FAKE Fic: Fooled
Title: Fooled
Fandom: FAKE
Author: badly_knitted
Characters: Dee, Ryo.
Rating: PG
Setting: After Vol. 7.
Summary: Dee was only playing an April Fool’s joke on his partner, but Ryo doesn’t see it that way.
Word Count: 1239
Content Notes: None needed.
Written For: Challenge 360: Joke at fan_flashworks.
Disclaimer: I don’t own FAKE, or the characters. They belong to the wonderful Sanami Matoh.
It was just a harmless joke, or at least it was from Dee’s point of view. An April Fool’s prank played on his partner. He and Ryo had keys not only to each other’s apartments, but also to each other’s cars in case of emergencies, so his genius idea had proven simple enough to pull off, especially since he had the day off while his partner was working.
Driving over to Ryo’s place, Dee had parked a few blocks away, walked the rest of the way, then he’d simply gotten into his lover’s car and driven it to where he’d parked his own, switched vehicles again, and driven home.
Predictably Ryo, arriving home late and tired, had failed to notice his car was missing. He hadn’t realised until he’d gotten up the following morning, the first of April, at which point he’d freaked out and called Dee.
“My car’s been stolen!”
“Good mornin’ to you too. Whaddaya mean your car’s been stolen?”
“I mean it’s gone! It should be parked right outside my building, but it’s not there!”
“Sure ya didn’t park it somewhere else? Maybe someone was in your usual spot, so you parked further down the street. I know what you’re like. Or… you were workin’ yesterday, right? Maybe you left it at the precinct. Didn’t you drive in?”
“No, I took the bus. I told you I had a dental appointment after work, and I didn’t want to be driving under the influence.”
“Well okay, no need to panic. I’ll come pick ya up, give ya a ride to work. It’ll be fine.”
“Thanks, Dee. The sooner I get there, the sooner I can file a report.”
“I’m on my way, babe. Don’t worry ‘bout a thing.”
In retrospect, maybe Dee should have ended his joke right there, shouted ‘April Fool!’ down the phone and told Ryo where his car was parked, but he was enjoying himself way too much, and anyway, he wanted to see the expression on his partner’s face when Ryo realised he’d been had.
So Dee waited, picked Ryo up, drove them both to work, and was going to tell his lover the truth as soon as they got to the precinct, but Janet hailed him as he stepped through the doors, saying there was a phone call for him. By the time he made it up to their third-floor office, Ryo had all the paperwork filled in to report his car as stolen and was pacing back and forth, fretting over his beloved Pontiac GTO.
“I’ve had that car forever, my dad helped me restore it. What if I never get it back? What if it gets used in a crime, or stripped for parts, or just dumped and set on fire by joyriders? I should’ve had an immobiliser fitted. Why didn’t I do that? I’m a cop, I know how often cars get stolen, and mine’s a classic! It’s insured, but… What am I going to do?”
Okay, so maybe the joke had gone a little too far; Dee had never intended for it to go on this long, or for Ryo to get so stressed out over it.
“Relax, babe; your car’s fine, I was just playin’ a prank on ya. It’s April Fool’s Day, so I moved your car, parked it a couple blocks from your place so you’d think someone swiped it.”
Ryo was not amused. “You did what!? Of all the stupid, thoughtless, insensitive tricks to play…” He snatched a file folder off his desk and started slapping Dee over the head with it, a solid whack accompanying every word. “What if there’d been an emergency? What if I’d had to rush Bikky to the hospital or something?”
“Ow! Ow! I’m sorry, okay?” Dee ducked down, trying to shield his head as Ryo continued to slap at him with the folder. It wasn’t particularly painful, but that didn’t mean Dee was enjoying it, even if he probably deserved it. “I was gonna tell ya sooner, but Janet…”
“Don’t you DARE blame Janet! You had the entire drive here to tell me, or you could’ve said something when I phoned you!”
“You’re right, I should’ve, but it was just s’posed to be a joke!”
“It’s only a joke if both parties think it’s funny, and I… DON’T!” Ryo gave Dee two final hard slaps with the folder before dropping it, all creased and crumpled by now, back onto the desk and flopping into his chair, breathing hard and glaring at his lover. If looks could kill, Dee would have been laying on the slab in the morgue.
Dee stayed where he was until he was sure the brutal attack wouldn’t resume, then slowly picked himself up off the floor, brushing dust off his pants.
“I never meant to piss you off,” he offered tentatively.
“You didn’t think stealing my car would make me angry? How would you feel if you woke up one morning and found the Charger gone?”
That was a low blow. “I didn’t steal it! I just moved it.” Dee was on the defensive now.
“You took it from where I left it, without my permission. That’s stealing. What’re you going to do next, let yourself into my apartment and steal my furniture?”
“What? Of course not! It was just an April Fool’s prank! C’mon, babe, don’t be sore at me!”
“Why shouldn’t I be? I trusted you. Maybe I should take my keys back.”
“No!” Dee was starting to panic. “Don’t do that! Please, I’ll make it up to you, I swear! I’ll do anything!”
“If I find out my car’s been towed, or if I get a parking ticket because of where you left it, you’ll be the one paying. Got that?”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever ya say.”
“And you’ll be doing all our paperwork for the next two weeks.”
Dee winced. That hurt worse than being swatted with a file folder.
“You’ll be footing the bill for lunch and coffee today as well.”
“Whatever it takes for you to forgive me.”
“Who said anything about forgiving you? After work, you’re driving me to where you left my car, and you’d better pray it’s still there and undamaged.”
Hanging his head, Dee nodded.
“One more thing.”
Gritting his teeth, Dee raised his eyes to his partner’s.
“Yeah?”
“No more April Fool’s Day jokes, EVER. Understood?”
“Yes, Ryo.” Dee wondered if this was how Bikky felt whenever Ryo told him off. It wasn’t fun; he almost felt sorry for the little runt, only he felt sorrier for himself.
“Right.” Ryo ripped up the report on his stolen car and dropped the pieces in the bin by his desk. “We should probably get on with some work before we have the Chief in here yelling at us for lazing around.”
“I guess so.” Dee moved towards his desk, slumping disconsolately into his chair. How had a simple prank gone so wrong? Then he remembered something. “Um, Ryo?”
“What?”
“Does this mean I’m not invited to dinner tonight?”
Ryo sighed. “Well, I guess that depends. You’ve got to drive me to fetch my car anyway, so… If it’s still there and in one piece, maybe, just maybe, I can be persuaded to feed you.”
Some of the tension went out of Dee’s shoulders. It wasn’t a promise, and it wasn’t absolution, but it was a step in the right direction. Maybe Ryo would forgive him. Eventually.
The End
Fandom: FAKE
Author: badly_knitted
Characters: Dee, Ryo.
Rating: PG
Setting: After Vol. 7.
Summary: Dee was only playing an April Fool’s joke on his partner, but Ryo doesn’t see it that way.
Word Count: 1239
Content Notes: None needed.
Written For: Challenge 360: Joke at fan_flashworks.
Disclaimer: I don’t own FAKE, or the characters. They belong to the wonderful Sanami Matoh.
It was just a harmless joke, or at least it was from Dee’s point of view. An April Fool’s prank played on his partner. He and Ryo had keys not only to each other’s apartments, but also to each other’s cars in case of emergencies, so his genius idea had proven simple enough to pull off, especially since he had the day off while his partner was working.
Driving over to Ryo’s place, Dee had parked a few blocks away, walked the rest of the way, then he’d simply gotten into his lover’s car and driven it to where he’d parked his own, switched vehicles again, and driven home.
Predictably Ryo, arriving home late and tired, had failed to notice his car was missing. He hadn’t realised until he’d gotten up the following morning, the first of April, at which point he’d freaked out and called Dee.
“My car’s been stolen!”
“Good mornin’ to you too. Whaddaya mean your car’s been stolen?”
“I mean it’s gone! It should be parked right outside my building, but it’s not there!”
“Sure ya didn’t park it somewhere else? Maybe someone was in your usual spot, so you parked further down the street. I know what you’re like. Or… you were workin’ yesterday, right? Maybe you left it at the precinct. Didn’t you drive in?”
“No, I took the bus. I told you I had a dental appointment after work, and I didn’t want to be driving under the influence.”
“Well okay, no need to panic. I’ll come pick ya up, give ya a ride to work. It’ll be fine.”
“Thanks, Dee. The sooner I get there, the sooner I can file a report.”
“I’m on my way, babe. Don’t worry ‘bout a thing.”
In retrospect, maybe Dee should have ended his joke right there, shouted ‘April Fool!’ down the phone and told Ryo where his car was parked, but he was enjoying himself way too much, and anyway, he wanted to see the expression on his partner’s face when Ryo realised he’d been had.
So Dee waited, picked Ryo up, drove them both to work, and was going to tell his lover the truth as soon as they got to the precinct, but Janet hailed him as he stepped through the doors, saying there was a phone call for him. By the time he made it up to their third-floor office, Ryo had all the paperwork filled in to report his car as stolen and was pacing back and forth, fretting over his beloved Pontiac GTO.
“I’ve had that car forever, my dad helped me restore it. What if I never get it back? What if it gets used in a crime, or stripped for parts, or just dumped and set on fire by joyriders? I should’ve had an immobiliser fitted. Why didn’t I do that? I’m a cop, I know how often cars get stolen, and mine’s a classic! It’s insured, but… What am I going to do?”
Okay, so maybe the joke had gone a little too far; Dee had never intended for it to go on this long, or for Ryo to get so stressed out over it.
“Relax, babe; your car’s fine, I was just playin’ a prank on ya. It’s April Fool’s Day, so I moved your car, parked it a couple blocks from your place so you’d think someone swiped it.”
Ryo was not amused. “You did what!? Of all the stupid, thoughtless, insensitive tricks to play…” He snatched a file folder off his desk and started slapping Dee over the head with it, a solid whack accompanying every word. “What if there’d been an emergency? What if I’d had to rush Bikky to the hospital or something?”
“Ow! Ow! I’m sorry, okay?” Dee ducked down, trying to shield his head as Ryo continued to slap at him with the folder. It wasn’t particularly painful, but that didn’t mean Dee was enjoying it, even if he probably deserved it. “I was gonna tell ya sooner, but Janet…”
“Don’t you DARE blame Janet! You had the entire drive here to tell me, or you could’ve said something when I phoned you!”
“You’re right, I should’ve, but it was just s’posed to be a joke!”
“It’s only a joke if both parties think it’s funny, and I… DON’T!” Ryo gave Dee two final hard slaps with the folder before dropping it, all creased and crumpled by now, back onto the desk and flopping into his chair, breathing hard and glaring at his lover. If looks could kill, Dee would have been laying on the slab in the morgue.
Dee stayed where he was until he was sure the brutal attack wouldn’t resume, then slowly picked himself up off the floor, brushing dust off his pants.
“I never meant to piss you off,” he offered tentatively.
“You didn’t think stealing my car would make me angry? How would you feel if you woke up one morning and found the Charger gone?”
That was a low blow. “I didn’t steal it! I just moved it.” Dee was on the defensive now.
“You took it from where I left it, without my permission. That’s stealing. What’re you going to do next, let yourself into my apartment and steal my furniture?”
“What? Of course not! It was just an April Fool’s prank! C’mon, babe, don’t be sore at me!”
“Why shouldn’t I be? I trusted you. Maybe I should take my keys back.”
“No!” Dee was starting to panic. “Don’t do that! Please, I’ll make it up to you, I swear! I’ll do anything!”
“If I find out my car’s been towed, or if I get a parking ticket because of where you left it, you’ll be the one paying. Got that?”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever ya say.”
“And you’ll be doing all our paperwork for the next two weeks.”
Dee winced. That hurt worse than being swatted with a file folder.
“You’ll be footing the bill for lunch and coffee today as well.”
“Whatever it takes for you to forgive me.”
“Who said anything about forgiving you? After work, you’re driving me to where you left my car, and you’d better pray it’s still there and undamaged.”
Hanging his head, Dee nodded.
“One more thing.”
Gritting his teeth, Dee raised his eyes to his partner’s.
“Yeah?”
“No more April Fool’s Day jokes, EVER. Understood?”
“Yes, Ryo.” Dee wondered if this was how Bikky felt whenever Ryo told him off. It wasn’t fun; he almost felt sorry for the little runt, only he felt sorrier for himself.
“Right.” Ryo ripped up the report on his stolen car and dropped the pieces in the bin by his desk. “We should probably get on with some work before we have the Chief in here yelling at us for lazing around.”
“I guess so.” Dee moved towards his desk, slumping disconsolately into his chair. How had a simple prank gone so wrong? Then he remembered something. “Um, Ryo?”
“What?”
“Does this mean I’m not invited to dinner tonight?”
Ryo sighed. “Well, I guess that depends. You’ve got to drive me to fetch my car anyway, so… If it’s still there and in one piece, maybe, just maybe, I can be persuaded to feed you.”
Some of the tension went out of Dee’s shoulders. It wasn’t a promise, and it wasn’t absolution, but it was a step in the right direction. Maybe Ryo would forgive him. Eventually.
The End