and i dont want the world to see me cause i dont think that they'd understand.
no. im not in a bad place today. no, im not hurting. no, im not lying to you.
just a lot of realities are in my face and its REAL. the real world is so tough at times. it can be so cruel, so evil. and life. life can be so fragile and precious. stick something so innocent into something so corrupt and what do you get? its saddening. 2008 has been a year where i have been so conscience of death. my own death. i keep repeatedly thinking about it. how one day it will happen. soon? i hope not. but you never know. i ask myself did i do what all i wanted? did i accomplish a lot? ...no. did i right all my wrongs?...yes. that i did do. did i go to medical school? yes. did i raise my kids to be the best that they can....working on it. but if i left tomorrow they would be confused about the world. there are some lessons in life that you teach a child that you teach over time. and only over time will they completely grasp it. those lessons , yes, i have started, but they are nowhere near complete and even far from being learned and mastered. was i a good person...... now. now i am. so i guess i wouldnt mind if i actually went soon. but i really dont want to. there's so much i still have to learn there's so much i want to know and experience. like i want to see nyc. only once. i want to stand in pennsylvania. i want to see the pyramids. and ride a real camel. i want to be in seattle during a storm. i want to pick a flower in nebraska. i want to pee in the pacific ocean. (not really) haha...
i want to take a picture in maryland. i want to stay in a hotel in north carolina. i want to fly to germany and eat pasta in paris. drink wine in italy. (...yes its a joke..they ARE reversed...but if you know me then you know that's just me and that that's what i would want) ..i want to see the water swirl the other way if i flush a toilet in australia. i want to get stung by a bee as i have never been stung by one. what's that feel like? (yes, i know it hurts, but i want the experience..as sick as that sounds) or break a bone...as much as i dont want to break a bone, im still curious as to how it feels.
i guess what im trying to say is i want to go traveling and live more. and i am aware now more than ever that i wont live forever.
just a lot of realities are in my face and its REAL. the real world is so tough at times. it can be so cruel, so evil. and life. life can be so fragile and precious. stick something so innocent into something so corrupt and what do you get? its saddening. 2008 has been a year where i have been so conscience of death. my own death. i keep repeatedly thinking about it. how one day it will happen. soon? i hope not. but you never know. i ask myself did i do what all i wanted? did i accomplish a lot? ...no. did i right all my wrongs?...yes. that i did do. did i go to medical school? yes. did i raise my kids to be the best that they can....working on it. but if i left tomorrow they would be confused about the world. there are some lessons in life that you teach a child that you teach over time. and only over time will they completely grasp it. those lessons , yes, i have started, but they are nowhere near complete and even far from being learned and mastered. was i a good person...... now. now i am. so i guess i wouldnt mind if i actually went soon. but i really dont want to. there's so much i still have to learn there's so much i want to know and experience. like i want to see nyc. only once. i want to stand in pennsylvania. i want to see the pyramids. and ride a real camel. i want to be in seattle during a storm. i want to pick a flower in nebraska. i want to pee in the pacific ocean. (not really) haha...
i want to take a picture in maryland. i want to stay in a hotel in north carolina. i want to fly to germany and eat pasta in paris. drink wine in italy. (...yes its a joke..they ARE reversed...but if you know me then you know that's just me and that that's what i would want) ..i want to see the water swirl the other way if i flush a toilet in australia. i want to get stung by a bee as i have never been stung by one. what's that feel like? (yes, i know it hurts, but i want the experience..as sick as that sounds) or break a bone...as much as i dont want to break a bone, im still curious as to how it feels.
i guess what im trying to say is i want to go traveling and live more. and i am aware now more than ever that i wont live forever.