Queen
Given that this weekend is Montpellier Gay Pride it seems fitting to write my little nasty essay about Queen - since they are a bunch of fucking faggots.
Now, don't accuse me of being homophobic. Don't accuse me of hating gay musicians. Don't even accuse me of hating gay British musicians.
Elton John's early catalog is filled with some wonderful songs. The first two Culture Club albums are awesome. Sure, Wham! sucked, but then George Michael grew up and created "I Want Your Sex", "Faith" and that cool song where he keeps screaming about "Freedom!"
When I call them fucking faggots I do so in the same way that many gays use the term to describe the type of self loathing gay man who hits every glory hole he can find and then comes into work and talks about all the women he fucked.
To put it to a point: They wrote flamboyant show tunes and then claimed they were rock stars. Rock and roll was their beard. They are the musical equivalent of Tom Cruise with Brian May playing the role of Katie Holmes.
At the end of the day, I have nothing against show tunes, but if your most profound musical influences are Steven Sondheim and Andrew Llyod Webber, please don't announce that you are going to rock me.
You won't and you never will.
It will always astound me that this group - who understood rock about as well as the producers of Beatlemania! - managed to have 18 number one albums, 18 number one singles, and 10 number one DVDs.
It makes me think that number of closeted cock suckers and fag hags must me much larger than previously reported.
Or that the deaf purchase albums in record numbers.
What's worse is that these aren't the type of gays who are gay because they love cock, they are the type of gays who are gay because they hate women. Have any of you ever listened to the lyrics of "Another One Bites The Dust?" It's a fucking celebration of killing women simply because they are women.
I don't even know what to say about "Bohemian Rhapsody" except that it is to musical theater majors what "Stairway to Heaven" is to people who wear Metallica T-shirts and go to vocational-technical schools.
I'd love to talk about their musical ability or charisma, but what is there to say? Their lack of cohesiveness speaks for itself. They make Hall & Oates look like musical geniuses. In comparison they make Bon Jovi appear to be the most ethical and non-corporate rock band in the world.
In short: Queen sucks.
Now, don't accuse me of being homophobic. Don't accuse me of hating gay musicians. Don't even accuse me of hating gay British musicians.
Elton John's early catalog is filled with some wonderful songs. The first two Culture Club albums are awesome. Sure, Wham! sucked, but then George Michael grew up and created "I Want Your Sex", "Faith" and that cool song where he keeps screaming about "Freedom!"
When I call them fucking faggots I do so in the same way that many gays use the term to describe the type of self loathing gay man who hits every glory hole he can find and then comes into work and talks about all the women he fucked.
To put it to a point: They wrote flamboyant show tunes and then claimed they were rock stars. Rock and roll was their beard. They are the musical equivalent of Tom Cruise with Brian May playing the role of Katie Holmes.
At the end of the day, I have nothing against show tunes, but if your most profound musical influences are Steven Sondheim and Andrew Llyod Webber, please don't announce that you are going to rock me.
You won't and you never will.
It will always astound me that this group - who understood rock about as well as the producers of Beatlemania! - managed to have 18 number one albums, 18 number one singles, and 10 number one DVDs.
It makes me think that number of closeted cock suckers and fag hags must me much larger than previously reported.
Or that the deaf purchase albums in record numbers.
What's worse is that these aren't the type of gays who are gay because they love cock, they are the type of gays who are gay because they hate women. Have any of you ever listened to the lyrics of "Another One Bites The Dust?" It's a fucking celebration of killing women simply because they are women.
I don't even know what to say about "Bohemian Rhapsody" except that it is to musical theater majors what "Stairway to Heaven" is to people who wear Metallica T-shirts and go to vocational-technical schools.
I'd love to talk about their musical ability or charisma, but what is there to say? Their lack of cohesiveness speaks for itself. They make Hall & Oates look like musical geniuses. In comparison they make Bon Jovi appear to be the most ethical and non-corporate rock band in the world.
In short: Queen sucks.