Sad inanimate objects are the saddest.
It has just occurred to me that while, for awhile there, I was endeavoring to post updates about my life in this journal, alongside my fannish works, I have since lost track of that. I post a bit about my life on Alack! Cerebrophiliac!, of course, but that blog is intended to be more about examining various subjects, often via my experience, and not a journal. This is a journal, and the best way to keep those friends of mine who read it apprised on the events in my life. So, I'm going to try to split this journal more evenly between Ian's Life Updates and Fandom Things. To begin with, here's my life at the moment.
I've been having something of an emotional crisis, which you can track through this series of posts, if you care to. It wasn't really triggered by anything, just a general build-up of stress, as happens. It was exacerbated by finding out my parents are pulling my funding at the end of April, but not as much as you might think. I'm working on the loss of funds thing, of course. There's a possibility I can convince my parents to put me through a May Term course, and continue paying my rent while I take it. There's also a possibility I could snag a job somewhere in town and be able to pay rent on my own. It's also possible I won't be able to avoid getting dragged back to Hamilton, but I'll figure out how to survive that, as well, if it comes to it.
What's a much bigger deal, albeit less time sensitive, is the revelation those four posts (and some help from Alexander) were leading up to.
I am codependent.
This is the main problem in my life. It's all wrapped up in my social anxiety, my abandonment issues, my series of toxic relationships. It is the cause of all of my, frankly soul crushing, stress. And, as it's the result of years of conditioning, it will take years to reprogram out of me.
I could really use all the support I can get in my recovery, but I've got to do this, with or without any. I don't know how, but I'm going to figure that out.
I've been having something of an emotional crisis, which you can track through this series of posts, if you care to. It wasn't really triggered by anything, just a general build-up of stress, as happens. It was exacerbated by finding out my parents are pulling my funding at the end of April, but not as much as you might think. I'm working on the loss of funds thing, of course. There's a possibility I can convince my parents to put me through a May Term course, and continue paying my rent while I take it. There's also a possibility I could snag a job somewhere in town and be able to pay rent on my own. It's also possible I won't be able to avoid getting dragged back to Hamilton, but I'll figure out how to survive that, as well, if it comes to it.
What's a much bigger deal, albeit less time sensitive, is the revelation those four posts (and some help from Alexander) were leading up to.
I am codependent.
This is the main problem in my life. It's all wrapped up in my social anxiety, my abandonment issues, my series of toxic relationships. It is the cause of all of my, frankly soul crushing, stress. And, as it's the result of years of conditioning, it will take years to reprogram out of me.
I could really use all the support I can get in my recovery, but I've got to do this, with or without any. I don't know how, but I'm going to figure that out.