Back to Reality
Sometimes I am so overwhelmed its not even funny. The walls keep closing in on me and sometimes I wish I could explode. I have SOOO much on my mind, and I am thinking about so much... I cant stop worrying and stressing. Mainly, it all revolves around money. I got two bills in the mail today- a hundred and eighty dollar car insurance bill, and a credit card statement saying I owe eight hundred dollars, and a hundred dollar minimum payment. I owe Jesses dad eighty dollars for horse feed, and rent is due on the first. My credit card bill I can pay after I get my next check on the fifth... but Im going to have to borrow money from Jesse for my car insurance, because I barely have enough money for rent and horse feed. I guess I just plain forgot which bills I had, because I was thinking as long as I had money to pay rent it was all cool. God damn it how did I get myself into this? I cant keep borrowing money from Jesse. I mean, he already payed three hundred dollars of the vet bill for Jubilee. (Btw, I emailed Pam and told her we wanted our five hundred no later than the end of September. Lets see what happens.) Im stressed because Im barely making over what is considered minimum wage at what is supposably "my career". Because Kim is visiting from college suddenly all my hours seem to be cut back- not to mention the huge loss I took by going on this family vacation. Im upset because the one place I was possibly able to keep my horses up here wont work, because there are sheep on the property. So Im pumping money into feeding my horses which are an hour away and I probably dont see more than once a month. Ive considered just selling them so I had one less thing to stress about but these girls are my soul... and if I sold them its like I would be selling a part of me, the last thing that I truely adore... my horses. And on top of all this stress my mom says she wont visit the house anymore because we have too many pets and the house makes her sick everytime she visits- shes on antibiotics now from the fifteen minute visit on my birthday. Give me a fucking break!