News
So there's actually a reason I haven't posted to LJ substantively in a while. See, there's this big thing in my life, and I've been feeling kind of unprepared to share it with everyone in the world quite yet. Without posting about it, I've been feeling weird about posting about other things going on in my life.
I'm currently transitioning, from male to female. (Hopefully, even for people for which this is news, this is not too surprising.) I would say I'm early in the process, but I've been drifting towards transitioning for so many years that where I am in any "process" is hard to define. I won't really be changing quickly as far as presentation goes -- I've been wearing clothes I like for a while now, for example -- but I expect my body to slowly get less masculine and more feminine over the next while.
Some time in the next n months (I don't know exactly when yet) I'll have a Coming Out party. I know, I know, I'm already kind of out, that's what this LJ entry is for, and it's not like I've been very closeted IRL since what, early high school? Anyway, the party will parody the whole 16-year old coming out thing; it'll be great. The party will mark the point at which male pronouns and my current legal name will be deprecated, and I'll start correcting people who get them wrong. You'll have a few months grace period before I actually start being annoyed, though; you get a longer grace period if I see you less often.
Format change! It is time for a FAQ-style thing. (in the sense of FAQ as "some set of questions I have already been asked frequently along with some other questions I think you should know the answers to")
What pronouns do you prefer?
For right now, I'm not yet enforcing any particular set of pronouns. Male pronouns are becoming deprecated for me soon, coincident with my coming out party, but I won't really enforce things until then. Feel free to use female pronouns for me. Spivak-style gender-neutral pronouns (ey, em, eir) are also fine.
What name do you prefer?
My given name is becoming deprecated soon, like male pronouns. I'll still answer to it until the party, but I'll be introducing myself either as "violet" or "naomi", depending on context, or whim, or whatever. "Violet" is a reasonable nickname to call me these days, which has a clear origin no matter the gender I'm being read as at the time. My official name will eventually be "naomi", and it's generally not wrong to call me that.
You identified as genderqueer before; has that changed?
No. My gender is not fully categorizable along a binary, and I remain committed to the political project of freedom of gender expression and freedom from gendered stereotypes. This does not mean that I will not ever truthfully claim identities that are involved in binary gender. They are unlikely, however, to be complete descriptions of my gender identity.
So how exactly do you identify?
I definitely identify as trans, genderqueer, and feminine, and also as some things like "tomboy". I definitely do not identify as male. I will take up other specific identities if and when they feel right to me; please don't be surprised if this takes a while to settle down, or even doesn't settle down. Anything I write here like this is by necessity an approximation; I may make more posts later about silly things like "vector identity theory" and why saying what I do and don't identify as can only be so useful.
(Various questions about procedures and genitals)
Actually, don't ask, especially about genitals (this should be obvious, but it is occasionally not). It's something I might want to talk about with some people one-on-one or in other limited contexts, but if so, I'll bring it up. Please don't use any word that ends in "-op" to describe me.
Why are you transitioning?
For my own comfort (kind of easy to guess, but it bears repeating). I'm pretty tired of having my body be as masculine as it is now, and it's better now than it was, say, a year ago. I'm also quite tired of being consistently read as male -- that feels pretty wrong. When I am read as female, it feels much better. I am also quite happy to have my interactions with people be actually no really gender-neutral, but well, my body was kind of getting in the way of that, too. There are lots of different elements of things that have gone into this decision, but the upshot is that I'm going for being more comfortable.
How does melithiel feel about this?
She's comfortable with it. Yes, we are engaged, and we have no intention of changing that until we get married (at which point we will be married, which is going to be even neater, I expect).
What about work?
Most people I work closely with know, including my boss. I'm not exactly transitioned there yet, but I'm not closeted about it. Work transition is unlikely to exactly coincide with social transition; if you're a coworker of mine you get to play the extra fun context-switching game. Yeah, sorry about that. Believe me, it'll be just as fun for me. Not that I really present differently at work from other times anyway.
And your family?
Complicated. I have supportive people in my family, as well as some people who are taking some time to get used to it.
Where can I get more information about trans issues?
For I don't want to swamp anyone with material, but the book Whipping Girl by Julia Serano is a good start. The blogs Questioning Transphobia (a group blog) and Taking Up Too Much Space by Cedar have both also been quite valuable in helping me look at gender things in various lights.
So yeah. That's some news. Hopefully I can now get to posting about things as they come up, and not feel like there's this thing over my head.
I'm currently transitioning, from male to female. (Hopefully, even for people for which this is news, this is not too surprising.) I would say I'm early in the process, but I've been drifting towards transitioning for so many years that where I am in any "process" is hard to define. I won't really be changing quickly as far as presentation goes -- I've been wearing clothes I like for a while now, for example -- but I expect my body to slowly get less masculine and more feminine over the next while.
Some time in the next n months (I don't know exactly when yet) I'll have a Coming Out party. I know, I know, I'm already kind of out, that's what this LJ entry is for, and it's not like I've been very closeted IRL since what, early high school? Anyway, the party will parody the whole 16-year old coming out thing; it'll be great. The party will mark the point at which male pronouns and my current legal name will be deprecated, and I'll start correcting people who get them wrong. You'll have a few months grace period before I actually start being annoyed, though; you get a longer grace period if I see you less often.
Format change! It is time for a FAQ-style thing. (in the sense of FAQ as "some set of questions I have already been asked frequently along with some other questions I think you should know the answers to")
What pronouns do you prefer?
For right now, I'm not yet enforcing any particular set of pronouns. Male pronouns are becoming deprecated for me soon, coincident with my coming out party, but I won't really enforce things until then. Feel free to use female pronouns for me. Spivak-style gender-neutral pronouns (ey, em, eir) are also fine.
What name do you prefer?
My given name is becoming deprecated soon, like male pronouns. I'll still answer to it until the party, but I'll be introducing myself either as "violet" or "naomi", depending on context, or whim, or whatever. "Violet" is a reasonable nickname to call me these days, which has a clear origin no matter the gender I'm being read as at the time. My official name will eventually be "naomi", and it's generally not wrong to call me that.
You identified as genderqueer before; has that changed?
No. My gender is not fully categorizable along a binary, and I remain committed to the political project of freedom of gender expression and freedom from gendered stereotypes. This does not mean that I will not ever truthfully claim identities that are involved in binary gender. They are unlikely, however, to be complete descriptions of my gender identity.
So how exactly do you identify?
I definitely identify as trans, genderqueer, and feminine, and also as some things like "tomboy". I definitely do not identify as male. I will take up other specific identities if and when they feel right to me; please don't be surprised if this takes a while to settle down, or even doesn't settle down. Anything I write here like this is by necessity an approximation; I may make more posts later about silly things like "vector identity theory" and why saying what I do and don't identify as can only be so useful.
(Various questions about procedures and genitals)
Actually, don't ask, especially about genitals (this should be obvious, but it is occasionally not). It's something I might want to talk about with some people one-on-one or in other limited contexts, but if so, I'll bring it up. Please don't use any word that ends in "-op" to describe me.
Why are you transitioning?
For my own comfort (kind of easy to guess, but it bears repeating). I'm pretty tired of having my body be as masculine as it is now, and it's better now than it was, say, a year ago. I'm also quite tired of being consistently read as male -- that feels pretty wrong. When I am read as female, it feels much better. I am also quite happy to have my interactions with people be actually no really gender-neutral, but well, my body was kind of getting in the way of that, too. There are lots of different elements of things that have gone into this decision, but the upshot is that I'm going for being more comfortable.
How does melithiel feel about this?
She's comfortable with it. Yes, we are engaged, and we have no intention of changing that until we get married (at which point we will be married, which is going to be even neater, I expect).
What about work?
Most people I work closely with know, including my boss. I'm not exactly transitioned there yet, but I'm not closeted about it. Work transition is unlikely to exactly coincide with social transition; if you're a coworker of mine you get to play the extra fun context-switching game. Yeah, sorry about that. Believe me, it'll be just as fun for me. Not that I really present differently at work from other times anyway.
And your family?
Complicated. I have supportive people in my family, as well as some people who are taking some time to get used to it.
Where can I get more information about trans issues?
For I don't want to swamp anyone with material, but the book Whipping Girl by Julia Serano is a good start. The blogs Questioning Transphobia (a group blog) and Taking Up Too Much Space by Cedar have both also been quite valuable in helping me look at gender things in various lights.
So yeah. That's some news. Hopefully I can now get to posting about things as they come up, and not feel like there's this thing over my head.