Fic: Ever After
Title: Ever After
Author: badly_knitted
Characters: Jack, Owen, Ianto, Tosh, Gwen, Rhys.
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1144
Summary: There’s been some sort of weird incident in the Hub.
Spoilers: Set shortly after Meat.
Warnings: None needed.
Written For: schweinsty’s prompt ‘Torchwood, Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones + Toshiko Sato + Gwen Cooper + Owen Harper, they all lived snarkily ever after,’ at comment_fic.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood or any of the characters.
“Why are you all blaming me?” Jack complained, scowling at his team.
“Who else would we be blaming?” Owen snapped. “Stands to reason it must be your fault.”
“How?”
“How the Hell should I know? I’m just a doctor, you’re… you!”
“I’m sure Jack didn’t do it on purpose.”
Trust Tosh to be the voice of reason; Jack smiled at her gratefully. “Thank you, Tosh.”
Ianto raised his hand. “For the record, I’m not blaming anyone. Whether or not Jack’s responsible, we might never know, but out of everything that could happen to us working here, this is hardly the worst. Shouldn’t we all just be glad to be alive? Unless you’d rather be dead, Owen. Not sure the rest of us would miss you.”
“I would!” Tosh protested, then blushed.
“What about Rhys?” Gwen looked worried.
“Oh aye, now you remember me? Was beginning to think you’d all forgotten I was here.”
“I had.” Owen didn’t even bother looking at Gwen’s fiancé.
“Not even sure what everyone’s arguing about,” Rhys continued, ignoring Owen.
“We’re arguing because it’s what we do,” Ianto assured him. “When we’re not chasing Weevils, eating pizza, drinking coffee…”
“Shagging Jack,” Owen cut in.
“I’m the only one who does that, as far as I know.” Ianto smirked at Owen. “Why, are you jealous?”
“Fuck off!”
“I’m sure Jack would give you a turn if you asked nicely.”
“I’ve been asking for years, but he always turns me down.” Jack pouted.
“Maybe he’ll come around eventually, looks like we’ll have plenty of time to experiment. Might even get to have that orgy you’ve always wanted.”
“I’m not listening!” Owen stuck his fingers in his ears. “Lalalalala!”
“How old are you, five?” Gwen snapped, suddenly wondering why it had ever seemed like a good idea to have an illicit affair with someone so immature.
“As entertaining as this is, shouldn’t we be trying to find out what happened?” Tosh turned back to her computers, pulling up CCTV footage.
“We already know what happened,” Ianto pointed out.
“Well, maybe we can undo it if we can figure out how it happened.”
“What if some of us don’t want to undo it? Am I the only one who thinks this could be a good thing?”
“Yes!” Owen spun his chair. “Nobody even bothered to ask what the rest of us wanted.”
Ianto rolled his eyes. “Nothing ever makes you happy, does it? If you won a million quid, you’d complain it wasn’t two million.”
“Well, more’s always better.”
“And yet right now you’re complaining because you got more.”
“That’s different!”
“Why?”
“I don’t know, it just is!”
Rhys stood there, eyes flicking from one of Gwen’s colleagues to the next, looking confused. “Isn’t anyone going to tell me what just happened?”
“We died,” Gwen said, patting his arm comfortingly.
“What? We’re dead? How can I be dead? I don’t feel dead!”
“You’re not.” Jack folded his arms over his chest. “You died, but then you came back. All of us did.”
“We did? Why isn’t anyone else freaking out?”
“Because we’ve seen it happen before,” Tosh said distractedly.
“Jack does it all the time,” Ianto explained. “Not on purpose. Mostly. The rest of us…” He shrugged. “First time.”
“FIRST time?” Rhys echoed. “You mean it might happen again?”
“Won’t know for sure until Owen runs a few tests, but it seems likely.”
“Immortality isn’t supposed to be catching,” Owen grumbled.
“Technically, immortality isn’t supposed to exist,” Ianto reminded him.
“Tell that to Jack.”
“Hey! I’m right here!”
“Jack has always been the exception to that particular rule.”
“Not always, just for a few hundred years.”
Rhys gaped. “A few hundred… How old are you?”
“Not sure, I sort of lost track. Time travel complicates things. Technically, I won’t even be born for another three thousand years or so.”
“I’m dreaming. Must be dreaming. That’ll teach me not to eat leftover pizza late at night.”
“It’s not a dream.” Tosh peered at her computer screens.
“We just wish it was.” Owen stabbed a scalpel into his hand and watched as the wound healed without a trace.
Ianto was unimpressed. “If you leave blood everywhere, you’re cleaning it up. I’ve got enough to do.”
“Don’t get your knickers in a twist, Teaboy!”
“You want to be served cheap instant decaf for eternity?”
Owen considered that, then grabbed some tissues to clean up the mess he’d made.
“That’s what I thought.”
“It won’t be so bad.” Gwen smiled brightly. “Living forever, I mean.”
“Not if we’re all immortal,” Ianto agreed. “One person alone…” He looked at Jack. “I can see how that wouldn’t be fun, but all six of us?”
“Just don’t expect us to be one big, happy family.” Owen’s expression made it clear he wasn’t overjoyed at the prospect.
“Perish the thought. The only time you’re happy is when you’ve got something to complain about, or when you’re torturing a patient.”
“Alright, kids, that’s enough!” Jack raked his gaze over his team, plus one. “Apparently we’re all immortal now, but that doesn’t mean we stop working. You all have jobs to do, so get on with them!”
“What about me?” Rhys asked plaintively. “Am I supposed to just go back to Harwoods, all immortal like?”
“Good question. Perhaps it might be best if you resigned. How are you at cleaning and general maintenance?” Ianto asked.
“I’m a dab hand with a mop, and I know my way around a toolbox.”
“Consider yourself hired, you’re Torchwood’s new General Support Officer.”
“Don’t I get a say in this?” Jack glared at his lover. “I thought I was the boss.”
“We’re a team, and immortals should probably stick together.”
“Fine, have it your way.” Jack grinned suddenly. “If we’re sticking together… Orgy, Ianto’s place, Friday night. Rift permitting.”
“Bring your own beer, wine, lube, condoms, and other supplies,” Ianto added.
Rhys looked horrified, Tosh giggled, and Owen’s head made a solid thud as it connected with his workstation.
“I’m in Hell!”
Ianto smiled. “Business as usual then. Who wants coffee?”
Five hands went up.
“I’ll get right on that then. Rhys, with me.”
Trailing behind Ianto, Rhys whispered, “He’s not serious about the orgy, is he?”
“Probably.” Ianto shrugged. “Knowing Jack, he’ll want to make it a regular Friday night get together, sort of like drinks after work, only with added sex. Think you’re up for it?”
“I… don’t know. Never been into the swinger lifestyle, me.”
“You’ve never been immortal until now either. Look at it this way: you’ve got plenty of time now to try out new things.”
“Yeah, forever, and that’s a hell of a long time. Suppose I’ll have to find things to keep myself busy, new hobbies and the like. I’d better talk things over with Gwennie, and then… Well, we’ll see.”
“That’s the spirit.”
And they all lived snarkily ever after.
The End
Author: badly_knitted
Characters: Jack, Owen, Ianto, Tosh, Gwen, Rhys.
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1144
Summary: There’s been some sort of weird incident in the Hub.
Spoilers: Set shortly after Meat.
Warnings: None needed.
Written For: schweinsty’s prompt ‘Torchwood, Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones + Toshiko Sato + Gwen Cooper + Owen Harper, they all lived snarkily ever after,’ at comment_fic.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood or any of the characters.
“Why are you all blaming me?” Jack complained, scowling at his team.
“Who else would we be blaming?” Owen snapped. “Stands to reason it must be your fault.”
“How?”
“How the Hell should I know? I’m just a doctor, you’re… you!”
“I’m sure Jack didn’t do it on purpose.”
Trust Tosh to be the voice of reason; Jack smiled at her gratefully. “Thank you, Tosh.”
Ianto raised his hand. “For the record, I’m not blaming anyone. Whether or not Jack’s responsible, we might never know, but out of everything that could happen to us working here, this is hardly the worst. Shouldn’t we all just be glad to be alive? Unless you’d rather be dead, Owen. Not sure the rest of us would miss you.”
“I would!” Tosh protested, then blushed.
“What about Rhys?” Gwen looked worried.
“Oh aye, now you remember me? Was beginning to think you’d all forgotten I was here.”
“I had.” Owen didn’t even bother looking at Gwen’s fiancé.
“Not even sure what everyone’s arguing about,” Rhys continued, ignoring Owen.
“We’re arguing because it’s what we do,” Ianto assured him. “When we’re not chasing Weevils, eating pizza, drinking coffee…”
“Shagging Jack,” Owen cut in.
“I’m the only one who does that, as far as I know.” Ianto smirked at Owen. “Why, are you jealous?”
“Fuck off!”
“I’m sure Jack would give you a turn if you asked nicely.”
“I’ve been asking for years, but he always turns me down.” Jack pouted.
“Maybe he’ll come around eventually, looks like we’ll have plenty of time to experiment. Might even get to have that orgy you’ve always wanted.”
“I’m not listening!” Owen stuck his fingers in his ears. “Lalalalala!”
“How old are you, five?” Gwen snapped, suddenly wondering why it had ever seemed like a good idea to have an illicit affair with someone so immature.
“As entertaining as this is, shouldn’t we be trying to find out what happened?” Tosh turned back to her computers, pulling up CCTV footage.
“We already know what happened,” Ianto pointed out.
“Well, maybe we can undo it if we can figure out how it happened.”
“What if some of us don’t want to undo it? Am I the only one who thinks this could be a good thing?”
“Yes!” Owen spun his chair. “Nobody even bothered to ask what the rest of us wanted.”
Ianto rolled his eyes. “Nothing ever makes you happy, does it? If you won a million quid, you’d complain it wasn’t two million.”
“Well, more’s always better.”
“And yet right now you’re complaining because you got more.”
“That’s different!”
“Why?”
“I don’t know, it just is!”
Rhys stood there, eyes flicking from one of Gwen’s colleagues to the next, looking confused. “Isn’t anyone going to tell me what just happened?”
“We died,” Gwen said, patting his arm comfortingly.
“What? We’re dead? How can I be dead? I don’t feel dead!”
“You’re not.” Jack folded his arms over his chest. “You died, but then you came back. All of us did.”
“We did? Why isn’t anyone else freaking out?”
“Because we’ve seen it happen before,” Tosh said distractedly.
“Jack does it all the time,” Ianto explained. “Not on purpose. Mostly. The rest of us…” He shrugged. “First time.”
“FIRST time?” Rhys echoed. “You mean it might happen again?”
“Won’t know for sure until Owen runs a few tests, but it seems likely.”
“Immortality isn’t supposed to be catching,” Owen grumbled.
“Technically, immortality isn’t supposed to exist,” Ianto reminded him.
“Tell that to Jack.”
“Hey! I’m right here!”
“Jack has always been the exception to that particular rule.”
“Not always, just for a few hundred years.”
Rhys gaped. “A few hundred… How old are you?”
“Not sure, I sort of lost track. Time travel complicates things. Technically, I won’t even be born for another three thousand years or so.”
“I’m dreaming. Must be dreaming. That’ll teach me not to eat leftover pizza late at night.”
“It’s not a dream.” Tosh peered at her computer screens.
“We just wish it was.” Owen stabbed a scalpel into his hand and watched as the wound healed without a trace.
Ianto was unimpressed. “If you leave blood everywhere, you’re cleaning it up. I’ve got enough to do.”
“Don’t get your knickers in a twist, Teaboy!”
“You want to be served cheap instant decaf for eternity?”
Owen considered that, then grabbed some tissues to clean up the mess he’d made.
“That’s what I thought.”
“It won’t be so bad.” Gwen smiled brightly. “Living forever, I mean.”
“Not if we’re all immortal,” Ianto agreed. “One person alone…” He looked at Jack. “I can see how that wouldn’t be fun, but all six of us?”
“Just don’t expect us to be one big, happy family.” Owen’s expression made it clear he wasn’t overjoyed at the prospect.
“Perish the thought. The only time you’re happy is when you’ve got something to complain about, or when you’re torturing a patient.”
“Alright, kids, that’s enough!” Jack raked his gaze over his team, plus one. “Apparently we’re all immortal now, but that doesn’t mean we stop working. You all have jobs to do, so get on with them!”
“What about me?” Rhys asked plaintively. “Am I supposed to just go back to Harwoods, all immortal like?”
“Good question. Perhaps it might be best if you resigned. How are you at cleaning and general maintenance?” Ianto asked.
“I’m a dab hand with a mop, and I know my way around a toolbox.”
“Consider yourself hired, you’re Torchwood’s new General Support Officer.”
“Don’t I get a say in this?” Jack glared at his lover. “I thought I was the boss.”
“We’re a team, and immortals should probably stick together.”
“Fine, have it your way.” Jack grinned suddenly. “If we’re sticking together… Orgy, Ianto’s place, Friday night. Rift permitting.”
“Bring your own beer, wine, lube, condoms, and other supplies,” Ianto added.
Rhys looked horrified, Tosh giggled, and Owen’s head made a solid thud as it connected with his workstation.
“I’m in Hell!”
Ianto smiled. “Business as usual then. Who wants coffee?”
Five hands went up.
“I’ll get right on that then. Rhys, with me.”
Trailing behind Ianto, Rhys whispered, “He’s not serious about the orgy, is he?”
“Probably.” Ianto shrugged. “Knowing Jack, he’ll want to make it a regular Friday night get together, sort of like drinks after work, only with added sex. Think you’re up for it?”
“I… don’t know. Never been into the swinger lifestyle, me.”
“You’ve never been immortal until now either. Look at it this way: you’ve got plenty of time now to try out new things.”
“Yeah, forever, and that’s a hell of a long time. Suppose I’ll have to find things to keep myself busy, new hobbies and the like. I’d better talk things over with Gwennie, and then… Well, we’ll see.”
“That’s the spirit.”
And they all lived snarkily ever after.
The End