Ficlet: How Much Is Too Much?
Title: How Much Is Too Much?
Author: badly_knitted
Characters: Ianto, Jack
Rating: PG
Word Count: 749
Summary: Jack seems a bit hyper, but Ianto soon figures out why.
Spoilers: None really.
Written For: cornerofmadness’s comment_fic prompt ‘any, any, “any, any too much coffee’
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood or any of the characters. Which is sad.
Torchwood ran on coffee, and that was just fine with Ianto. His mastery of coffee magic gave him a means by which to control the unruly Torchwood Three team, up to a point. Withholding said coffee as a punishment, or replacing it with the dreaded cheap instant decaf, was pleasingly effective, even if Owen had to be punished more often than anyone else. He never seemed to learn.
Everyone had been behaving tolerably well recently though, not tracking dirt everywhere, cleaning up after themselves, handing in their paperwork on time, and keeping out of the archives, so the coffee had been flowing freely. Possibly a little too freely in Jack’s case.
“Ianto!” Jack said brightly, grinning a slightly manic version of his usual grin. “There you are!”
“Here I am,” Ianto agreed. “Right where I usually am at this time of day, barring emergencies.” He had a routine he tried to keep to, if only for the sake of the residents.
“Do you need some help?”
“With cleaning out the cells?” Ianto raised an eyebrow; that was a task Jack usually avoided like the plague.
“With anything!” Jack bounced eagerly, like a puppy wanting to play. “Anything at all!”
“Don’t you have paperwork to do?”
“I already did it. Couldn’t sleep last night, so I thought I’d put the time to good use. I’ve cleaned my office too. And my bunker. And I reorganised the armoury. Owen keeps putting weapons back in the wrong place. Never cleans them either, so I cleaned everything we used yesterday.”
There’d been a minor incursion the day before, a small party of Durgans looking for easy pickings, but Torchwood had soon persuaded them to look elsewhere. It hadn’t been difficult; they’d mistakenly believed that any humans they met would be unarmed, which was true for the most part, but they hadn’t taken into account that humans were more than twice as tall as the tallest Durgan.
“Well, that’s very… efficient of you.” Ianto eyed Jack warily.
“I know! But now I’m bored, so I thought I’d see if I could help you with anything!”
“How thoughtful. Jack, this might be a silly question, but how much coffee have you had this morning?”
“Only what you gave me,” Jack insisted with wide-eyed innocence.
“Four mugs.” Ianto remembered that much.
“Yes. Oh, and I finished off Gwen’s and Owen’s after I sent them out on a retrieval. Couldn’t let such amazing coffee go to waste, and they weren’t drinking it.”
“Uh huh.” Ianto nodded slowly. “And how much coffee did you have last night when I wasn’t here?”
Jack got a distant look on his face. “Um… There were the two flasks you made yesterday to take with us when we were all out dealing with the incursion. We never got around to drinking that. Then I finished what was left in the carafe after I sent you home. It was cold, but I couldn’t bring myself to throw it away, so I heated it up in the microwave. And I bought myself an extra large on my way back from dealing with a Weevil that was causing a bit of trouble at the Chinese takeaway. Must’ve been raiding the bins in the alley, but then it got into the kitchen. Why?”
“Don’t you think all that’s a bit much?”
“No. I feel great! Oooh, d’you know what we could do?” Jack didn’t wait for an answer. “Play naked hide and seek! I’ll hide first.” He started to take his clothes off.
“Jack!” Ianto caught Jack’s hands, stopping him. “Not during work hours; I’ve told you that before.”
“Right, sorry, I forgot. What d’you want me to do?”
Ianto groaned, resisting the temptation to lock Jack in a vacant cell until he came down from his caffeine high.
“Gwen and Owen should be back by now, so why don’t you wash and polish the SUV? It’ll save me doing it. And don’t forget to vacuum out the inside.”
“I can do that!” Grabbing Ianto by both shoulders, Jack planted a big kiss on his lips. “I’ll make sure it shines!” With that, he hurried out of the cells.
Ianto sagged against the wall; just being in Jack’s presence for a few minutes had left him feeling exhausted.
“Decaf. That’s all he’s getting for the rest of the day,” he muttered as he went back to his cleaning. “With any luck he’ll run out of steam before I have to find him anything else to do.”
The End
Author: badly_knitted
Characters: Ianto, Jack
Rating: PG
Word Count: 749
Summary: Jack seems a bit hyper, but Ianto soon figures out why.
Spoilers: None really.
Written For: cornerofmadness’s comment_fic prompt ‘any, any, “any, any too much coffee’
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood or any of the characters. Which is sad.
Torchwood ran on coffee, and that was just fine with Ianto. His mastery of coffee magic gave him a means by which to control the unruly Torchwood Three team, up to a point. Withholding said coffee as a punishment, or replacing it with the dreaded cheap instant decaf, was pleasingly effective, even if Owen had to be punished more often than anyone else. He never seemed to learn.
Everyone had been behaving tolerably well recently though, not tracking dirt everywhere, cleaning up after themselves, handing in their paperwork on time, and keeping out of the archives, so the coffee had been flowing freely. Possibly a little too freely in Jack’s case.
“Ianto!” Jack said brightly, grinning a slightly manic version of his usual grin. “There you are!”
“Here I am,” Ianto agreed. “Right where I usually am at this time of day, barring emergencies.” He had a routine he tried to keep to, if only for the sake of the residents.
“Do you need some help?”
“With cleaning out the cells?” Ianto raised an eyebrow; that was a task Jack usually avoided like the plague.
“With anything!” Jack bounced eagerly, like a puppy wanting to play. “Anything at all!”
“Don’t you have paperwork to do?”
“I already did it. Couldn’t sleep last night, so I thought I’d put the time to good use. I’ve cleaned my office too. And my bunker. And I reorganised the armoury. Owen keeps putting weapons back in the wrong place. Never cleans them either, so I cleaned everything we used yesterday.”
There’d been a minor incursion the day before, a small party of Durgans looking for easy pickings, but Torchwood had soon persuaded them to look elsewhere. It hadn’t been difficult; they’d mistakenly believed that any humans they met would be unarmed, which was true for the most part, but they hadn’t taken into account that humans were more than twice as tall as the tallest Durgan.
“Well, that’s very… efficient of you.” Ianto eyed Jack warily.
“I know! But now I’m bored, so I thought I’d see if I could help you with anything!”
“How thoughtful. Jack, this might be a silly question, but how much coffee have you had this morning?”
“Only what you gave me,” Jack insisted with wide-eyed innocence.
“Four mugs.” Ianto remembered that much.
“Yes. Oh, and I finished off Gwen’s and Owen’s after I sent them out on a retrieval. Couldn’t let such amazing coffee go to waste, and they weren’t drinking it.”
“Uh huh.” Ianto nodded slowly. “And how much coffee did you have last night when I wasn’t here?”
Jack got a distant look on his face. “Um… There were the two flasks you made yesterday to take with us when we were all out dealing with the incursion. We never got around to drinking that. Then I finished what was left in the carafe after I sent you home. It was cold, but I couldn’t bring myself to throw it away, so I heated it up in the microwave. And I bought myself an extra large on my way back from dealing with a Weevil that was causing a bit of trouble at the Chinese takeaway. Must’ve been raiding the bins in the alley, but then it got into the kitchen. Why?”
“Don’t you think all that’s a bit much?”
“No. I feel great! Oooh, d’you know what we could do?” Jack didn’t wait for an answer. “Play naked hide and seek! I’ll hide first.” He started to take his clothes off.
“Jack!” Ianto caught Jack’s hands, stopping him. “Not during work hours; I’ve told you that before.”
“Right, sorry, I forgot. What d’you want me to do?”
Ianto groaned, resisting the temptation to lock Jack in a vacant cell until he came down from his caffeine high.
“Gwen and Owen should be back by now, so why don’t you wash and polish the SUV? It’ll save me doing it. And don’t forget to vacuum out the inside.”
“I can do that!” Grabbing Ianto by both shoulders, Jack planted a big kiss on his lips. “I’ll make sure it shines!” With that, he hurried out of the cells.
Ianto sagged against the wall; just being in Jack’s presence for a few minutes had left him feeling exhausted.
“Decaf. That’s all he’s getting for the rest of the day,” he muttered as he went back to his cleaning. “With any luck he’ll run out of steam before I have to find him anything else to do.”
The End