojima goodnight, and leave the room. Nothing was ever said about the visit where Adachi had broken down.
It had been one of the days that he was going to go for a few hours to visit Adachi. Nanako had been very understanding, he couldn't be luckier to have such a daughter, she just told him to please make sure he was eating, and staying healthy. And always told him to say that she said hello and she missed Adachi-san. Of course, he never really told Adachi. He couldn't handle another breakdown from the man. He didn't know what to do, he never had to comfort anyone other than his wife and his daughter, and even then he felt like he did a poor job.
He called ahead as always.
"Ah Dojima-san."
"You sound like you're happy to hear from me... almost."
"I feel we're almost best friends with how much we talk now."
"Cut the crap, Doc."
"Yes, yes. Well I am assuming you are calling ahead for a face-to-face visit as always?"
"Yeah."
"Hmm.. Well Adachi-san is ill."
"W-what do you mean? He's got the flu or--"
"Just a cold and fever. Though as procedure, we do not want to put stress even by the slightest as patients tend to be worse when feeling under the weather. I suppose your visit is in good timing, maybe it might make him recover faster. He has been complaining about being bored since he cannot do any of the therapeutic activities."
"I see. Well, then I'll be right over there."
"Understood. Goodbye." The click in his ear. The doctor had bad phone manners, but I suppose they had pushed past the professional talking by now. It had been, what, four months? It felt longer. Or shorter. He wasn't exactly sure with the time anymore.
He was lead to Adachi's actual boarding room. It had been the first time he was taken down those halls, it was quite eerie. Moans and groans, some crashing, there was all sorts of noises going through some of the wards. No wonder they seemed to have such a stone-heart staff. His eye caught a name as he walked passed it, Namatame Taro . It would be best probably not to mention that, he hadn't even paid attention what happened to that man. It only made sense though, after what he heard from Souji. From...Adachi's videos.
"Here's for an emergency," The nurse pulled out the black rectangle with a small red button, just like he'd seen Dr. Iano use. "Just press it if anything happens, we'll come running. But just keep it hidden alright? There are also emergency buttons in the room, but normally that's patient use and doesn't call the guards." He opened the door for Dojima.
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His head rolled over to see who just came in. Dojima's heart clenched again, those eyes. But in an instant, the eyes softened. Adachi sat up quickly, spilling what indeed was green tea on the sheets. "Ah shit!"
It broke the tension, Dojima just laughed as he went to the sink and grabbed the hand towel off the side of it. He approached Adachi with a smile. "Hey now. Don't get up so fast, I heard you had some cold." He patted the area, soaking up the spill. Adachi just watched him.
"I..I didn't expect a visitor." Under his eyes, there were dark, sunken in skin. He closed his eyes, making them even more apparent. "Thought it was another nurse just coming in to bother me."
"Hnnn. Well I am sorry to disappoint you."
"I...I didn't mean I didn't want to..." Adachi took a moment to realize that Dojima was joking. "Maybe I wouldn't be so disappointed if you came wearing the uniform."
The statement only made Dojima raise his eyebrows. This was feeling quite... weird. Caulking it up to him being sick, he thought he'd just humor him. Adachi had been sullen for quite a while now, it was a good turn of emotion. "I'll keep that in mind for next time. Do you want me to wear the hat as well?" He threw the towel toward the heap that was gathering under the sink.
Adachi just snapped a somewhat disgusted expression at him. "That's just creepy hearing you joke about it, Dojima-san." The look melted into amusement.
Dojima just shook his head. Seemed like this visit was going to be one of the better ones. Sometimes, Adachi was just so hollow and wordless, other times, he was afraid he would start crying again. These were the visits he looked forward too, just two men joking around as if nothing was wrong. Rolling up his sleeves, he grabbed the desk's chair and brought it up to Adachi's bedside, taking out the deck of cards from his shirt pocket. His cigarettes were back in the car.
"You're going to play against a sick man?" He gave Dojima a disapproving look.
"Bullshit. I bet you'll still somehow fish out the cards you need." The joker cards were discarded.
Adachi gave out a poutful noise. "Are you saying I cheat?"
"I didn't say that." He grabbed Adachi's mug from his hand and set it down as he replaced it with the dealt cards. "I just am glad I never bet on a game between us."
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Reading this makes me super happy~
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