Not really religion

[badriya]

I'm probably imagining it but sometimes I feel as if my grandmother is around in a loving protective kind of way. Also perhaps my mum sometimes and then I get the feeling about Malcolm, one of B's partners who died just a year ago.

I was going to say it's just females as I don't feel my dad or grandfather are around but then Malcolm is male. Maybe because he was gay he counts as with the females. He was like the typical image of a gay friend in some ways; gossipy, chatty, gemutlich. I didn't know him until he was wheelchair bound but for most of the time he had a full life still and lots of interactions.

I feel a bit guilty about him as he was very fussy about food and inclined to make lots of requests because he couldn't get things for himself and I thought he was spoilt. But I'd have been much worse in his position.

So when I get the warm, being hugged feeling of someone there, or the feeling and then think someone must be there, am I imagining it? Is it something nice I've just eaten that gives endorphins? But it can happen in the car when I'm driving and not eating. Although I do eat when driving, mostly sugarfree sweets.