'Lovers, forget your love'
I've done a lot of thinking lately. Since the breakup with Casey, I have torn myself into pieces trying to figure out how I will survive without him. Today it hit me...what the fuck did I mean, 'survive without him'? I survived 16 years of my life without Casey and I'm positive I can survive the rest of my time without him. I've come to accept the relationships fate and move on. It's all a person can do. He taught me a lot and got me through some really hard times, but perhaps that is all he was supposed to do for me. My very first. What did I really expect? I'm quite surprised at myself to be honest. Surprised and thoroughly disappointed. Throughout the relationship, from its beginning until the very end, I believed that we had something no one else could touch. He was the only one for me and we were going to get married some day. I knew this was something everyone feels when they get into a serious relationship, but I honestly assumed this was different. This was real. I'm not saying it was fake, but I have recently learned what 'real' is. Real is knowing that there is an end. Real is understanding and appreciating the time and the feelings put into the relationship. Real is living in the moment, not for the future nor in the past. Real is learning that what has happened will probably happen again. Real is knowing that love is not a one time deal. Love is something that comes around many times in your life...if you are willing to accept it. Some things are seen differently at different times in your life. Perhaps I just wasn't ready for what was to come with Casey. Too serious, too young. A common mistake. I have nothing against him and I have no reason to dislike him. I've learned a lot from my first love. Hopefully, someday I can learn some more. I guess we shall see what time brings into my life. Hopefully it will bring in more loves to learn from. One thing is for sure though...I'm just going to have fun with whatever happens next. Life isn't completely serious so why should a relationship be?