Fic: Temporarily Misplaced
Title: Temporarily Misplaced
Author: badly_knitted
Characters: Ianto, Jack, Nosy, OCs.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Nada.
Summary: Being earth’s ambassadors to other worlds can be an exercise in frustration.
Word Count: 1216
Written For: Prompt 139 - Getting Lost at fandomweekly.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, or the characters. They belong to the BBC.
“Well, that was a massive waste of time!” Ianto grumbled to his husband.
“Talk to Minister Grunwald,” they’d been told. “The Honourable Minister for Trade is the only member of the Quorum authorised to enter into negotiations with representatives from other planets.”
So they’d tried. They’d made appointments with Grunwald on four occasions, and each time they’d arrived at the office they’d been told the Noble Minister had been called away on urgent business elsewhere. When they’d complained to the Minister’s chief aide, Notary Ffichwall, the poor man had been beside himself, begging their forgiveness.
“Minister Grunwald is extremely busy at present; cutbacks, you see. Each district used to have its own Minister of Trade, but with the Consolidation two years ago it was decided that having one minister to oversee both planetary and interplanetary trade would be more efficient, which really means less expensive since the Quorum only has to pay one wage instead of five. As a result, Minister Grunwald is never where he’s supposed to be. The other four districts all feel they should be given priority, and since they’re home to the most influential Quorum members…” Ffichwall had trailed off miserably, wringing all four hands in an oddly human gesture of despair. “Perhaps if you visited the Noble Minister at his home?”
It had been worth a try, so they’d hailed a Flitter, the local version of a taxi cab, and been driven to the Minister’s home, only to have the computerised door announcer inform them that Minister Grunwald had been called away again to deal with sensitive trade negotiations in Verval District, on the other side of the planet. He would be gone for at least five days, but the announcer would be delighted to pass on a recorded message if the noble visitors should so wish. Of course, to do so they would be required to insert their identicards, which as visitors from another planet, they didn’t have.
Being earth’s ambassadors to other planets was definitely NOT for the faint of heart. It was a frustrating business picking their way through governmental red tape while trying to adjust to the various social conventions of each planet they visited in order to avoid offending anyone. The last thing anyone needed was for them to inadvertently cause an interplanetary incident, but thanks to the empathic abilities of the third member of their party, that was just about the only problem they’d so far managed to avoid.
“Anyone would think the government here isn’t interested in developing friendly relations with other planets,” Ianto continued as he, Jack, and Nosy made their way back onto the street. “And yet they’re the ones who invited us. They claimed they were eager to enter into a trade agreement that would benefit both our worlds; well, they’ve got a funny way of showing it. We’ve been here three weeks, and so far we’ve accomplished precisely nothing.”
“No, you’re wrong about that, I’m pretty sure we’ve accomplished something this time.” Jack had stopped on the walkway outside Grunwald’s residence and was looking around, frowning.
Ianto turned to his lover. “What d’you mean by that?”
“Looks like our Flitter driver’s taken off and left us. I have no idea where we are, or how to get back to our hotel.”
Kaska City in Levron District was a maze of narrow, twisting streets and alleyways that wound among tall buildings. Whoever had planned its layout must have been drunk, stoned, or both, judging by the way streets meandered around structures that appeared to have been constructed anywhere that struck the builder’s fancy, and then added onto at random. It was impossible to see more than ten metres in any direction, usually less.
Closing his eyes, Ianto took a deep breath, praying for patience. “Are you saying we’re lost?”
“No, I wouldn’t say lost as such, more sort of… temporarily misplaced?”
“Oh, that’s just wonderful.” Ianto’s shoulders sagged. “Lost in a maze on an alien planet. I knew I should have bought a map, but you said we wouldn’t need one.”
“We’ll be fine, we’ve been in worse situations.” Jack flashed Ianto a confident smile. “We just need to flag down a passing Flitter and have the driver take us to our hotel.”
“There’s a slight flaw to your plan, Jack.”
“What’s that?”
“I’m not seeing any Flitters.” In fact, no transportation of any kind had passed them as they stood outside the Minister’s deserted residence. Since it was already late evening it was also getting dark; dim globes on wall brackets attached to the surrounding buildings were starting to come on as the gloom at street level deepened.
“There’s a communications booth across the street; maybe we could call one from there.”
“You know the number of the Flitter despatch office, do you?”
“Uh, no, not offhand,” Jack admitted. “There’s a despatch office for Flitters?”
“How should I know? I’m just assuming there could be, but for all I know, every Flitter driver might work independently. It’s a moot point anyway. Unless we stumble across a Flitter by sheer chance, we might as well accept that we’re lost and stranded. We could start walking, but we don’t even know which direction to go.”
“HUM?”
Ianto abruptly became aware that Nosy had been tugging at the bottom of his coat for several minutes. He’d actually managed to forget the third member of the ambassadorial party was even there, which was surprising since the furry alien was over five metres in length and a quite eye-catching shade of green.
“Sorry, Nosy. What is it?”
“Hum!” the Fluff said firmly, turning to slither a short distance along the walkway before looking back at them.
“You know the way back to the hotel?” Jack asked.
“HUMMMM!” Nosy asserted firmly. While its human friends had been busy discussing what would be the best way of opening negotiations with the elusive Minister Grunwald, who might not be too happy about them showing up on his doorstep uninvited, Nosy had spent the Flitter journey gazing out the vehicle’s window and was confident it could retrace their path. It would be quite a trek, but maybe they’d find transport along the way.
“Right then, follow the Fluff it is,” Ianto said.
“Nosy does have an excellent sense of direction,” Jack agreed. “Lead on, good Fluff!”
Ianto had a feeling if it had been physically capable, Nosy would have rolled its eyes. Instead, it just sent a ripple down the length of its body, like a very long shrug, and set off along the street, Jack and Ianto trailing along behind it, hand in hand.
“At least it’s a nice night for a stroll,” Ianto commented, a wry smile curving his lips. “With any luck we might reach the hotel some time tomorrow morning.”
Jack squeezed his hand. “No need to be so pessimistic.”
“Who’s pessimistic? I’m just saying, it took us nearly an hour to get here by Flitter; we’ve got a long walk ahead of us.”
“Well, you did mention earlier that you’d like to see more of the city.”
“Mm. It’s like that old saying; be careful what you wish for, because you might get it.”
Jack laughed. “Maybe you should try wishing for a Flitter instead.”
“If life was that simple, we wouldn’t be lost.”
The End
Author: badly_knitted
Characters: Ianto, Jack, Nosy, OCs.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Nada.
Summary: Being earth’s ambassadors to other worlds can be an exercise in frustration.
Word Count: 1216
Written For: Prompt 139 - Getting Lost at fandomweekly.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, or the characters. They belong to the BBC.
“Well, that was a massive waste of time!” Ianto grumbled to his husband.
“Talk to Minister Grunwald,” they’d been told. “The Honourable Minister for Trade is the only member of the Quorum authorised to enter into negotiations with representatives from other planets.”
So they’d tried. They’d made appointments with Grunwald on four occasions, and each time they’d arrived at the office they’d been told the Noble Minister had been called away on urgent business elsewhere. When they’d complained to the Minister’s chief aide, Notary Ffichwall, the poor man had been beside himself, begging their forgiveness.
“Minister Grunwald is extremely busy at present; cutbacks, you see. Each district used to have its own Minister of Trade, but with the Consolidation two years ago it was decided that having one minister to oversee both planetary and interplanetary trade would be more efficient, which really means less expensive since the Quorum only has to pay one wage instead of five. As a result, Minister Grunwald is never where he’s supposed to be. The other four districts all feel they should be given priority, and since they’re home to the most influential Quorum members…” Ffichwall had trailed off miserably, wringing all four hands in an oddly human gesture of despair. “Perhaps if you visited the Noble Minister at his home?”
It had been worth a try, so they’d hailed a Flitter, the local version of a taxi cab, and been driven to the Minister’s home, only to have the computerised door announcer inform them that Minister Grunwald had been called away again to deal with sensitive trade negotiations in Verval District, on the other side of the planet. He would be gone for at least five days, but the announcer would be delighted to pass on a recorded message if the noble visitors should so wish. Of course, to do so they would be required to insert their identicards, which as visitors from another planet, they didn’t have.
Being earth’s ambassadors to other planets was definitely NOT for the faint of heart. It was a frustrating business picking their way through governmental red tape while trying to adjust to the various social conventions of each planet they visited in order to avoid offending anyone. The last thing anyone needed was for them to inadvertently cause an interplanetary incident, but thanks to the empathic abilities of the third member of their party, that was just about the only problem they’d so far managed to avoid.
“Anyone would think the government here isn’t interested in developing friendly relations with other planets,” Ianto continued as he, Jack, and Nosy made their way back onto the street. “And yet they’re the ones who invited us. They claimed they were eager to enter into a trade agreement that would benefit both our worlds; well, they’ve got a funny way of showing it. We’ve been here three weeks, and so far we’ve accomplished precisely nothing.”
“No, you’re wrong about that, I’m pretty sure we’ve accomplished something this time.” Jack had stopped on the walkway outside Grunwald’s residence and was looking around, frowning.
Ianto turned to his lover. “What d’you mean by that?”
“Looks like our Flitter driver’s taken off and left us. I have no idea where we are, or how to get back to our hotel.”
Kaska City in Levron District was a maze of narrow, twisting streets and alleyways that wound among tall buildings. Whoever had planned its layout must have been drunk, stoned, or both, judging by the way streets meandered around structures that appeared to have been constructed anywhere that struck the builder’s fancy, and then added onto at random. It was impossible to see more than ten metres in any direction, usually less.
Closing his eyes, Ianto took a deep breath, praying for patience. “Are you saying we’re lost?”
“No, I wouldn’t say lost as such, more sort of… temporarily misplaced?”
“Oh, that’s just wonderful.” Ianto’s shoulders sagged. “Lost in a maze on an alien planet. I knew I should have bought a map, but you said we wouldn’t need one.”
“We’ll be fine, we’ve been in worse situations.” Jack flashed Ianto a confident smile. “We just need to flag down a passing Flitter and have the driver take us to our hotel.”
“There’s a slight flaw to your plan, Jack.”
“What’s that?”
“I’m not seeing any Flitters.” In fact, no transportation of any kind had passed them as they stood outside the Minister’s deserted residence. Since it was already late evening it was also getting dark; dim globes on wall brackets attached to the surrounding buildings were starting to come on as the gloom at street level deepened.
“There’s a communications booth across the street; maybe we could call one from there.”
“You know the number of the Flitter despatch office, do you?”
“Uh, no, not offhand,” Jack admitted. “There’s a despatch office for Flitters?”
“How should I know? I’m just assuming there could be, but for all I know, every Flitter driver might work independently. It’s a moot point anyway. Unless we stumble across a Flitter by sheer chance, we might as well accept that we’re lost and stranded. We could start walking, but we don’t even know which direction to go.”
“HUM?”
Ianto abruptly became aware that Nosy had been tugging at the bottom of his coat for several minutes. He’d actually managed to forget the third member of the ambassadorial party was even there, which was surprising since the furry alien was over five metres in length and a quite eye-catching shade of green.
“Sorry, Nosy. What is it?”
“Hum!” the Fluff said firmly, turning to slither a short distance along the walkway before looking back at them.
“You know the way back to the hotel?” Jack asked.
“HUMMMM!” Nosy asserted firmly. While its human friends had been busy discussing what would be the best way of opening negotiations with the elusive Minister Grunwald, who might not be too happy about them showing up on his doorstep uninvited, Nosy had spent the Flitter journey gazing out the vehicle’s window and was confident it could retrace their path. It would be quite a trek, but maybe they’d find transport along the way.
“Right then, follow the Fluff it is,” Ianto said.
“Nosy does have an excellent sense of direction,” Jack agreed. “Lead on, good Fluff!”
Ianto had a feeling if it had been physically capable, Nosy would have rolled its eyes. Instead, it just sent a ripple down the length of its body, like a very long shrug, and set off along the street, Jack and Ianto trailing along behind it, hand in hand.
“At least it’s a nice night for a stroll,” Ianto commented, a wry smile curving his lips. “With any luck we might reach the hotel some time tomorrow morning.”
Jack squeezed his hand. “No need to be so pessimistic.”
“Who’s pessimistic? I’m just saying, it took us nearly an hour to get here by Flitter; we’ve got a long walk ahead of us.”
“Well, you did mention earlier that you’d like to see more of the city.”
“Mm. It’s like that old saying; be careful what you wish for, because you might get it.”
Jack laughed. “Maybe you should try wishing for a Flitter instead.”
“If life was that simple, we wouldn’t be lost.”
The End